abraxaslogs | I don't trust, but I see right in front of me

Istredd waits until he lands to turn and shove him playfully. Stop being so pleased with yourself. He never succeeds in sounding serious enough when he knows it's only going to make Lucifer happier to be scolded. Istredd doesn't give him his spear, he tosses it into the air and uses his telekinesis to slam down the sharp point directly through the back of the boar to pin it to the ground. At this point, it could try to struggle, but there was no hope.

You are very strong. Without magic, I wouldn't be able to hold it for a second. And Istredd is not weak in body, Lucifer's obviously supernaturally strong. He smiles at him.

Who do you think you're talking to? Of course he's going to keep being pleased with himself.

He walks slowly to the boar, watching it, observing.

"You should learn, without magic," Lucifer tosses over his shoulder. I like seeing you at your best. But training with me isn't the same as going toe to toe with beasts. He slips around the struggling creature and ducks in close, sinking a hand into fur and clawing fingers in. There's a searing power to his palm, eating through flesh to nerves, to the mind. Is it mercy? Probably not.

He wobbles back just a bit.

He wanted to know if he could do it.

Answer: sort of.

"Your little wizard school teach you how to skin an animal?"

"This wasn't me at my best. Twenty-two mages killed hundreds of people, if not thousands, in one battle. Thirteen of them died, compared to over thirty thousand soldiers. Sodden." Istredd wasn't there, but it haunted him for a long time because of Yennefer.

"I could probably do better than a few animals. I know magic that would snap dozens of necks with one flick of my hand, easy. But ...." Istredd sighs, folding his arms against his chest, looking at the dead beast. "I've never had to kill anyone. I was always sheltered in my tombs and books."

It's more about potential than practice. Istredd's been trained to kill, there should be no doubt about that considering how at ease he just was in it. It's easy to imagine how it would be if he wanted to, and maybe that's why he is so hesitant. Even in the Pit he was more focused on keeping the peace and finding a way out. He never really tried to fight the acolytes or suggested they push it. He didn't let out the shrine monster. Istredd doesn't know if he has it in him, so far he's proven he doesn't.

Istredd raises an eyebrow at him. "If I say no are you going to make me?" They teach them to kill and seduce and control. Squeamish 'servant' things not so much.

Edited 2023-07-06 01:18 (UTC)

He rolls his eyes. "I meant the idea of seeing you at your best. If a little earth-shaping is your best I might be worried about all your claims," he says. "We don't exactly have an army to put you up against."

... Yet.

It might come to that, one day. To protect 'their people' Istredd may not be able to hide in the library forever.

He retrieves his spear. Istredd is Going Through Something with whatever Sodden was and Lucifer is going through it like they've just had a stroll through a park, already getting fast to work with the boar, a quick flight to its back. The spear is... not going to help him much. Incisions. A lot of this has to be done by hand, tearing at flesh like paper. Given that Lucifer likes the warmth and feeling of blood--something that Istredd will have the unfortunate luck of realizing, what with their connected minds--it's good for him. Usually he's working on smaller animals.

"What, make you kill or make you help me with this?" He's mostly sure he knows what Istredd is asking, but given the conversation, he says it, anyway, just because. He couldn't exactly make Istredd kill anyway. Not... really. Not conventionally.

He probably could find a way to, but that would likely end their relationship, and friendship, and all of it.

"It would go faster if you helped me," Lucifer says, already dug in, "and if you want to buy me a drink we need something to sell." He wouldn't need to take everything from this beast, and he's not someone who's been taught to use all the parts of a kill--nor would he have the means to transport all the parts. Something will scavenge the rest though, he knows that.

"But if you're not going to help I need you to keep your eyes peeled. Something might come scouting at the smell of blood. Snap some Ceknias necks." Though they're more likely to lure you out than wander. Basically if you hear anything like a human cry in these woods, it's something that wants to kill you.

Nocwich beasts are weird.

"Yet," Istredd says out loud what they both are thinking. He looks at Lucifer and watches him for a moment. "You wouldn't have to make me. I would kill for you." That is no small thing coming from someone who just said he's never killed and lacks the drive other people do. He has no doubt in his mind about this. The only time he's ever felt angry enough to intentionally hurt someone is because of Lucifer.

Sodden is twisted up in Yennefer feelings and that probably has a very particular brand of emotion that Lucifer can pinpoint now they've been doing this for a while. Feelings for her always end up wrapped up in guilt and regret, no matter how much better they are now. His love for Lucifer has a sort of new purity compared to that long-term complexity.

