abraxaslogs | Reality doesn’t always give us the life that we desire

It is, in fact, hard to locate the man named Istredd, whom Sabine has been on the lookout for since hearing a few things about him in passing. There's no ire or impatience for this fact. Those same words had come with the warning he'd been among those taken in the last big altercation, which deserved much latitude. Healing was a long-term course, and even the adjustment to returning to anything, even partially once normal was its own first stretch.

(She would know.)

She decides against the imposition of the large, impersonal dining halls; against the too intimate nature of the baths she's still a touch askance about on her own points; against interrupting him when he's busy with others, or settled within insularity, with his reading, or his writing. But it leads to a narrow valley of options, and Sabine settles on waiting until he finishes a class one day. Until all his other pupils have filed out.

She steps inside as the last person is leaving. Contained in good posture, effortless grace, and a peaceful demeanor that is far more true than it is any facade. "Apologies if I'm intruding, but would you happen to be Istredd?"

Sabine knows he is, but politeness as a first offer costs her nothing.

Istredd is glad to be back teaching. A strange feeling after he hadn't been sure he should in the first place, but it turned out to be very natural for him. Ban Ard Academy is a ruthlessly competent school for mages and his teachers were cold but experts. There was no kindness in those walls, for them or the female mages in their sister school, only preparation and a hardening of their hearts and mind. Istredd's a far gentler teacher, having found (surprise surprise) that people responded better to polite and calm instructions than harsh.

He started teaching to find his place in Thorne and now he chooses it actively. This is also a place where he is less defensive and skittish, so it's a good place to approach him. Istredd feels safe within the walls that he teaches others how to not burn down. She also caught him before he went back to his books.

"Yes, that's me." Istredd looks a little puzzled at her, tilting his head. "I know most people here, you must be new." Did he miss new Summoned coming in? He has not been himself, so he must have. Usually he tries to be a welcome wagon for them, but obviously this is just not the right month for it.

"Incredibly so." She says it with ease, neither forced nor false.

There's even a politely meant smile. "Sabine."

She doesn't look around the room yet, focused on only him, though she has found herself curious about all the open places and not in the castle—tracing the lines of this weirdly divergent backward Harry Potter castle with its own Queen of Hearts. The whole place caught up in underlying tensions it is impossible to miss without it sliding into the edges of her awareness at all times.

"I was told you had the keys to a magical library & lessons for those looking for them."

"A pleasure to meet you, Sabine. Under the circumstances." He inclines his head back to her with his own polite smile.

That last part always has to be added considering they're kidnapped and trapped in a castle. But Istredd's experience recently is that they're all in it together, and the Thorne Summoned have come together a great deal in the past few months. Closer than ever before, from what he's told.

"Yes, my Horizon domain is a public library full of books. When you're there, you can fill in the books with your own memories and share them. Some of us are better at memorizing than others."

By some of us, he means specifically him, but he has seen a few do very well at it. Michael for example, although he's an archangel, so he should be good at it. Istredd's memorization of Academic Magic books has proven itself very useful. That level of magic is not typically taught in the other factions. Free Cities being on the anti-magic side and Solvunn god-based.

"Have you gone into the Horizon yet? The first time is complicated, but it becomes easy after that." Istredd is usually the one that offers to walk new people through it. He feels a little guilty for a moment that he didn't offer this time around.

"Yes, I've already been," Sabine offers readily.

There's a just as ready warmth that brightens up her face at the mention of the communal liminal space. It hadn't been hard to reach or to understand. It was a place she'd felt intimately familiar with from the moment she woke up in it. She hadn't decided if it was more curious if it existed or that through it, she could watch the colts all around learning to use it.

"I'll have to keep an eye out for your library the next time I'm there. Anything specific I should be looking for?" She couldn't simply assume libraries might look the same universes over. Knowledge was not kept the same in every universe or realm within and beyond those. "What sorts of books do you have?"

"It's in a tall stone tower with red brick at the top. Sometimes there is lightning striking up there. Inside is the library, the door will just open for you. The library goes up the entire tower."

