abraxaslogs | The elves created secret passages everywhere

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The elves created secret passages everywhere

WHO: Istredd and anyone!
WHAT: Catch-all for September
WHERE: Thorne, Horizon, Nocwich
WHEN: Nebulous all over September stuff.
WARNINGS: Spoilers for The Witcher season 3! PTSD from details within the season.

Starters Below!

If you want a specific starter message waftingcurtains on plurk or go wildcard!

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And he's gone now so it's not like you can get mad at him.

It's slipped over followed by a mild apology because yes he believed it, no did he want Istredd to hear it.

"Yeaaaaah..."

Istredd's quiet for a moment but he's not upset by what Lucifer said. Stregobor was a bad person, he's the one who told Lucifer that, backed up by many examples of his villainous behavior. So his instincts and reactions to this are reasonable.

I wish I only remembered the bad things about him. I wish my feelings about him weren't so complicated.

It would mean that this never bothered him in the first place. It wouldn't be hanging over his head. Istredd could have shrugged off his death and gotten nothing from it other than 'good.' But that's not the situation he's in. He knows Lucifer understands given his own situation, and the last thing he wants to do is point to it, poke at his parental trauma just because Istredd's in a bad place.

Oh, Lucifer can poke at it all on his own. It's always the rawest topic between Lucifer and Michael. Worsened and at a different angle with Gabriel now in the picture. Boatloads of trauma for the whole family!

He hadn't meant the slip though and he continues to speak out loud in his attempts to keep from further blurring for the moment. Lucifer is all about erasing the pain and pushing it all away like it's nothing, better that way, but he sighs, almost defeated.

If Istredd's going to 'feel it' or whatever foolish plan he has, Lucifer will give him the best tool.

"Whatever 'good things' might be scrapped together, hold onto it. Because if you let it get buried, in another century you won't be able to pull it back up, ever, in any decent light."

Istredd does want to feel this, because pushing it down and burying things is going to lead to what Lucifer is saying now. He tried to bury everything about Yennefer but never succeeded and while they've had a lot of pain because of it, and around them, he doesn't regret not letting go of her. The pain has turned into something new, into something good.

With Stregobor, it's a lot around the fact this just happened, and also because he did think in a hundred years somehow things could be different. Impossible, in truth, but there was a hope. Even after calling him a villain and getting him arrested. It was naive, more a wish of a child than an adult who should know better.

In a few weeks he'll be past this, as much as he can be. But he's too much in it. He reaches up to run his fingers through Lucifer's hair in a comforting gesture.

"I know this is close to home, I'm sorry." Again, he doesn't want to be responsible for dragging Lucifer down into his pit of temporary despair. They're both so tired.

"Maybe I should go organize things in my Horizon, let you sleep." It's an out if Lucifer needs one, needs a break.

He wants the break, obviously. It's not fair that he has to deal with this despite that this comes with everything else they have and Istredd's shouldered him through worse so he knows it's perfectly fair he's just--yeah--

Only taking the out feels a lot like failure. And Istredd is, clearly, not going to sleep.

Again with the apologies, ugh.

"No, I'm..." He can't really do this but... "Let me help you," he says, shifting gears. "I won't put anything in the wrong place. Assam would probably peck me, anyway." Or he could hide up in the shelves like he does regularly anyway. He can be a supportive presence without... being overwhelmed himself.

"Lucifer." Istredd cups his face, running his finger along his cheekbone. "You need to rest your mind. It's just bad timing. I know you feel like you need to do better for me, but you've done plenty." He kisses him gently, flooding Lucifer with genuine gratitude and affection, so he knows that Istredd sees it, understands it. Everything is tainted by his sadness but it's not all that he is.

"Please sleep. I'll go obsess over my blackboards and distract myself. We both need some time to heal, that's all." Istredd will get through this eventually but it's not something that can be 'fixed' in one night. And preparing for the Summoned meeting will help. He sits up and takes Lucifer's hand, kissing the fingers, but hoping that he will stay down.

"I love you. You know that, right?"

"Everything is always bad timing," he replies, annoyed. It's true. That's sure his experience with Abraxas. He cuts back his frustration though.

He'd argue he isn't going to sleep with all this noise going on, like the opposite of when Lucifer's mind was pure static, but the reality is he likely will. Exhaustion is a funny thing.

"Yes, I know whatever your fool's brain has decided," he says, not a single bit snippy despite what the words are--fond, even. He has Accepted this. Understand it? No. Will he ever understand it? Probably not.

"We definitely aren't getting any mercy here, no." Mercy, what's that? It could be worse, Istredd could have experienced his actual death which would be harder than the uncertainty of whatever comes next. Lucifer's damage is far more concerning. There is nothing Istredd can do about his friends who died or the loss of the mages. He can do something to protect the man he loves.

He smiles faintly and leans in to kiss him, reaching over to get the blanket, they had to move beds after all, and settle it comfortably around his partner like he's tucking him in. Because he is, and it's the ways he can show care.

Istredd sits with his back to the wall, legs crossed underneath him, so Lucifer can sleep nearby without worrying about Istredd not being there, and he can go into the Horizon. "It may be a little foolish to fall in love with someone from another sphere, but I'm not sorry and you'll just have to live with that." He nudges Lucifer playfully with his knee. "Go to sleep, love."

In about a week Lucifer will have memories given to him by Michael of his actual (second???) death (that he will not share with Istredd) so hey, draw of the cards, uncertainty abound. The difference being that they both assumed already that Lucifer was dead in his future. Istredd still has some vague strain of hope.

But then... which is better? The certainty of death or the uncertainty of life?

"Yeah, yeah," he says begrudgingly, chin stuck out but that doesn't stop him from winding the blanket comfortably around him. "Go put your created therapy animals on your shoulders when you sort books or whatever."

Istredd mostly is correct that in a few weeks, not long after the Summoned meet-up, he'll be past the grief. It will never feel good and he'll have moments of sadness, but as long as Yennefer and Triss are alive, it could be a lot worse.

When Istredd goes into his Horizon though, he finds out quickly that the tower on the outside is on fire and there is nothing he can do to stop it. It's not on fire in the inside, where the books are, so in the end, after trying for almost an hour to stop it, he gives up. His unconscious mind is still seeing fire everywhere. The lighthouse comes from necessity.

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The elves created secret passages everywhere

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We can wrap here! We can write out the making mental walls thing if you want or notttt

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