abraxaslogs | [ CLOSED ] into an ocean

Entry tags:

[ CLOSED ] into an ocean

Who: Claude and various
When: January
Where: Cadens, Aquila, TBA
What: Catch all
Warnings: Threads for the Tier 1 and Tier 2 quests related to the island have been marked accordingly

( closed starters below. find me at

indech, by PM, or on discord to plot something! )

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[ Ah, well. Claude will file that you could have away for later and some other night where now that the invitation's been as good as extended, he'll definitely knock on the door the next time around. Probably also in a less introspective mood to go with it, with any luck.

He's still shaking the remnants of that mood from tonight off to be better company than a guy sitting alone with his drink as he had been, and there's an instant where he blinks in surprise before breaking out into a grin at the mention of one family member in particular. One that's far easier to focus on than the rest when it comes to recent events. ]

He's doing well. Enjoying terrorizing us all in different ways and using my hands to chew on while he's figuring everything out about being here. I'd forgotten how sharp baby wyvern teeth can be. [ With an entirely dramatic sigh to go with it, likely to no one's surprise, ] And I'd forgotten what training a baby was like since I've taken my wyvern for granted lately though she was a rightful terror herself at that age. We'll get there, and hopefully without any more shoes meeting an untimely end.

[ Not all shoes being his own, unfortunately for his roommates. And it's probably in bad form to go on so much about the wyvern but not his human counterparts and especially so when there's some news there, though he pauses to take a sip of his ale before continuing. ]

And Hilda and Sylvain are doing alright though the island was difficult for all of us for different reasons to say the least. But more importantly than that and on a better note, the three of us are... trying something. Together and with all three of us, I mean. [ That's the entirely too casual way he's going to announce that while idly watching a card game a few tables over before glancing back to Steve. ] One of those things which wouldn't have been possible without being here. I've been thinking about that a lot lately the longer that we're here with seemingly no end in sight.

[ With the way that Claude talks about what is essentially a baby dragon, he may as well be describing a dog, and Steve can't help but chuckle at his exasperation. Still, a quick glance at Claude's hands shows that there are no truly troubling scars, just a few scratches like what might be expected from any pet. ]

Sounds like he's a handful. Did you end up putting together some sort of makeshift aery on the roof for him? That's what I suggested to Hilda when we chatted about him.

[ During the Red Path restoration, though that's neither here nor there. While Steve would be honored to hear that they made use of his advice, he also wouldn't be surprised if they hadn't gotten around to it yet. Last month and the month before were busy, and it only now feels like everything is calming down.

He gives a stoic nod when Claude references the island. While he'd done his best to support Sylvain while he was there, he hadn't caught Hilda, but it sounds like one way or another, they got through that experience. And Steve isn't going to press the subject, not when it would only be prodding at some tender spots.

Besides, then Claude goes on to say something else, something that seems to come out of left field if only because Steve's not the sort of person to pry into others' personal business. He knew that the three of them were good friends, but trying something seems to imply more than that. Claude has a gift of explaining it without using any exact words, so that even Steve can pick up on what he means. ]

Oh, that's... that's great to hear. [ His face subtly brightens with a small smile that comes from genuine happiness for a friend. ] You're right, I mean, nothing is guaranteed here but this place also gives us chances that we might have never had otherwise, and... if not now, then when? [ He might now be pulling from his own experience, from everything that happened between him and Sam last month, and even vaguely referencing it is enough to make some warmth enter his cheeks. He really didn't expect to admit it to anyone so soon, but with Claude have already brought up his arrangement, maybe he should?

So, somewhat awkwardly, he adds: ] ... I went through something similar, recently.

Not yet. He's mostly been in the greenhouse when we've been outside though that's a good suggestion. Having somewhere of his own would be good to get him used to beyond hanging out inside.

[ Whatever he was going to say, whatever else he was going to add on the topic of wyverns in Abraxas or back home or in the tangled up triad of those from Fodlan - it's all forgotten at what Steve adds as all other thoughts are quickly pushed aside along with his drink which gets immediately abandoned on the tabletop as his focus shifts to the other man and takes in that flush.

This is far more important than any other chatter. ]

Yeah?

[ More of a confirmation than an actual question or anything close to it, and the wide grin which appears on his face is both out of delight and maybe also just a tiny bit at Steve's expense. Not that Claude has any room whatsoever to tease anyone about being not forthcoming about a feeling, something important like this must be for Steve to have volunteered this information at all.

