abraxaslogs | [ CLOSED ] you had faith

[ Honestly, he's not too far off base, broadly speaking. ]

We bet for who would pick up the tab for dinner. I think they expected an easy win since we hadn't played before, but...

[ Ciri shrugs and laughs as he joins her. ]

Don't tell Jaskier, but I'm glad I went. The change of scenery may have done me good.

[ Geralt will know she has been struggling a bit to get back into her routine. It was never particularly the same day to day, but the general beats were there-- a few days out of the city, a few days here, the occasional week or three out on a longer job and back again to find more work, checking in on various repeat clients or spending time at Viktor's shop. Sparring with friends sometimes, Gideon or Jo, maybe being dragged out here and there to go shopping by Julie. All of them have suffered the disruption now. Those with day-to-day routines and regular jobs to go back to might have found stepping back into them more comforting. Ciri is trying to balance the desire to fuck off into the wilderness alone to lick her wounds, the way she's long been used to-- and the growing realization, spurred by her time here increasingly surrounded by people who give a shit about her, that it may not be the best option.

She lifts her empty cup to Geralt for a refill. ]

I'm eager to get back to hunting, though. [ she adds, knowing Geralt will understand. Glad at the prospect of going together. ]

Don't worry. Our secret.

[ It does look to have done her good. She seems...lighter, perhaps, is the word he's searching for. Less burdened by recent events. Regardless of what happens, he's glad that Cadens, this world, is able to provide her with family, friends. People she can rely on beyond him. He's learned similarly that fucking off isn't the most ideal choice. It's good she's doing the same. These past several weeks have been the longest he's remained in the city; there's a reason for that.

Though now, it's about time he leaves. For a purpose other than licking his wounds, which he thinks is an important distinction. ]

Mm. As am I. [ Actually—Geralt finishes refilling her glass. Then he picks up the scabbard across the table and removes the new sword he's had forged. He'd commissioned it shortly after his return from Nocwich, but hasn't had the chance to show her yet. Beyond the glimpses of it she may have seen during his...encounter with the demon. It's similar to the previous one he lost, but there's a shine and quality to the steel that only Jayce seems capable of. ] Thoughts? You can blame Jaskier for the ostentatious touch.

[ He's referring to the gold and ruby phoenix affixed to the hilt. ]

[ Ciri chuckles, shaking her head. Well, as long as Jaskier can't gloat at her about it... (He might anyway.)

Speaking of Jaskier. Yes, Ciri is well aware of his new moniker, as he's been preening about it since receiving the title. She also knows that Jaskier could hardly force Geralt to decorate his sword without Geralt actually wanting to, and that the sentiment between them is shared no matter Geralt's gruffness and sarcasm when it comes to the bard. (She might argue -- not to Geralt's face -- that it's how he expresses his love.)

So she just leans forward to take a look with a low whistle and a knowing grin, and keeps her thoughts about how it was a cute gesture on Geralt's part to herself. ]

Careful. People might start talking how the Gem of the Phoenix has his own knight. Jaskier might become even more popular.

[ It goes a bit further than that: Geralt had told Jaskier he needed something to replace the pendant that was once affixed to it. After losing his friend's initial gift, it only seemed right that Jaskier be the one to choose a replacement.

The meaning matters more to him than the aesthetics.

He makes a soft noise and puts the sword away again. ] Don't encourage him. He might make it true.

[ As they well know, Jaskier can convince a city of just about anything.

He finishes packing, settles in for the night before their early rise. Jaskier returns home some time in the evening—or not at all—and by sunrise, he's on the road with Ciri. They won't be going far. A week's travel at most. He's informed both Julie and Jaskier, so that neither wake up fearing one or both of them have vanished yet again.

Roach seems eager to stretch her legs. The ride is leisurely. They talk of nothing important, but eventually, Geralt broaches the topic. ]

Have you thought about speaking to Dean? [ He knows Ciri doesn't necessarily blame the man. That they both understand it to be a possession of some form. But. What she knows and how she feels are different beasts. ]

[ They spend a little longer winding down, Ciri's mood easy and relaxed into the evening, until eventually she heads to finish packing up her own things for the trip before bed.

She looks almost as excited as her horse when she leads Nixie out of the stables. There are a few times when Ciri lets her mare trot ahead to get some of her energy out, circling back around to Roach and Geralt in their unerringly steady pace. By the time the sun gets truly bright, Nixie's settled into a walk beside Roach. To her credit, she doesn't even try to pick a fight when Ciri rides close to chat.

Geralt broaches the subject later than she'd expected. Sooner than she's ready for.

Ciri bites her lip, staring straight ahead at the horizon. She does not have an answer. ]

I've thought about it plenty. Still don't know what to say.

[ A screeching buzzard circles above. ]

I haven't spoken to him, either.

[ He also isn't certain what to say. Or what Dean will want to say in return. There was a thick air of guilt when they last left him, shortly after the curse was lifted. His form reverted. They'll need to talk sooner or later. That much he knows.

It's possible he's been putting it off as much as he's told himself Dean needs the space. ]

Do you want to hear what he has to say?

