abraxaslogs | Smart men are always looking for loopholes.

Entry tags:

Smart men are always looking for loopholes.

WHO: Jesper Fahey and you!
WHAT: Catch-all for October
WHERE: Cadens, Nocwich, Horizon
WHEN: Throughout October (may add event things)
WARNINGS: Nothing right now.

[ooc: feel free to wildcard below or ask me for a custom starter on plurk]

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Jesper likes that Kaz has gotten to slow down and take his life one day at a time, rather than always being scheming and uncertain of his future. This place has opened many opportunities for the Crows, and while he misses their dangerous adventures sometimes, he values the life they've made together here. Just the fact he can kiss Kaz at any time is a reason worth being kidnapped into another realm, to be honest.

"Yeah, wish I'd gone when I had the chance, to be honest, but I was still hunting leads." During the kidnapping, there was a brief chance for people from other factions to go to Solvunn. To prove they were not all crazy cultists trying to destroy the Summoned. It would have given him a chance to get a look at things himself, but he and Sam Winchester were out in Aquila then. Too bad. He'll have to rely on Wanda.

Kaz and Jesper work at their best as a team and they do it unconsciously, because while Kaz was working on the Feywilds map, Jesper was doing the same thing in other parts. He was mostly focused on the census though. Jesper has collected information on every Summoned into three copies, one with Viktor with hilarious thirst notes, one with Sam who he trusts, and the other one is hidden in the floorboards here. The Feywilds meant all the Summoned had to go there so he could get a good look and note down everyone. Information gathering, always.

He glances over when he makes the note about the imagery code and smiles, leaning over to kiss Kaz's cheek gently. Even now Jesper makes sure to telegraph him moving closer so Kaz won't be surprised when he feels lips on his skin. "I'm sure he appreciates the thought, love."

He knows that Wylan's managed to soften Kaz's edges just as he does everyone he meets eventually. The two of them are attempting to work their shit out, but it isn't perfect yet. Jesper's romance with Kaz and Inej are not the problem, if anything, Wylan thought that made perfect sense. Jesper runs his fingers along Kaz's back gently.

"Thancred seems to think the best option would be getting the Thorne Summoned onto a ship on the south-east coast over to Solvunn."

He looks over the maps as his mind puts it all together into one cohesive picture that he memorizes often so that if he's ever without them, he still knows his way. He reaches out, tracing one range of mountains with a dry chuckle.

"When I first... Joined the dregs," he says, changing it from he first found himself alone in Ketterdam, even before the dregs. "I had to do this alone. I was fast and spry and I ran a lot of things for the dregs so I had to know every alley, every street, every hidey hole. Guess I should have studied the rooftops better than I did," he adds, a very dry joke as he taps at his leg.

He doesn't go still at the kiss, a definite change in how he is, but his cheeks darken all the same. He's not sure when that will stop but he doesn't mind because of the intimacies that come with it.

"We have no idea who will remain here or where they might be. I wouldn't want these to be wasted," he says, as if it's not about including Wylan at all. He's softening but there's still a dark iron core there he's terrified of letting go of.

"So it's practically back like the fold. Fair enough. If we did take a boat, we need to look into how our own city will react and would the army lash out if we returned with others. I know what we would do, but we have to know exactly what would happen if we did this."

"I would have liked to meet that Kaz Brekker. Not that I don't desperately love the one I met." Jesper and Kaz met at the right time, and he wasn't even the city yet he believes. He was found pretty quickly by Kaz after he showed up, having fallen into his addiction almost immediately. "We would have had fun being terrors together." Before Kaz became the very serious leader of the pack rather than one of the runners.

He smiles when he sees Kaz's blush and caresses his reddened cheeks with his fingers. He likes to do that as a silent acknowledgment of what he thinks is absolutely adorable. They've done some dirty things together and Kaz still blushes. So cute.

"I think the Free Cities would obviously want the Summoned to come here, more of a threat leveled against Thorne if they did, but they wouldn't be able to come on boat easily." No, Thorne's group would have an easier time going to Solvunn, but then they could use the path he knows now from Solvunn to the Free Cities. Cadens is land locked. He doesn't know for absolute certain this is true, they could surprise them and be willing to send the Summoned back, but since they want the war it's more likely they'd gobble up the Summoned.

"We'll always be weapons to them." Frustrating but true. "This all started because most of the Summoned fled Thorne and came here and to Solvunn. They were probably sooooo giddy about it." And then they started Summoning too. "I know in my heart we're going to need an escape plan."