"You're doing fine without me, I'd probably slow you down." Istredd may be a little squeamish. He isn't really disturbed with how Lucifer's tearing through it, it's not something he'd be able to do himself. He doesn't watch because of it though. He takes a deep breath in and lets it out, pushing away at the corners of his mind that say mean-spirited things at him. It's getting easier, pushing back at his own issues.

"You look beautiful as a hunter. One of those feline moments." Istredd likes when Lucifer is feline, probably his favorite mood. "If we wanted to we could probably empty this forest."

Edited 2023-07-06 02:08 (UTC)

"And who would you still be, if you killed for me?" It's quite like them to have a weighty conversation in the middle of a place like this. "Haven't you heard that killing a person changes you? Maybe I wouldn't even like the you that comes out of it."

Idiot would see it as worth it, Lucifer knows.

"And then Nocwich would never let us back if we killed all their game, and that'd be a damn shame. This is the one place in 'reality' I feel like I can breathe."

"How fleeting your affection if so." Said very, very dryly. It is a weighty conversation but Istredd is coming down from the feeling of being a hunter himself. He killed without hesitation and yes they're only animals, but he simply is resettling himself with too much thinking, as per usual.

Of course it would be worth it. Losing Lucifer's love, agonizing, losing Lucifer, devastating.

"Is it the wide open spaces? Beautiful setting?" Like Lucifer's Horizon domain, he means. Since he said it was the only place in reality, and Lucifer's landscapes are extremely detailed.

"It would be awfully judgmental of me since I've killed for you, but I've been a murderer since the dawn of time," it's spoken so offhand, but Lucifer is focused so much on cutting and peeling that he doesn't much pause to think.

Istredd too much thinking, Lucifer not enough.

"I am who I am already. You might not like yourself."

Slice, slide of the blade, pull. He might have to ditch another outfit. This is more blood than he's used to being saturated in.

"The space. Open, can't see the walls, can't feel the walls. I could do without the darkness, but here, hunting, it's less a weight than the rest of what we've seen of Nocwich."

"What do you mean you've killed for me?" That startles him and Istredd turns to look at Lucifer, even with all the blood on him at the moment. Especially maybe with all the blood on him.

He pauses his work just slightly. Winces. Tilts his head. Goes back to cutting.

"It hadn't been on purpose. Mostly," he admits. A very different brand of 'accident' than the fisherman had been. That hadn't been his direct fault. The interrogation though... "It'd gotten out of hand."

He wasn't even sure when the guards pulled the guy out if he was dead or not, but he knows better after the dust settled. "A prisoner Natasha and I were interrogating." When Istredd and the others were taken. Istredd doesn't know about the torture part of Lucifer's work during that. Few people likely did, though they maybe could connect the dots, like Lenore had.

"I didn't make the same mistake twice." And even let the guy walk after he got them to the trade route they wanted. It's anyone's guess how helpful the information ended up being. It didn't get them to the island, it just gave them more unknowns to be mad at.

Edited (me like "wait this sounds familiar" ) 2023-07-06 03:43 (UTC)

Istredd takes that in without comment right away, absorbing, he normally needs a few seconds to sit with something. He's working on impulsivity like Lucifer suggested. He's also not entirely certain how he feels. They were all in a rough spot. Lucifer was getting desperate. He attacked Kyle, that's how far it got. He wishes his stomach wasn't turning so much over the blood and gore. It's frustrating.

"I wish you wouldn't keep these things from me," he says finally. "I think I understand why, and I'm not going to press, but I like being in the loop with you." A simple stated explanation and he may have done the same if the positions were switched. He already said he'd kill for Lucifer. It would be hypocritical to have a problem with it now.

"I would touch you or squeeze your hand, but I think if I get too much of that on me I'll be sick." See, good thing he didn't offer to help with it! He knows his limitations as frustrating as they are.

"Because after all your shit that you were still trying to cope with, you really needed to hear how I took up the old hat of Master Torturer, how much blood had been on my hands than in my entire stay in Abraxas!"

Istredd doesn't get why.

"Because weeks after things finally, desperately trying to get back to 'normal' in the castle seemed like a great time to mention how I got tossed and locked in the dungeons for a day because I went for Ambrose!"

He looks up from his work, missing a cut and damaging the hide, but this isn't some poaching trade that needs their merchandise to be pristine, so it doesn't matter.