Once upon a time, the outside was a monolith instead, pure black and a giant stone to contrast with the Singularity. After seeing Cirilla's fear of the monolith, he transformed it entirely. Sometimes he misses it, but it wasn't worth keeping. The Tower of the Gull is more attractive anyway, more encouraging of people to visit. It is very dramatic to step inside and look up to what seems like endless shelves and floors. A dream library, made that way on purpose.

"Most of mine are magic books and the history of my sphere. Archaeology of the continent too, and family lineages, things that don't ultimately matter here." It hasn't changed him from having them there though. It's reassuring, in a way. The magic books are helpful though.

"I put together books I've memorized here in Thorne and written down the history as they've told it. I don't really believe much of it is true, but that is not unusual." Meaning he doesn't think Thorne is the only place that probably lies about its history. "After a thousand years or so, most people only know legends."

"If even that long," Sabine agreed, thinking about a tiny town rarely given that much and a world where that was truer than the rabble let itself believe. It was so easy for people to cling to what they lauded from the past while forgetting, and making sure not to pass on, the history they didn't want.

"I don't even know how long it would take me if I tried to recall every book I've read into some location there." It was amusing to consider—the time and the creation. Not to mention that it could have been decades of them, book voraciously read every year since she was so small. Her parents have never bothered with the quirk of her fascination, and then, Jack has so readily loved them after she found him, too.

"They all stay in the Horizon, correct? Nothing made there has been pulled back here?" There's a second level to the question, and it slides without any earlier intention to lead to it. It'd be better for this strain of thought if they could, but it might betoken so much worse in several other ways if it could.

"It's true, even a few hundred years, truths become memories lost to the generations." Istredd's lifespan will be long, hundreds of those years himself, but he knows that even since Stregobor's lifetime, so many things have changed. The man himself, not so much, but the world will always keep spinning, for better or for worse. Maybe there is no point to him putting all of this information down, but he's going to do it anyway.

"You could always try it out, see how it goes." Other people have tried, she might find it interesting. "Yes, it stays there. The Horizon isn't a real place, at least not in terms of being able to transfer to this plane of existence. It's a psychic plane." There are times when psychic planes can be transferred to reality, or at least theoretically it's possible, but for Istredd it is very simple to separate the two.

"Everything we create there is in our minds. The crater around the Singularity, the giant rock that exists both here and in the Horizon, it kills natives when they try to go into it. When we walk into the crater, we go to the Horizon." So the crater may be the closest thing to a physical representation of the Horizon, but it still doesn't make it real.

"I think I will." How long has it been since we could share books with someone? At least five years. With someone who wasn't Jack? That was nearly falling off the table entirely. "Do you have any kinds of books you, or the people coming to and from there for them, would prefer most?"

There are bounds, and then there are bounds to walk, and the inability to move what appear to be physical objects into being physical objects isn't the same as a lacking transference in totality. She'll keep asking people, a hypothesis and a too-deep intuition still in its first vogue.

"What happens to your body when you walk into the crater and are suddenly on the Horizon? How much different from meditating your way in is that?"

"I'm a historian so I find the history of other spheres very interesting. They may not all be entirely accurate but that's fine, it gives a good sense of them." That's probably boring to most other people though, he knows that. Istredd has never had a chance to look at multi-worlds like this, he's fascinated. "I find it really interesting when some places are more similar than others. Some even seem like the same sphere in most ways but aren't."

Wilhelm's world and the Avengers' world are similar in terms of history and religion from what he can tell, but one has magic and supernatural creatures, and one doesn't. And that's happened more than once, he's noticed. Then there are worlds so completely different, such as his own.

"Honestly, I don't know. It's only happened once before, back when this all started. Thorne didn't know yet what our connection to the Singularity was, so they simply brought the Summoned to the crater to see what happened." Back when Thorne was outright the villains of this story, although he'd still say they are, just with more assistance from other factions now. Considering people from this world died when going in, it could have happened to the Summoned too.

