abraxaslogs | If I think too hard about what we're doing I'll feel really bad about it (Open/Closed)

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If I think too hard about what we're doing I'll feel really bad about it (Open/Closed)

Who: Abby or Bay + Guests.
When: August/September
What: Catch-All for various things.
Warnings: Abby swears, Bay is occasionally casually naked. Individual threads will get warning as they happen.

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Abby's Wildcard
Bay's Wildcard

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Nocwich

Abby has been dragged along on errands, but when she isn't busy being the daughter in 'take your daughter to work' weekend, she can be found half paying attention to acts in the Open Theater. Scoping out the weird shit to buy in the Markets. Or eating whatever comes closest to junk food she can get.

Horizon

Abby has turned the back half of her domain into a target field, to practice her magic. Which mostly involves throwing rocks near the targets, and then an elemental blast works out from the rock like wind or fire.

Otherwise she'll happily troll around Other Domains on foot. Or occasionally on an E-Scooter.

Cadens

Abby is pretty regularly found in Sarstina (both working the bar, and upstairs where her room is), the Market Square and Anywhere to buy Clothes, or mooching at Julie and Nadine's house because they should have seen this coming adopting a teenage layabout. They were warned.

Nocwich

Bay will be all over the Markets buying spices and other cooking supplies due to the sad state of Thorne's kitchens being hopelessly white.

She also spends some time in the Hot Springs with very little shame, but she only truly relaxes in the water if she has a friend there.

Horizon

Bay rolls across the Horizon in her car, The Thing, generally looking for interesting things to draw or paint.

She can also be found in her art studio, listening to music while she paints. You should grab (or conjure) some earplugs before you get too close, her music is loud.

Thorne

Bay is usually reading or drawing in just about any corner of the castle she can. This is usually the Gardens, Library, or North Wing Common Areas if she's feeling especially social.

Otherwise Bay regularly can be found taking over North Wing's Kitchen to cook or bake whatever recipes her mind pieces together. Taking copious notes about how good she's doing, with a skill she doesn't remember.

Abby hadn't been staring. Much. If grading on a curve against several stalkers. She knew who he was in passing, in that Mat was the boyfriend of the guy Abby was casually sleeping with. Which was a very good reason to either avoid him entirely or be super sweet and polite to him with little space in between.

But she had to hear him fucking sing. Stupid sexy musicians. She knew that this reaction was not normal and had some very definite implications about who she is as a person. Still, when he looked over she just, hid that grin she had with one hand while waving shyly with her other.

She's doing really good at being cool about this.

Being early to this was equally free access to the Horizon, as it was her fucking nerves at what she had to do. She dressed casually, trying to make it less obvious who she was and why she was here. What she'd done. Wearing a tube top and cargo pants. Showing off generally she was a girl, but being proper beachwear. The Mark of the Lovers etched into her left shoulder rather than on her clothes.

She conjuerd a hat and sunglasses, but dismissed them. They weren't quite right for what she was doing.

Once Wilhelm arrives she'll stand up and dust herself off, waiting until he gets close enough before she speaks, "I need to apologize first. Then if you accept it I'll explain why I did the shit I did. Okay? Just- let me apologize first, and promise you won't do anything until I'm done?"

She had a lead on him in this in that she knew who he was and he didn't know who she was, rather, who else they both were. Which she hoped meant curiosity would hold off any shouting or wounded feelings.

Mat's broken out one of his usual sets for Nocwich - songs are played according to audience, after all. Busking in a market place like this, it's all adventure songs and love ballads. Nothing raunchy or violent, nothing terribly rousing. Folks are out shopping and enjoying their holiday weekend, no one wants to be riled up or possibly be offended. Adventures and romance always go down a treat, though, and tend to have the sort of melodies that can fade into the background should passersby prefer not to listen.

But he had a nice little audience today, and his fancy hat has a few coins in it. He's also certainly noticed particular attention. He always does. Gleeman are appealing, he knows that. When he's finished for now and his coins collected and Theodora back in her case, he looks around for the lovely lass that had noticed and...aha. Perfect. He'd be an utter cad if he didn't go and say hello.

Running a hand through his unruly mop of hair, Mat trots over with a grin.

"Glad you enjoyed the show."

