Istredd has communicated to Lucifer before that no one has ever put him first. That no one really even cared to think much about him. Yennefer and Stregobor, yes, in different ways, but he wasn't going to be top of their list. Out of sight, out of mind, discarded for one reason or another. Justified, in her case, but she still didn't seek him until she was at her lowest decades later.
A main difference is the lack of complications and backstory. Not to say they don't have complications, the two of them have gone over quite a lot of things together, but they were new to each other. Their bonding was in a sincere and brand new way, finding one another from opposite sides of the universe. He believes Lucifer and it is a compliment like nothing else. He is important to someone. Vitally important. His heart beats faster, hungry for so many things, and validation is one of them, fed.
"Lucifer, I ---" He wants to pour out his heart and tell him the truth, the truth that everyone else already knows. He keeps avoiding it out of fear, but he is so tired of being afraid. A true love confession probably wouldn't go over well anyway.
He runs his thumbs in a caress against Lucifer's cheeks like the last time but he is holding on tighter, not wanting to lose this. And then Istredd just gives up. He lets the bond communicate the mess of feelings, maybe not the words, but the feelings that are far past friendship. The mixture of want and need and desire that he's been guilty about even now because of how unwanted it would be. The pain of unrequited affection.
Maybe if Lucifer wants to brush it off and say it's emotions from what happened, he can, if he puts that space between them again, Istredd can't stop him, but all he can think about is that he wants to be closer. Closer, closer, closer. He finishes all that emotional honesty up with guilt again, a release of a burden that was never asked for. And yet he is pathetically hopeful too. Because he could be wrong. What if he's wrong? What if it's not only him?
"I want to kiss you, but only if you want me to." On a whisper. This is terrifying in its own way because of how much he is putting out there and how brutal the rejection could be. And yet, after he says it, after he's expressed his feelings, even if they are unwanted and hated, there is a rush of relief.
Either way, it's over. It can't be taken back, although it can be dialed back and pushed aside and stifled again.
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A main difference is the lack of complications and backstory. Not to say they don't have complications, the two of them have gone over quite a lot of things together, but they were new to each other. Their bonding was in a sincere and brand new way, finding one another from opposite sides of the universe. He believes Lucifer and it is a compliment like nothing else. He is important to someone. Vitally important. His heart beats faster, hungry for so many things, and validation is one of them, fed.
"Lucifer, I ---" He wants to pour out his heart and tell him the truth, the truth that everyone else already knows. He keeps avoiding it out of fear, but he is so tired of being afraid. A true love confession probably wouldn't go over well anyway.
He runs his thumbs in a caress against Lucifer's cheeks like the last time but he is holding on tighter, not wanting to lose this. And then Istredd just gives up. He lets the bond communicate the mess of feelings, maybe not the words, but the feelings that are far past friendship. The mixture of want and need and desire that he's been guilty about even now because of how unwanted it would be. The pain of unrequited affection.
Maybe if Lucifer wants to brush it off and say it's emotions from what happened, he can, if he puts that space between them again, Istredd can't stop him, but all he can think about is that he wants to be closer. Closer, closer, closer. He finishes all that emotional honesty up with guilt again, a release of a burden that was never asked for. And yet he is pathetically hopeful too. Because he could be wrong. What if he's wrong? What if it's not only him?
"I want to kiss you, but only if you want me to." On a whisper. This is terrifying in its own way because of how much he is putting out there and how brutal the rejection could be. And yet, after he says it, after he's expressed his feelings, even if they are unwanted and hated, there is a rush of relief.
Either way, it's over. It can't be taken back, although it can be dialed back and pushed aside and stifled again.