( catch-all ) the more that i see myself

[theidlemaiden]

Who: Hilda & various!
When: September/October
Where: Cadens, the Horizon
What: Things, stuff, the usual but definitely not Hilda bored out of her mind recovering in bed. Also there's a mean moogle in her domain.
Warnings: Might be mention of injuries, but warnings will be added as needed.

( open and closed starters below. wildcards encouraged!
if you want something specific, let me know by hitting me up on discord or plurk! )

Comments

[oversight]

I'm not the only one that's good at avoidin' the subject, I guess. But fine, yeah, there's a fightin' chance for these guys now that I'm here. Learned from the best, didn't I?

[ But it doesn't stop the worry or the feeling that all of them could be doing more to protect themselves or each other. Simply because there's a war to be fought doesn't necessitate their involvement, and yet they're involved again and again. Given what amount to little choice, because no one seems like the type to let people suffer when something can be done.

Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

He sets Hilda's hand down carefully and returns back to her desk to search for a few other items, mainly a moisturizer. A couple sniffs leaves him mostly appeased as he sits back down. ]

Heard you were fightin'. I— saw how you fight, but sometimes— Well, I don't want people I care about bein' hurt. It might've come off a little like I was thinkin' you couldn't handle yourself, but— Well, maybe I hoped you were spared havin' to.

Point bein', I know we're all better off together, takin' care of each other. I do. It's just not how I'm used to things goin'. And I don't wanna feel like I can't help people, 'cause I can. And some people don't need help and that's okay, too.

It's— a lotta "new" for me. I've been on my own for a long time, Hil.

[theidlemaiden]

[ She’s a master at dancing around subjects she doesn’t want to talk about - school work, chores, sad topics, a life-threatening injury, feelings. Sometimes it’s a knee jerk response at inappropriate times and she can’t help but feel a twinge of guilt prick at her cheeks when Blake says what she’s sure is meant to be a throw away comment.

Silence stretches between them as he goes in search of something else and she finds it difficult to keep her levity buoyant. As he returns and begins his work again she thinks she might have plucked up enough courage to say something, to apologize or tell him how she was really feeling when he pipes up.

There could have been any number of moments when he had seen her fighting which is horrifying to think and it shows on her face. What speaks louder than her embarrassment however is how tender and caring Blake’s heart is despite everything he’s been through himself.

There’s so much she still doesn’t know about him but the loneliness he speaks of is probably nestled deep into the marrow of his bones, and she can only imagine how accepting help can be hard for people like him because they’ve never been shown it or now how to accept it.

Before he begins the next steps in this manicure, she plucks the moisturizer from his hands before encompassing both of them in hers. ]

New can be scary — I mean, who tells you what to do when you’re sucked into a totally new world? Learning how to accept it is even scarier. And I know that running in the other direction sometimes is the easier choice and there’s nothing wrong with that but you’re being so brave facing it head on. It’s more than what a lot of people would do if they were in your shoes. It’s more than I would do.

[ She gives him another squeeze. ]

What I’m trying to say is, that I admire you, Blakey. You and that big soft heart of yours. And I’m so lucky that you’re willing to spend so much of your time with me.

[oversight]

[ There is no telling when the blush will abate. At this point, it may not seep entirely from his face until he's managed to slink back out of the room and is no longer letting those sweet words rattle around in his head. ]

Honestly, Hilda, it's 'cause of you that I'm any bit back to bein' myself these days. Did you know back when we met what trouble I'd be? Pretty sure you did, but— Well, it doesn't change the fact that you've been good for me. Despite how hard I've tried runnin' the other way.

[ He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, willing away the fluttering in his gut. ]

Still work to be done, but I'm tryin'. We all are. And maybe it's that indominability that's brought us here. Best guess I've got, anyway. We're special 'cause we know better'n to give up.

[theidlemaiden]

[ His compliment is met with a tittering laugh, filling her with just the smallest amount of hesitancy. Doling out compliments is as easy as breathing for Hilda. Accepting them? That might as well be the equivalent of bitter-tasting medicine. Compliments were often tied to expectation, at least they always had in her mind. She didn't want people getting the wrong idea, the wrong impression that she was above average at anything whether that be keeping someone out of trouble or wielding an axe. Her shoulders were dainty and couldn't possibly hold the weight of that.

But she can't dismiss him. Can't dissuade him from thinking otherwise when he meant so much to her, and especially when he's being so sincere. ]

I might have had an idea. Do you see my roommates?

[ Trouble may as well have been their middle names. But it's clear that if she really had a problem with it, she wouldn't keep any of them as company. Gently she untangles a hand, reaching out to brush back some of the wayward curls from his face. ]

That means that the day you really stop trying is the day that I really have to be worried. Or scold you. [ The corners of her eyes crinkle in a smile. ] Maybe both. So try not to do that to me, okay? I hate cardio.