"I think maybe the Singularity spit them back out somewhere safe, but that's a question for the old Summoned. There's only a few left who experienced that."

"Noted. Histories." Histories, and specifically which histories she knew of to consider. She never attended anything like one of Jack's public schools nor seen anything in his memories around it to make her feel she'd missed out on much. Still, she'd read any number of those that had fallen under non-fiction history and historical fiction to have a large assortment of both she might be able to add.

"How far back was that? Is anyone still here in Thorne who was part of that original group? Those Old Summoned?" And how old was Old to him in that reference? The whole thing sounds like a game of chicken played with the breakable bodies of humans they've called sacred and yet considered experimental fodder for throwing at the Singularity.

"It was July of 20,076, one month after the first Summoning. They threw many of the Summoned directly into the dungeons. We are in 20,078 now." So almost two years, more like twenty months or so, but it happened very quickly. There is a written history of many of these things in Thorne so of course Istredd immediately gravitated toward it.

"Most of the original Summoned fled. It was only a month later in August when two unknown people, Oliver and Elizabeth, interfered and froze the Thorne mages long enough for everyone to leave. There were a few people who stayed after that." He pauses, considering whether or not she'd actually like to be named here, but it actually isn't a secret that Yennefer has been here that long.

"Yennefer is the only one left from that time." It is why she has some power in Thorne and favor with the Queen. She stayed when so many people ran. Istredd knows why and that loyalty isn't part of the why. "But she was not thrown into the crater, she came right afterward. Probably one of the friendlier options to talk to would be Sam Wilson in Free Cities."

The quirk of their counting still catches briefly like a hangnail, but it's such a small detail that it also passes the next breath from its catching. Two years and still each month, new Summon were pulled from across the omniverse spectrums, and still two years later, the Summoned were being kidnapped like lab experiments.

The facts get tucked away, more pieces to know, but there's a tip to her head at the second name. She's heard that one, too. Yennefer is on her list as another of the teachers to connect with, and this only adds to those reasons exponentially, as well. "But Yennefer isn't?"

"Friendly? No. She is very busy and focused so she prefers all conversations to be important or relevant. Not one for small talk. I've known her most of my life, that has always been the case."

It is common knowledge around here to those who pay attention that Istredd and Yennefer are from the same place. He doesn't hide it and the two can sometimes seem like a unit when they're in step with one another. He and Yennefer as youths used to talk about a great many things, but small talk or useless wondering was never their way. Istredd's not great at it either.

He hesitates and murmurs something under his breath. Anyone with some magical ability would be able to sense that there seems to be some kind of shield around them, something that is muting the outside. Muting them from hearing it, and from anyone hearing within. It's a common spell he uses when attempting to have private conversations with people within these walls. It's not 100% foolproof but he hasn't noticed anyone managing to get through it yet.

"We have to be careful about what we say around here, it is likely they are listening or you should suspect they are. Going to the Horizon is the safest option." So if she wanted to talk to Yennefer about anything more serious, that is likely the better approach. "Everything I've said to you is common knowledge so it wouldn't flag any attention." If they were listened to, Istredd's been polite enough not to express too deep of an opinion.

"It is very dangerous here, Sabine. I'm not sure if anyone's warned you. We're not ultimately that far from being tossed in the dungeons again."

Sabine doesn't look too taxed to be told the woman is straightforward. It's better to know what she's going into when that meeting takes place, and who better to tell her than someone who's known her their whole life? He's relating it as a warning, an inherent suggestion of another option, but it's not a reference against who Yen is. It's a careful line; in many ways, Sabine recognizes how she might speak of Jack at specific points.

Protective, understanding, honest, a little warning, but no insult.

She catches the murmur, though not the words, but the prickle across the more of her than contains itself in such a small space as she appears that catches it more. She doesn't look around her. Two decades spent living this life and form, she's chosen, and has no regrets in the constant choosing of, in the being returned to when waking up here, means she's good at this.

(She'll pick Jack every time; body or not.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't remember that.)

