I don't trust, but I see right in front of me

[thedevilwhorose]

Who: Lucifer, others
When: May & June
Where: Thorne, Nott, Nocwich, the Horizon
What: OTA prompts and some closed things
Warnings:
Nocwich with Castiel: Cyfaill-induced Problems.
Nocwich with Istredd: A Lot of Blood, animal death, part harvesting, ???? it's a weird thread




I don't know who to betray. ♫
[Will match style.]

Comments

[thedevilwhorose]

He shakes himself, but doesn't pull away, though it's revealing enough in his thoughts that he could at any second.

"What if I lose it all?" he says. "Any change I've made, any progress, any connection? Just swept under primordial soup." He doesn't want the clinging emotions he's been trapped with but none of the people in his orbit have met him as he was and he doesn't want to lose them, like he had under Sannleikr's influence. "And if I do I might not even care at that point. Sure, I could say I'd fight to hold onto it, but..." But he might not be able to.

Michael had said he thought if any of them could change it'd be Lucifer, but Lucifer has trouble seeing the possibility with himself at full power.

[magicalarchaeologist]

Istredd drops his hand from Lucifer's hair to cup both of Lucifer's hands like he did in reverse not that long ago, holding them. He is close, in Lucifer's space, but not too close and overwhelming. There, if he wants it, there, if he leans forward even a little.

That is a very serious and legitimate thing to be afraid of, and Istredd is also afraid of it. He may not fully understand the logistics of how this all works with Lucifer, being a powerful creature trapped in a human form, but he knows how hard Lucifer's worked to get here. And he values what he's made, clearly. Otherwise getting back to his full form would have no doubts or concerns.

"You are the archangel Lucifer. If anyone can rebel against their nature and fight to keep hold of the things they love, it's you."

[thedevilwhorose]

He ducks his head, amusement just a flicker, but something through the melancholy devil.

He's created something here and the last thing he created was Jack and that's a slippery problem that he never knows how to reach out and grasp. Doubts he'll ever really be able to hold. So the rest of it has become even more important, though it never should have been. Lucifer is all fortress and walls by nature; he doesn't build them. Anything he builds has always been short-lasting so why bother? Even this year here in Abraxas is ultimately still a droplet of time to the sheer scope of his existence.

"Do me a favor?" he says. His thoughts have been too muddled to maintain speaking that way. "If I don't? Drown my mind in, well, yours." Contingency Plans. That's how much he wishes to hold onto things. It's close to the same as asking Michael to kill him if he ever sided with their Father (again?), but in this case he'd likely still be kicking. "And then probably run and find Wanda."

He sighs. "But. It will be blatantly obvious if it even starts to become a problem." He imagines he'd just start outright blocking Istredd, for one. "And I really do think I have... awhile."

[magicalarchaeologist]

"Trust me, I'm not letting you go without a fight." That fight will be drowning him in Istredd's mind and memories and feelings and trying to give him something to hold onto and remember. He doesn't mean a physical fight because obviously that would be hilariously pointless. But emotional warfare he can partake in. He may have to accept if Lucifer gets lost to him, but he won't lie still and let it happen.

"We'll all hold onto you, Lucifer, as long as we can." Wanda, him, Wilhelm, Kell, Kyle, the people who have come to care for Lucifer, and he's allowed in his life. And this is after one year, there may be more as time goes on, and enough people to dig in their nails.

Istredd kisses his forehead gently. Let me worry about your beautiful mind a decade from now then.

[thedevilwhorose]

"I do." Trust you. He doesn't have to say it; he knows that. But he did say for Istredd to trust him earlier that day and that was acknowledged. He can equally give voice, or rather clearer thoughts, to it.

And more than anything, he trusts Istredd on a mental battlefield.

Mmm, is the hummed acknowledgment.

"We should eat. You want me to bring food here so you don't have to see more people?"

We can wrap on this one THESE TWO

[magicalarchaeologist]

Istredd's eyes widen and he flashes a bright smile. "Yes, please. See, this is why I love you. You get me." Forcing him out of the castle when it's a good idea but offering to help him hermit when it doesn't matter. He just gets it.

He releases Lucifer's hands only to cup his face and kiss him, but he makes it quick so he doesn't distract either of them. "Thank you for everything today. But especially this." Getting him food but letting him decompress. Ideal boyfriend material.