abraxaslogs | [ OPEN / CLOSED ] adieu to all the faceless things

( It's true, he didn't come to watch Geralt train in such crisp conditions, but then he's always enjoyed watching his companions hone their skills. If nothing else it's always fascinating to see what people can do — for someone who spends so much time among his books, watching an expert trianing sessions is akin to a trip to the circus. )

I shall not allow the weather to dictate how I choose to present myself.

( He replies, amusement curving his lips as he moves to follow Geralt back to the keep. He's teasing, obviously, although there must be at least some smattering of truth to his words since he's choosing shivering over sense. They fall into step together as they leave the training posts behind: )

'Tis good to see thee well, Geralt. I confess, was not certain I would find thee here today, but it gladdens me that I have.

[ Seems not. He makes a soft noise as they walk up the sloping path. The fortress looms ahead through the falling snow. ]

You came for a reason?

[ Nothing troubling, he hopes. He and Urianger are not the closest of friends, but he does consider them friends rather than mere acquaintances.

He pushes open the heavy wooden doors. Kaer Morhen has not changed since they last met here together. Thick trees, blazing fires within, a permanent chill in the air. Geralt finds his seat at the table, offering Urianger a mug filled with ale by default. ]

( Stubborn as he is, Urianger is nevertheless extremely grateful for the warmth of Kaer Morhen when they arrive. His sigh is relief-adjacent; his shoulders drop a little as he loosens his grip on his cloak, then reaches out to take the proffered mug as he settles at the table. )

Thy hospitality is most appreciated.

( He replies, allowing himself a tiny sip of the mug of ale he plans to nurse for a long time. Urianger's inability to handle his drink is a running joke among the Scions, and Thancred isn't here to drag him back to his own domain for a rest.

Easy does it. )

I came for a reason, aye, and here he sits before me.

( Urianger indicates Geralt withh a flourish of his free hand. )

It has been some time since last we saw one another, and I ... value both thy company and thy cousel. I had hoped to touch on the matter we last discussed.

[ Mm. Geralt leans forward, elbows resting loosely on his thighs. He recalls that conversation. He isn't sure how much of what he said helped, but he hopes the elf has been doing better since. Difficult, he thinks, when not all of the answers have been found. What was that flash of vision they witnessed? What did they leave behind in that cave?

A part of him wonders if even Josselyn recognized the full extent of what she was doing.

Geralt, too, leaves his drink mostly untouched. Pouring one is more a habit than anything. ]

You're still troubled.

[ It's hardly been a year. He isn't surprised to hear Urianger has not yet found his measure of peace. ]

( A shadow of a smile flits across Urianger's expression as he curls both hands around the mug, his fingers flexing and curling just the once as he exhales a soft sigh. )

Aye. I am still troubled.

( A frown creases his brow for a moment as he looks up to Geralt again, this time with a hint of apology on his lips. Part of him feels somewhat shamed by the fact that he's waited so long to reach out to Geralt again; they faced the same horrors in the Pit, after all, and chances are Urianger isn't the only one with the memories of it all weighing on his mind. )

... Forgive me, 'tis not mine intent to call upon thee only when I am in need, and yet—

( He shakes his head with a wry huff of laughter, then takes a sip of the ale. )

And yet here I am.

Edited 2023-12-30 23:54 (UTC)

[ His expression turns wry. ] Folk in need is how I make my coin.

[ He isn't bothered. He and Urianger may not be close, but the elf has never been anything except courteous to him. More than that, he understands how things...can weigh upon you. Things that you did not choose to happen.

They both endured that place together. ]

You can tell me.

[ Urianger had spoken of having control of his mind taken from him. Geralt can understand. He'd experienced something different under the ritual's influence, but—he'd lost himself, too. ]

That may be so, and yet no coin hath exchanged hands.

( Urianger replies, although there's a curl of amusement at the corners of his lips that might not have been there before. Perhaps there's something else he could do for Geralt to express his gratititude ... but those are thoughts for later. For now, there is only the conversation. )

I am unsettled, by my thoughts of late. The Pit and all who suffered it all bear scars from the experience in one way or another, and yet ... I fear I am remembering more of the period in which my mind was not mine own. ( A furrow creases Urianger's brow for just a moment. ) I recall a man. And — it frustrates me, that I cannot know for certain whether he was truly there or whether he was simply a figment of mine imagination.

