abraxaslogs | [OPEN] november/december catchall

I was kidding.

[She says that with a wry smile that indicates he should have known this. Whatever he decides, however, she'll be happy to support, even if she knows she isn't very good at showing it, at times. It's easy to tell that Steve thinks he might be a bother, so at the very lest she can let him know that's not the case. He wouldn't be invited here if it was.

That said, Aloy supposes it was only a matter of time before he asked something like this. She's said precious little about her own past, and still finds it difficult to talk about herself, even if she has no reason to hide. The furrow of her brows at Steve's question says as much.]

I grew up an outcast, so. I got used to it. [She understands that sounds a little distressing, so she's quick to shrug it off. Aloy isn't really bothered by that anymore, even if a part of her will always be embittered by what the Matriarchs did to her in the name of superstition. She's met enough good people, however, to be less soured by the Nora recently.] But, before I came here, I was...with friends.

[ . . . ]

So are you inviting me to live with you or...?

[ there is a second, maybe even two, where steve's expression is flat and curious and on aloy before he breaks out into a smile. just in case she didn't realize he can also joke around about this stuff from time to time. because really, he does know that he and aloy are (somehow) friends. or, at the very least, she likes him enough to invite him to her home.

he considers them friends, even if she is hugely more badass than he is. it's fine, it's not that different (except extremely different) than hanging with nancy. it's cool. and really, if she had very simply said she didn't want to talk about it, steve would have been happy to move on.

honestly, steve's a bit surprised she does answer. where before steve had been vaguely curious and okay with not knowing, the brief mention of some of her history now has his full attention. ] What d'you mean with friends? Like in a commune? Or more like roommates?

[This time she doesn't even respond, rolling her eyes and letting out a huff of air that might be a laugh. It's chased away quickly, however, by further questions--not that she minds, them, really, it just reminds her of what she's supposed to be doing, back home. How it still doesn't sit right with her, that she's settled down here instead of fighting tooth and nail to get back.

Even her excuse that she's protecting the other Summoned and the people of the Commune feels hollow, when she remembers everyone back at BASE. Explaining it is even more difficult.]

Neither? We had a base of operations, for...something we were working on. I did a lot of traveling, and I picked people up along the way.

[Like-minded individuals who she could trust with her mission. She'd been getting better at that, before arriving here.]

[ success. steve even smiles a bit to himself afterward. and he knows the questions will probably ruin the mood, but he's also...suddenly aware they've been friends, or at the very least on friendly terms, for...well. years at this point. and steve is suddenly very aware he doesn't know much at all about aloy's life back home. ]

Oh... I bet it was cool. Whatever you were working on. And stuff was rough back in your home, right? Like- the world and everything.

[ steve both does and doesn't understand. his home 'world' or whatever still feels normal, compared to all this. but even that's not wholly true, considering the demogorgon and the russians and vecna.

still, aloy is really badass, and you don't just become badass like that overnight. ]

[It wasn't cool, not really, but that seems like an inappropriate thing to say. She lets out a breathy laugh, instead, though it comes off as awkward. Like this is difficult for her to talk about.]

You know. End-of-the-world kind of stuff.

[Both in the past and in their imminent future. It doesn't sit right with her, that she's stuck here, but for once in her life she's not sure what she's supposed to do about it. The way home is a puzzle that even she can't solve.]

What about you?

[An attempt to deflect, maybe, but also an admission that she doesn't really know much about where Steve comes from, either.]

[ oh....so not cool, then. whether its the awkward laugh or just the way that aloy says end-of-the-world that cues steve in.

but somehow, instead of feeling awkward, steve laughs too - less breathy, less awkward, but more...aware. knowing. in his own way. ]

Kind of the same. [ a flash of an empty yard, no body, the sinking feeling of knowing they'd failed and the rest of the upside down crumbling around them. it's been well over a year since steve has been in that moment, and he's done a pretty good job of not thinking about it at all. ] I mean, I wasn't living on any sorta base or anything. I was living at home with my parents. But- right before I got pulled out of the pond...yeah. End-of-the-world kinda stuff, I guess.

