Reality doesn’t always give us the life that we desire

[magicalarchaeologist]

WHO: Istredd and anyone!
WHAT: Catch-all for April
WHERE: Thorne, Horizon
WHEN: EARLY April for now, will put later prompts up as time goes on
WARNINGS: PTSD from the event, NSFW thread in comments





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[magicalarchaeologist]

Istredd understands being intentionally told someone was rifling through your mind could be difficult, so he understands that Wilhelm is tense and only relaxes when that first brush is over. He really doesn't like to read other people's minds without permission, his skill with it is a blend of natural tendencies and the man who trained him. Cracking open Wilhelm's mind would be enormously easy. That's why this is important.

"You are very lucky they didn't try this while interrogating you." Or maybe they did and Wilhelm simply didn't know. Either way, whatever held them back from doing so kept him safe, so Istredd is grateful, but it's good to do this now. "This is why your attempts at using your magic on them didn't work." They have mental defenses. Istredd had been incredulous when Lucifer told him, but he trusts Wilhelm learned his lesson. Otherwise he wouldn't be here.

He says the spell with legitimate conviction which means it works right off the bat. Impressive, really, and at least it will offer Wilhelm something. He may feel like his head is heavier, like the mental block has real weight hanging on it.

"What you're going to feel is mental pressure from me on what you just cast. It will make it obvious to you how the shield feels, so when you feel that push, don't push at me, push at the shield. Make it stay in place." It's not about attacking someone who may be pressuring the mind, if anything it is best to act like you don't even notice.

As promised, Istredd does push at Wilhelm's new shield but he does it deliberately and obviously, that's where it has to start. He won't be able to do anything against subtle yet.

[ordinar]

Embarrassment tiptoes into his expression as he remembers the stupid stunt he'd tried to pull on the guard. The worst part is, he really thought he was doing something there — something other than making a massive mistake that would earn him a night in a holding cell. He bites his tongue against the defensive protest that wants to pop out. Seriously, how was he supposed to know?

So, yes, he's learned his lesson.

With his confidence standing on shaky legs, Wilhelm is still a little surprised when magic actually goes right in his hands. He feels the heaviness Istredd described, like a wall has risen in his mind. He feels the pressure tapping against it, too, as Istredd tries to find a way in. Well, not that he's trying too hard. Wilhelm has no doubt that Istredd could break into his mind and take whatever he wanted, if he wanted to.

Closing his eyes, he focuses on the wall in his mind. He imagines layering brick after brick on top, building it taller and sturdier to keep everyone out. He doesn't know if that's what he's supposed to be doing, but how else do you reinforce something that's in your mind?

[magicalarchaeologist]

Istredd is glad that Wilhelm is learning from experience and he seems to be a very responsible person. Everyone makes mistakes, but he's mostly relieved that the Thorne guards didn't take that incident more seriously. At least now Wilhelm understands what kind of spells probably made his attempt impossible, so he can use them himself.

"Good job, that's exactly right."

He sounds approving because he is. The making a wall made of mental brick is what he would have recommended. Something to visualize what is going on in the mind. Istredd applies more pressure, his taps becoming more like knocks, but what he's making should hold just fine. If there is anywhere that Wilhelm hasn't quite bricked off yet, he may feel the knock harder than the places that are controlled.

"This is not unlike how to build an actual magical shield, so keep that in mind."

Which may also come in handy for Wilhelm down the road. Istredd specializes more in defensive magic and the mind because it is more natural to him. Defensive and protective over aggressive.

"What you're going to need to do is practice this regularly until it's mental muscle memory, not unlike how someone learns how to use any skill."

[ordinar]

He opens his eyes to meet Istredd's gaze again. He can't hide how pleased the approval makes him, but it won't go to his head. Before the praise can inflate his ego, it has to deflate the specter of his self-doubt.

"Will practicing it on my own help? Even if nobody is pushing on it?"

It would be an easy thing to do. He could practice anywhere, anytime, and nobody would even know. Maybe he could try the incantation while training in the morning with Kyle. See if he can hold a mental shield while blocking punches and kicks. Strengthen his mind and his body at the same time. For the first time since he accidentally lit his bed curtains on fire, Wilhelm is not just overwhelmed by all the things he has to learn. He's growing excited by the possibilities too.

"I still want to show you my fire magic too. I've gotten better. And..." His jaw tenses as his nerves encroach on his face. "I think I want to try making my own fire again."

[magicalarchaeologist]

"Yes, using it on your own will make it second-nature when you do need to use it. The more comfortable you get building shields, the easier it will be."

That is why it is a passive power for him now, his mind is permamently locked and shielded to anyone. He's trained so long in it that it simply happens. His defensive magical shield goes up extremely fast too, from decades of practice. Istredd's tone is very approving still, that Wilhelm is taking it seriously and wants to practice.

He smiles at him, lacking his usual reserve. "Wilhelm ... I'm impressed with how you're working to excel. It's very good to see." Pushing past his fear. The very thought of trying to do that before made him nauseated a few months ago. Now he seems more stronger in spirit. Determined.

"The only way to defeat fear is with confidence and competence. You're well on your way."

[ordinar]

He tries to absorb Istredd's belief in him and transform it into self-confidence. Take each word of praise and stack them brick by brick into a wall, like the one he built in his mind when he practiced the defense spell. Fear of failure had been his motivation before, but now something more powerful pushes him forward.

Eager, as he has never been during these sessions, Wilhelm pushes himself up from the chair. The energy emanating from him is that of a spring coiled tight, ready to release.

"Let's go then."

Let's wrap on this one, yay them

[magicalarchaeologist]

Istredd thinks about the first time they talked about magic, how terrified and sick it made Wilhelm to think about it. The guilt that plagued him over what happened with Yennefer, and how dangerous he was continuing to be by refusing to get help. Yet here he is, motivated and eager to get this power under his control. It's what Istredd wanted to see him from the start, but it's normal for it to take time to get there.

Istredd nods and opens a door into the training chamber Wilhelm is used to. "Let's go."

post credits scene

[ordinar]

Once inside, he warms up on fire conjured by Istredd. Handling the fire is easier in the Horizon, where the thrum of the Singularity is strongest and everything comes down to willpower. Even so, his improvement is obvious. His precision has sharpened by degrees, and so has his confidence.

When Wilhelm decides he's ready, he's surprised to discover that the monster he's made of it in his head — invincible, impenetrable, with a hundred heads all hissing flames — has shrunk. He closes his eyes and follows the familiar path to that inner flame. Seize that rage, stoke it.

His stomach flips. His palms sweat. But he finds in this moment that what terrifies him more than losing control is staying weak. Going back to that darkness. As he keeps reaching for the flame, he feels like he's clawing his way out of some hole.

It takes a few, faltering tries. The first time, he produces no fire but accomplishes the respectable feat of not throwing up. Again, fighting harder. Again.

Finally, it sparks. It shocks him, the sudden curl of flame glowing in his hand, but his gaping quickly gives way to grinning. It's all his. This thing he'd once wanted to cut out of himself like a tumor, which now he doesn't want to surrender.