"Maybe I just want us to have some peace!"

Istredd steps over to him and while he is still avoiding too much of the gore, it would be very embarrassing to get sick over this, he does have a safe place to touch and that's on Lucifer's back gently. "I wasn't clear. I'm sorry." Communication is an aspect they're working on, on both ends.

"Even before this became a relationship, we were friends. Neither of us is good at letting other people shoulder our weight, we try to hold it in. Me because no one's ever cared, you because everyone you loved abandoned you." If Istredd thinks too much about the cage he gets furious so he's trying to bypass that thought and focus on what he wants to say. He knows it's important that Lucifer understands this is a mutual problem.

"I was in a shitty space and you have been taking care of me at every turn. You ended up in a cage again because of this." That's a prison cell. Lucifer lost control and ended up there, and started a bad relationship with Ambrose. He's been looking after Istredd since he got back, hovering, worried. Istredd's noticed and it's helped him, but what about Lucifer? What will help him?

"You're not a burden. You're my partner. I'm always in your corner. I'm not going to push you to share, I just am saying it and hoping you'll think about it."

Edited (sorry one more) 2023-07-06 13:28 (UTC)

He doesn't flinch at the touch but he does tense.

So.

That's fine.

Expected, really.

He also tries to keep the fur pressed to the body though instead of hanging down so that Istredd can't see all the mess on the other side as Lucifer continues to work. Which means he isn't trying to push Istredd away.

Lucifer's been 'pretty good' at this relationship thing but here's the clarity now where he isn't. The actual 'partner' part of the partnership. He relies on Istredd, sure, more than he relies on anyone, but he's a solo person by nature of his life. Because as Istredd's said, everyone else has always abandoned him.

Keep it all in, that's the way of life.

But he's fine. He doesn't need help.

Even if the words 'you're not a burden' sink a little heavy in him.

"I'll keep that in mind," he says. While he'd prefer outright silence he knows he should scribble in an answer.

Sometimes you can't get the response you want right away. Istredd knows that intimately well. "I love you, Lucifer," he tells him quietly. But that is as far as he can go at this point without pushing, so he slides his fingers gently through Lucifer's hair and then backs off, over to a tree where he leans.

"For the record, I don't think I'd dislike myself for killing to save a loved one. I've just been around enough mages who start to enjoy it." And Istredd doesn't want to be that particular mage. That part of the Brotherhood. He doesn't want to enjoy hurting people but maybe a part of him thinks he could become that. He's said that the messed up mages are only a few centuries ahead of him. Maybe Stregobor is right that he is his natural heir, a few hundred years too early.

Anyway.

"We'll find more open spaces for you. There have to be a few of them that aren't attached to eternal darkness."

Edited 2023-07-06 18:55 (UTC)

They all have the potential of becoming those they hate the most.

It's one of the things Lucifer feared with Jack. That he'd just be another screw-up, another deadbeat.

He doesn't know what he was but he knows it wasn't good.

"It's easy to enjoy," he says, without any inflection. It's very easy for someone to lose themselves in killing. All things considered, Istredd, is body count in incredibly low thus far in Abraxas. He can't afford it to be high.

Does he dislike himself for it?

Lucifer dislikes a lot of parts of himself, but that's not part of it. That simply is. Fact of life. He is (was) the apex species.

"There have to be," he agrees. It's just whether or not they can get to them and be left alone.

He's making a final cut when he gets distracted by a dangle of blue in the tree above Istredd. Above you, is the warning. The familiar half-moon tail of the Gealaci Kucing. He guesses they all didn't move territories, then.

Istredd doesn't like to get his hands dirty. Literally, in this case. He studies Lucifer, intentionally avoiding the blood, but he isn't disturbed by how easy it is for him. He knows a lot of people it's easy for. It does make him think though and after his thoughts churn in negative cycling, he shakes it off. Not important.

Sorry I got swept away in being maudlin on our first hunt together. Lucifer likes to hunt, he was glad for Istredd to come with him. And Istredd's getting distracted. I was--- Whatever he is about to say is cut short at the warning and it's just in time. The Kucing had been hunting them, watching them with the instinct of a predator. Must have weighed the challenge.

It drops down specifically at Istredd and he snaps a hand like he's backhanding the creature and it goes flying back from the magic. He could tear it apart, they both know that. It's almost desirable right then, to give it blow after blow, until all it can do is cower and not even flee. The power vibrates in his hands but he lets it go. Lucifer told him to fight so he will.