Her gaze narrows shrewdly, curious, sidestepping his well-worded warning for the first response. "Is that one of the things you teach your students?"

Edited 2023-05-09 20:26 (UTC)

"I try to tell every new person to Thorne if I can. A few months ago we had a Thorne-only meeting in my Horizon domain to discuss our situation, but new people keep coming."

Unless he wants to throw one of those every single time, it's not possible to keep on top of it. And Istredd is too tired to do that on top of his public mingles. He has noticed other people try to help the new people, but she and John were the only ones this time, and they came when no one was available to guide them. It's not teaching so much as leveling with them.

"We're in a precarious situation because Thorne has been known to jail or experiment on Summoned in the past. And they started investigating people for displaying any behavior they didn't like after the Queen ordered the attack on the Free Cities. That was after Yenenfer was attacked and the Queen's lover died."

Istredd was not one of the investigated, but Lucifer and Wilhelm were questioned. Wilhelm did something that did warrant a conversation, not that he would have wanted Thorne to look closer into the boy.

Sabine had meant the spell, but she supposed she hadn't been all that clear in the reference. By the time he's headed into his answer, she's too polite to correct the misunderstanding and problematically just as interested in everything else he has to say, too. The scourge of the need to know so much more from the so little she had to start with.

"Where exactly are people's real loyalties here, then?"

Even stating it so simply, she doesn't expect that the question has any easy answer and that some part of it boils down to survival by whatever means. Which would give her cause to question most of the conversations she's had on these grounds so far and what was happening under everything that was being seen.

"I don't know. I can't speak for everyone. I would say I think our loyalties lean toward the rest of the Summoned, because none of us can trust our factions, and as a group, we're the only people who can understand this experience."

No natives could know what being kidnapped from the universe they belong to is like. Brought here, forced into a system they didn't ask for, connected to the Singularity and magic they didn't expect. Some react to it well. Some people prefer it. But everyone is trying to survive, as she might expect.

"I consider myself loyal to the Summoned and also to the Singularity. I think it is possible it is the key to the future of all spheres, bad or good, and I have been trying to study it since coming here."

To no avail yet. Whatever connection Rhy has eludes him and it's too bad because he wishes he could get that. Perhaps he simply isn't the right candidate, and he will live with that.

"I think it would be foolish to be loyal to any of our factions. They have captured us. We have no way of knowing what their true intentions are."

"Why the Singularity?"

As the roads continued to diverge in the woods. She hadn't expected that to be in there, given that so few people seemed to know and the varied ways those opinions moved because of it. That's a whole extra level of something she needs to figure out if the people who brought them here are in the wrong, but somehow the thing (entity?) that managed it, and connected them all, was good above and beyond them and their first wave adverse means.

"What's happened here with it that you'd feel so certain about it?"

It's the first reference, not related to crazy zealotry, that's made her cool her heels on one of her many on the burner backlog to-do's: find out what it was and why it wanted Jack, why it had removed him from the timeline and the planet previous to what he still had yet to accomplish there.

One of them holding the sway of one whole world's unslaved existence,
and it wasn't the one with opulent fantasy castle towers.

"Theoretically, it is the center of magic in this sphere. Even more theoretically, it is the source of magic to all spheres. If there is even a small percentage of possibility that is true, it must be taken seriously." In his opinion! Istredd doesn't know if it is, but he is going to work with the assumption it can be, because to do otherwise would risk too much. He's not going to play with the potential magical lives of every soul.

"The knowledge about it here is minimal because they die if they go near it. They couldn't study it in person. That's why we're here." Thorne at least has made it clear that is why they started this. The Summoned having a connection to the Singularity made it an open possibility for the first time.

"It is a real entity though. I don't know how to explain it, it's a feeling." At least he can't say more without admitting that he's been there physically, which is still a secret. "Not a living creature as we are, but not a dead object either." He does think most people can sense that by visiting it in the Horizon, but there is still a great deal unknown about it.

