abraxaslogs | [open] july catchall

[ It's been a little while since their last talk, and when he finds himself with an afternoon free Claude decides to stop by to see if Viktor's free. He has no real data in the way of what plants are growing or how yet, given that the experiment's barely started. There's a partially formed idea in his mind relating to it which might be worth pursuing so he makes a stop at a bakery on his way, intending on possibly also bribing Viktor and Jayce both into taking a short break from whatever they're almost certainly hard at work on.

Until he walks in and realizes: the workshop is a mess. Claude stands in the center of it and just looks for a good minute or so, then sets down the box he'd brought with him on a table that somehow has free space. He starts with retrieving the papers from the floor, somewhat shuffling them into an aligned stack as he goes without bothering to put them in order. That can wait until later.

With the papers mostly cleared in one area he shifts to picking up this object or that one. They must make more noise than he realizes - not that he was particularly trying to hide his presence - but it's enough to alert someone else. The crash of something else is enough to get him to stop in place, but the voice and that harsher than usual tone is enough for him to get moving again as he calls back. ]

I gathered as much, but I'm not planning on leaving.

[ Whatever else needs to be cleaned up can wait. Claude walks towards where Viktor is and then stops in the doorway. There's much he could say, much he could ask, but he'll wait to see what response he gets to that first. ]

I'll go lock the doors if you'd like me to.

[Yes. Locking the doors probably would have been smart, but Viktor isn't exactly thinking clearly at the moment. He doesn't emerge from the back room and only calls out when he hears someone in the front, probably hoping they'll just go away.

But it's Claude, and of course he isn't going to leave. Viktor doesn't bother to get up to meet him, staying right where he is on the floor of the back room, as if the very thought of standing is too daunting. He doesn't say anything for a moment, as if deciding whether or not to lash out again, but then his shoulders sag and his gaze drops to the floor.]

That's...probably a good idea.

Alright, just hold on a moment.

[ A small pause for the conversation about to happen because it can wait long enough to make sure no one else wanders into the workshop for now. There will be other visitors later, he's sure, but for whatever's going on: Viktor deserves some peace.

It takes but a minute or so for Claude to make his way back through the workshop's state of disaster towards the doors in question, to secure them into place so any visitors will have to announce themselves with something far louder than him walking in to start cleaning up what he'd discovered. The latter is another item on the list of things which can wait because grabbing the box of assorted pastries and breads he'd forgotten about to bring it back with him takes priority on his return trip.

The box is set on the floor in front of and slightly off to Viktor's side to allow space for Claude sitting down next to him which he does with no hesitation, drawing one knee up to rest an elbow on it. Despite the (sort of) relaxed posture, concern still runs rampant beneath it as he studies the man next to him. ]

I'll keep you company until you want to talk, if you even do.

[Viktor isn't going anywhere, and it's clear that locking the door wasn't at all on his mind, so he doesn't stop Claude from taking care of it. There's nothing for him to do about it, anyway--getting up is too much effort, and he's run out of furniture to overturn. So he waits, miserably, until Claude comes back into the room and takes a seat next to him.

He's not in hysterics the way he was with Hilda, but a despondence permeates the room regardless. Viktor sits quietly for a long moment, not knowing how to begin.]

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to worry you.

I don't think you need to apologize for that or anything else right now.

[ He says that just as quietly when Viktor breaks the silence, still studying the items scattered around them without his gaze actually being focused upon them. It's not the first time he's witnessed someone overturn everything they could within reach or go in search of more to add to it when the first few things weren't enough, and there's reasons for it narrow down to an even smaller list.

They could sit in silence a bit longer. Maybe it would help Viktor or maybe it wouldn't; that he was here by himself rather than with Jayce around feels like a confirmation of something Claude knows is still only a guess at best. Especially without hearing the words said aloud to go with it but as he'd told someone else recently, there are some things which don't need to be said to be true. After another moment, he sighs soundlessly and looks over at the other man to open the door to it whether or not it leads anywhere. ]

After Petra... left, I did the same thing, [ with a small wave to the scattered everything around them, ] out in the desert.

[He supposes he doesn't really need to say what's going on. There's really only one explanation for this kind of outburst, and even now it feels silly and selfish. Who among them hasn't lost a loved one by now? Why does he think that Jayce's vanishing is any more important than the rest of the Summoned who have been pulled back by the Singularity?

Claude more-or-less confirms that they've all experienced it, one way or another. He lets out a hollow little laugh, more a sigh than anything else.]

The last time I went into the desert, it didn't end well. [So, no more excursions of that nature. He gestures, vaguely, to the mess in front of him.] So I was left with no choice.

