abraxaslogs | [ CLOSED ] the dawn is opening

Entry tags:

[ CLOSED ] the dawn is opening

Who: Claude and various
When: September, October, November
Where: Cadens, Libertas, the Horizon
What: Catch all
Warnings: None currently, will add/mark as needed

( Closed starters below. Find me at

indech, on Discord, or by PM at any time to plot something! )

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[ Hilda's initial reaction probably isn't exactly how he would've put it, but - it's absolutely effective in pointing out what a ridiculous thought process that is in the very brutal way only Hilda can manage and he's been long acquainted with. If it wasn't for the subject matter and how misplaced it'd be to do so in this moment, Claude might've even smiled. Fortunately, he's saved from any risk of it by his expression immediately flattening out. Not because he's actually expressionless, but because it's something safer to default to than the growing anger in hearing Sylvain still somewhat defend this as logical.

None of it's directed at Sylvain himself since Claude recognizes how easily he might've thought the same things had he had not refused such a thing, and even though refusals came with their own costs just as much as shouldering those burdens had. Though it's easy for both of them to be upset - and it's certainly justified to be even if Sylvain seems to accept this, all of it, in his own way. In what must have felt like the only option, Claude thinks.

That doesn't also mean he doesn't join Hilda in glaring for good measure until it also fades at what she says. More truths, if Sylvain would only believe them. ]

The Crest is the least worthwhile thing about you, actually. And by that I mean it's meaningless to who you are, because you aren't your Crest. Not even close, Sylvain. You're so much more than that.

[ It's Claude's turn to move without thinking as a bookend to the same moment Hilda does, though this time rather than in agitation it's a small show of affection in reaching out to brush some dirt off Sylvain's cheek with the back of one hand, a souvenir from the now abandoned gardening relaxation that's been thoroughly interrupted by revelations to be had. ]

Don't try to convince us otherwise either because it won't work. [ And there's the cheekiness back again, not just for levity but to also give Sylvain a bit of a reprieve from more equally heavy things. ] You're stuck with us thinking highly of you no matter whatever denial I'm sure you're working on while I'm still talking.

[ He bites back the argument that his existence has always been a heavy burden. On himself, on those around him. Not just his brother, but the exasperated expressions of his friends on the many many times he’d worn their patience thin. The people he’d interacted with back at the Academy, people in the village… although those had all usually been for good reason. By his own estimation, there had never been much that could be considered redeemable about him. Through his own actions, true enough, but that had been easier than dealing with all their expectations on top of the crushing weight of his family’s.

He stares down at his dirty hands when Claude backs up Hilda’s words, feeling that familiar touch against his cheek, the squeeze around his hand. But he still doesn’t look up at them. Can’t. Though he does give a quiet, humorless laugh at Claude’s words, shaking his head. ]

Do you know, I think that might be the first time anyone’s ever said that to me? It’s always been the other way around. I’m the inconvenient attachment that comes with the Crest they all valued so much. The only worthwhile thing about me has always been my Crest.

Edited 2023-12-15 04:30 (UTC)

[ It's fine if Claude wouldn't have pointed out the obvious flaw to Sylvain's logic the way she had; she had never been the more eloquent between them especially once there was familiarity built between her and the person she was telling off. It's fine because she knows he feels similarly even without needing to ask him. In fact it's better that he's able to soothe Sylvain with words that actually seem to settle and sink into the surface of his skin instead of bouncing off like all the other times she's tried to give compliments. They're better that way and if her role is meant to be the ineloquent brat then it's a role she's played well to date.

Her anger begins to ebb but only just enough to give way to a softer expression tinged with the underlying sadness of this entire situation. She doesn't let it linger though, determined to keep her expression away from anything close to pitying. Sylvain didn't need pity. Much like casting blame on others for things done in the past, pity wouldn't serve him either. What he needed now was to be shown and told that they thought the world of him even if he didn't.

Hilda's voice and expression perk up considerably as she tilts into his eye view with the biggest grin on her face. ]

Well I bet you that between Claude and I, we can think of plenty of other worthwhile things about you that would have us going on for days.