Kaz leans into Jesper for a moment, savoring the closeness they have between them now. He craves it, something he had denied himself for so long, and yet he is still cautious. Not because it's not what he wants, but because he knows how much his fear could take control of him and he wouldn't be able to stop it before he hit the floor. It hasn't happened in a while, but he knows it could.

And yet his fingers ghost along Jesper's chest. Not afraid of touching him, but in savoring every chance he had to do so. It's been so long of knowing him and keeping him at arm's length that he still delights in every chance they have now.

Even if they have work to do.

So he sighs as he straightens, looking back down at the maps instead of at Jesper.

"I believe that as well. I don't think they'd help us, but they'll accept whatever summoned we bring with us. So long as we're not caught," he says wryly, knowing that if they were, the Free Cities would deny any knowledge of what they were doing. Not unless they were ready for war.

"How do we know about the symbols and how much they link us to the lands? If we brought people here would they be able to claim them by those alone."

He pauses a moment before adding. "When the creatures came... One of them bore the mark I do. For a time after my encounter with it... I made the Kaz Brekker the Barrel knew look like a nice gentleman. I avoided you and the others then but I couldn't avoid everyone."

Jesper will distract him later, for now they are there to talk about the maps. He can't help it if he sometimes looks at Kaz and wants to put his mouth on every inch of his skin, which is impossible as they have only somewhat been able to get to some skin. It's still an impulse and he still feels that hunger, maybe someday he'll get lucky. He clears his head from his flirty energy, focusing.

"The most logical thing is to get them to Solvunn from Thorne, although it would mean the Free Cities would lock down for us. We're not going to get most of the Summoned willing to leave here anyway unless things are bad, but Thorne is the most at risk." Especially if the Free Cities is about to bang them out of the sky. He knows that technically Libertas got harmed far worse than anything in Thorne, but that was a surprise attack.

"Inej would have a higher chance of getting her Summoned tribe going in Solvunn, they have a lot more space and think we're godsent." Jesper doesn't sound terribly happy about it, but it's not entirely about being happy. If it's the thing the Crows think is for the best, and it makes Inej happy, he'll go to farmland. They could definitely make their own colony there.

He puts a hand on Kaz's clothed back. "The Arcana, apparently it's like a personality thing. It says something about who you are as a person. But it does seem weird it's something the creatures had too."

For years they have worked side by side, and yet now it feels different. There is no invisible barrier being kept between them where Kaz is utterly careful about where his body is at all times. Now there is this easy between them that Kaz had wanted forever and yet had no idea how to ask for it or even find it.

So now as they talk, he leans in close to Jesper, not worrying if their bodies touch. He thinks about so many things with the other man that he's left lightheaded and dizzy, and yet he welcomes those sensations if it means having more of Jesper every chance he gets.

Even if he knows now is not the time.

"The most logical thing, hmmm?" He can't say that has always been their plan, even if it makes sense in this moment. "I can't see fault in all you've said, though I guess I could if I tried," he teases, entirely deadpan in his delivery.

"Do we have an idea of how many are trying to get out of Thorne? And how many would want that if it was a possibility? It would give us an idea of how much room and space we're accounting for." And how much of a task it would be.

He glances at Jesper. "But then we're living on farms," he murmurs softly. "Not a life I think either of us is looking for."

They were made for the city. The hustle and bustle, the livelihood and the liveliness. No matter where either of them had started.

"Though if we did create a Summoned enclave, we could eventually build our own city. If they don't destroy us in the process."

It's easy talking about this and not the arcana, if only that it had led him to behavior he knows the others think is well behind him.

"You, find fault in me? Never, you're blinded by love." Jesper will never get tired of Kaz being in his space, because it is difficult for him to put distance between them. They've always probably physically been closer than they should be, for Kaz's comfort, but they've been each other's right hand for a long time. It's different now and he wouldn't want it any other way.

It's a testament to how much has changed that he says that without a moment of doubt. He believes fully that Kaz does love him, because he's a man of action, and he shows Jesper.

"No, but in an emergency people might feel differently. Like if we asked them now, only some would go, but if the Queen's done one of her psycho attacks again, probably most of them would." So they can't get an accurate headcount as this is an emergency situation. Jesper would like to get them all out now, but he knows how it is with Summoned. They won't go without each other.

"I think you'd look adorable in farm clothes. I could teach you how to toss hay." Jesper turns to face him and smiles as he runs his hands up Kaz's chest, over his clothes, hooking his arms comfortably over his shoulders. In his way now so he can't look at the map, but that's fine. They can look at it in a minute.

