Claire Fraser (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
beautifullies) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
abraxaslogs2023-08-08 06:49 pm
beautifullies) wrote in abraxaslogs2023-08-08 06:49 pm
Entry tags:
Revelations (not the book)
Who: Claire (beautifullies) and Lord John Gray (iustise)
When: Month of August, pre-event.
Where: Horizon
What: Sir John finally gets around to letting Claire know they're [SPOILER]
Warnings: some fine (gay) drama, but who knows what else might pop up, it's Outlander /emoji shrug. will edit if needed though!
There was a time, not that long ago actually, that the idea of having Lord John over for a casual visit wouldn't even occupy a serious space in her mind. She hadn't cared to know him, this man who loved her husband and was able to spend a significant amount of time with Jamie. Time that Claire's lost forever, and even now is losing more. Somehow, she's Jamie's wife and yet, they've spent less than a full five years together. Prior to her arrival in Abraxas they were getting closer to that mark at least, but they've had a hell of a long-distance relationship.
She'd envied John the time they'd spent together and consequently resented him. Now, though, John's become a friend. One she enjoys talking, seeing, and getting to know. She knows there's something large and unspoken between them, and she's been content to pretend she's oblivious about it. She isn't, and she has her suspicions, but all these weeks, she hasn't been sure she wants to know. Maybe, though, it's time. They've only grown closer in the wake of the Feywilds after sharing a room together, and she thinks maybe, with this between them, their friendship can go no further. Claire suspects he's been leaving it up to her, and she's glad for it.
The invitation has been extended, and rather than be coy, she outright asked Lord John if he'd visit her in the Horizon so that he could tell her the truth of things. Instead of sitting indoors, she has them sitting around back in the courtyard she's made which isn't a part of the original home at all. Instead, it's her own modern cozy outdoor addition. There are different biscuits between them on a plate, a carafe of tea, and a bottle of whiskey with all the appropriate drinkware. She has no idea which beverage they'll want more, so she thought options might be the best way to go.
Once they're both settled, she manages a smile at him.
"I know I've put this off, but it's long enough, now. After everything, I should be able to handle this."
beautifullies) and Lord John Gray (iustise)When: Month of August, pre-event.
Where: Horizon
What: Sir John finally gets around to letting Claire know they're [SPOILER]
Warnings: some fine (gay) drama, but who knows what else might pop up, it's Outlander /emoji shrug. will edit if needed though!
There was a time, not that long ago actually, that the idea of having Lord John over for a casual visit wouldn't even occupy a serious space in her mind. She hadn't cared to know him, this man who loved her husband and was able to spend a significant amount of time with Jamie. Time that Claire's lost forever, and even now is losing more. Somehow, she's Jamie's wife and yet, they've spent less than a full five years together. Prior to her arrival in Abraxas they were getting closer to that mark at least, but they've had a hell of a long-distance relationship.
She'd envied John the time they'd spent together and consequently resented him. Now, though, John's become a friend. One she enjoys talking, seeing, and getting to know. She knows there's something large and unspoken between them, and she's been content to pretend she's oblivious about it. She isn't, and she has her suspicions, but all these weeks, she hasn't been sure she wants to know. Maybe, though, it's time. They've only grown closer in the wake of the Feywilds after sharing a room together, and she thinks maybe, with this between them, their friendship can go no further. Claire suspects he's been leaving it up to her, and she's glad for it.
The invitation has been extended, and rather than be coy, she outright asked Lord John if he'd visit her in the Horizon so that he could tell her the truth of things. Instead of sitting indoors, she has them sitting around back in the courtyard she's made which isn't a part of the original home at all. Instead, it's her own modern cozy outdoor addition. There are different biscuits between them on a plate, a carafe of tea, and a bottle of whiskey with all the appropriate drinkware. She has no idea which beverage they'll want more, so she thought options might be the best way to go.
Once they're both settled, she manages a smile at him.
"I know I've put this off, but it's long enough, now. After everything, I should be able to handle this."
no subject
"There was no need to be unkind to you when you arrived here, what good would that have accomplished? And now—" Now, what? She isn't sure what she was going to say, but words do eventually come to her. "Now I'm trying to wrap my mind around the fact that you know me so...intimately and I hardly know you at all."
It's such a damned odd feeling, but she does manage to smile thinly.
no subject
Instead of laughing, however, he offers her a smile in return.
"We have been given another chance, here and now," he replies. "And -- do not give me too much credit, my dear. We were neither of us at our best, back then. Perhaps... This is for the best."
no subject
"I know it must have been difficult these last weeks, knowing, and waiting on me," she begins. Not in apology, but in explanation. "Jamie and I talked all the time about our lives finally being quiet and settled, without owing anything to anyone and have a bit of peace with the time we have left. Asking meant knowing solidly that it seems life has been anything but."
It makes her sad in some ways, but in others, she doesn't care what they go through as long as it's together.
no subject
"There is time yet for peace and quiet," he says, after a long moment. "I fear neither of you have quite found that moment yet. But it will come." His smile saddens a notch. "I hope when it does I will still have some place to belong in your lives. That... He will find a way to forgive me, someday."
John takes a moment to force in a breath, pressing his eyes shut, centering himself in the absurdity of this moment -- of his life.
"God help me," he murmurs, mostly to himself. "How it all must sound to you..."
no subject
There's no doubt in her mind of John's honor, and at this point, she realizes she's angry at Jamie for nearly killing the man. A breath leaves her like a tired sigh, but her expression is soft when she moves and eventually sits so that she can take one of his hands between both of hers.
"It sounds as though things haven't been easy for either of us, but we did what we could to survive."
She isn't sure if that's too drastic for him, but she damn well knows what it feels like to lose Jamie because death seemed to reach out and grab him. Nothing would have changed thirty years later. If John gave her something to hold onto, and she did that for him in return, the circumstances are odd and more than a little fucked, but what about her life hasn't been at one point or another? She's strong enough to deal with fucked, but not with losing Jamie.
"I know how I was when I went back through the stones the first time, pregnant with Bree. She was it for me, as far as reasons to stay alive at the time." It's quite possible John saved her from that same sinking despair.