"No," he says maybe slightly way too defensively — yeah, that totally was gonna be his first condition. Shut up, who asked you. "But- for the record? People don't really just get over having an arm shoved through their chest. Not without, like, an apology fruit basket or something at least."

An apology in general, with or without the fruit, would be a pretty cool thing. Not that it matters, he'd immediately shoot it down, but still.

"Condition one: you have to be, like, eighty-seven percent less of a dick."

He's not going with 100%. One foot in reality over here.