She's doing her very best to stop smiling like a complete idiot. She's failing but her attempts to get herself under control are admirable at first. Of course, it helps she now has to say something. Which means she has to pick a thing to say. And 'squeal like she's twelve' isn't a good idea.

Tempting though.

"You're really good," She said words. She deserves a cookie. Of course, she knows who he is. She's squirming a little under the attention. She's like she just kind find a comfortable stance for her weight. Which might have to do with the unequal nature of this. She knows who he is, he introduced himself for his set. And she'd seen him and Jesper joined at the hip in public in the Feywilds. But maybe he didn't know her. But she was sure if he had her name it's not a secret who she is.

Deep Breath, hand still hiding her mouth. "I'm Abby."

"Oh, you're Abby!" Mat's eyes light up in recognition. "Good to meet you, Jesper speaks well of you."

Not that they've had long conversations about the girl, but he knows who she is and that his sweetheart likes her. Though he supposes there's few people Jesper doesn't like. Still. Any friend - and more - of Jesper's. He just assumes she knows who he is, the pair of them are very open about their relationship.

And she does seem quite enamored with his performing. All the more reason to be friendly. And perhaps flirt a bit.

"Can I buy you a drink?"

"In general, or specifics?" Her squirming shifting stance drops into a stable unease, not as active but clearly trying to figure out how rocky the terrain is. Metaphorically speaking. Her free hand is twisting in the hem of her shirt, the last of her uneasy motions to go.

She knows she isn't a secret, they have a well thought out open long distance relationship that seems super neat but entirely outside of anything Abby would be comfortable in the middle of. But she doesn't know exactly how much is said either.

The invite is a littl jarring, as the terrain for meeting your sex friend's boyfriend is entirely uncharted in her world and not really a thing. Just she knows that whatever her parents are doing is stupid, and any alternative to that is more appealing. "Um, sure."

This will be so much easier when she isn't quite as sober.

Mat laughs.

"General, don't worry. We respect the boundaries of one another's other entanglements. But I know he likes you as a person, and that's good enough for me."

He offers another bright smile. It's obvious she's a bit nervous about it all, and he understands. Plenty get a bit odd around him if they're sleeping with Jesper. There's these expectations that he'll think poorly of them, maybe, or not like them, or be sulky over having to share. It's just not like that.

"I promise everything he told you about us is true. I don't get jealous or anything stupid like that. I swear I'm not standing here thinking unpleasant thoughts."

He'd just like to get to know her. She seems fun. And is a lover of music.

There's definitely a break in the tension. Which just leaves her with that bubbly feeling of him being a hot musician who isn't halfway to being Mick Jagger old. Which causes her little goofy smile to show up again. "There isn't much to be jealous of."

Which she sincerely believes, in what capacity she says it is still up in the air. She could be talking about her absolute disinterest in romance, that as much as she likes Jesper she's stopping at friendship that's naked and involves thrusting. She doesn't even want to be anyone's true love or whatever saccrine thing these two are.

She still definitely reacts when Mat looks at her, in a way that's a little too coy for even her to be truly comfortable with, but she's not exactly got that response reined in.

"So, where's the best place to get a drink here?" Abby's curious, she doesn't normally drink in Nocwich. As it's a lot easier to fall into bed if she drinks at Mag's. And then just has to fight up the stairs to her room.

Inej doesn't come to the springs often, and when she does, she's never fully undressed, always at least in a bathing suit or similar. It earns her some looks from the locals but no one ever gives her too much fuss about it.

There don't seem to be any completely free pools, so she picks one at random and approaches the girl who's already sunk low into the warm water. "Mind some company?"

So somewhere in the past month the idea of clothes in here became weird. Which, itself, is weird for Bay. Given it shouldn't be weird. But she's been figuring out her own comforts and nudity is absolutely one of them. "By all means. Just, don't be offended if I don't answer you if I can't see you talk."

There's a distracted tone to her words as she tries to work out what her body is doing. Her heart is definitely doing something, and she's a little more aware she's naked, but she seems to be trying to sit more upright and make herself more obvious. Rather than less. She can feel her hair against her neck a bit more and that's just annoying her, like she should shift it somewhere else. "I'm Bay."

"Course there isn't." Mat simply takes the statement at face value. "Whatever happens between him and anyone else or me and anyone else doesn't have any effect on us as a pair."