[ Her eyes skip to green eyes before back to amber ones. ]

I can start. You're an amazing cook. Which is such a relief because if you weren't I think Claude and I would be in so much trouble. Not to mention you're so attentive to those around you. I think you knew what some of our favourite dishes were without us even saying anything.

[ She taps her chin thoughtfully. ]

I'm sure there's more I'm missing though right, Claude?

Edited 2023-12-15 05:19 (UTC)

[ The hollowness in Sylvain's laugh aches as much as something even more dreadful revealed than what words follow it, because in the absence of anything else being within it that means there's still plenty of pain layered beneath it. Farther than they'll be able to go in the here and now - not that Claude really expects Sylvain to let them in much past where he has today considering it began involuntarily thanks to those awful birds - but if they can relieve even some of it? He'll count that as a win.

He meets Hilda's gaze and the combination of all the ways he recognizes her determination beyond cutting straight to the point of rejecting what Sylvain offered before that does get a smile from him this time. It's too difficult to suppress now, and it goes beyond the humor of the absolute truth about how dire their situation would be without Sylvain here. But he'll stay within the outlines of humor for now. ]

Oh, just a few other things, Hilda.

[ That's a precursor to mischief he knows they'll both recognize, despite said mischief being in Sylvain's favor this time. Probably. Well - mostly, since it's for the good of his ego. He's going to continue forward right on no matter whether there's any kind of protest being said or forming, because there is a Plan here even if it's moved past what he and Hilda had originally brainstormed together to become this: something even more worthwhile. ]

Don't forget making sure we don't burn down the loft at any given time or all those teas you've painstakingly created from learning how to do it yourself. One might try to write that off as just being particular about tea, but I think it's a lot more than that. Something more like being admirably dedicated to whatever you do.

[ And because that humor makes it easier to write off what's being said, it won't stick around forever. ]

It goes beyond just paying attention alone though, and you can't convince us otherwise. Anyone can be observant, but not everyone can choose to put those things together to make them something meaningful like you do. Few people take it to a level of making sure whoever it's for knows how much care went into it and that it was done for them. But not you, Sylvain. What you've done here says a lot more about who you are than anything else does.

[ He can feel heat creep up the back of his neck at the direction they take the conversation next. Not... where he expected it to go, honestly. But he can't tell if he's relieved that it's drifted away from his family or embarrassed that they're pointing out things he hadn't realized anyone had noticed. Things he never even looked at too closely on his own to define them as such. It was never a comfortable thing for him, being seen. Maybe just because he was so very unfamiliar with it.

The quiet gestures he's always tended to make to look after those around him were all too overshadowed by the rest of his escapades and the masks he put on for everyone else to see, so they were rarely noticed for what they were. Or were just never enough to make up for dealing with the rest of him, he supposes. Which was valid - he knows exactly how too much trouble he is to be bothered with. Which is why it still takes him by surprise that they were both still here trying.

But with that heat creeping higher up the back of his neck, he huffs out a self-conscious sigh and lifts a hand to clap it over Claude's mouth before he can go any farther. He would do the same to Hilda, but his hands are dirty and he'd like to continue breathing. (Clearly that's not a worry where Claude and dirt are concerned.) ]

I am particular about tea.

[ He doesn't argue their compliments, but that's about as close as he can get to acknowledging something that just makes him feel extremely uncomfortable and self-conscious. Although there is the faint curl of pleasure deep within him, if only for the novelty of having them corner him for this of all things. He has no idea what to do with this part of the conversation, and it clearly shows. ]

[ The hand being clamped over Claude's face brings a joyful little laugh from Hilda even if she prepares herself to step back out of arm's reach. Dirt on her face? Sylvain would immediately meet the floor if he tried that. Or perhaps off the roof. ]

Is that really what you took away from that?

[ Hilda can understand not wanting to accept a compliment that isn't about one's outward appearance. It's one she struggles with on a regular basis and would prefer to stay as far away from the spotlight as she can. But the rules that she and Claude were applying to Sylvain didn't apply to her and if there was anyone any more deserving of praise and affection, it was him.

