abraxaslogs | Smart men are always looking for loopholes.

"Of course I talk about you to people, Wy. I love you. You are my first love." Maybe not his only or his last, but he is his first, and Jesper feels that way, truly. Wylan changed who he is, how he saw himself, what he thought of himself. Colm said he was good for him, and he was right. The fact Wylan seems surprised about that means that he messed it up, not saying this earlier.

Jesper waits instead of jumping in after the why, letting Wylan decide what he wants to say. It's not easy. None of this is easy. Wylan's a pain point for him, has been since he arrived here all that time ago.

"Because I don't want to hurt you." Jesper reaches out to take his hand. "I promised you monogamy back home and I can't do it here. I love other people too, but it doesn't change that I love you. My heart isn't cut into pieces of a pie." That's also not how he saw it before, when it was just them either, he's always had a big open heart. "You were jealous when I kissed Kuwei thinking it was you. You might not be able to handle this."

"You think it doesn't hurt seeing you with other people and then you keeping me at arm's length?" Wylan asks, his voice quiet so that it doesn't waver. He cried in front of Jesper once and he really, really doesn't want to do it again. "You explained that to me when I got here, and yeah maybe I wasn't onboard that second, but to be fair I just showed up in a strange world and you were telling me you love other people. I needed a minute. But then I kissed you and you acted like I shouldn't have, and I told you I miss you and nothing changed." He wasn't sure what else he was supposed to do.

"And for the record, I wasn't jealous of Kuwei I was mad that you thought it was me, and then worried you had terrible taste in men, he wasn't even good at demo." The last part is said slightly petulantly. He wasn't good at a lot of chemistry, it was insulting.

"You kissed me because you wanted me, and wanting me is easy, Wylan, but sharing me is not." It's probably arrogant to say that with such ease, but he knows it's true, people want him all the time. He's never been proven wrong! "I love you, do you think I could stand it if I was responsible for any of your pain? The others are easy because it doesn't hurt any of them."

They all knew the deal going in and it means every relationship he has is different and unique, but all on the same page from the very beginning. Wylan and him started out in their own place. Their own commitments. It's harder to navigate.

"Most of them are just lovers." As in, only there for fun sex and good friendship and they're happy about that. "But I'm in love with Kaz and Inej. And Mat. And you. It's not like it makes a huge amount of sense to me either, but I know how I feel."

"I kissed you because I love you, you idiot." He pulls his hand away and pushes back from the table exasperated. "And that's as easy as breathing, but if you would like to continue telling me how it's supposed to be hard and painful then be my guest, but you are the one who's not making it easy. Not anyone else."

He rolls his eyes up at the ceiling as if asking a higher power for patience. "I know you love them. You keep telling me that. I don't care. Just stop treating me like you know best. Just...stop."

Jesper stares up at him, and honestly, he can't help it, he loves when Wylan is annoyed at him. When he gets all irritated and sassy and not the sad little merchling he thought he was when they first met. Because Wylan has a spine of steel underneath his sweetness and he loves that about him.

He grins. "So you love me." Jesper's said it multiple times now and this Wylan's never said it to him directly, in this way. Technically they had only known each other a short time when they fell for each other. Over the year they were together, they exchanged those words multiple times, but it still matters to him to hear it.

Wylan's spent time with him, more time than they ever had in Ketterdam. So if he's fallen for him for real, it's not the thrill of the Crows or passion, it's them. "And it's as easy as breathing?"

Edited 2023-10-24 20:55 (UTC)

Wylan pauses, taking in Jesper's grin. "Oh don't be so smug about it, of course, I love you. How could I not? You and that stupid face of yours." Jesper's smile is enough to take the angry wind out of his sails, and he has to fight not to grin back at him, not yet.

"Loving you has always been easy, ever since the ice court, when I saved you from those guards." Now it's his turn to be a little smug. He deserves it, though if he's being honest he's probably been in love with Jesper from the moment they met, he just hadn't realized it. His stupid face and that perfectly shaped mouth.

Jesper laughs. "Hey that's my line!" Wylan and his stupid beautiful face. He knows that Wylan's trying not to smile at him, and he also knows that his smile is so hard to resist. It's part of why he makes it all dazzling, so people struggle not to laugh with him. Jesper does know his allure.

He doesn't bother to move his chair closer he instead slides down onto his knees in front of him since he's a full half-foot taller than Wylan, and on his knees he's level with Wylan sitting. Plus it makes for a very apologetic kind of picture (and another kind of picture) and he cups Wylan's face in his hands, leaning in to kiss him.