Sometimes it helps when it comes to getting a feeling out. I've wasted a lot of arrows doing the same trying to make sense of everything.

[ Something that may or may not bring any comfort considering he's stared at all those arrows or whatever he'd wrecked only to find the same heartache was still lingering there afterwards. It's something he hears and feels again in Viktor's laugh.

There's only so much that can be done before it creeps right back in, even if that's not stopped Claude from trying to find ways to avoid it over the past couple months - and while causing plenty of other wreckage himself in the process. Nothing about that's reassuring, he thinks, so better to set that aside for a second. ]

I wish there was something I could say to make it less painful, but I've yet to find it for myself. That we're here only because of the whims of something entirely out of our control doesn't make any of this any easier.

It is tempting, isn't it?

[Not that he indulges in this way often--or ever, really, beyond the occasional scattered papers or thrown notebook. Viktor considers this a special occasion, though of course he wishes it weren't so.

And he prefers that Claude isn't trying to find some kind of platitude, though he's not sure what, exactly, could offer him relief.

Well. That's not true, not entirely.]

I can't stay here. Not after this.

[ There's a slight hum from him when it comes to it being tempting - because it is and also was in a way he hadn't counted on needing when that hadn't been his usual way of venting emotions before. Which was to say that there was no venting happening whatsoever and even less about Petra's departure until he'd taken it out on a cactus or two (or more), and that's relatable to the items toppled over around them.

Claude's about to reach for the box to go with his mother's usual method when someone's upset - eat something - but he pauses at what Viktor says next. That's ominous, if only because there's multiple meanings to the idea of not staying, and he doesn't know where to begin in narrowing that down. A second goes by where he regards Viktor carefully with a neutral gaze. ]

If you need somewhere else to stay, we have plenty of room at our place. Hilda and Sylvain won't mind the company.

[ He has the sense it might not be what Viktor meant, but - that's a start in figuring it out. ]

[They both know that's not what he means, though it's a moment before he answers, as if he's trying to figure out the best way to phrase it without sounding insane. There's no good way, though, so he just has to be forthcoming about it.]

I mean to leave Abraxas. I'm not sure how, yet, or where I will go to. But I'll find a way.

[He says that with the same conviction as ever, even if he has no idea where to start.]

[ Well - that confirms it was what Claude was attempting to elimination in the way of potential options for what that'd meant, and he's quiet again after Viktor speaks. There's no doubt in his mind that Viktor will find a way; when he'd said before he was certain the other man could attain what was their current topic at the time, he'd also really meant that to encompass anything Viktor might want to do.

This isn't the first time he's heard someone voice the idea of leaving. It is, however, the first time where it's seemed possible. That alone deserves some serious thought as perhaps it'll bring more comfort than anything else. ]

I've always thought that if there were ways for us to arrive here involuntarily as we all did, then there has to be a way back beyond how occasionally someone disappears and for seemingly no reason.

[ Not that it makes it easier for any of them still left here, as he well knows. So does Viktor, but that's not also what Claude's meaning to focus on now. ]

I'm not claiming they're related, but - those nightmares we all had last year, where there was that intervention involving the crystals and the underground lab to supposedly help. If there was something there with the Singularity's connection in how those other elements were brought forth from home, then to me it stands to reason it's able to look back to where we were brought from. Someone could be able to see that somehow, or even answer why it is even for those of us from the same worlds we've arrived from different times.

There has to be a way back. [Or at least a way out.] If they can tamper with the fabric of worlds, why can't we?

[That's how he has to look at it, anyway. Yes, it's powerful magic, but Viktor has harnessed powerful magic before. More than that, he has the knowledge to combine it with technology, to make both greater than the sum of their parts. He's done the impossible so many times. Perhaps this will be his greatest achievement.

But he wants to do more than just go back. He wants to find the Jayce that he knew, and make a place for them, so that they can finally have what they both deserve. The idea that his Jayce is gone, returned home without memories or somehow lost to the dimensional aether--that's not acceptable to him.

It's not just the Summoning ritual. He has to break it all open, and make it his own.]

However they do it, I have to find out. That's the first step.

[ Tampering is a good way to put it. It's a thought that'd crossed his mind when he was the only one here and unaware of Byleth and Edelgard having been here previously from their own history incongruent with his own. It's a thought that'd solidified when Petra and Sylvain had arrived, and then again when Felix and Hilda had.

