[ CLOSED ] just look across and see

[gynvael]

Who: Geralt + Various
When: September
Where: Cadens, Nocwich, Horizon
What: September catch-all
Warnings: Standard Witcher canon; season 3 spoilers. nsfw marked.


(( starters below. plot with me discontinued. ))

Comments

[falcony]

[ that is all sam's really tried to be, when it comes down to it. it's a feeling he knows, one he would always associate with home. that he didn't need to be anything, that he didn't need to have the answers, that he could just exist and continue to do so and maybe - if only for a short time - that is enough. it's a feeling he tries to cultivate now that he knows how important it is, now that he's old enough to respect whatever sort of peace that might bring. it's why his apartment has always been a revolving door, why up until recently, he had a constantly changing cast of roommates, and it had been okay, because sam had known it was what they needed. what geralt had needed, for that time he stayed after what all happened in thorne.

and sam knows that is probably, or perhaps exactly, why he's here now. he asks the question without expecting an answer. or, rather, without expecting any specific answer - geralt could simply go silent and that would be fine, could tell him that it didn't matter, could change the subject. sam has worked hard to cultivate that feeling; to not expect, but to encourage, if that is what they want.

geralt shakes his head and sam continues to watch him, to see if there's anything he can read in geralt's expression. it doesn't cease to amaze him, how he knows how much geralt can be thinking about, or feeling, at any given moment - and how after these years they've known each other, sam still has trouble reading all of it. some, he can see. some, he can guess. but he's usually better at it than this. ]

But you're still carrying the pain. [ sam takes a leap with that one, but he says it all the same. not a question, but also not quite a statement either. ]

[gynvael]

[ Geralt finally looks over at Sam. A contemplative expression settles in his eyes: neutral, and as difficult to read as Sam has come to expect. At times, it's deliberate. With Sam, it honestly isn't. Just a force of habit—fortified walls that've kept people out for decades. He's not sure he knows how to lower those gates even if he were inclined to try.

Maybe being here with Sam in the first place is his version of trying. ]

I carry a lot of things.

[ What might sound like a deflection is more of an admission. He cannot recall a moment when he wasn't shouldering...everything. What happened on Thanedd is merely another stone in the bucket.

Sam is right. He is still carrying the pain. He's also carrying the weeks he spent beneath that island shithole. How much it reminded him of being—back there, during the Grasses, with the impossible fevers that gripped him and the dying dropping like flies. The fact is, he threw himself into looking after Ciri until he physically couldn't. Dean's death, then subsequent reappearance, occupied his attention further—and deep down, a part of him was grateful for it. Days became weeks became months. The greater the distance, the easier it was to avoid reflecting.

But none of it has faded. He needn't dig deep to find it all waiting beneath the surface. ]

[falcony]

[ sam assumes it's that - that this time, that it was geralt's idea to be here in the first place, that he doesn't simply close down, that over the years it has felt different when they are here. in the end, sam's gonna blame himself for not getting better at the reading part of all this. (blame may be an intense word, but it's just something sam might start focusing on getting better at.

still, he does think this is better than where they were before. the fact geralt is bringing any of this up at all does not pass sam by. but some of the worst parts of all this, some of the hardest things that sam's ever had to learn to live with, is that sometimes that's all you can do. there is no grand gesture, no secret sauce, no perfect set of words that ever makes any of this suddenly okay. trauma doesn't work that way, and sam doesn't expect it to work that way across different universes either.

but talking about it does help, as frustrating as it might also feel, and sam can't help the small smile he wears when he drinks the rest of his water from his waterskin and tosses it over towards geralt. ]

Well; when you figure out how to share, we both know I could do with some more weight training.

[ it's a joke, yes, but layered with truth too. something that sam doesn't question whether geralt knows. that sam is here, that sam will always be there to help, and that he knows it's not always that simple.

he pushes to his feet and stretches out the cooled-down muscles in his legs and back before he takes the few steps over to where geralt's settled and holds out a hand - pulling geralt to his feet when he takes it. ]

Until then, we've gotta carry ourselves back down this mountain before the sun gets too high. I'm not gonna be out here when the worst of the heat hits. I refuse.