abraxaslogs | [open] Autumn Catch-All Post

John has been... Ruminating. That would be perhaps the best way to describe it. He cannot say that much has happened, these past few weeks, and yet. Enough has done that he finds the need to retreat to the Beefsteak and its quiet comforts every now and again to attempt to collect his thoughts, and in a larger part, himself. Conversations with Claire rattle around in his brain, and now this new ability...

A knock breaks him from his spiraling and he pushes himself to stand, crossing through the halls to answer the door -- there is no staff to do it for him as there might have been at the Beefsteak proper. Gustav trots merrily along behind him, and real or not, John is secretly glad for the ridiculous little dog's company.

Opening the door, John offers the younger man a welcoming smile.

"Ah, not at all," John says. "Welcome to London -- and to the Beefsteak." He offers a somewhat crooked smile as he elaborates, "My club."

"Your club?" Kelson repeated, not quite comprehending. It was a building. Not a weapon. Clearly there was some kind of culture or language issue. Obviously. Also. Beefsteak. London. Was the building called London or the Beefsteak? Yes. Kelson was very, very, very confused. As politely as he could, he took a breath and tried not to look utterly and completely flabbergasted.

"I don't comprehend. It's a....lovely building?" That is what they were talking about, right? The building? Not the weapon or food? He bent down to offer a hand to the dog and say hi to it, giving the older man a smile.

"Apologies, I don't mean to just barge in with questions, especially if you were enjoying some time alone in a familiar atmosphere." Kelson had yet to solidify anything himself, and had taken to just wandering around and visiting others.

((ooc: sorry for the delay but i am LOOKING FORWARD to growing their cr so that lord john can parent him lmao))

Lord John tries not to be too visibly amused at the young man's confusion, although it's refreshing that for a change it is not he himself who is lost or confused.

"Not at all," he reassures gently. "A club is... A private association of gentlemen. Men of good standing, such as myself. There are many, where I am from, and in truth I am a member of several. Although The Beefsteak has always been my favorite."

He offers the younger man a gentler smile before opening the door wider and stepping aside to allow better access to the hallway beyond. "Please. Come inside. I will not bore you with a tour if that is not to your fancy, but there are more comfortable places to linger than the threshold."

(no worries! Life is nuts! I am totally looking forward to them though too!)

Kelson honestly still thought the name was a little weird, but, he supposed there were those who thought his name was weird. So, to each their own. And to be clear, he wasn't entirely sure what a club was still, or what gentlemen of good standing did in it, but, he went with it. Sure John. Okay.

He stepped in side as the door opened wider and the man ushered him inside. He stepped over the threshold, nodding his appreciation. "Thank you. What is it you do here? It just, reminds you of home?" Kelson was still getting used to the idea of the horizon.

Lord John offers the younger man a soft smile, tipping his head from side to side as if to indicate that the answer is yes and no.

"I have a family home, in London," John says. "And one in Virginia, and in Philadelphia. But The Beefsteak is a refuge. It has and always will always be somewhere that welcomes me with a warm meal and a soft bed, with no questions asked and no explanations required."

His expression saddens, slightly. "I love my family dearly, but -- coming home from the battlefront, there are times when this place has been a blessing."

"I assume those places are rather far away from each other. So you chose the Beefsteak. I can appreciate that, some place accepting and welcoming." Kelson wondered about the quiet judgements, did this place also come with no judgements or were those whispered in the dark?

The revalation about coming home from the battlefront came as a bit of a surprise for Kelson. He honestly hadn't figured this man as a warrior. Then again, he supposed he didn't probably seem like a king. Assumptions and all that.

"You're a soldier?"

Lord John offers the flicker of a smile at the note of incredulity that sneaks into the question. It's alright, he can't blame the young man for his surprise. He supposes it must be somewhat shocking. He is not a particularly large or imposing man; outside of the battlefield, he's generally mild-mannered. He can understand the surprise. Still...

He offers a small nod.

"I am," he agrees. "I purchased a commission in my brother's regiment when I was sixteen, and I've had it ever since. My father was in the army before me -- one might say I was born into it."

It was true John defied what Kelson would have normally looked for in a soldier. Even his General and Champion Duke Alaric Morgan, while polished, had a certain edge to him, even while relaxed. Which, Kelson thought was probably because the man didn't ever really relax. That....was probably his fault?

"Like a calling or inheritance? I think a few people could understand that. Do you enjoy it?" It was something people had been asking him since he got here. Was he king because he felt he had to? or because he wanted to do it?

John can imagine that there would be many questions for Kelson around his position as king. Especially for those who might not understand the idea of being born into a title. Assuming Kelson had been born into it, that is.

He tilts his head to the side, considering the question for a moment, before he answers honestly.

"I have never known anything else," he says. "I have half-siblings who have made themselves a life elsewhere, but. My brother Hal and I, I suppose we always knew that we would follow in our father's footsteps. I do not regret it, if that is what you ask. In truth, I cannot imagine what my life would be otherwise. The army has given me... Purpose." He flicks the younger man the twist of a smile. "In truth, I find myself missing it, here in Abraxas."

Kelson found himself smiling. It felt easy to talk to John now, that they had somewhat of an understanding? A found common thread. "I do understand, I've felt the same thing. Like I'm not sure who I am or what to do without it. I had someone here ask me if I was even happy back home....I honestly don't think that factors into it? It was purpose."

And dammit he was good at it. What was he good at here, now? Nothing. He didn't have enough influence to make changes, and the only other alternatives he could think of was assassinate the entire royal family in Thorne. Not great options.

"I don't suppose you've found a good alternative to keep busy?"

Lord John offers the young man a somewhat rueful smile.

“I am… Working on finding myself a place here,” he replies. “But for better or worse that is still something of a work in progress. I must tell myself that these things do take time though. I am creating a second life for myself when I am very content with the life I have back at home.”

He shakes his head. “I think perhaps that is my biggest struggle of all in this. The one I am holding against myself.”

"I guess that's the real problem isn't it? We don't want to be here. I don't want to be here. And you're right, we are creating a second life for ourselves in a place and circumstances that are beyond normalcy."

Kelson liked John. He was articulate, he voiced the concerns Kelson had felt well, gave voice to the struggle. "I don't want to move on. I want to go home." Wow he felt like a child.

Lord John's smile softens. The boy across from him is young. At least John himself has lived his life. It is his son he is worried for, who he wishes to return to. The state of the conflict he has left behind. The Frasers -- even though Claire is here with him now, her future self and their family remain perilously in the line of fire.

"I think," John says, after a moment's consideration, "it is best not to consider it in terms of moving on. Our lives still exist, where we have been pulled from. But equally, we are here. And we must find some way of passing our time while we are."

"You are right of course." And Kelson needed to have a better reaction than 'but I don't want too.' But Kelson had to adapt to his role as king from a very young age, and hadn't been given the time to explore who and what he was on his own, prior to this. Now it was such a cemented part of his being, he was having trouble.

"I've had to do things I don't want all my life, I suppose this isn't any different. How are you biding your time?"

[open] Autumn Catch-All Post

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MY APOLOGIES for the wait, my brain went on hiatus

No worries! <3

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