Edited (me losing track of years....) 2024-02-01 02:38 (UTC)

I don't think you've ever mentioned that.

[Which is maybe unfair, because she's never mentioned it on her end, either. In fact, this is the most she's said about her own background, she thinks. Maybe this is long overdue, even if Steve's end-of-the-world kind of stuff sounds a bit more mundane.

Doesn't mean it was any less of a threat. Doesn't mean there isn't unfinished business.]

What was it?

I haven't?

[ steve blinks, presses his lips together, and then just sort of shrugs. he supposes it's possible he hasn't, it's not like it's his favorite topic of conversation anyway. and in the same way he realizes he's never really pressed aloy for her deep dark backstory, it just. hasn't been top of mind.

really, if steve had his way, he would probably have hoped no one had to know about it. but the horizon and singularity had a way of forcing it into conversations. ]

Uh- I guess a combo of things? There's this weird upside down realm that my hometown had a gate into, and weird monsters and stuff would come through. For a few years we were able to close it back whenever it opened, but right before I got here, we were trying to kill this sorcerer monster guy who wanted to open it all the way. It would have kinda destroyed the whole world if it he could, but...

[ well. they were trying to stop him. steve trails off with a sort of distant look, before he shakes his head. ]

Not that I remember.

[He's certainly said more about his home and his friends than she has, but though she understands that Steve comes from a fairly typical "Earth", this is the first time he's mentioned some kind of extra-dimensional threat. Aloy's expression is one of slight concern--not that she doesn't think Steve is capable of handling something like that, but she would rather the Earth (any version of it) not be in danger at all.]

But...?

[ huh.

which may be an indicator of a larger thing. said larger thing being that while steve doesn't really consider himself secretive, he also hasn't really offered up all that much in terms of his own life. not where the weird stuff is concerned.

but...? she asks, and steve can't help but let out a sigh, letting a hand thread back through his hair to push it back off his forehead. ]

But I don't know if it worked. If we stopped him or...what. The last thing I remember is going back through the gate to get home and. [ he gestures around them - aka, he was summoned, and woke up naked in a pond. ]

[And then, this. Aloy nods--she's gained some memories, she thinks, since then, but she's not sure if she can even count them. No time passed in Solvunn, and in her own world she's not any closer to finding and stopping Nemesis than she was when she was first pulled here. There's Seyka, of course, but Aloy isn't sure she can believe any of it was real.

But she knows what it's like, to have unfinished business. To not know of the ultimate outcome.]

Do you think that you did it?

[That might give him some peace of mind.]

[ it's a totally valid question to ask, and really, steve should be expecting it even as the explanation leaves his mouth. still, the question - when he hears it - leaves him feeling almost sick to his stomach. ]

I don't know. [ a beat, where steve just sort of stares into the middle distance. ]

I don't know what we'd do if we didn't. If we failed... [ a breath, and then a shrug. ] If we failed, I guess I don't really have a world to go back to.

We can't know if that's true.

[That there would be no world to go back to. If some greater force can bring them here, then nothing is impossible. But Steve is right that the uncertainty of it all is perhaps more distressing to think about.]

Nobody from your home is here, right? Just Eddie?

[And if Eddie knew anything from beyond Steve's point in time, they wouldn't be having this conversation.]

Maybe.

[ except that steve is pretty convinced it is. he doesn't want to argue about it, though - not when there's very little he can do about it. he takes a long breath and tries to push the heaviness of the thought away. ]

Yeah- just Eddie. And he- [ steve cuts himself off, suddenly self-conscious about whether or not it's his place to say anything at all.

but he remembers how eddie has been acting about the whole thing, and it's also aloy. she's kind of on steve's short list of people he's pretty comfortable spilling everything to by now. ] He's dead. Or- shit. [ wow! he's bad at this! and that crushing feeling in his chest isn't going away! ] He dies, back home, before we all made it through the gate. Before I made it through. So... he wouldn't know.