He is quite secure of his place in Jesper's heart. However many other lovers or partners the other man has, it takes nothing away from what they share. Besides, they're both young men and deserve to have their fun while they're young.

"And our options are limited, but luckily, the local watering hole makes good drinks. And they quite like me, I've played there quite a few times. Come on."

He just has to grab his bag and case, which are easily shouldered in a practiced motion. He can stash them at the public house till he needs them, he's done it before. This should be nice. He could use a drink, and Abby certainly seems friendly. Or at least impressed with his performing. Either way, enjoyable company.

"It'll be nice to get off my feet awhile. No one tells you have physically draining being a musician is."

Abby did not know if she felt good about him not seeing her disparaging statement as disparaging. It was weird, much the same way that Jesper thinking she was attractive was. Giddy but also a little naive.

"In my world musicians usually hire people to carry their gear. But they usually have a lot more of it and also a van with some ridiculous mural painted across the side. Somehow it's always wolves or naked ladies with no fucking middle ground." The words just spill out end over end, not really a planned annecdote but one that just happens. Not knowing how to answer 'music hard' as a concept.

There's still a lot of excited in her movements, nothing quite as dreamy as the cute waving and giddy smiling, but she seems very intent to never stand still while, steps and movements having a little extra pop to them.

Also there's glitter all around the hem of her shirt, spreading out in a spiral from her hand across the fabric. Because she is very good at controlling her emotions. "So- do you usually just invite your boyfriends sexfriends for drinks after a gig?"

"Well, I like murals and I've got some in my horizon, but the murals feature few wolves and no naked anyone."

That's reserved for the frescos that are only in one private room in Mat's little manor house. It's just not the sort of thing to have out in public, particularly where he invites folks to just wander over and spend time in his domain. Whether he's there or not.

"And as it happens, plenty of Jesper's sex friends are friends of mine. So I do spend time with them often. Hell, one of my best friends is one of his lovers. And thank the light, Kell is dear to me but that fellow needs a great deal more fun in his life." Jesper is very good for fun - as he assumes Abby is well aware.

He leads the way to the tavern, grinning as they go.

"Everyone needs more fun in their life, really. Otherwise what the hell's the point?"

What was the point if not to just- indulge? Abby certainly had her vices. They were fun, and mostly didn't hurt anyone. Except all those times her vice was 'say things to cause problems.' So her shy little smile did shift to something a little more 'cat that ate the canary.' "There's a lot to be sour about, but it's good to just set that aside, have whatever fun you can find. Shit does need to get done, but it isn't worth doing if you can't enjoy yourself before. Or after."

"I spent a little while when I arrived trapped in my own head about this shit." And home, and- everything. It didn't seem to be weighing her down as much anymore as she was somewhere between walking and skipping at Mat's side. "Over that. I do have some boring shit, but it's at least with fun as the end goal. Alcohol does not buy itself, and I can't enjoy anything if some fucked up shit kills me."

Hence job and magic studies. But that's all she has in the way of 'being responsible.' She hasn't accepted this is her life, but she sure isn't going to wait to go home anymore.

Your body isn't even physically there in the Horizon, but that doesn't stop Wilhelm's stomach from knotting up with anxiety as he walks down the beach toward Abby. He doesn't know what he has to be anxious about. They'd met once when she was freshly summoned, and they'd had a decent time together. But it's the not knowing that puts him on edge.

As far as meeting spots go, it's...well, it's all a little incongruous. The strip of white sand and the turquoise water — a hue that belongs somewhere remote and exotic, somewhere he's never been in real life — suggest a tranquility that he definitely doesn't feel right now. His eyebrows pinch together as she goes off about apologizing before he can even say hey. In his pockets, he picks at his fingernails.

"Uh...sure. I promise."

Except he neither sounds nor looks so sure.

Her look is apologetic, she can't expect him to agree to not be mad about a thing he hasn't figured out yet. Not a surprise, if something goes that wrong, you don't hunt down the person you hurt to apologize. You just let two strangers never meet again. Except she'd gotten a sense of what happened and it was gnawing on her> So eventually, once she was right with herself, she had to poke at this.

Because it was her fault. Regardless of how she meant it.