All of them with their lived events all mismatched, and the vast majority of them in conflict beyond that which had engulfed Fodlan in the same way regardless of what else came before or followed after. The step Viktor is talking about could answer those questions he has about what came to pass in Fodlan if the Summoning ritual had looked for them specifically in their respective presents. How they could be so different, and whether that's only true for them. ]

Petra was mostly as I remembered her, but there were certain things she'd lived that made it impossible for her to be the Petra I knew based on what she'd lived that was impossible with what I did. Sylvain is the same, and the same is true for what they both knew about me. I'm not the me they know in their... lifetimes.

[ But Hilda is from his - probably, as a voice reminds him in the back of his mind, because there's always the chance she isn't and they both want to believe that's not the case until it becomes apparent it is. He can't think about that now though as he pauses because he's searching for a way to complete those thoughts before abandoning it with the assumption Viktor will follow what he's saying anyway. Maybe he should be saying this is all a bad idea, but as always: curiosity wins out. ]

Is there a way to navigate that being a possibility for everywhere else?

It seems common. Slight variations of timeline or circumstances. Minute differences, but another universe, nonetheless.

[And there are, theoretically, an infinite number of them. It's going to take him some time to untangle, but if he does figure it out--how to breach the boundary between worlds--all of this could be at his fingertips.

It's exciting. He wishes he were more excited about it, but the circumstances put a damper on it. This is not the first he's heard of Claude and his friends being from slight variations of the same world, and he can't help but be intrigued.]

I would want...this would be for all of us. Those of us who wish to go, and those who want to stay. We can't continue being at the mercy of the Singularity. Of these people. We deserve a choice.

Sometimes the differences aren't so slight. [ His mind is off and running with the possibilities of this after Viktor says it'd be for all of them. Something that Claude can accept as true based on all that's been done, even if the reasons behind it probably (definitely) aren't limited to that alone. ] Or more that they're... incompatible would be the right word, since I have to believe they are.

[ Perhaps that's a rhetorical not-quite-a-question he doesn't want to be answered. It's difficult to picture a world in which Fodlan isn't thrown into war even with the chance to bring all of those timelines together. But maybe there is - maybe it would be possible somehow to prevent so much from happening and direct it in other ways. That feels like a dream even with Viktor's intent to straighten out all diverging paths into something possible.

Claude still finds himself nodding when it comes to the mention of a choice. Such a thing would be far more than they've been granted by being here or remaining here while others have left. ]

Whatever you're setting out to do, I support you. I'll help in any way I can. [ Starting with putting the box of pastries in front of Viktor finally, though that's not really (only) what he means when he follows that up with a wave meant to encompass their general surroundings. ] Including with whatever might be best around here, if you're open to that, so you can have time to focus on figuring out what you need to.

I've heard that, too.

[He thinks of Garrus, whose Commander is here, ostensibly, but is a different person than the one he knows. The very concept of a multiverse comes with innumerable complications, of which this is one. It's daunting, the prospect of puzzling it out, but if he can't do it, then who will? Viktor refuses to believe that the people here are the only ones able to reach beyond the boundaries between worlds.

For now, however, there are more practical matters to shore up, as Claude reminds him with the pastry box. Whatever might be best around here, he says, and Viktor looks around the workshop, realizing that he's going to have to maintain the business alone, now.]

This is-- [He furrows his eyebrows. Asking for help has never been his strong suit, so he tries to remind himself that this is practical, more than anything.] --too much for me to manage alone. We just expanded to Aquila, I won't be able to smith in-house anymore...I will have to reconfigure the whole business.

[ There's a comfort - a meager one - in not having to explain further to Viktor. It makes sense the other man would know, especially given what he hopes to do here in examining the summoning ritual to pull it apart and find out how it works. Such a thing wouldn't be possible without understanding as much, Claude imagines, though that's also surely an oversimplification of something incredibly complicated.

What's less so, however, is the expression on Viktor's face as he considers the workshop and what all needs to be done. The frown is a familiar one if only because he's sure it's been on his own face now and then over the years, and Claude's quick to shake his head. ]

Too much is exactly why I offered since it might be too much for you, but it won't be if we can get some things figured out here. I've been working for some of the merchants around the city with book balancing, orders, various contacts with whoever their clients are, for the past year or so. I can put some or all of that to use here if you'd like me to. Same goes for what I know from running a country from before that.

[ Slight wry smile there, since: that's something he realized in retrospect he probably should've told Viktor in any one of their conversations prior to announcing it to the Free Cities Summoned as a whole some time ago. ]

I don't think I'd be the only one to offer help either. You're not alone, and that's what we're here for.

[All Viktor really wants to do is make things--Jayce was the one who was good at the negotiating and the public-facing aspects of their business. He'll have to fill that void, and quickly, especially given the obligations he has now in Aquila. Claude seems ready to step in, which he's grateful for, though he still has reservations about asking for assistance. The conflict is evident on his face.]