[ steve wonders, briefly, is this is ever going to get any easier. he doubts it. so instead he just kind of shrugs. ]

[Aloy's lips part slightly, because this is the first she's heard of it. Maybe her own fault, for not paying too much attention to everyone else's interpersonal relationships, but she feels a well of sympathy all the same.]

Oh, Steve, I'm...sorry.

[She isn't very good at expressing this kind of thing, but having not known, it seems appropriate to express her condolences. Aloy wonders what it might be like, to arrive here and see deceased friends again, brought here by the Singularity from the moment they might have died. What it might be like, to see Varl again.]

Does he know?

[ steve knows that she's not trying to look at him with pity, but there is something in the look that is too much. he curses, rubs at his face, and tries to remind himself that it's not worth feeling guilty about. it's not like he's on the verge of tears or anything, he just...he doesn't know what to do. how to react.

she says sorry and he huffs out a breath, shakes his head. ] It's fine, it's not- it's not a big deal. Or, I mean, it is but it's also not. He's alive here, we've been here for years now, so...yeah.

[ he has no idea what he's saying at this point but the bubbling in his chest does make him feel like he has to keep talking. ]

Yeah, we've...talked about it. I don't know if it's a thing where he's just sort of accepted it or decided not to think about it or what, but... [ there's a pause, where steve takes a breath, before he's looking back to aloy again. his expression is suddenly a bit more still than it was before, a bit heavier, like steve is finally giving words to something he's had on his mind but hasn't been able to bring up to anyone else. ] He died to make sure we could do it, that we could stop Vecna and save everything, and if the plan didn't work then he died for nothing.

[Aloy seems to understand that Steve is sorting this out for himself, so she lets him do so, watching him with her arms folded and some concern. It sounds like a big deal, with a lot of implications, but she certainly understands the impulse to downplay it so as not to worry others.

Even if there's a lot about this that's worrying. She's not quite sure what to say--making others feel better isn't necessarily one of Aloy's best skills.]

I'm glad you get a second chance.

[If that's what this is, for them. And if Eddie is aware, and they're talking about it, then maybe this isn't her business.]

[ steve sits on that for another couple of moments. because...yeah. all of that was a lot more of his own shit than anything else. he feels a weird kind of weight added on instead of lifted, like he's the reason aloy is now going to have to carry this, or deal with this, or...something else ridiculous. ]

Yeah. [ is all he can really say to fill the space, before he's running his hands over his face. back through his hair.

well. aloy now knows...all of that. and steve feels somehow both weighted and weightless. it's not a great feeling. so steve, after another moment or so of letting that all sort of sit, lets out a long breath. ]

Sorry about...all of that. You needed help cleaning up, right? [ lets move on let's move on please let's move on ]

[She wishes she was better at this--that she could provide Steve the comfort that he clearly needs in this moment. It's what she might have wanted, at her most vulnerable, despite how hard she works to push most people away. Maybe the simple act of listening has helped.]

Don't apologize.

[He shouldn't apologize, just as she's not about to force him to finish putting her compound back in order, though maybe that's the kind of distraction he needs.]

I'm not gonna make you clean my yard.

[ he shakes his head at the 'don't apologize' if only because it's not... he realizes he says it more to fill space, to try and move on, and less because he actually feels sorry...

or rather, he does actually feel bad. for dumping, for freaking out, but there's nothing else he can really do about it now.

it's the next bit that has steve frowning. ] What? Nah, c'mon. Let me help. I'm not going to leave you to do it alone.

[She understands the need for a distraction, so even if she feels a little bad for making him do yard work after such a vulnerable conversation, she's not going to press the matter if Steve really wants to do this. Aloy will oblige him.]

Okay, you've twisted my arm.

[And she'll offer him a little smile.]

Some heavy lifting might be good for you, anyway.

[OPEN] november/december catchall

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wrapping?