"Maybe it was that in the start, but I'm not afraid to face my mistakes now. I'm not the same person I was ten months ago, and definitely not a year ago." That person seems very far away to him sometimes. Before the Council, when it was still just them and it was good and the whole world seemed so exciting and possible. But the problem with that is now in hindsight he understands this was all happening as their city was fracturing. It was inevitable, for war to come to them.
The man who walked out to cheers on Progress Day is still him, but he's someone else now too. Viktor told him to figure his shit out and find a way to live with what he'd done, and he did. It's why Jayce is not so quick to jump into things anymore. He doesn't let his instincts drive him. Being here and being with Viktor has made him a better person, in his opinion.
"Viktor, I love you. I have wanted to spend the rest of my life with you since the day we met, I knew right away. And if I really believed you wanted to learn the spell solely to keep us from disappearing, I'd help you. Because the first thing I thought when I got here was how I needed to find the spell to get back to you." So Jayce understands the impulse. If Viktor disappears, logically, he would want to go with him, or find a way to get him back. It's not the spell or learning it in essence that's the problem.
"But I live here. I'm not going to have one foot in two worlds. This is where we have a future, and that's what I want." In many ways he's incredibly focused on a new type of dream. He has spoken this entire time very calmly, because he has thought about this, and he knows how he feels, and where he is. Hearing he was dead from Vi only made everything become cemented in his mind.
After a beat though, some of his calm drips away, and there is a heavy weight of sadness to his shoulders. His eyes. "I thought I was what you wanted too."
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The man who walked out to cheers on Progress Day is still him, but he's someone else now too. Viktor told him to figure his shit out and find a way to live with what he'd done, and he did. It's why Jayce is not so quick to jump into things anymore. He doesn't let his instincts drive him. Being here and being with Viktor has made him a better person, in his opinion.
"Viktor, I love you. I have wanted to spend the rest of my life with you since the day we met, I knew right away. And if I really believed you wanted to learn the spell solely to keep us from disappearing, I'd help you. Because the first thing I thought when I got here was how I needed to find the spell to get back to you." So Jayce understands the impulse. If Viktor disappears, logically, he would want to go with him, or find a way to get him back. It's not the spell or learning it in essence that's the problem.
"But I live here. I'm not going to have one foot in two worlds. This is where we have a future, and that's what I want." In many ways he's incredibly focused on a new type of dream. He has spoken this entire time very calmly, because he has thought about this, and he knows how he feels, and where he is. Hearing he was dead from Vi only made everything become cemented in his mind.
After a beat though, some of his calm drips away, and there is a heavy weight of sadness to his shoulders. His eyes. "I thought I was what you wanted too."