"It's not ideal, but I want us to be safe first, happy later."

"I'm sure you wish that but lets be true, I'm never blinded entirely not by anything. Not even your striking and handsome good looks."

Despite the words, they're not distant but warm and soft because it's a sad truth and not a joke. Before he'd ever known what his guard should be, Kaz had let it down and now his brother was gone. He'd never let that happen again because he would never risk losing those he loved again.

He tries to consider the maps for a moment, thinking about what Jesper is saying. There were a lot of places that could easily house a handful of Summoned who were where they weren't meant to be but the times when they would be most needed to act on things could mean so much more space. If they found the key to pulling this off.

All of that though is backburnered at that touch, the way Jesper's hands brush against his chest and he moves in closer. There isn't a second thought as his hands slide along Jesper's trim waist and draw him in close.

So often Kaz's mind is going 24/7 but the moment Jesper draws him close like this, his attention is laser focused and only on the other man.

"Tell me by toss hay you mean something more enjoyable than what that literally means," he murmurs, his gaze going from Jesper's eyes to his mouth before Kaz leans in and kisses him tenderly. What had once been almost impossible for him while remaining conscious now felt like something natural that he needed.

Even if the kiss is slow, and tender, deliberate even as his nails dig in, using that hold to pull Jesper in closer to him.

"I worked too hard for you both to be happy," he murmurs, his lips brushing against Jesper's as he speaks. "Not to make sure that you don't have both, safety and happiness. Even here. Especially here."

"You know it goes right to my head when you say those very true compliments." As if Jesper needs any more swaggering confidence, but he has so much of it already, that it just feeds right in comfortably. He knows he's hot, it doesn't change that he enjoys when other people say it, especially Kaz. Kaz who he thought didn't notice all the time they worked together and he gets extra flattered because it's him.

"Nope, it's boring, although I bet if I made it a competition, we'd have fun." As a former farmboy he knows what he's talking about. But the two of them would definitely be the kind to challenge the other to doing it better. And Kaz loves to be the best. He can do anything his brilliant mind wants.

He sighs contently into the kiss, always clinging a little bit when it's Kaz initiating since that took them some time. Jesper's fingers run through his dark hair, caressing the strands affectionately. He'll never get tired of this. He lets Kaz pull him as close as he wants, pliant to his love's preferences. Then Kaz has to follow that up by being sweet, something that always gets Jesper soft and as in love as he can possibly be.

"We'll always be happy as long as we have you, Kaz." Jesper knows how much Kaz values their happiness; enough that he let them both go without asking them to stay. He loved them enough to release them, even at the cost of his own pain. He kisses Kaz's cheek and then down his jaw, tilting his head gently with a hand in his hair so he can place his mouth on his neck. Jesper is still always so careful, telegraphing his every move so Kaz isn't surprised.

"I get why Thorne people would hesitate to leave each other behind. Nothing could get me to leave you behind again."

Never in his life has Kaz Brekker been so easily distracted as when Jesper Fahey's mouth is on him. It's like the rest of the world vanishes and the only thing that matters to him is the heat of the other man against him. The press of his long, lean body. The kisses on his skin. The strong fingers that card through his hair, and adjust him as Jesper needs him.

Not even thinking about resisting, wanting more and unable to hide that from the low groan that rumbles through him and his eyes falling closed. For a moment giving himself over to everything that Jesper is offering, the things he gives him, both in actions and words.

The words are everything he needs to hear, the knowledge that he had done the right thing. Kaz regrets very little in his life, and most before he became the man he is, but giving them their freedom is the one and only he's truly hesitated on and not known exactly how it would turn out.

Those words assure him they were always the right decision.

"If you keep this up," he murmurs, his hand moving to expertly draw Jesper's shirt from his trousers, giving a soft sound that might have been a whimper as his fingers brush against warm skin, fingertips bared and taking it all in as he always does when he takes these chances. "I'm going to forget what we need to talk about. Like the reality that if we do this, it could well signal a war."

People defecting to another camp might signal building up forces to one side while weakening another. Which, well, it kind of was even if that wasn't their goal.

Jesper did warn Kaz that being with him would be a heady experience. It's not just confidence saying that, he knows what he's capable of. And for someone not used to touch let alone to sex, his sure and eager hands can be very distracting. Everything he does with Kaz is still relatively gentle though. Their first hook up was not, them being so blinded by passion that they rutted against each other in a semi-public place, but Jesper always makes sure to get consent and check on him as they go. The last thing he wants is for Kaz to pass out in the bad way.