Wylan gives in and grins down at him. He’s hard to resist and Wylan doesn’t want to. Not after so many months of not having him like this. He leans in as Jesper does his hand going up to hold on to Jesper’s wrists and their lips meet. Finally. It finally feels like that first kiss all those months again that they had both been aching for.

He’s not sure how long they kiss for but eventually they both need to breath. Wylan pulls back slowly, reluctantly, but smiling as he leans his forehead against Jesper’s.

It feels so right, everything up until this point was wrong. Jesper missed the taste of him, the feel of him. He keeps kissing him until they have to breathe and yet follows after, leaning their foreheads together too, staying within his space as close as he can. He nuzzles their noses, one hand lifting to curl into Wylan's red hair.

"I never stopped loving you. Not for a minute." Maybe they had only been together briefly originally, after a dramatic experience, but Jesper doesn't choose to settle down and live with someone he doesn't love. He doesn't quit the Crows, he doesn't pick another life, not even a rich one. It was Wylan, being his, being with him. Jesper fell fast and he fell hard and he doesn't stop loving people.

"I don't know what's going to happen here." That's never a guarantee. "But I know I want you."

Edited 2023-11-02 20:51 (UTC)

"I want you too, I've always wanted you," He leans in and presses their lips together again, a little more chastely, just because he can now and he doesn't really want to move further away from him. "Can we do this then? Can we be with each other again? I don't care if you also love other people, I just want to be able to love you without anything else in the way."

He might have needed some time in the beginning, to wrap his head around everything. To really understand how he felt and to come to terms with the fact that someone as amazing as Jesper could possibly love him- but he does.

"Besides I think Inej is about to lock us in a room together if we don't."

"Yes, merchling. You and me and your beautiful stupid face." Jesper grins at him and he's so light, so happy. It was a piece he'd been missing and he doesn't see a reason to keep the two of them apart anymore. If Wylan's considered all the options and decided this is still want he wants, good. That's all Jesper needs. And maybe a part of him wasn't sure, that he worried Wylan did have lines he couldn't cross.

"I don't blame her. We've been stupid." Jesper laughs and pulls Wylan into another kiss. While he does have memories of the two of them being involved for a year, it doesn't make this any less special, any less important to pull his lover back into his arms where he belongs. "Can I take all your clothes off now or do you want to be wooed more?"

Wylan can't help the laugh that escapes his lips at Jesper's words. "I don't know, what would this wooing entail?" He asks coyly, pulling back and looking at Jesper with a grin he can't keep off his face. This feels right, being able to joke and flirt with him, to touch him. They really have been stupid.

Jesper gets to his feet and tugs Wylan up, not that it helps their height disparity, so he very forwardly and playfully lifts him to sit on the table. What? He's always been very forward and they're allowed to play around. He would think that Wylan knows what this is like, but he doesn't really. He hasn't had the vast experience of being with Jesper. And now he's going to get to.

"I could take you on a romantic dinner. Ply you with wine until you're blushing more often than not." Such a pretty blush though. Jesper smiles as he runs his fingers through Wylan's hair, leaning down to kiss his cheeks. "We can go on a walk and look at the starry sky." He tilts Wylan's head back so he can kiss his neck.

"I'm still going to do those things, it just might be after we're in bed."

Wylan doesn't know what it's like to really be with Jesper, not yet anyway. They kissed a few times and spent all of one night together, and Wylan had broken ribs. He's not sure what he's getting himself into but he's very interested in finding out.

He tilts his head back, letting Jesper do whatever he wants as he snakes his own arms around Jesper's waist pulling him closer and locking his ankles around the back of Jesper's thighs. "How are we going to do all that from bed?" He teases a bit breathlessly.

"I'll drag you out after I've thoroughly ravished you." Or they can just keep being ravished. It's pretty open that way. They can do whatever they like. Jesper doesn't forget the poor broken ribs and how they'd been careful, but now, it's not a concern.

Once Wylan has his legs around him, it makes it very easy for him to heft Wylan up and carry him to the bedroom. While he thinks it would be very fun to strip him right there, the reality is that Inej and Kaz could come back at any time. Inej does know when the door to their room is soundly shut, there's a reason for it, as if anyone doubts with him what it is. But coming back to him with his mouth around Wylan is not as erotic as it may have been if a threesome was in mind.

Also this is their time.

He closes said door firmly behind him when they get to the room and locks it, playfully tossing Wylan onto his bed, where he's belonged this entire time. "You have no idea how often I've fantasized about you in here."

Jesper foolishly held back but they've already gotten past that, he just means it seductively, how glad he is to have Wylan's soft, precious body in his bed. He peels off his shirt and tosses it to the side, all his lean lines showing, although he's more muscular than purely skinny these days. "What do you want, Wy?"

Smart men are always looking for loopholes.

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject