abraxaslogs | [ CLOSED ] the dawn is opening

[ It's a nice day in Libertas. The sun is shining brightly and on the right side of warm (for Faerghans), a steady breeze blows every so often with the promise of the coolness of autumn on the way soon, and the couple of flowering fruit trees around scent the air. All around a testament to how beautiful the memorial park in Libertas is since this is just one section of it alone with the rest of it no less so. And all of it together makes where they're at in the grassy section beneath the shade of a willow tree rather picturesque; now that the worst of the summer weather's departed it's been even nicer to spend more time outdoors and though Cadens has its share of parks and places, a change in scenery seemed like a good way to spend today.

Claude's reclining on his back with his rolled up cloak wedged beneath his head as a pillow with a book propped open in one hand that he's reading aloud from, and the other is resting on top of a head full of red hair resting against his stomach being used as a pillow while occasionally running through said hair in a routine he's become used to. Including making their way through another chapter of some rambling mystery novel Claude's not fully certain he understands when it comes to where the plot is going, but it seems like it's getting to a crucial point. At one edge of the blanket stretched out beneath them is the remnants of the picnic brought with them made up of a collection of food items he'd purchased at this bakery or that cafe to bring with them, and inside the basket used to carry it all is a box of savory cheese pastries he's highly considering grabbing for both of them to enjoy.

Maybe in a minute when (or if) he feels like moving from how comfortable they are as he moves the book to peer at Sylvain's face. And regardless of whether the other man looks like he's on the verge of it or not - ]

Don't fall asleep yet. We're almost to the good part here unless you want to stay in suspense a little longer.

Edited 2023-10-14 15:38 (UTC)

Too late.

[ Sylvain’s eyes are closed and a smile is lingering on his lips as he lays propped on Claude’s stomach. He’s only been listening with half an ear, more enjoying the sound of Claude’s voice rather than paying attention to what he was saying. He’s not really about to fall asleep, but the feel of Claude’s fingers in his hair is relaxing and his stomach is pleasantly full from their lunch and the weather is perfect and…

Nah, that about covers it. Perfect. If he didn’t have to move the rest of the day, he wouldn’t even complain. He’d be perfectly content just stopping time right here. ]

Besides. You love leaving me in suspense.

[ There's a laugh from him that's more sound than movement, mostly, since he's not trying to jostle Sylvain from where he is. Not when the other man looks so pleased to be right where he is if the level of relaxation is anything to go by, and Claude moves to run his fingers through that tousled hair again. ]

Maybe, but maybe there's a limit to that. Like in, let's say, having to reread the last three chapters because you slept through them.

[ Despite the words, the fondness in his tone certainly implies something otherwise - like the opposite being likely considering there's no way he can fault Sylvain being so comfortable when they both are. As long as the other's eyes remain closed, he'll take advantage of that to study that handsome face though should Sylvain open them, Claude won't look away either with the book temporarily forgotten. ]

Does that mean I can't convince you to grab the rest of what's in the basket? You know, in the name of getting comfortable since you're about to take a nap.

[ One eye peeks open as he adopts a hint of a pout. ] But I’m already comfortable. [ That definitely comes out as a bit of a whine before he laughs and rolls over on his side, just far enough to drag the basket closer.

Then he’s quick to roll back before Claude can move, strictly so he can reclaim his spot. And then has to fish around the picnic basket blindly for whatever’s left since he refuses to pick his head back up to actually look for it.

That would clearly be too much effort.

Coming up with a small container a moment later, he eyes it speculatively. ]

Is this what you were after?

[ There's just enough time for a fond roll of his eyes at that protest before Sylvain gets up - sort of - to do it anyway - also sort of. It's close enough as Claude watches with amusement over all the leverage put into using the surroundings rather than just reaching for the basket he's (mostly) certain is actually within Sylvain's reach.

No matter, considering it ends up next to them as it is, and then he has to work to restrain laughter as Sylvain first flops back down to pin him back in place while wildly rummaging around in the basket. When the container in question appears, he sets the book down to prop it open against his chest to save the page and holds out a hand for it. ]

The very one, my knight in shining armor who just rescued me from certain starvation.

[ Whether Sylvain hands it over or plays along with finding another way to make it a game like the retrieval had been seems like a 50/50 chance of going either way, and Claude can't even pretend to himself that he's not entertained by trying to guess which it'll be. ]

[ Sylvain just plops the container down on his own chest and starts fidgeting with the latch to work it open on his own instead. Peering inside once he gets the lid off, he plucks one of the little pastries out and then reaches back to poke it in the general direction of Claude’s mouth.