He takes up Lucifer's spear and walks toward it as it shakes off the blast. He's been training with Lucifer for months now, it was required of him by his friend, but he hasn't put it into practice. Istredd takes up a fighting stance, the spear not his immediate preference, but good enough. The creature is not cowed, it prowls instead, waiting. He blocks the first vicious attack, using the spear's main body to keep the fangs back.

Maybe Lucifer isn't the person to get the chance to show off.

Honestly Lucifer should've expected Istredd to be maudlin.

Comes with the gig.

Istredd can no doubt feel Lucifer's appreciative eyes watching him. He's settled back on the ground, maneuvering the large swatch of cut hide, pulling out cord from his side pack and tightly wrapping the material together so that he'll be able to secure it on his back.

Gotta keep his hands free, after all.

But that is familiar motion, easy to not even watch his own hands work. He does not take his hyper-focused attention from Istredd, and he'll only step in if he thinks Istredd needs a hand, but he doubts he will. Istredd will resort to magic if he gets in a pinch.

I'd kiss you for this, he says easily, finishing the last twist of cord, but I wouldn't want to get you covered in blood.

...... Okay he might want that, but Istredd would definitely not.

I know I said it'd be interesting to see what we'd be like together, but you are awfully distracting.

Edited 2023-07-07 08:03 (UTC)

Istredd can use magic to bail himself out if it's looking bad but at the moment he is going to attempt to fight without it. Lucifer isn't wrong that this is one of the few times he can train in physical altercations. He spent a lot of time feeling helpless recently specifically because he lost his magic and it can be a crutch.

He doesn't have Lucifer's strength to fall back on either so he has to be smart. He pushes the creature back a step and anticipates another lunge so he spins to the side as it leaps quickly where he just was. Lightning fast with those claws so he'll have to stay out of them.

You are severely underestimating what I would tolerate for a kiss from you. It's more the gore that bothers him, the guts. It's not his favorite idea but he has never given up a chance to kiss Lucifer and he never will. He's a simple man that way.

Istredd is well aware of the eyes on him which could be distracting but it makes him focus instead. Lucifer's attention is something he always wants. But it wouldn't be good for either of them if the Kucing rips out his throat because of a wrong turn. He remembers what he's heard of this so the mild hypnotic tail does nothing.

Lucifer will recognize his own fighting style here, Istredd rarely uses what he learned sixty years ago from the Brotherhood. There is even a little grace in how he bobs and weaves, staying away from the claws, searching for openings instead of impulsively exposing himself. He uses the blunt side of the spear more than the point at first to knock it around, his stance defensive instead.

What will you give me if I manage to kill this without magic? He thinks his odds are good.

What? he sings. A kiss from me isn't temptation enough?

He considers making it more complicated, adding difficulty to the terrain, something else for Istredd to focus on. But he should keep apprised of the forest around them, much as he wants to increase the challenge. Make Istredd really work for it.

He hefts his makeshift backpack of hide around to his back and straightens. Just as tempting is leaning back into that gore while he watches the fight, but he's not that curious to see just how much Istredd can back up his words.

If anyone thinks you're the innocent one of this partnership, they don't know you very well. You've got a bit of a devilish side to you as well, Istredd.

And here I thought you had a good imagination.

Istredd taunts back at him, amused, and giving him any more difficulty is probably pushing it a little bit. He is holding his own but this is not natural for him, especially by intentionally avoiding his magic. He needs to find an opening soon or he will run out of wind, even if he does have more stamina than most. They've been working on that in the training.

I don't know what you're talking about, I'm very prim and proper.

Istredd huffs a laugh and the creature gets very close to slicing him. Those claws are sharp. If he is even the tiniest bit off, this could get blood quickly. He probably needs to stop playing defense if he is going to get out of this intact.

You like that about me. The devilish side. Admit it.

Istredd changes his stance from defensive to offensive, spear point out, and he slashes at the Kucing, sharp and quick forward, jabbing at its face so it is forced back a few steps. The best way to keep it from being so close where he's at a very serious disadvantage.

"You make it sound like that's a secret I wouldn't admit to," he says aloud, and then continuing with thoughts, I adore it, Istredd

Oh he can make things more challenging for Istredd through thoughts alone.

That's fun.

He is intensely watching Istredd now and it's become completely to make sure Istredd doesn't get mauled by Lucifer intentionally distracting him.

