He'll take the effort Jesper makes to smile for what it is, but makes note of how much this worries him. Understandable, with what he'd mentioned of the fear of his magic back home. What could have been his fate. Something he's going to mention to Claude, if only in the vaguest sense. If this is something they should be watching from the army here, he'd rather be forewarned so they can prepare.
And while he's not one that easily accepts comfort either - maybe he's just really out of practice at it - he lets Jesper pull him down, returns that kiss as he curls up against him. Relishes the touch and contact, with genuine empathy behind it. Lets his own hands wander as his lips trail kisses along Jesper's throat.
He laughs softly, even if the sound wobbles a bit, uncertain. "I'm not even sure who I am here, if I'm honest. I've spent my whole life being defined by my Crest as the only worthwhile thing about me anyone cared about... that it's like I have to start all over again now that no one even knows what it is." Which was... nice, actually. He certainly wasn't complaining about that. But it brings him right back to the problem he may have fled here to hide from.
"I know there are people here who want to go back home and are doing everything they can to find out how. But... I'm not sure I'm one of them anymore. Which makes me feel guilty that I'm shirking the responsibilities I'm supposed to be shouldering, but..." He pauses and straightens up, fingers stroking along Jesper's shoulder and down over his chest in an absent fidget once more.
"They summoned me off the edges of a battlefield, the morning they pulled me here. A battle I didn't want to fight, because it was our three kingdoms clashing against one another. The army was made up with friends I'd grown up with, gone to classes with, trained and studied and feasted with. Claude would have been on that field. Petra, too. I've never felt a sense of dread like that day, knowing I would have to ride onto that field and potentially come face to face with a friend and have no choice but to engage them. I've never been so relieved to be yanked out of a pool of water in my life. Even if they did bring me to a place that seemed determined to repeat that same damn conflict."
He heaves out a soft sigh, shaking his head. "The secret Claude didn't want to tell me... I'm pretty sure I didn't walk off that battlefield in his time. From what he's said of what Petra's relayed to him, I suspect she remembers the same. And not just me. For the war to end as it did, I'm not sure any of my companions made it through that day, or if they did..." He trails off, then casts Jesper a faint quirk of his lips that held no humor at all.
"So I'm stuck between guilt and relief. And then feeling guilty about feeling relieved. Which is why I came here to hide. And I've thoroughly distracted you from your work after all, even when I really didn't intend that."
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And while he's not one that easily accepts comfort either - maybe he's just really out of practice at it - he lets Jesper pull him down, returns that kiss as he curls up against him. Relishes the touch and contact, with genuine empathy behind it. Lets his own hands wander as his lips trail kisses along Jesper's throat.
He laughs softly, even if the sound wobbles a bit, uncertain. "I'm not even sure who I am here, if I'm honest. I've spent my whole life being defined by my Crest as the only worthwhile thing about me anyone cared about... that it's like I have to start all over again now that no one even knows what it is." Which was... nice, actually. He certainly wasn't complaining about that. But it brings him right back to the problem he may have fled here to hide from.
"I know there are people here who want to go back home and are doing everything they can to find out how. But... I'm not sure I'm one of them anymore. Which makes me feel guilty that I'm shirking the responsibilities I'm supposed to be shouldering, but..." He pauses and straightens up, fingers stroking along Jesper's shoulder and down over his chest in an absent fidget once more.
"They summoned me off the edges of a battlefield, the morning they pulled me here. A battle I didn't want to fight, because it was our three kingdoms clashing against one another. The army was made up with friends I'd grown up with, gone to classes with, trained and studied and feasted with. Claude would have been on that field. Petra, too. I've never felt a sense of dread like that day, knowing I would have to ride onto that field and potentially come face to face with a friend and have no choice but to engage them. I've never been so relieved to be yanked out of a pool of water in my life. Even if they did bring me to a place that seemed determined to repeat that same damn conflict."
He heaves out a soft sigh, shaking his head. "The secret Claude didn't want to tell me... I'm pretty sure I didn't walk off that battlefield in his time. From what he's said of what Petra's relayed to him, I suspect she remembers the same. And not just me. For the war to end as it did, I'm not sure any of my companions made it through that day, or if they did..." He trails off, then casts Jesper a faint quirk of his lips that held no humor at all.
"So I'm stuck between guilt and relief. And then feeling guilty about feeling relieved. Which is why I came here to hide. And I've thoroughly distracted you from your work after all, even when I really didn't intend that."