He could've left it at the well wishes. He could've simply agreed with the fact there's no guarantees about being here when it's something they've seen happen over and over in different ways over their past year and a half. It would've been easy enough to pivot away into another topic entirely or right back to the wyvern. But Steve didn't do any of those and it takes Claude all of a millisecond to recognize that for exactly as weighted as it is: another extension of trust between them, and one reciprocated both ways. With it comes the same genuine delight that'd been in the other's expression with every bit as much to match in Claude's own. ]

How similar are we talking?

[ It feels like a safe question to ask - not that he's not dying for the details and ready to share his own in return - but that's as much as Claude will prod around the topic at hand until he's sure it's truly welcome. ]

[ Oh boy. Maybe he shouldn't have said anything.

That grin of Claude's definitely feels like Steve is about to endure some teasing, and while he knows that it will be good-natured because Claude is a friend, he's still going to have to suffer through it. While he doesn't think that Claude will run to tell all the other Summoned about this, especially if Steve voices that he'd rather he didn't, dread does still wash through him for a moment.

(And it isn't even necessarily that he wants to hide any of this, but it is his personal business, something that's just between him and Sam. It's more that he'd rather not have a flood of people contacting him to give him a hard time about the whole thing, as someone who's not the best at expressing his emotions a lot of the time.)

Still, the fact remains that he brought it up, and now that Claude's asked for more details, it seems only right to give them. ]

Well, it also involved coming to a realization about not losing the chance while we have it... with a friend from home.

[ Steve's gaze shifts up to the ceiling, vaguely in the direction of the upper floors where he and Sam have a shared apartment. From what he's gathered, a lot of people already assumed that he and Sam were involved, so this may not even be a groundbreaking revelation to Claude.

So with that Steve glances back to him, wearing a ghost of a smile. ]

I'll give you one guess.

[ Claude would like to think he's doing a better good job holding back here, if only because the urge to lean forward and prop an elbow on the table in the prime position for someone about to hear some gossip. Except that's not the right word for it considering he doesn't plan to repeat it as he might have with just about anything else, though that doesn't mean he's watching any less eagerly as Steve looks up towards the ceiling as part of his explanation.

By the time his friend is looking back at him, Claude's grin has only grown all the wider. ]

I don't think I need a guess at all since I'm that certain.

[ Because that's totally what's important here; as soon as the sentence is out of his mouth he elbows Steve fondly and as easily as he would to any friend. He'd had his suspicions thanks to enjoying watching others and picking up small details here and there, but to hear it confirmed now is something else. Something delightful. ]

I'm glad to hear it. I mean that, since the two of you more than deserve happiness and if that's with each other then it's all the better. If there's something else to add to reasons to be glad about coming here, then I'm adding the two of you to that list.

[ Remembering his temporarily forgotten drink Claude takes a sip of it, partially so it doesn't go to waste but mostly to give himself a second to consider how to ask what he wants to next. A couple seconds is all he needs before he tilts his glass Steve's direction afterwards to preface it. ]

I take it something's also happened at home where this wouldn't be possible there, if we're in the same situation for at least that much.

That sure of yourself, huh?

[ Steve closes his eyes and shakes his head to himself, but he doesn't offer any protest. The fact is, there's really only one person it could be, as Steve isn't the sort of person to get close to others very easily. What he and Sam have, from the very first day they met on their morning run, it was different. It felt different. It had just taken this long for Steve to really understand that.

When Claude gives him that friendly elbow, his eyes snap open and he laughs. He can't really blame Claude for his reaction, as much as the urge to feel embarrassed about it threatens to bubble up. That's the thing, there's nothing to be embarrassed about — Steve just doesn't do well being the center of this kind of attention. ]

Thanks, Claude. And you're definitely on my list too, for what it's worth.

[ Quite a few Summoned are, as conflicted as Steve's feelings about being here have been. Trying something with Sam, as Claude had put it — that's now at the top of that list too.

Though at Claude's implied question, Steve's expression flickers as he glances down to the table for a beat before nodding. ] Yeah, it's... well, it's kind of complicated, but I guess it's probably the same for you, huh? With the different timelines, and the war, and... [ Well, he doesn't need to tell Claude.

He takes a sip of his own drink, wondering if he wants to ruin the mood by explaining. But he also knows Claude isn't the type to just let it go. ]

It's kind of a long story.