[ The question is gentle. He hasn't any desire to make Ciri do something she isn't ready for. But he can tell her mind is preoccupied—that some sort of closure is required. Dean was not a stranger to her. They were friends. Not as close as he and Dean, but not distant. ]

I know what he'll say.

[ Finding out Geralt hasn't spoken to him since either is a bit of a surprise, but perhaps it shouldn't have been. The situation is an unpleasant and difficult-to-navigate one for all of them. She knows they're close, pulled together by a similar profession and experiences, bound by the trust that's grown over the past year or more. That Geralt probably feels it even more than she does, that betrayal. That it is, by now, likely a familiar bitterness to him.

If Geralt hadn't hoped Dean would be himself when the demon was gone, Ciri knows he'd have killed the thing in its vessel without hesitation.

Ciri sighs, glancing briefly at Geralt then forward again, watching the desert unfold before them same as it ever looks. ]

He'll be sorry. He'll apologize. Give me that pained, guilty look.

Even though it wasn't him.

[ It's made more difficult by the fact that it isn't a straightforward betrayal. If he even can call it a betrayal. Confrontation, he's never shied from. This is...different. Dean was obviously not himself, but the corrupting influence of the Mark blurs the lines. He's not yet untangled for himself what it means. Until he does, he hasn't got a fucking clue how to approach Dean.

So he's chosen to leave it be for now.

He hums. That's roughly accurate. He turns Roach towards a route he knows passes by a hidden stream. ]

He remembers doing it with his own hands. [ The comment is light, without pointedness, though he knows it touches close to home. He never had the chance to speak to Ciri after Voleth Meir. His memories do not extend that far, and Ciri here is several years removed from the ordeal. ]

Edited 2023-06-26 05:14 (UTC)

[ Ciri follows, watching the path ahead. ]

I know.

[ Her hand tightens on the reins, squeezing the leather between her fingers. Despite the slack, Nixie feels her tension, flicks her ears.

Ciri breathes out slowly. ]

And the demon remembered too. All the knowledge in Dean's head was there, every conversation we'd had. Or you'd had with him. His voice and mannerisms.

It was too much of him, but not him.

[ Yeah. He understands that. The memories. The knowledge. ]

Like a doppler. But empty.

[ Dopplers don't harm others, for one—or rarely—and they have emotion, love, sympathy. All aspects others would say a monster was not capable of. It allows them to mimic well the form they choose to live in.

The demon was devoid of those things. The creature he faced in the desert, in that chair—

It was not until Dean was truly back to himself that Geralt let go of the notion he may have to slay him. ]

If not for you and Jaskier... [ Mm. She knows. ]

If his friends weren't confident of the ability to reverse it...

[ She looks at Geralt finally, meaningfully. ]

I thought he was dead. Empty, as you say, of anything of the real Dean that made him human. If I'd gotten the chance before you got there--

[ It had felt impossible, though. Not because he was wearing the face of a friend, though that certainly hadn't been good either. ]

But there was nothing I could do.

I felt so... powerless.

Just waiting.

[ Ciri had more faith in his friends. Perhaps Geralt's perception was coloured by his knowledge that Castiel was in love with Dean.

He glances over. Roach slows down a touch. He does understand. No one prefers the sensation of waiting for another to rescue them. But to him, she was hardly helpless. ]

You reacted quickly. You were smart about it. [ Dean had needed her alive, but the demon's whims were unpredictable. Geralt can't say how she may have fared had she proven herself too much trouble. That's a notion he doesn't wish to entertain.

He'd only found her as fast as he did because of the trail she left him. Because she knew precisely what to say so he could track her. ]

Waiting can be the hardest thing to do. [ Acting rashly is much simpler. ] It's not a powerless action. You did well.

Edited 2023-07-10 18:46 (UTC)

[ She sighs, clearly not convinced. Nixie's ears twitch, agitated, and Ciri leans over to stroke her neck and soothe her.

Of course, she'd tried to portal away, though it hadn't worked. Probably no point in telling Geralt now; she'd managed to get enough information for him, and that was what mattered in the end. It still just sits so uncomfortably that all she could do was rely on someone to come save her. Makes her feel like a helpless child again. Reminds her of all the times when the only thing she could do was run and hide and wait, and how being here should have changed that. How it mostly did -- until someone decides to need her powers again, like always.

The fact it was someone wearing the face of a trusted friend makes it undeniably worse, but the reminder is the part that feels the hardest to move on from, opening up old wounds and unearthing buried fears. ]

He meant to use my power, and I couldn't even use it for myself.

It's just all so...

Exhausting.

I know. [ It isn't fair that her powers make her such a target, but...that is the reality they live with.

He doesn't reiterate the point. It's been made, and he knows it'll take a while for Ciri to come to terms with what happened. Part of him believes talking to Dean may help, but he won't press it. She deserves time to breathe before confronting that head-on. They cannot change the past.

Instead, he broaches a topic they can do something about. ] I've taught you your Signs, but have you thought about trying again to control your other abilities directly?

[ Say...her portals? The Signs have helped her get a handle on her magic overall, but it's no replacement for the training of a proper mage. Yennefer might not have her magic, but her knowledge has not been depleted. And making a portal between places in this sphere would not carry the same risks as trying to tear open a realm between worlds.