"I'm sorry," Her voice is even, and sincere, as much as her voice ever managed that. Hands behind her back, not breaking away eye contact. She needed him to hear her out, and that meant she couldn't cower away or halfass this. "I didn't mean to lead you on. I didn't really mean to shout at you either. I did not think through what anyone else might be looking for at the party, I was looking at at all through my own eyes. And you got hurt, and I'm sorry. Okay?"

If he still hadn't twigged on yet, she takes her hands out from behind her back, and she's holding a blue mask. One that was worn at the ball by a particular tiny gentleman who tried, and failed spectacularly, at cheering up a Frog Prince.

"There, you've got it. Life, overall, is rather miserable a good bit of the time. Have your fun where you can find it. Else you're just wasting it all."

Mat nods in solid agreement. He can understand getting in one's own head, he's been there plenty of times. But it tends to be a rather not-fun place to be, overall. Even if it's gotten better here.

So he looks outside for his fun.

"And here we are." He heads into the roofed but open-walled tavern, waving to the woman behind the bar and heading over to a small table by the edge. "Ale alright? They've got a damned fine honey ale here."

"Live is short, eat dessert first." Simple, pithy, utterly not healthy, entirely her jam now. Except some night she does just eat dinner and not have dessert. But that's really not the point of this little quote. "Granted, I was like that in my old life too. Just skip to the good bit. 'It's the problem with my generation.'"

There's a biting anger to her mocking voice of the adults of her world, because Abby is nothing if not a small wound up ball of emotions.

"Honey Ale is fine," Abby's preference is grain alcohol because she's impatient. But when it comes to drinks she's not that picky. She draws herself up into a seat with her legs tucked under her. Letting her eyes dart across all the going on. Open air gives her way too many places to draw her attention. "So why this place, its pretty exposed."

As recognition trickles in, filling the gaps in his understanding, the knot between his eyebrows slackens into surprise. He looks away, feeling like a door left wide open for everyone to step through. When he looks back, he's closed his expression up, but the edges of his discomfort poke through, a jumble of embarrassment, hurt, and regret. Wilhelm stares at the mask that confirms she's the "boy" he met that night at the Vermillion Palace.

He has revisited that night a dozen times, cringing at his desperation, questioning if his attraction went deeper than the disguise, revising his words and actions until they're unrecognizable. In all of the emotions tangled around the evening, though, anger is absent. It burned off before the night ended.

"Okay," is all he says for a long moment. His shoulders slope into a sigh and he shakes his head. His hands fly out of his pockets to fuss with his hair instead, smoothing it back only for it to flop into his eyes again. "I should apologize too. I...shouldn't have flipped out like that. And I shouldn't have...touched you without making sure it was okay first. I just got carried away, and that's my fault. So I'm sorry."

Finally, he looks right at Abby. Not at the mask, not over her shoulder somewhere.

"So why did you...?"

The wait between him grasping what this is, and him speaking felt way too long and way too fucking tense. It just kept going and she wasn't sure where the road lead. But the tension breaks, he apologizes for his part in that garbage fire, and her shoulders let go of that tension she's been holding since she started talking.

"If it wasn't for the fact that you're gay, and you acted like I had a cactus under my shirt, I wouldn't have minded a little attention like that. Just- you're not really the guy for it." Stupid sexy fox guy and his stupid sexy words. Probably part of why Abby didn't think that far ahead, also that she's met more bi people than straight people since her arrival.

Of course, how she had to explain, she let a small sigh out as she dropped into a beach chair. No, it wasn't there a second ago, Abby has just fully taken to the Loony Tunes nature of this world and chairs exist when she needs them. "I did try to find a dress for the party, do the whole fairytale princess shit. There were two problems that kept coming up. Well- fuck, one problem. Just in two different ways. It looked like me."

"Practically, going to a party where the game is not to be recognized looking like yourself is stupid." She tucked her legs up against herself in her seat. There's a muted nature to the way Abby's talking, like she's taken a step back from herself, as her only defense to explain what was in her head. "And I could stop there and say 'and I had the great idea to dress as a boy.' But this is me explaining myself, and ending there is a fucking lie. I hated- seeing myself, trying to be that girl. Who I've never been good at being. I felt so fucking weird at my Bat Mitzva in a dress, and this was just the same. Only worse. Because thirteen year old me was a lot less insecure than I am now."