Probably. He is aiming at it from upside down, after all. ]

I don’t think I count as a knight anymore and I’ve definitely quit the whole shiny armor thing. Really bad idea in the desert.

[ There's a small noise of protest when that pastry hits him in the cheek - it's close, kind of - and more of an acknowledgment Sylvain's aim was somewhat alright in the end. It's good enough for him to reach up and snag the offered pastry in lieu of picking his book back up, anyway. ]

Oh c'mon, now that winter's coming up it might be the perfect time to test it out!

[ Mentioning winter might have been a mistake, Claude realizes a second too late, and then the pastry's set down on top of the book still perched on his chest to place a hand playfully over Sylvain's mouth. At least he has the benefit of being right side up when it comes to this particular aim. ]

Winter here still counts as winter, even if you're gonna say it doesn't. We could go find some more scorpions to use for said testing since I know how much you love them.

[ Sylvain makes a face beneath the press of that hand, and then licks Claude's palm for good measure before dragging the hand away. ]

I feel like I should stubbornly insist that it doesn't count as winter if there's no snow. Also, the fact that you're bringing up scorpions should be proof enough. Those are not winter animals, thanks.

The hand was for the stubborn insistence, [ he retorts while helpfully wiping his palm on Sylvain's cheek before letting it rest there for a second and undoing the supposed 'cleaning' of it that'd happened, ] considering I knew it was coming. At least this year you'll be ready for the lack of snow.

[ Then it's back to his pastry to take a bite of it while twirling some strands of red hair in his fingers as if this is helping him think. ]

I think you'll have to wait for the weekends to the square in Nocwich or maybe even Luna to get something close to it since I still haven't forgotten how cold it was on that mediation trip. If we go I'm counting on you to find all the right layers to wear or the giant blankets we had on the ship.

[ Sylvain lifts a hand to wipe off his cheek with a wrinkle of his nose and then goes back to resting there with his eyes closed, considering Claude’s gone back to playing with his hair.

But at the comment about the cold, he chuckles and leans his head back enough that he can peer upside down at Claude’s face. ]

Ahh, but this year you have me to keep you warm. I’m better at it than a blanket.

Are you? I think I need to experience it a bit more before I make a full decision on that.

[ As if Claude's not experienced it plenty and also isn't right here and now, technically speaking, or hasn't spent plenty of nights by now as the blanket himself reading while Sylvain's out cold. But bringing any of that up is no fun as he playfully offers a light tug to the hair curled around his fingers all because he can. ]

Also, I kinda think it might be difficult to explore if you're draped over me as a blanket. Unless you're offering to carry me around as part of that promised warming, then that might work.

I won’t need to carry you anywhere if we just stay in bed, you realize.

[ Grinning as he stays reclined there on Claude’s stomach, he takes a moment to just enjoy the feeling of those fingers in his hair before he rolls over onto his side, facing Claude now so he can peer up at his face while still using him as a pillow. ]

Which sounds like a brilliant idea in general. We should do that more often.

Oh, sorry to hear you're that tired. [ Said around another mouthful of pastry since he'd wasted no time in taking another bite when this choice of what'd been in the bakery's display was a good one. There's plenty of cheese and the spices go well with it, though that won't stop him from hassling Sylvain like he doesn't know what's being said. ] No wonder you were about to nap out here in the middle of the park. I'd hate to keep you up any longer.

[ Now there's a smirk considering: they're rather good at keeping each other awake, and that thought certainly doesn't need to be voiced for it to be true. Claude immediately moves his hand again, this time to place it lightly over Sylvain's eyes to block out the light even if the other man is now kind of, sort of sitting up enough to look alert. ]

Here, just pretend it's nighttime and you can catch up on some rest.

[ There’s a scoff as Sylvain bats away that hand, laughter still glinting in his gaze. ]

Please. We both know you love keeping me ‘up’. In all manner of speaking. Because you’re a fucking tease, for one. And you’re never sorry about it at all.

[ Then again, neither is he, so he’s really not one to complain here. ]

And it works out well for you every time, doesn't it? I regret absolutely nothing.

[ Managed after he stops laughing at that response; he should've seen that coming, really, but it makes it all the more entertaining he didn't. A thought he's had frequently about Sylvain over the months and one that's slowly crystalized into one more pointed than the vague associations he's had with it here and there, and something he'll still keep to himself. Repeating the past, Claude thinks wryly, even as he tells himself yet again this is enough. ]

Though if that's your roundabout way of saying I should stop, I can always make your life easier and do just that. Seems rather boring, though, I've gotta say.