At the time, Jesper didn't see it as him leaving Kaz. He went to go live with Wylan and be his live-in boyfriend, yes, but he was always ready to go back to the Dregs when Kaz needed him. And for a year that's exactly what happened. Kaz would snap his fingers and Jesper was there. It didn't seem like a choice, it seemed like he got everything he wanted. Except now he knows it from Kaz's point of view. He sees how he lost his closest friends in one swoop. It was a sacrifice to let them go for their happiness.

It's what makes him such a good person at heart.

If Kaz hadn't moved his shirt up and started to touch him, he may have pouted and agreed to focus on the conversation solely, but he smiles. This is what they should've been doing all along. Talking business while having a little pleasure to go with it. Goosebumps trail along his skin from Kaz's touch.

"We can do both," he assures Kaz. "Wait one second." Jesper turns away to remove the maps safely, so he can hop up onto the table to sit and pull Kaz between his legs. They know the maps. "It could signal a war if Solvunn lets us stay, yes. Whoever we flee to, they'd have to understand what it means." He runs his hands over Kaz's clothed torso.

"I don't know if they'd declare war on us, they'd just want us returned." And then punished, probably, although maybe not. Hard to say. He loves Kaz's face and he inspects it now, all high cheekbones and intense eyes. "Saints you're so beautiful."

Kaz has learned a lot in their time in this place, in his time since coming naked out of that pool. Things he's learned about himself, that he learned to accept pleasure and the things he had denied himself so long.

He had learned things about Jesper and Inej and himself as well.

He had let them go, thinking that like with so many they would be gone, that they would see a better life beyond him and never return. That he had been a means to an end, just as so many had been to Kaz Brekker.

He knew now though that isn't the truth. Far from it. No matter where they are, that isn't the truth and won't ever be. They're his as much as Kaz Brekker is theirs and has always been. How much he's been Jesper's and Jesper has always been his.

Learning to accept pleasure and love and not be afraid of losing them is something he's worked hard on in a year, and so to have Jesper offer both - both the enjoyment of one another and the work he still finds himself focusing on - it reminds him of just how well Jesper knows him. Perhaps better than all others. Maybe even Inej. Maybe.

For a moment there is no focusing on words, just on how Jesper offers himself and how well together their bodies fit with one another. He slides his hands along Jesper's legs, marveling at the strength, and the nearness between them.

"There needs to be more of a way for all of us summoned to forge our own paths here. Between the lands, governing our own and accepted and seen as our own and not some novelty or a fear to be fretted over. I know many are working on it, but for this to work we have to be able to negotiate as our own people, even if we're offered sanctuary by another."

He smiles at that, smug and loving to hear it and not hiding that.

"Coming from the most beautiful man I know, that's high praise."

Jesper does know him extremely well so it really should have been obvious to him what Kaz was doing, letting them both go, uncertain if they'd come back. It's very him, but he figured since he kept coming when he was called, it proved that wasn't the case. Except this Kaz didn't get that reassurance, which is why he's glad that he has it here, that he knows no one can take Jesper away from him. It's them until the end.

Since it's skin contact that is the problem Jesper is very greedy about putting his hands wherever he can as long as it's over clothes. Over his chest, hooked around his shoulders, down his back. He curls his fingers in his shirt and reels him in closer, one of those strong legs moving around his hip to hook him in.

"Well the conclave is a step closer to that. We need the Summoned to get even more unified." Jesper pulls him in for a quick kiss before speaking again. "The problem is we currently don't have any power in our situation. I don't know how we could do that." They don't have to negotiate with them simply for being Summoned, they hold no positions of authority. In a way, he wishes they would ask something of the Summoned, so they at least had something to use.

"The most beautiful? Well you know just how to stroke my ego, don't you?" A playful arch of an eyebrow at that. He leans over to whisper into Kaz's ear. "I was thinking." Always a dangerous thing. "That I really need to see you naked." He kisses his cheek. "What if we took our clothes off and touched ourselves and watched each other?" Jesper might want his hands all over Kaz but he can look instead, and he'd be all about that. And it wouldn't cause any trouble for Kaz's touch aversion since he's not doing it.

Jesper may be used to being wicked and plotting at the same time but for Kaz this is all new territory. He has to remember to breath before he passes out. He has to not let himself become so caught up on particularly soft stretch of Jesper's skin that he doesn't forget they're supposed to be having a talk.