I couldn't ask you to do that.

[Even if he's offering. The protest is more cursory than anything--Viktor already knows that Claude will insist.]

[ There's a moment where a faint flicker of a smile crosses over his face that's not humor but more Claude realizing that when it comes to stubbornness, this had to be what dealing with him during the war was like. At least they share that quality and it's something he knows well. ]

I think the saying goes that it's a good thing you're not, then, right?

[ Or however that goes when it comes to asking; Viktor's right Claude isn't going to accept that as an answer. ]

How about this as a compromise: I'll come back tomorrow and you can show me the books and we'll figure out where to go from there one day at a time. If any of it involves going to Aquila then I can do that whenever you need it to happen. But for now we just sit here, because for today all of that can wait.

I suppose you're not.

[But he's still guilty, that he would be in such a state, where people feel like they need to step in and help him. Viktor values his independence, and can't help but be a little ashamed, that he's made such a scene.

Claude, eloquent as ever, offers a plan. All he can really do is swallow hard and nod.]

It would be appreciated.

Then that's settled.

[ They'll start with tomorrow, and where it leads from there can be figured out on each day following. He'd meant that one day at a time, especially since that was something he kept repeating to himself in the wake of Petra and Marianne's disappearances to get through it.

Much as Claude's steered the conversation away from that topic, it's difficult to not let it sink back into his thoughts. He leans back against what's behind him and takes a silent breath, then speaks. Honesty is difficult on top of that he doesn't entirely know where he's going with this, but hopefully the sentiment behind it - support in other ways than what's been previously voiced - translates all the same. ]

I care- cared for Petra deeply. When I realized I would never see her again, I made mistakes. A... lot of them, really, and some I don't know yet how to repair though that's another topic entirely. I won't pretend my situation was the same when it comes to losing someone important, and I definitely don't mean for this to sound like the start of any kind of lecture when it's not. Just that whatever you need to do, wherever this needs to go - I understand. I'll be here for you through it.

[Well, if it's settled, then Viktor can just keep sitting here on the floor. He's well aware that he's not the only person who has had to suffer through a disappearance, as Claude says. It feel foolish, to be throwing this kind of tantrum when he wasn't the first, and he certainly won't be the last (at least until he has something to say about it).

Objectively, he knows he isn't alone, but he does need to be reminded of that. He sits there quietly as Claude talks about losing Petra, and though he's curious about what kinds of mistakes, he's not going to make Claude tell him. What matters is that he understands.]

It's selfish to think that my situation is somehow unique. That's the point of--it's why I have to find a way. So that we can all make a choice.

No, it's not selfish. Just because others have gone through this or something like it doesn't mean you can't still be upset about this happening.

[ And Claude would argue it is unique if that didn't feel like pressing on wounds for all of them - no one will fully understand what Viktor feels over losing Jayce, what he felt over losing Petra, Hilda for Marianne, and Sylvain for Felix except each person named. All that can be done is to be there for each other through it, and that's something filed under Claude's regrets from Petra's disappearance. He could've done more outside of that, but nothing to do now but provide that for another friend with a shake of his head. ]

As you said, there has to be a way to do this. Otherwise they wouldn't keep the ritual itself so hidden from us if they believed we couldn't do something to change it. Or alter it to make it do something else, including sending us back to where they drew us in from.

That’s not what I meant.

[Of course he’s allowed to be upset—-it just seems juvenile, to pretend like his hurt is somehow worse or more important than anyone else’s. He should have been working on this much sooner, not just after it affected him personally.]

I refuse to believe that any of the Free Cities officials who conduct this ritual are smarter than me. If they figured it out, there’s no reason why I couldn’t.

[ Claude hums in response, ready to let that go and especially so since he'd misunderstood the meaning. It's not ranked high in the order of importance right now when there's time to discuss it later should Viktor choose to or want to, and Claude's not going to press for answers he's not entitled to when it comes to this. Especially not when it's easier to crack a smile at Viktor's (correct) insistence on when it comes to the actual matters at hand: who can figure out what. ]

That I don't believe either on the matters of intelligence since they haven't had anyone challenge it the way you're going to, nor are they ready for that. I'll also keep bringing you these, [ because the pastry box was only meant to be temporarily forgotten once more as he picks it up for Viktor to browse for now or for later, ] when I stop by to make sure you're set with everything. I'll plan on coming by in the morning so we can get started then, if that works for you.

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techmaturgy - 2023-08-21 15:53 (UTC) - Expand

wrap here? <3

godshattering - 2023-08-26 19:58 (UTC) - Expand

[open] july catchall

i. earlier

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wrap here? <3