[ Sylvain just grins and twists until he’s half sprawled atop Claude instead of using him as a pillow now. Propped up on one elbow over him, he bends to indulge in a slow, fond kiss. ]

Well, Goddess forbid we ever let things get boring. I can’t say I have any regrets about it, either. That wasn’t a complaint, after all, merely a statement of fact.

[ Sylvain's slow approach by way of rearranging himself is something he watches with a smile. A move he's familiar with by now from times like this and enough so he's lost count of them, and which makes it easier to tilt his chin up just enough to meet that incoming kiss. ]

It sounded a little like complaining. [ Just for good measure, even as he's every bit as fondly reaching up to tuck some strands of red hair flopping forward back to where they should go, but that's a losing fight against gravity as they tip right back over and Claude lets out a small huff of amusement. ] But as long as we're agreed on the no regrets aspect then it's hard to argue that or that it's all far from boring.

[ Unable to help grinning down at him, Sylvain remains where he is, just as comfortable here as he’d been pillowed on Claude’s stomach. ]

I’m more likely to complain in the midst of your teasing, not as much outside of it. Because it typically does work out in my favor. Eventually. But I’m not the most patient of people, just in case you hadn’t picked up on that fact yet.

[ He know Claude has. It’s a pretty hard fact to miss, especially when it comes to indulgences.

Then again, can Claude really blame him? ]

You, impatient? I would've never guessed.

[ Even if it somehow wasn't already so easy to grin back, it would've been even more so at that one above him taking the place of the sun. In light and in warmth, he thinks, and possibly as less than a metaphor but a reality and the sort of thing that makes it tempting to reach up and run a fingertip along it to make sure it's real. He doesn't, instead letting his hands rest idly against Sylvain's chest while he puts on a thinking expression. ]

Though now that you mention it, I have noticed some complaining going on. Though I think there's another word for it when you pair it with please, isn't there? Might have something to do with all that impatience, if I had to guess.

[ Sylvain just gives a noncommittal hum and starts kissing his way back Claude’s jaw, content to stay right where he is. They’re still out in public, but their picnic spot had been secluded enough and if he’s honest? He doesn’t really care if someone wandering past sees. ]

I have no idea what you could be implying.

[ He’s lying through his teeth, of course. Then again, he wouldn’t actually deny the fact that Claude has made him beg on countless occasions.

As startling as that is for him to realize. Him, the one who had controlled every interaction - intimate or otherwise - with an iron grip and a blithe smile from the time he was old enough to know how. It had been a necessity of survival, or so he’d always convinced himself. This… Claude… It made everything different. Broke every single rule he’d ever held hard and fast to.

It meant that he’s lost control of where this was going ages ago and he still hadn't figured out of that was a good thing or not. Maybe good in the moment, he conceded, although he still watched and waited for the other shoe to drop. For the inevitable crash and burn. That it was looming in his future wasn’t something he questioned - or the growing awareness that this crash, this burn, was going to be like no other - it was only a matter of when. Or how.

Or, maybe, who.

He shies away from that, despite the words he’d exchanged with Hilda a few days before still lurking at the back of his mind. He wasn’t comfortable with his own insecurities - not that he didn’t acknowledge or understand them, but that, for the first time, he was suddenly desperately afraid of the after.

Not a thought for a sunny afternoon, he chides himself silently, as he moves up to steal another kiss from Claude’s lips, slow and lazy. No need to borrow trouble earlier than he needed to. His time in Abraxas had become an entirely new exercise in “enjoy each day for what it is” and he didn’t intend to break the trend today. ]

I bet you don't.

[ It's a pathetic comeback and he knows it. It's on the same level as Sylvain claiming ignorance to what was said, but Claude doesn't bother to find a different one or a better one, instead content to close his eyes as those familiar lips work their way across his skin. A smile to match that warm feeling comes to rest on his face as he shifts to abandon the book onto the blanket, place in it be damned, and then winds his arms around Sylvain's shoulders to keep him close.

A far cry from months ago when he'd said he'd spent the first few months here wondering what Sylvain's ulterior motives might've been, convinced as he was they existed. But time had proven he was wrong and then even more time had turned it into something else until this had crept up without his notice to bring them here, where a one time knight presses kisses along the jaw of a one time duke.

When it stops he cracks one eye open in time to see Sylvain shift again and it's easy again to meet that kiss with a soft noise of satisfaction he hardly notices making. There it is again, that too heart full feeling, the one he's come to associate with Hilda that he'd once also tried to resist falling into before surrendering to it. Maybe the only strange thing here is that it'd taken him so long to accept the possibility of it happening again with someone else.

