[ Jesper is definitely on the verge of bolting because facing Inej and Kaz is more terrifying than losing himself to gambling. They'll be understanding, or Inej will be, and that's somehow worse. He thinks her gentle empathy would only make him sick at this point.
He is considering how easy it would be to run when Sylvain manages to keep his attention again, gray eyes turning to him, and those are exactly the words that he needs to hear. Jesper swallows and nods, lifting his hand to take Sylvain's hand and then holds it. He holds it tightly the whole time they go up the stairs and find their way to the room, which is luckily not near the Crows' spot.
Jesper only feels comfortable to breathe when he knows he's inside somewhere they can't find, and he's out of line of gambling sight. But now he's burning on the inside, jittery and hungry for something to fill the hole.]
Sorry, my friends ... they've already dealt with this for years. I don't want them to know.
[ So that will explain why Jesper's trying to hide it from them. He's already let them down for so long and he's made a big deal out of finally being good. And now here he is. Strung out and needy for that rush of anything good enough to distract him. It's very irrational since Inej and Kaz will know when he goes missing for days and go looking for him, him being caught is inevitable, he just doesn't want to face that right now. ]
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He is considering how easy it would be to run when Sylvain manages to keep his attention again, gray eyes turning to him, and those are exactly the words that he needs to hear. Jesper swallows and nods, lifting his hand to take Sylvain's hand and then holds it. He holds it tightly the whole time they go up the stairs and find their way to the room, which is luckily not near the Crows' spot.
Jesper only feels comfortable to breathe when he knows he's inside somewhere they can't find, and he's out of line of gambling sight. But now he's burning on the inside, jittery and hungry for something to fill the hole.]
Sorry, my friends ... they've already dealt with this for years. I don't want them to know.
[ So that will explain why Jesper's trying to hide it from them. He's already let them down for so long and he's made a big deal out of finally being good. And now here he is. Strung out and needy for that rush of anything good enough to distract him. It's very irrational since Inej and Kaz will know when he goes missing for days and go looking for him, him being caught is inevitable, he just doesn't want to face that right now. ]
Sylvain. I'm sorry.