Well there is a thrill in danger, he says, far too easily. But defiling you on the forest floor is quite much even for the two of us, don't you think? He hums. The splinters and rocks dug into your back alone.

He picks blood out of the underside of his nails like he isn't aware of Istredd and the creature's every movements. I bet we could wake up a Dreunania though. They fall into such deep slumbers.

In all, less trolling, actual seriousness, Lucifer's thoughts come in that powerful, vast way, encompassing Istredd with an impossible clarity to them, an odd trill, I'll share with you a memory, he says.

There is some reassurance in feeling Lucifer's gaze on him because he knows how fast his lover is. Fast enough to probably keep him from actually getting mauled and making this less fun of a conversation. He does stutter for a moment at that defiling suggestion, missing what would have been a good hit to the creature's head and getting its shoulder instead.

Still underestimating what I'd do for you.

Flirting is fun for what it is, although who really knows with him. He'd prefer a bed but if he's willing to kiss Lucifer covered in blood, he's not exactly picky. He knows Lucifer is only joking though. It would probably be very uncomfortable. Istredd thinks it's best for him not to flirt too much, that's a one way road to him getting eaten before they can kiss at all.

Good enough for me.

Istredd loves knowing things about Lucifer, as he well aware of by now. He's starving for all the details, all the data. Sharing a memory sounds too dangerous of an option for him to focus on this and he just manages to block a jerk forward of very sharp teeth.

He makes a decision, his intention in there, to let it get close on purpose so it thinks it is closer to its prey. He is applying enough force back and weight, giving some ground, before intentionally releasing his grip. If it was ready, it would have been able to bite him quite seriously, and instead by the time it bares its fangs at him, ready to chomp, he is already swinging the spear under and firmly stabbing up into it.

The teeth is a little too close to his shoulder for comfort but he successfully pushes it off, and only then seems to run out of breath. Istredd wavers slightly, he isn't used to this. Adrenaline is pounding through him as he looks up at Lucifer. Payment, please. Memory.

"Ohhh, look at you," Lucifer purrs, now in Istredd's space, tapping a finger beneath Istredd's chin--the one that has the least amount of thick blood still on it. The pride is very strong in him, for Istredd. "I think you do deserve a little extra." He kisses him, deep. What? He's skilled at multitasking.

Lucifer shares with Istredd the first feeling of flight for an angel, the memory. It's very abstract, less imagery than usually Lucifer's memories are.

They have wings and the ability to fly as a bird, but flight can be different for them.

It's holding Earth in their palms and knowing every detail, every curve of a river, mountain peak. Highway, mile markers, street names. The entire scope of a world-in-making sprawled out below and then the constant changing design, whether it be nature or human nature.

He knows Istredd struggles with losing ground, from not being able to touch feet to an immovable surface, but this feeling is from Lucifer's point of view. Istredd may think vertigo but the sensation is absent if he tries to reach for what should be his reality.

Instead it's fledgling creation, new wings, new experience. The uncertainty and the joy and the freedom of it all. Istredd witnesses the conceptual grasping everything at once in the mind and flying instantly to a point, a mountain range, and the entire flight is held under Lucifer's wings--and Istredd's, and thus far in Lucifer's early existence it is the best thing he's ever done.

Istredd leans into the kiss and as promised, barely notices the blood now that he is focused on that instead. He pulls out of it to gasp as the memory sweeps through him and he goes through a literal out of body experience. Vertigo is more a problem for when it's his real body struggling for its feet, but this feels closer to a dream.

The sensation of flying and the freedom that comes with it, and the point of view it gives Lucifer of the world he loves, the nature aspect of it. It makes more sense why he created all those sprawling parts of his domain, how he has such detail for the beauty of places he knows. Was it always from up here? Everything feels so large but not in an intimidating way.

He leans his forehead against Lucifer's as he takes it all in, eyes closed, the thrill making his heart beat even faster after the fight. Istredd understands then how harsh it would be, locked away from this so long, when the joy of it was something Lucifer had first. He's seen Lucifer's wings and his true form, he can see that existing in this place.

Istredd doesn't have memories of equal beauty, although no human probably could have an equal memory. Your mind, he grasps Lucifer's shirt and runs hands up past his shoulders. Blood taken along the way, unavoidable. Is so. Istredd kisses him again, intently. Beautiful.

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cw: skinning animals, through unorthodox methods

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