One that has important components because even as he makes that point about the Summoned and what they need to make a stand.

"I can tell you how I did it but I suspect it's not the way you and most want to do it. If they won't give you a position of power, you take it."

Exactly as Kaz had done over the years. Strength, destruction, violence as needed. A lot of violence, and need was a strong word.

Of course, if he wanted to talk about position of power and destruction. His eyes seem to darken in an instant. In his mind's eye he can see what Jesper is saying he wants and he aches for it in ways he doesn't even know if he Kaz Brekker has words for.

"You're a fast learner when it comes to using your power and destroying others," he murmurs softly. "Though remember you asked for this when you get what you want."

A body so pale, damaged in so many ways, with a raw strength that came from so many kind of hunger and determination. Not exactly what he imagines to be someone's desire though.

"You don't mean here on our maps though, do you?"

He isn't saying no, he's just... worried about desires he doesn't want to deny and hard work.

"We're not in Ketterdam, love, and there's only a handful of us. We can't take it here unless we give them something they want first." And that is the kind of thing they don't want to do. Like join the army. Purposely put themselves in positions of authority. They've chosen not to do that. Cadens isn't like Ketterdam where everything was a criminal and merchant game, and it functioned well there, but not here.

"But I'm much less interested in their wants than my own now. That's always the danger of you being near to me. All I want is you." Jesper smiles and drops his head down to kiss Kaz's neck gently. He still is as gentle as he can with him, knowing that intimacy is difficult.

"And you've been doing so well, sweetheart. Letting me in." Jesper appreciates it because he knows how difficult it is. Kaz is fighting between his instincts and his desires and he gives into Jesper anyway. It's very sweet and appealing. He's never had to work this hard at seducing anyone; he can seduce someone within fifteen minutes of meeting him and he has done that. But Kaz is worth it.

"No, baby, not here." Jesper laughs. "Not on our precious maps. My bed, come on." They're in their own apartment so it's very easy to find a bed. He pushes Kaz back since he has to hop off the table and he wraps an arm around his waist, leading him to the room.

Jesper figures he can go first, he's a lot more confident, and it might make Kaz feel a little less nervous if he's fully dressed. He shuts and locks the door behind them and tugs him by the hand over to the bed. "We'll sit on either side so we can look." And not run the risk of touching by accident. Jesper would ordinarily do this side by side, or you know, ideally with his own hands and mouth, but he is considering every angle that would make this less scary for Kaz. He needs to feel safe in this bed, always.

"You can say no at any time, you remember that, don't you?" Consent is incredibly important to him, especially with Kaz, knowing how much they're stepping outside of his comfort zone. Jesper shrugs out of his shirt like it's nothing, all wiry strength and slim, smooth brown skin. He may be confident but he still wants Kaz to look at him. He wants Kaz to desire him. "Piece of clothing for clothing?" The deal is the deal. 1:1.

"You and I both know there are ways. It would mean organizing the Summoned though and I suspect that's a nearly impossible task from the things I've seen. They can work well together but for one, for the sake of making our stake and claim?"

He shakes his head, not believing that.

"But much as I delight in talking about such things, it's not that time now."

No. Not when they're touching and talking and all they're sharing between them. Which maybe says a lot to Jesper about how much things have changed. How much Kaz Brekker has changed.

He lets himself be guided to the bedroom, one of the few times he doesn't take the lead. In this he knows it's Jesper that will lead and he trusts him in every way, with all of him. That he doesn't think there's any doubt of left at this time.

Kaz nods as Jesper sets things down in what they're going to do, but the truth of the matter is, he is not really focusing on anything but the man before him. Especially as the buttons open and material parts and there's the beautiful lean lines of the man he loves.

"I remember, Jesper, and I know you'll respect that."

He doesn't want to though. Dammit but he wants more, and he's hungry for it and that shows in his gaze as it rakes over Jesper. Though he knew that he needed more. He wanted more.

Drawing a slow, deep breath, he exhales as he starts to take off his shirt. Beneath he's pale and scared with dark ink on his bicep and his arm, revealing the newer tattoo on his shoulder when he turns. The one for Dirtyhands, commemorating it as he had the boy he'd been with the R.

He feels self conscious but tries not to show it. Jesper is lean and muscled, whereas he knows he's on the edge of being scrawny. Years of doing without, of living on spite and revenge.