After everything that they'd heard, it was beginning to make sense now why he had slithered out of every conversation that went on longer than several seconds about something to do with his finer virtues. She hums in thought. ]

But I guess that does line up with you being so self-sacrificing and putting others ahead of yourself. If anything that speaks more to your big heart. You care more than you let on, you know. You're always looking out for other people, whether that's after their stomachs or their feelings. [ She lets out a put on sigh with a shake of her head. ] Honestly, Sylvain, if it weren't so admirable, it'd be annoying! And Linhardt was right, you know. You're really smart too. I don't know anyone who isn't smart that enjoys chess in their spare time.

[ Case in point, the two men in front of her. Is it a slight dig at herself? Maybe. But she'll openly admit to both not enjoying chess and happily attribute it to not being smart enough to play it. ]

[ There's an immediate noise of protest when Sylvain's hand finds his mouth timed right along with batting it away to keep up feigning like this is some great slight and not a thing he's done to the other man just as many times in turn. Or to Hilda, for that matter, and all in the name of teasing. It's not difficult to read the reason behind Sylvain doing it and what Hilda says - that just covers everything though Claude pairs a flatly unimpressed look with it.

It's a cover considering he's unknowingly coming to the same conclusion as Hilda. It does explain a lot about all those lesser evasions they've seen over the past months and maybe even speaks a bit deeper on it than Sylvain intends in what was clearly meant to be a deflection. Maybe this is another time they can let him have it.

'Having it' being only in the sense of laying on more praise, that is. ]

It's true, even if you still have yet to best me at chess. [ Untrue, but Claude's counting on it getting a rise out of Sylvain with something more than sitting here looking bashful. ] I bet I could recite one of Lysithea's old spell theories while leaving out several critical parts and saying it in the wrong order and you'd still figure it out in seconds flat. But more than that, the big heart also extends to a rather extensive amount of loyalty even if, for example, I've given you plenty of reasons to throw your hands up in exasperation.

[ Which calls for shrugging with palms up like this is all a very easy explanation, and one which culminates in: ] You're just going to have to face the facts that at this point, you're basically every charming knight right out of all those fairy tales to us.

Eww, gross.

[ He does make a face at that final comparison, because he’s overheard Ashe and Ingrid discussing way too many of those fairy tales to find that a compliment. He’d much rather stick with Bernadetta’s stories - at least they’d felt realistic. ]

And hey! [ That protest is right on it’s heels as he playfully narrows his gaze at Claude. ] I beat you! …At least one in ten games these days, even. Cut me some slack here, not all of us can be geniuses. [ He nudges Hilda’s shoulder slightly at that. ] Although it’s comforting at least to realize I have you fooled, at least. Thanks for that.

[ It’s easier to joke about it, even if somewhere inside he’s reeling at the things they had noticed - some of them from years ago when they’d been students together. When he’s pretty sure they’d never had a reason to give him the time of day. ]

You are kind of a knight. Sorry!

[ There's a barely concealed laugh in the corner of her mouth as she watches Claude continue their affectionate assault on Sylvain's self-esteem. It's a strange thing to think about, the thing being Sylvain thinking so little of himself. But then again, everything about this experience has felt surreal since the day she arrived. She shouldn't be able to be here with both of them like this. She also shouldn't be the one left to try and help the pair of them navigate not telling one another things when Petra probably would have been able to do a better job. And yet.

Sylvain's nudge and attempt at deflecting what she suspects is another attempt to wriggle out of a compliment that is well deserving is met with a nudge in return. Her lower lip juts out into a pout. ]

You better not be calling me oblivious.

[ Hilda knows that he isn't but if he's going to be difficult, she's going to give a little resistance too. ]

I may not be as smart as either of you, but I don't think we have to be smart or a genius to know a good heart when we see one. [ Her pout dissolves, her expression softening into quiet admiration. ] Not everyone can put themselves in someone else's shoes and understand where they're coming from - but you can. And before you say that you don't, you just spent all that time explaining why Miklan did what he did. Instead of saying anything awful about him though you sympathized with him.

[ It goes without saying she wouldn't be as kind if she were in his position. She'd have far more to say, be overrun with resentment and toxicity where no amount of sugar coating could hide that acrid taste. There's a brief moment where the corners of her lips lift. ]

That's probably my favourite thing about you.