"I'm not a boy, I liked some of the ways Maxwell handled things. Which I am trying to be a bit better at as me. But I picked that costume because it wasn't me, if I was just me I couldn't have really enjoyed myself. All the shit I hate about how I look, didn't fucking matter if I didn't recognize the person in the mirror. My tiny tits and flabby thighs didn't matter, people seeing them didn't matter."

She hopes it's relatable enough, he's not a girl. He doesn't have the same weight on him she does, he has different weights, different concerns. The kind a gay kid gets in the same systems she was in. The same rules to play by, the same rigged fucking game. Which she hoped was enough that he could see that, just maybe, she could get whatever the fuck drove him to attack himself that night, both at the start with his shadows and the end with his words, and talk about it. "So I gave Maxwell a name, and a backstory, and I decided to go out, flirt with anyone cute and see where the night took me."

"We know how that went."

"S'what I meant about limited options. This is our option if we want to sit down and be served."

Mat orders their drinks - two of the usual, he's here enough - and gives a carefree shrug.

"The first time we ever visited, we got to go lots of places. But on the weekends we come, it's just a handful of spots right 'round here that we can do. Still, s'worth it. There's always new wares at the stalls, the woods are fun to hunt in, I like gambling, and the hot springs are always a treat. Plus I'm only here once a month, so I do well busking."

Folks here aren't hearing him every other night. It helps. And it's always a good place to try new songs.

But true to his nature, his eyebrows lift playfully.

"If you were hoping to get me somewhere private, we can certainly arrange that."

She cracks a joke about cacti under her shirt, and his expression gets caught between amusement and embarrassment. But it cuts the tension pulling between them. When Abby sits, Wilhelm imagines his own chair into existence next to her and tucks himself into it. As he listens, tilted toward her, hands knotted between his knees, his face softens with sympathy.

"I think I get it," he says quietly. "I was never very good at being who everyone else wanted me to be either."

He's trying to figure out how to explain without getting into the title that never fit him right and the crown he never wanted, because he prefers to leave those things in his old life. But after she's poured out the dark, sludgy feelings clogging her, he feels that he owes her some of his own. Eyes in his lap, he fingers the band of his watch, which once belonged to his brother Erik.

"Like...I wasn't even out back home. I didn't think I could be. Then I came here, and...I realized all those expectations I had on me were gone." He flicks a look her way. "I'm a lot more comfortable with it now. Being myself, not caring what other people think."

Rolling his eyes skyward, corners of his mouth quirking up, he adds, "Well, obviously. Comfortable enough to make out with a boy I just met at a party."

While he doesn't ever refer to himself as gay, he doesn't think it has to do with discomfort. Though, it might have something to do with the label being slapped on him in all capital letters, followed by endless exclamation points and emojis, in online comment sections. Labels are something other people wield, he thinks. He doesn't much feel the need to quantify and categorize himself. He blows out a sigh.

"I still wanted to be someone else at the masquerade. Or maybe, like, a different version of myself. I'd be better at talking to people. More confident, less..." He swallows; it's still a difficult admission and the word sticks in his throat. "Less lonely. It worked for a little while, I guess, but...putting on a mask doesn't change all that."

This kind of explained why Abby didn't really spend too much time here. Almost all of those items she lacked coin or desire to really enjoy. She wasn't over her insecurities to visit the hotsprings, even dressed. She lacked the coin for too many purchases, and definitely not for a gamble. She didn't hunt, and she wasn't a performing artist.

"So the town basically shutters on the weekend we're here? Lame." Still, there were drinks and it was the way to physically interact with the other nations. That was something, anyway.

"Also I assumed you were trying to get me somewhere private." She did have some curiosity what might happen in a less open space. Fueled just a little by how her fantasies went while he was playing. Her body betrayed her like that often.

Her mind also betrayed her, in the opposite direction. As she didn't really anticipate anything. That fear of her's still lingering in her mind. "Or did I misread things."

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If I think too hard about what we're doing I'll feel really bad about it (Open/Closed)

Abby - Wildcard (Open)

Bay - Wildcard (Open)

(Mat) - Stupid Sexy Music - Nocwich

(Wilhelm) - Apologies - Horizon

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Nocwich » hot springs

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