Jesper has to tell himself that some day he'll be able to touch Kaz everywhere, that years from now they will be amused remembering how every inch that grew between them had to be earned. All he has to be is patient. It's on his mind when Kaz takes off his shirt, when he can let his gray eyes travel over his smooth and scarred skin, and there is nothing he wants more than to touch him. To let his fingers gently run over the veins in his arm, over his chest and nipples, and he desires that.

"Saints, you're so pretty." Jesper does know that Kaz is self-conscious which is why he has no problem saying what he's thinking and meaning it. "I could look at you all day." Kaz is usually so careful about the way he appears, so letting himself go bare like this is a huge move. He doesn't think he's scrawny, he thinks he's lovely.

Jesper has been around Kaz once while naked and they were captured at the time, and he was horrified that he hadn't paid attention when he had the chance. Now he's excited about actually getting to look, not sneak a glance like that would have been. But he did say a piece for a piece so it's him now, taking off his shoes and socks first, so Kaz can get ready.

Jesper strips off the rest of his clothes and settles onto the bed, naked and confident, purposely trying to make himself an alluring picture for Kaz. He reaches over to open up his drawer so he can take out lubricant, considering they're going to be touching themselves, it seems like the right move. He starts things off right away by using some of it on his hand and wrapping it around himself.

"Take your clothes off," he says in a tone full of honey. "I already want to stroke myself just looking at you, Kaz. I've been doing it for years, thinking about you."

Kaz's entire focus is on Jesper. Staring at him as if he's never seen him before, that he's possibly never going to see him again. Needing to hold on to that focus even as he sits to remove his low boots, his socks, fingers brushing along the bluish tinge of veins at his ankle.

His focus has forever been on keeping himself covered, on ensuring the only skin that shows is from high on his throat up that he's acutely aware of all that is showing now. Stark black ink on pale skin, the bluish whisper of veins along his skin, the stark lines of ribs, and soon to be seen, the sharp jut of his hip bones. His body is like his personality. All sharp and jagged.

He doesn't even realize he's holding his breath until Jesper speaks and the sound he makes is perhaps the most vulnerable sound he's ever made.

"Any other person," he says, rising to stand over where Jesper lays on the bed, staring at him as undoes the closure on his trousers. "And I would call you out on your bold lies."

But he's Jesper and he knows every word of it's the truth. Enough so that he draws a breath, almost shaky, and steps out of his trousers and under things and sets them aside. His tongue feels dry as he licks his lips, moving to sit on the end of the bed as he stares at Jesper.

Slowly taking in every inch of him even as he reaches out and strokes a pale hand along the strong curve of Jesper's calf. It's not exactly sexual but it feels so insanely intimate to Kaz that he aches from that simple touch, not able to hide how hard he is just from what they've shared so far.

"You are one of the most exquisite things I've ever known in my life, Jesper Fahey," he murmurs, his gaze lifting to Jesper's eyes. "I would burn down kingdoms to keep you."

Through and through he will forever be Kaz Brekker, even as he changes with their new life, and those words might not sound romantic to some, or even many, but from him he hopes Jesper knows how important it is to Kaz.

"I would leave the Barrel behind forever for you," he whispers.

Jesper likes beautiful people but he finds perfection boring, and it's fine because no one really is. All these little details about Kaz he's starving to know about. He never got to learn until now. His eyes seem fixed on Kaz's body, darting every time a piece of skin is shown, absorbing his sharp angles and he looks so perfectly him. Jesper's mouth is dry from desire and he swallows hard when Kaz touches his calf. Trust Kaz to be able to get him painfully hard from the smallest of gestures.

His eyes stare right at Kaz's cock and he longs to touch it, to feel that hard and soft skin, and then to taste. His tongue flicks out to wet his lips because of that exact thought. Jesper's been good about not revealing too many details of what he wants to do to him, so as not to cause any pressure. They are taking this one step at a time and they're already well past what either of them probably expected.

His heated gaze flickers up to Kaz's face when he talks and it takes all of his control not to throw himself on top of Kaz at that last part. He wants to consume him, make him moan, and he shakily takes a breath in and out. "Here, love, slick yourself up." Jesper gives him the lube and tries to remember how to think. Long enough for them to get into this for real, before thinking becomes impossible.

"I would never ask you to leave the Barrel, Kaz, because I love you exactly as you are. I love everything about you." He shifts his calf against Kaz's touch but doesn't ask for more than that. He slides his hand up and down on himself, slowly, knowing how easy it would be to get too excited looking at a naked Kaz Brekker.