Nah, you don't have us fooled about you actually being a genius. Didn't you listen to any of our compliments? We could always repeat them.

[ That's less of a threat than a promise, really, considering there's plenty about all of this they could easily repeat to Sylvain. The next time would be without anything as heavy as what'd transpired in the Nether to precede it because the last thing Claude wants Sylvain to believe it was only because of that; it might have been a cause, but it certainly wasn't the only inspiration behind those words. The man before them still trying to deflect them ever so casually even while knowing they must see right through it deserves so much more than that.

Something in Claude bristles when Hilda points out a truth: that through this conversation and ones before, Sylvain's still been Miklan's defender against the hand the fates dealt them both and one accelerated by their father. It speaks to every bit of goodness in his heart no matter how much they disagree with this particular application of how it's used. But that doesn't diminish that it's there and woven into everything they've pointed out that'd made Sylvain so sheepish, and Claude's quick to nod in agreement with Hilda. ]

Like I said, time to face the metaphorical music in that there's no changing our minds here and that you're doomed to keep a one in ten victory rate when it comes to chess. That last one doesn't really belong in this particular list of Sylvain Gautier accolades, but everything else does. You're a good man, Sylvain.

[ He makes a face at that, too, because he knows how far from the truth that is. He's not a good man. Not a good person at all. Just because he was good to those people who mattered to him, those who were important to him...

That didn't negate all the other horrible things he'd done over the years. And there had been countless many. All the ways he'd used people to keep them at a distance. Or to get his own revenge in cruel little ways. Some of it had been deserved, but he can't say all of it had.

But he also knows it's pointless to try and argue with Claude and Hilda when they get this stubborn about something. He's not sure why they've decided that something had to be him today, but he also knows he's not going to talk them out of it, either. Easier just to give in and let them think they've won, probably, because otherwise they'd just keep this up all afternoon. ]

I would never call you oblivious, Hilda. [ Probably. Some choice other things, maybe, but he doubted oblivious would be one of them, unless she was actively trying to be that way. Except that probably made it less oblivious and more deliberately obtuse. ] But I appreciate you both trying to do... whatever this is. I don't know why you're doing whatever this is, but, uh. Thanks? I guess?

[ There's no way that she thinks they've convinced him otherwise especially with that response. Hilda could be optimistic, but she was under no disillusion that this matter was sorted and settled. These beliefs of his, this perception of his himself, had been ingrained in him over time. They had only just begun to understand it. She was no expert caregiver or healer, but she knew enough. That, like any wound, it would take time and the right care and even then, the phantom pains might never subside.

But this was a start. At least she hopes it is. Just like she hopes that she'll be able to help remind him in some way. Hopefully it would start the two of them on enough of a path where, eventually, didn't need to be here for those conversations and that healing to happen. Because really what had she added in the grand scheme of things?

So while she does roll her eyes at Sylvain's response to their barrage of compliments, there's no malice or annoyance in the gesture. If anything there's a touch of endearment in her gaze. ]

Did you just forget everything we just spoke about? We were worried about you after the Featherhive, you big dummy. The compliments might not have been planned but that doesn't make them any less true. If you won't remind yourself that you have a good heart and you're more than some silly Crest, we will.

[ Her hand reaches for his, giving it a squeeze, her skipping towards Claude knowing she isn't speaking out of turn when she speaks for the both of them. ]

We care about you.

[ It takes considerable restraint for Claude's expression to not flatten out into something unamused as Sylvain seems to still be puzzled over what the meaning of all of this is. And sure, Claude could grant that they've not - at least the two of them - teamed up to make this happen before, but that solidifies that it was absolutely needed in his mind.

Though his face doesn't betray what he's thinking behind the same genial enough face he'd put on with fully meaning it at that point, another question clicks into place. This is far from the first time Sylvain's protested any of what was said, but it feels like the first time he's done so with the point of refuting it rather than it being just bashfulness. It's not difficult to make the leap to that face pulled at one statement in particular - you're a good man - and narrow it down to that being the cause of the rest.