[ Steve gets nothing but a chuckle for that question, one which probably says clear enough: yeah, he's that confident. For a variety of reasons, but it's only with a pleased sort of satisfaction of being right on this where it means something absolutely wonderful for his friend.

It's easy then to settle into an equally pleased smile at the sentiment being returned. It might've been on the tip of his tongue, this being an ideal time to point it out, to mention again how long they've been here and that Steve's someone he's known from the very start of it all. More or less, and in ways he values in thoughts most often kept private rather than being openly shared.

Maybe it's for the best he doesn't since not long after, Claude catches that flicker in Steve's expression. One which telegraphs so much even before the words do, and he stills to study the other man. It's kind of a long story, Steve says, and that's a statement of which Claude feels the weight of deep inside. He stays quiet for a pause while thinking about it and those timelines, and the war which came to all of them as there were no other options, and finds more truths to offer Steve in return. ]

You could say that. Sylvain isn't alive in the timeline that I'm from. When or if I return home, he won't be there since he died at that battlefield you saw in the nightmare. [ His gaze seems to have drifted to his drink again at some point in that contemplation, though he raises it again to Steve with a humorless smile. ] Hilda and I are from the same as far as I can tell since she remembers the things I lived some months before the point from where she arrived. As much as I wish that was a guarantee of anything, the others from Fodlan who've been here and left are enough to make me question it as she died and I lived in yet another version of Fodlan's supposed history. I say this to say I understand to some point, if your complicated involves anything like that.

[ It remains a point of confusion that Claude and the others from his world are one of the few examples of people from different versions of their world, the proof of the multiverse laid bare. It's a concept that Steve's familiar with by now, but he hadn't had a direct connection to it until now. He's aware that what the Avengers did with collecting the stones and traveling through time may have even made a few branches, and that there are other versions of him out there, but...

Well, it's enough to make anyone's head spin. Claude, Sylvain, and Hilda have been contending with the reality of that this whole time. ]

Part of me wonders if it does, though it's not something I've been able to confirm. Just a theory.

[ He doesn't mean to be cryptic, but he does pause to take a long sip of his drink, mainly to give himself time to figure out how to explain this in the most concise and easy to understand way. When he sets his glass down, it's with a long sigh. ]

Back home, we were in a situation where we had to change the events of the past. To make a really long story as short as I can, there was a warlord from another planet who decided that the best way to heal the universe was by cutting its population in half — and he gathered six incredibly powerful stones, the Infinity Stones, to make this dream of his a reality. [ Here, Steve's expression shutters as he glances down at the table between them, his hand tightening around the handle of his pint glass. Even now, there's still some untapped anger over it left in him. ] That day, everyone lost at least half of the people they knew — they just turned to dust. I was one of the survivors, and alongside everyone else on my team who was still around, we figured out a way to travel back in time and undo Thanos' actions.

[ Unfortunately, that's only the start of the story, but Steve pauses, gaze shifting back up to Claude to assess his reaction and await any questions before he continues. ]

[ A theory. Claude nods slowly as the implications of that aren't lost on him. It's what they'd been working with as well until it was all too clear that the differences in what they remembered, what they lived meant something else. Something Linhardt had more or less confirmed in his too brief time after being summoned, and he thinks again of the timelines and notes the researcher had developed while the four of them talked in the Horizon, and ones Claude had stashed away after Linhardt had vanished.

But that's dwelling on his own issues of a fragmented home far too much - he hadn't been aware of it before arriving and if what Viktor's said in their talks of being in Abraxas are true then he'll someday return home without knowing any different. That's leagues away from what Steve must have lived for that to be a preface, and Claude sits and silently turns his drink in place while he waits for Steve to find what he wants to say.

It doesn't take long for him to stop even that as even idle fidgeting being too much of a distraction from listening to make sure he catches each word. No wonder Steve hadn't so much as flinched at war in or any of their discussions of it; his own reality was far harsher since when Claude pictures suddenly finding that half - or even just a few - of the people he treasures could just be gone in an instant, it's enough to make his throat tighten. ]

Gods.

[ It's the most muffled of exclamations, subdued beneath the weight of what's been said and what must yet still be to come when Steve looks to him. Though Claude's been careful to keep his expression a careful neutral listening expression to not interrupt what his friend is telling him, it's slowly been overrun more and more with a mixture of emotions. Sympathy, empathy, and more than a sliver of pain when it comes to losing those you love.