Sabine is skeptical of going as far as the center point of all universes, but she can feel a lot coming from this planet, from the more than that is suffused through it. This Singularity. There's something about it that has been tugging at her. She does need to understand what is happening here. She doesn't clarify that he's right about his supposition of its existence and that she has no doubt in that part of it.

But then she isn't a living creature 'as we are' either,
not even if she knows she appears to be that completely.

Standing in plain sight.

"Where would one find out more about it, then?"

Istredd would probably agree he doesn't think it's the center of all universes. He wouldn't be surprised if it's connected to them though, in some way. If it's capable of sending the Summoned back, it must be able to do something that knocks them into their universe. It's all speculation. Istredd would just prefer to assume the Singularity is important enough to protect.

"I can share my research with you. It isn't much but it is the best we have right now." That includes everything he's read in the history or been told here written down. Istredd didn't write down his experience going to the Singularity though because that is ultimately still a secret. Not that he would note all that much different, only Rhy could truly tell details. The rest of them were suffering at the time.

"I spend time at the Singularity regularly in the Horizon too. I haven't noticed any awareness myself, but there are people it responds to differently." Rhy and that other woman that Jack outed, who he met once and she seemed very confident about her opinion of the Singularity.

Two birds with one stone, maybe. Magic lessons and someone to find out more about this Singularity with. It's different, but it's definitely there. She can help but continue to feel it as a large part of the background. Nebulous and omnipresent, unshaped and sensible as of yet. Which is why she needs to know so much more.

"Is it the same? Visiting it in the Horizon and visiting it in person?" She understands a little of the blocks about not being able to leave this place for much more than very official reasons, even to the closest towns. People had been desperate to see all the could of the city where the last celebration had been because they'd never been to it before.

"How do you mean? How does it respond to certain people differently?"

"People cannot ordinarily visit it in person. The Summoned are thrown into the Horizon the moment they get into the crater, so they can't physically get to it. The only time it is possible is during the Dimming in December when the Singularity's power appears to dim temporarily."

Istredd knows that for a fact being someone who did tat only a few months ago. He can't add that it may be dimmed but still extraordinarily powerful, considering it hurt the magic users deeply when they visited. However, he is not the only one or the only group that managed to get there.

"The first December after the Summoned came here, the three factions used them to try and steal caskets of energy from one another. During the winter solstice, it is possible to approach the Singularity, but it is a long journey and would need permission."

Thorne barely lets them go to Nott. It requires influence to get permission. She's new so she doesn't quite know yet how this all works, but she'll learn. Istredd doesn't want to lead her astray to thinking something is possible when it isn't. And the Singularity is dangerous. As for the last part, well.

"There are some people who the Singularity appears to favor or made a bond with. I don't know how many, but there are at least two. Jack Townsend unfortunately outed them not that long ago, so I suppose Rhy would not be surprised if people knew about his connection." Rhy being someone right here in the castle who she could talk to if she wanted. Otherwise he probably would have been hesitant to say anything. Jack sort of buried the lede on that one.

The more she hears about the factions, and their antagonistic antics, the less she likes it. Not that she was trying to, even at the benefit of the doubt, for long at all. Being told you were stuck somewhere and could not leave without references and good cause was suspect enough, but she'd been swayed by the realization of Jack being here. Distracted by his very existence truly, physically near her.

(The thought of him brushing her thoughts,
has her reach out gently, a reflex like breathing

to find where he is, the frenetic shuttle of his thoughts,
the calming—to her—cadence of his heartbeat.)

Sabine doesn't look all too surprised about Jack crossing a faux pas line about sharing; at least not at this point. All these years into the blog's existence and his acquired nature for chronicling any number of things openly. Another of the many things that came about in her absence. A knowing sort of sympathy gilds her features for that relating of his friend exposure.

"What kind of a connection?" Sabine's already wondering if there are easy parallels to back home, to those drawn to the gas station as more than passing transients. The ones who care bear the pure chaotic energy steadily coming from The Rift off the sleeping form of an immortal evil older than their universe.

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magicalarchaeologist - 2023-06-02 02:48 (UTC) - Expand

Reality doesn’t always give us the life that we desire

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