"I'm not lying. I would think about your voice rasping in my ear and touch myself just like this. When you'd smirk a certain way at me or give me a sharp order during a shift, that night I would fantasize about you. I'd come with your name on my tongue, every time." And Jesper would go to work and try to hide the open lust, the way his eyes would blow out in desire when Kaz set off reminders of his dreams. Everyone who paid attention knew about his crush on Kaz, it was pathetic.

Jesper curls his thumb on his wet tip and moans, dropping his head back against the wall for a moment, shivering. "Did you neglect touching yourself too? How often did you let yourself come?"

As acutely attentive as Kaz is, he hadn't let himself truly take in each and every one of those clues. A mixture of uncertainty in the face of being unable to do anything about it and the need to maintain a position of control and power, and he hadn't let himself think about that darkness in Jesper's eyes, the beauty of the boy at his side, and had focused on all he had to be, the things he had to do, all he could have.

And somehow in being dragged to another world, literally kicking and fighting as he was dragged in wet and naked, and it had given everything he'd realized he'd given up. For nothing. There was nothing that was worth more than the way Jesper and Inej loved him... how much he loved them.

And all that Jesper is willing to do and how much he accepts of who Kaz is makes this moment something new and sweet and insanely sexy. Because Jesper isn't pushing for more, he doesn't ask for anything more than Kaz is able to give... and he knows where that line lies and that means so much to Kaz.

"I love you, Jesper. I should have said it sooner than this place but..."

He can't bring himself to stop staring at Jesper, even as he opens the bottle and pours some over his fingers. His gaze slides over the other man, taking in long lines and strong muscles, and unable to help but to become fixated at how skilled hands slid along his cock.

Those words though, they draw a groan from Kaz as he thinks about those moments, ones where he might have seen so much more but hadn't let himself.

Long, nimble fingers brush along the length of his own cock and the sound he makes is positively feral, wild and high pitched.

"Too much. I wouldn't..." He shakes his head, even as he curls his fingers around his cock and the words break off in a moan. His other hand tentatively stroking along Jesper's ankle almost in time with how his hand moves on his cock. "Never seemed the right time and people around and..." He groans Jesper's name softly.

"Normally I'd assume you're saying it because you're insanely hard right now, but I know better." As if Kaz would ever say any words that he doesn't mean, especially ones that mean so much to them. But Jesper's glad they've shared their hearts with each other, it makes every step to this place easier for them. The absolute trust and devotion they have for one another is the only reason that Kaz will be able to drop his guard with Jesper later. This erotic step gets them in close quarters while turned on, a new step.

"Saints, look at you, listen to you, you're going to kill me." Kaz's sounds are enough to drive a man mad. He thought a groan was enough but the high pitched sound when Kaz really starts to touch himself is agonizing. Jesper can't help but think about how Kaz will sound when he's fucking Jesper or vice versa, how many sweet and sexual sounds Jesper can wring out of him before he's done.

It's also appealing to watch Kaz enjoy himself, knowing he feels safe with Jesper to be this vulnerable. He doesn't get to enjoy himself nearly enough. Jesper already guessed that Kaz restricted what he needed and deserved, but that's fine, he plans on spending the rest of their lives giving the man orgasms. He never thought that it would be sexual to have someone rubbing his ankle like they're rubbing his cock, but it's working for him.

"We're going to make up for it. I'm going to make you come every day, sweetheart. And I want you to touch yourself when I'm not around, I want you to learn what feels good for you." Jesper is not kidding, if it's up to him, he wants to see Kaz relaxed from delirious pleasure every day or whenever Kaz will let him. He needs to feel comfortable in his body if he's going to ever let Jesper into his body, so it's all a part of the process.

"Watch me, okay? I want you to do this to yourself and pretend it's me." Jesper waits until he's looking and strokes slowly and thoroughly, from the base through to the tip, really touch all parts of his cock and the sensitive nerve endings. He curls his finger along the underside of the head and swears under his breath, knowing how good it's about to feel when he rubs the tip with his thumb. Precum drips off him as he watches Kaz's face.

Maybe this is absolutely everything Kaz has needed, and he's realizing in that moment why he's avoided it in many ways. There's absolutely no way for him to focus. There's no thoughts in his mind in that moment but Jesper and pleasure.

Even his fears and his past were distant thoughts.

Everything is so changed, and it's a realization of how far he'd come. Even in the year and months that he had been in their new world. Years of phobia, of hiding his skin away and keeping a distance between himself and everyone else.

Yet those boundaries between him and Jesper are gone, and if he hadn't truly been aware of that before he knew now as he stared at the beautiful and sensual man next to him. Jesper was Kaz's opposite, his mirror, the one that was all that Kaz wasn't. Outgoing. Friendly. Caring. Exquisite.