So much so that it takes a second for something else in there to click and he narrowly avoids startling when it does. ]

Wait, you- you traveled back in time?

[ Maybe it's more telling that this is what surprises him than the idea of an enemy from another planet, but they can get to that in time. ]

[ Steve imagines that it's difficult to even know how to react to a story like this, and that's one of the reasons why he really only tells it when it becomes relevant. He's known Claude for a long while at this point, about a year and a half, and yet it's only now that he's treaded over the subject of Thanos.

It's a lot, it's difficult to explain, and he's aware that when he tells people about that he's putting them in the position of not even knowing what to say.

In a way, it's a relief when Claude quickly moves on from any expressions of sympathy to instead ask a question. Steve nods, unsurprised to find that this is one of the details Claude has gotten tripped up on. ]

Yeah. Believe me, it wasn't done lightly. One of the geniuses in our group had to figure out how to even make it possible, but he did it.

[ When Tony first turned them down, Steve had wondered if that was it, if they were screwed. Instead, he'd come around and committed to the idea, only to ultimately pay with his life. Tony may not have regretted that decision, but he'd seemed haunted by it all the same, here in Abraxas.

That's besides the point, though. Steve presses on after taking another sip of his drink. ]

Thanos destroyed the Stones after he used them, meaning that they didn't exist anymore. The only way we could hope to undo what he did was with those Stones, and so time travel became the only hope we had. Somehow, we pulled it off, collecting the Stones throughout time and bringing them together to put an end to Thanos and his goals.

[ Even now, the relief of that moment — the way he'd felt when he'd heard Sam's on your left and watched portal after portal open — Steve remembers it all like it was yesterday. ]

[ But he did it echoes back again to his thoughts of Viktor when it's impossible not to; he's said before to the scientist that if there was anyone here who could come close to (or actually) achieve what they wanted to do in terms like these and he'd meant it. It's a thought he'll have to dwell on later though he can't help but wondering if Steve's told Viktor anything about that - and what it might mean for the summoning ritual and all its research.

The explanation follows of what the traveling was for, and it takes Claude but a second to calculate what that must have meant. A low whistle from him follows and with it a mixture of feelings. There's a familiar thread in there, too, and while it wasn't exactly like traveling through time to undo incredible injustices - ]

The day Garreg Mach fell when the Empire started the war, my professor went missing. There were... dark forces at work, I guess would be the simplest way to put that for now, and he was sent to an abyss somewhere between life and death. According to him, anyway, since when he came back and told me he'd been asleep for five years I didn't exactly believe him.

[ A short laugh that's not quite a laugh so much as a placeholder for something else follows as he takes a drink himself, then resumes studying Steve. ]

But having him there at my side again meant the struggle of the last five years might've been worth it even with so far to go from there to where things ended up. I'd imagine what I felt was only a fraction of what you did in managing to retrieve everything with what sounds like so much to do from there.

[ To say the least. Though he'd watched the Empire threaten to tear the Alliance apart while pulling strings in every direction to keep it in a fragile balance by misdirecting the lords this way or that depending on his whims and what would make them argue the most, Claude's under no illusion that comes close to having to undo the rending of Steve's world. ]

[ Taking a years-long nap happens to be something that Steve is familiar with, and while his incident had been because of pure bad (or good, depending on how you looked at it) luck rather than dark forces and he'd been in a block of ice rather than an abyss, he can't help but draw some comparisons. He can tell that Claude is simplifying it all so that they aren't here all night, which Steve also had to do with the Thanos stuff.

Both of them have pretty complicated lives back home, don't they? ]

I can see why you wouldn't have known what to make of it at first. But I'm guessing he didn't age? [ Steve sighs and drags a hand across his eyes, chuckling to himself. ] Well, take it from me — it could have been a lot worse.

[ Like seventy years, instead of five.

He lets that cryptic statement hang for a moment, though, not wanting to get too distracted from his initial point. ]

We got the Stones, we stopped Thanos, and my last memory before coming here was a funeral... [ He shoots Claude a look across the table, not thinking that he needs to explain that any huge battle like that would come with casualties. ] And Sam has told me what I supposedly did after that, what my future entails, but it just...