It's worth another look. Geralt isn't aware Ciri used it with Dean—although he suspects she must've; it's often the first thing she tries—but he recalls her using it with Viktor, then down in the pit. None of those attempts had worked as they should. ]

Edited 2023-07-14 22:10 (UTC)

Of course I have.

[ It comes out more snappish than intended. Her lips purse, but Ciri directs her glower toward the road ahead instead of Geralt. ]

You think I don't practice?

But try to portal anywhere farther than I can see in front of me, and I lose control. Or it simply doesn't work. [ Geralt can figure out what happened with Dean. ]

I don't know how to keep trying without risking ending up in the ocean again. Or on top of some remote mountain, or fuck knows where.

[ He glances at her, unfazed by her scowl. Her magic will never cease to be a sensitive topic. They still need to talk about it. Things have changed since they first arrived. Nocwich will allow Yennefer to see Ciri in person, for example. They would simply need a private room, a way to meet without it being blatant.

Though that isn't what he's thinking of to start with. There's something a bit simpler than he's been reflecting on. Perhaps he should've proposed it sooner, but he'd wanted to see how far learning her Signs could take her before moving further. ]

You may not need to begin in the physical world. When Julie first tried magic, she struggled to control it. I found her practising in the Horizon to prevent any...explosive fires.

[ And now Julie has a far better grasp of it. So the attempts in the Horizon must've done something to help. Strictly speaking, Julie's efforts were to access the magic of this world, but to Geralt, there's no difference. Chaos is Chaos. If Thorne's claims are correct—and he believes in this, they are—then there is only one source of Chaos running across all spheres. ]

It's not the same in the Horizon, Geralt.

Portalling involves physical space by definition. I can hop around the Horizon all I want, as could any of us, I'm sure. The rules aren't the same.

Besides, Yennefer tried to help me refine my control for months in the Horizon, and it helped with things like... not causing any explosive fires, as you say. With the Signs too, I think. Not... the rest of it.

[ She shakes her head, brow furrowed. She's never quite sure where Yennefer and Geralt stand, but that tumultuous relationship is in many ways as familiar as it is frustrating. Whatever they do or don't talk about, Ciri knows that her abilities often don't behave as anyone, including her, thinks they should. It's caused her plenty of problems, and she's honestly quite happy just using Signs and swords and not having to worry about the rest whenever she can help it. ]

[ He and Yennefer are...all right. They met in Nocwich (with Jaskier, but even so.) She'd spoken to him after he'd returned from the mountain. Geralt has not said much about it to Ciri; what he's seeking from Yennefer, he's still deciding.

He hums, turning Roach across the sand. It's true he's been assuming her issues with portals are innate. If they are not, then Ciri would be right. No amount of practice anywhere would help. They would need to resolve the external cause interfering. Regardless, he knows when to push a topic and when it is better left for Ciri to reflect upon first.

There are no easy answers for her powers. ]

Your grasp of Signs is a good indication. [ She hadn't been able to use them at all back home. He gestures at the swathe of dirt and rocky cliffs ahead. They're nearing the nest, and for this, he knows she will find her skills proven without trouble. ] You lead. I'll follow.

Mm. I have been able to achieve fairly consistent results with them. [ She's not sure if she's doing exactly what Geralt is, but channeling the chaos in these very specific, narrow ways has come more easily than trying to use magic here in general. Jaskier still has the scar to show for her mishaps previously, when she'd hoped she might be able to actually learn some magic here. What she can do with the portals, and with the raw power of her screams, it isn't like what Yennefer can do, or even Jaskier here. At least, that's what Ciri's decided, and if it's a mental block alone, it's a particularly ingrained one by now.

But she's sick of talking about magic, and thankfully the conversation is cut short soon enough when they begin to approach the nest. The set of Ciri's shoulders visibly eases at the prospect of a basilisk nest as opposed to more discussion of her abilities or lack thereof.

Ciri nods, and when they get a little closer, she hops off Nixie and secures her nearby. With the sun still too high in the sky for the basilisks to consider emerging, Ciri lays out a plan that involves preparing some smoke bombs to drive the beasts out and stun them a bit. It's much easier swinging a sword around not in tiny underground runnels after all. ]

[ He follows close by, letting Ciri determine the best approach. He's had a few opportunities to watch her hunt—all the years of growth he missed—and though he can tell she learned much from him, there are times when it's clear she learned it on her own.

It's only natural. Ciri would not have been by his side forever. But he won't stop wondering what really happened. Even if he's promised himself he will not ask.

He wets the dry grass, securing the casing afterwards. Then he hands the bombs to Ciri, ready to be lit. The damp wood smoulders as it rolls into the narrow tunnel. Thick smoke unfurls—followed by the hissing of several basilisks. Their feet skitter across the dry rocks. The basilisks in Cadens are smaller than the ones on the Continent—much smaller—but still dangerous in a pack.

One leaps towards him, and its body meets the edge of his blade, splitting it in two. ]

[ CLOSED ] you had faith

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