It's that thought of trying which has him breaking their kiss to press another one to Sylvain's bottom lip and absently seeking out some longer strands of hair to play with again as he grins. With something else also in mind, of course. ]

Unless you've learned Silence while I wasn't looking, I might have to find quieter ways to bring out your impatience now that we're not the only ones in the loft these days. But I'm sure we can think of something.

[ He’d known it would come up eventually. He’s actually been waiting for it ever since he’d spoken with Hilda about everything. Wondering how long it would take Claude to bring it up.

Having it just dropped out in the open now, like this, still catches him off-guard enough that he goes still above Claude for a moment. Freezes, as that just… opens up a dozen other questions he’d been trying very hard not to think about over the past few days.

It suddenly casts their afternoon out today in a very different light.

Drawing back enough that he can see Claude’s face, amber eyes search his expression intently, a hint of uncertainty creeping into his gaze without him even realizing it.

He tries to keep his tone lighthearted and joking, not wanting the other man to realize how much lurked behind the simple question. He doesn’t want that - or himself - affecting the answer. ]

Are you… going to still be interested in that? [ A chuckle, that sounds stilted even to his ears, as he rests on his arms once more, drawing back a little to give Claude space. ]

[ The sudden stillness catches him entirely off-guard. It's not difficult to pinpoint it exactly to what he'd said, though the why behind that is a mystery.

What's no mystery at all is feeling something like tension creep in as nothing's said. He's quick to smooth away the furrow in his brow he can feel before Sylvain pulls back to be able to see it, and just as wordlessly Claude studies him right back as they look at each other.

The hesitancy in that question hurts a little, but not as much as that Sylvain pretends (sort of) like there's nothing attached to that. Like he almost believes his own nonchalance - or expects Claude to even if he sees right through that. Months of time with each other would've made it clear it was an act if not for it being a similar tool they both have tucked away in their kits to pull out as a misdirection.

Except, Claude thinks as Sylvain pulls away to put an intentional distance between them as slight as it is, it's far from enough to make him back away. ]

I wasn't planning on teasing you by mentioning something and then not using it, if that's what you're asking.

[ It's not and Claude knows it without needing to be told otherwise, but there's enough unknowns that on this, he's actually unsure of whether to press for them or to make the assumption on what it's supposed to mean. Perhaps it wouldn't be the worst to pass on his turn for that to see what Sylvain says next and whether it'll reveal anything. ]

[ His gaze drops to the vicinity of Claude's chest for a moment, a mixture of tension in his own form as well as ahint of shame at the note in Claude's voice as he replies to that.

He doesn't answer that it wouldn't be the first time he's had to wade through that option - Claude doesn't need to know that, and besides, that doesn't really affect here and now. Claude, he reminds himself for the hundredth time, isn't like any of those that had come before.

Of course, that's only partially comforting, because that means Sylvain spends half the time trying to figure out what the fuck is happening between them at any given moment when he has no frame of reference for it. ]

Well, I know how much you like to tease. [ He knows the joke will fall flat even before he finishes uttering it. Which is why he just sighs and lets his gaze flit back up to meet Claude's gaze. That hint of uncertainty is still there, but it's dampened somewhat. Waiting. ]

That's not what I'm asking. Not really. But I know how important Hilda is to you. I figured... we'd have to have some sort of discussion about it at some point soon. She told me you guys were working through things a few days ago.

[ Nothing about Sylvain's reaction does anything but heighten his slowly growing unease. It's furthered by that joke which is barely one at all both in its lack of success and because he recognizes it as yet another thing he might do himself, and so Claude simply waits and looks at Sylvain evenly to find out if there'll be more following the sigh which seems like acknowledgement of that not working.

He doesn't have long to wait. Uncertainty still curves its way around the other man's features when he looks up but even the clarification doesn't seem to help. Once again Claude has the feeling he's missing something. And while that's something he normally loves since it means a chance to pry into whatever it is, much like with Hilda, it's more a source of frustration for not knowing where it stems from - even if Sylvain is admittedly more of an overall mystery to him. ]

A discussion, huh. [ Of all the things to be thinking about right now, it suddenly occurs to Claude how still both of them have gone compared to seconds ago. Once again by virtue of what he'd said, something meant playfully but now seems to have shifted things on an axis, and for something closer to normal he runs his fingers idly over Sylvain's shirt where it's in reach. ] And you were expecting something to change because of it?

[ When in doubt - of which Claude has plenty after parsing through those short sentences - wait for the other person to answer first. ]

— sylvain (early october)

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