Which is curious, kind of, though more in a way which makes Claude feel particularly bitter about what's happened in Sylvain's past, all those things they know now, causing him to not believe something he and Hilda can so plainly see. The bitterness comes from a place of protection, however, even if he has nowhere to direct it when it certainly shouldn't be pointed anywhere near Sylvain.

But that's a knot which will take so much more time to untangle than tonight alone, and so Claude easily shifts into a bigger smile when Hilda's gaze catches his and he's quick to wipe away any of that intent peering he'd been doing mere seconds before for only lightness. ]

That's right. And the reason for all of this, even if you're also trying to be a little oblivious as our word of the day. [ Just saying. ] Fortunately for you, we're persistent and we're sticking to your Crest being the absolutely least interesting part about you. Now if you're done gardening here, what do the two of you say to going to try a new tea blend I found? It won't hold a candle to Sylvain's creations, I'm sure, but it's supposed to be good iced.

[ And with a glance back over his shoulder at the frozen over loft exterior, he turns back to them with a grin and adds, ] And fortunately, I've got a way to make that happen quickly.

[ He's touched by their efforts, even if he doesn't really believe them. Maybe he's a better person here, but that doesn't change any of what he'd done before. Who he'd always been. He's still not convinced that that's not who he'd truly become, and that this version wasn't the temporary mask he could wear in a softer setting. But he's not sure that would matter to them either.

So he just lifts Hilda's hand so he can brush his lips against her knuckles in a soft kiss. ]

Fine, we'll go try your tea. Even if having it iced still feels like an abomination. [ Tea Snob, it him. But he rolls his eyes at Claude's grin and waves at the frosted over windows. ] I still say that was going overboard.

[ None of them could change who they had been before this. But if they hadn't been who they were before this, then they might never be the people they are now - including her. Then again, it's always easier to be kinder to others than themselves. Sylvain was a testament to that. Even if he was reluctant to believe that right now.

But she believed in her heart that this is who he could be if given room to breathe. To care and be cared for as he deserved. Softness fills her gaze as she watches Sylvain lift her hand to brush it with a gentle kiss that lingers for a beat before her smile turns a tinge goofy. ]

Mm, I don't think so. I consider it the icing on the cake.

[ Her gaze skips to Claude as she takes a hold of his hand, threading their fingers together too as she tugs them towards the door. ]

We had to plan for every possible route escape route.

Overboard? Please. This is nothing compared to what the two of us used to get up to.

[ That's mostly true in the sense that he and Hilda had some grand plans back in the day, but it's really for demonstration considering now Sylvain's seen what they can get up to. Or some of it; there's still room for more and this could've gone further. It might yet again on another day.

For today, however, it worked to make sure Sylvain couldn't flee from these truths: that he's cared for, that what was said was honesty with every word meant for how they feel, and that no matter what responses he might have it won't change how they feel.

Claude has a feeling repetition will be the key there. Today it's enough to squeeze Hilda's hand with a smile when familiar fingers slip between his and he follows them both while looking at the veritable wall of ice he'd created. ]

Here I thought you'd appreciate this tea iced what with all that talk of it being too hot in Cadens just about all the time. [ He leans over purely for nudging Sylvain in the side with his elbow before flashing a wink to Hilda. ] But now seems like as good of a time as any to mention we'll need your flashy fire skills to get back into the loft, so time to dazzle us once more in yet another way. You know, for our benefit.

[ Sorry, Sylvain! At least tea awaits inside. ]

[ Sylvain just shoots them both a Very Unimpressed Look before rolling his eyes heavenward again and turning to start for the currently-frozen set of doors. ]

I think your tactical skills are slipping, Claude. Especially since I’m the only one with fire spells to get you back inside. So I’m the one person on this roof your ice wouldn’t have actually trapped.

[ Still, there’s wry amusement lurking underneath his tone as he calls on his fire to start melting the impromptu barricade. Which he’s pretty sure wouldn’t have lasted long in the desert anyway ]

I’m learning a levitation spell next so I can just leave you two stuck here if you try this again.

[ No he’s not. But it’s fun to threaten them with it anyway. ]

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[ CLOSED ] the dawn is opening

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