And in this moment absolutely in control and utterly sexier than Kaz is sure he can handle.

'And if I don't make time for it, then what?"

He can't help himself, his usual wicked and cruel way of putting distance into things, and yet he suspects he's going to listen, and explore, and teach himself what pleasure is given he's done all he can to block it from his life for as long as he could.

Of course, that challenge is for Jesper to give him more, and loving the thought of it. Just like this right now.

Licking suddenly dry lips as he runs his hand along the length of his own cock, aching already for more of the sensation. Finding his stark gaze shifting between the way Jesper's hand moves over his own cock and then up to the expression on his handsome face.

He finds himself utterly caught up in need and trying to think when his brain is most certainly short circuiting. But he does do what he's told without even thinking about it. Sliding his pale hand along his length, groaning in a deep rumble that is barely beneath vocalization.

"Jesper... please."

He's not even sure what he's asking for but he knows he need and wants more.

This isn't what Jesper fantasized about when it came to them but it's better because it's real. It's really Kaz and him barely a few feet apart, taking pleasure in themselves and in each other's presence. Kaz was game for this much and he's given so much of himself to Jesper already. He may want more, but this is more, this is everything.

Kaz looks so good it should be illegal. All that beautiful skin of his just begging to be caressed and kissed, which he can't have, but he likes to look. The way he licks his lips! Rude. Jesper stares at him, lost in the sensations but also in the eroticism of the moment.

"You will make time for it. Because it feels so damned good." He sounds confident because he is. Now that Kaz has a taste for the ecstasy, and knows he can lust after someone while he touches himself, he'll be drawn to the feeling. Jesper knows this from personal experience.

"Oh fuck, yeah, baby, beg me." Jesper's breath starts coming out in pants as he strokes himself faster. "You can do it, love, faster, just like me." He can last a lot longer but he doesn't want to, not when his eyes are feasting and his body wants Kaz more than he can handle. He wants to see him though, it reminds him of that first time, pushing Kaz against a wall as he rutted into him. The way Kaz's face looked when it went slack with pleasure, so he holds out, as his desperation grows.

"Come, Kaz, please, let me see you, you're so beautiful."

He can't deny that Jesper is right, it feels amazing. Even if the other man won't be there but that doesn't change he'll be hearing Jesper's voice in his head, telling him he should do this. All those years being the one in charge and there's something that is really leaving him softly panting in Jesper telling him what he is going to do and why.

His touch over his own length has him shivering but it's Jesper's voice that is so intoxicating that he knows he isn't going to make it. He hates that it's going to go so fast, but how can he help himself?

Staring at Kaz, his mouth hanging open as he strokes himself faster, thumb running over the head and he can't bite back a soft cry at the sensation as he rubs the precome over his cockhead.

"Jesper. Fuck. Baby," he moans, trembling as he can't bring himself to look away from Jesper, unwilling to look away. "I... I can't..."

He shakes his head and then his pale form goes tense, fisting the head of his cock as he comes. "Jesper." Whining his name softly, staring at him with his cheeks red and his hand still stroking over his cock, slower now as he shudders from the end of his release. "Please. Please."

Jesper is a talker and that is a guarantee when it comes to the bedroom. He will talk someone's ear off and there have been times he's made someone come by words alone and a simple touch. He likes to hear it too, it gets his heart pounding. He's a full package type of guy, he wants to feel it on every level. Touch and taste, sound and sight.

Kaz's words and face, for example, are making him go crazy. The fact he does this so little and that he's enjoying it flushed and needy now that Jesper is there, it's significant. "Fuck," is all Jesper can groan when Kaz calls him baby and then his face goes red and he can see the sweat on him. He wants to lick it off, he wants to clean his cock off now that it's spurted on him, he wants to kiss him more than anything.

"I love you." He says it before he comes so it's all the more true because it's not in the throes of pleasure. But Kaz also already knows. His heart beats for him. He stops holding back and lets himself take what he needs, furiously beating off so he tumbles over the edge not that long after Kaz. Some day he'll teach him how to go slow, but damned if these early days aren't fast and insane. They're both too pent up.

He bends his head back and gasps in air, his own skin flushed and a smile on his face, getting lost in it. Jesper can lazily reach and telekinetically pull a towel toward them to wash up, but first he puts his hand out to Kaz, gray eyes hazy.

"Put some of you on my hand. I want a taste."

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

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