( His shoulders twitch minutely, as though trying to downplay the shiver that rolls its way from the back of his neck to the base of his spine. )

It frustrates me that I know not what I must do to protect myself from such an attack again. The Anomalous Beasts, I—

( But all of a sudden Urianger looks deeply ashamed, as though he hadn't intended to speak about that at all. He turns his face away for a moment as he remembers the destruction he wought upon Borrel; remembers the way it fell to Thancred to bear the worst of his attacks and pull him back into himself again. )

... My role has ever been to support my companions. Himeka, Thancred — all that I have to give, I give to them most willingly.

( Golden eyes look to Geralt's again, his expression deeply pained. )

I cannot be the threat, Geralt. I cannot.

[ A man. Yes. Geralt doesn't know if his experience will help much—he could have easily seen a figment, too—but Urianger is at least not alone in having witnessed the vision. ]

I saw him, too. A dark figure.

[ The figure is only a part of this, though. He hears beasts, and understands, as well. He'd been gripped by one just the same. When he was with Ciri, no less, something he never wants to happen again. But it does and it can. He knows that.

He leans forward. ] I could suggest you work on your mental fortitude. In Thorne, I have no doubt you've plenty of mages to consult. [ Istredd, Yennefer. Stephen. He doesn't think that's the answer, though. Not really. Not at the crux of the matter. ] But sooner or later, you will stumble again. And the more you spend your days worrying about when that might next be, the less you can be there for your companions.

[ He understands. He does. The times he lost Ciri, the times he let her down. It's taken him...much to learn that he can't let himself be consumed by his failures. ]

( But sooner or later, you will stumble again.

And there it is. Urianger looks away at Geralt's statement, momentarily shamed by the lengths he's gone to in order to ignore something the other man knows to be inevitable fact. That he knows so be inevitable fact, for all he's tried his best to convince himself otherwise. He leans back in his seat, his expression unreadable as he closes his eyes for a short moment: )

... I am unused to this manner of inevitability.

( His lips lift into a tight smile. )

Upon my home Star, I—

( He sighs into a humourless chuckle. )

For so long I considered it my duty to pave a path of light from my place in the shadows, that Himeka might walk it unburdened of the knowledge of what each flagstone truly cost. My life has been one of ... orchestrating, some might say. To find myself at the mercy of the orchestrations of others is — most unsettling.

[ Perhaps that's where the difference between them lies. Geralt's life is something of the opposite. He's no one's puppet—not near it—but there are always forces pushing him one way or another. People, kingdoms, Destiny herself.

His entire life has been about steering his course in spite of those who would take his choices from him. ]

I don't profess to know Himeka as well as you do, but...I doubt she gives a shit about you carrying her burdens. I think she'd rather have you as a friend than a martyr.

[ Does he understand where Urianger is coming from? Sure. He's not unsympathetic; his frankness isn't meant to be dismissive, though Geralt's never been particularly soft with his words, either.

There's only so much wallowing one can do. Eventually, you have to move on. Or the world moves on without you. This, the weight on Urianger's shoulders, it isn't something that anyone can lift except Urianger himself. That is a decision the elf will have to make on his own. For himself and no one else. ]

... I am not unaware.

( Urianger sags a little, as more uncomfortable realisations begin to stir up into his chest. It's difficult to admit that part of the problem is feeling at a loss of how to be part of a close friendship: he loves his friends deeply, of course he does, but Urianger has ever occupied a position that sets him apart from the rest of the group. He is a core member of the Scions and yet he arranges his work that he might achieve it all alone — even upon the First, he took up residence in a region populated by Pixies, not by mortals.

His thumb and forefinger pinch at the bridge of his nose, then rub over his eyes, before he lifts his cup to take another sip of his drink. )

It is difficult, to know that one's insecurities reflect the worst parts of oneself.

( But at the very least, he does smile at that. )

As difficult as it is important, I should add.

Mm.

[ That it is. Geralt's not of the belief he's saying anything Urianger hasn't thought himself already, but perhaps the elf simply needed another to speak it out loud. Whichever the case may be, he hopes Urianger will find himself some measure of peace. Eventually. ]

Our worst parts are only so if you let them fester. [ They all have them. ] Have you considered speaking to Himeka?

[ It's a gentle suggestion. To have a close friend from one's sphere is a rare thing. Not always a desired aspect, but he has learnt through his own experiences that it...helps. To not be alone. And though he may not have known Himeka from before this world, they've been friends for a time. Long enough that he can say that she is a grounding presence for troubled minds. ]

[ OPEN / CLOSED ] adieu to all the faceless things

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So sorry for the lateness! December do be like that 8')

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wrap soon? 🎀