[ He cuts off and shakes his head. Something about it just doesn't feel right, and every time he thinks about it he feels a weight in the pit of his stomach. ]

[ There's something in the way Steve first asks whether Teach aged and then the comment that follows - it could have been a lot worse - that immediately gives Claude pause. Though he'd already been looking at his friend while speaking, it's a deliberate studying which takes place now. It doesn't feel like he's imagined that being said from experience. Not with the way Steve so carefully reveals things about himself; this feels like another one of those moments but it's one where he lacks the full picture to put it into context.

A mental note's made as Claude simply hums like this is all a very average conversation and that statement was the equivalent of something idle said only in passing. That particular question can wait until later. ]

Feels impossible with what you know you left behind? [ A hollow laugh leaves Claude then as he looks down to his drink. The topic of loss resonates all too painfully clear between them both. But again - his own is a hypothetical compared to what he'd actually lived even as his thoughts drift back to what he'd learned about Hilda's fate in a time that wasn't their own where he knows if he went home tomorrow she would be there within reach. ] I get that. There's someone dear to me who, if I somehow went back to that timeline instead of my own, wouldn't be there. And I'd be bereft for it.

[ Matter of factly, despite that 'bereft' as a descriptor doesn't begin to sum it up. That's as much as Claude dares to say about it considering that's Hilda's to share if she hasn't already, and he drags a hand through his hair before shifting his gaze to Steve once more with a wry smile. ]

Between that and what you know what's waiting for you - all the more reason to be thankful for what chances we have here despite all that's happened, isn't it?

[ It feels impossible with what Steve knows he would leave behind. Yeah, that hits the nail on the head, whether or not Claude fully realizes it.

The idea of returning to a different timeline is one that hadn't even occurred to him yet, only that there might be two very similar yet distinct ones — based on his own feelings. Again, it's only a theory, but he's come this far with the explanation. He may as well finish it off.

Still, he takes another drink and lets Claude say his piece, nodding at that question. ] I think that's what made me realize we should just go for it. Whatever is ahead of me, even if in theory I know what it's supposed to be, it still feels so uncertain.

[ He sets his glass down, but reaches out to trace his finger around the rim of it as he figures out how to explain. ]

We stopped Thanos, but someone still had to go and return the Stones to all the places in space and time that we took them from. Apparently, I volunteer to do that. That much checks out. [ Steve's the one to always jump into danger and shield others from it, so it makes sense that he would volunteer for such a dangerous trip. ] But... well, according to Sam I just never come back. [ Not entirely true, he did come back in a way, but he won't go into all that. ] Not because I got lost, or because something happened, but because I decided to stay in the past with... well, with someone I loved, who I'd lost.

[ It might sound romantic at first, like a nice bit of closure, but something about it still doesn't sit right with Steve. It doesn't matter how many times he's thought it through since Sam originally told him, he still feels this way.

He looks up from the glass, staring Claude down now. ]

But I can't see myself doing that. I worked so hard to get back people like Sam, like my best friend, like Wanda... Why would I then decide to leave them all behind? That's why I wonder if the Steve who did that is from a slightly different timeline.

[ Uncertain - it's a word he's often framed so much about the last few months and years in Abraxas within as a lens to view it through. The sort of thing which had almost cost him so much here, and what drapes over the possibility of going home like thorns. A lifetime of only keeping his eyes focused on his goals that are out of reach so long as he's here means plenty of time to look around at the rest he'd put aside and to wonder when and how it hadn't seemed as important as it is now. The sort of thing which time they've not supposed to have grants, really.

Claude's quiet as Steve gathers his thoughts. He watches his friend as some of the truth of what that future looks like for the other man is said and keeps his expression even. It does check out, and unbidden the memory of Steve staying behind in the pit to make sure they could escape comes to mind. But even then and as Steve says: even that doesn't fit with the idea of him not coming back even if Claude knows he doesn't know the full story despite what's been told to him here about what awaits his friend at home.

When Steve shifts again, Claude doesn't look away and holds his gaze. ]

You could be, whether that offers you any comfort or not or whether it'll explain anything or make it worse. Finding out there's different versions of me, for lack of a better way of putting it, and whether I've been as consistent as I'd like to believe hasn't exactly been the most delightful method of self-discovery.

[ Humor doesn't really have a place here - not even if he means that about different versions of himself whether it's the ones he knows or as Linhardt pointed out, the near impossible to grasp reality there could be infinite versions of them thanks to whatever it was happening in Fodlan to make it so. Claude's not really smiling as he says it either when it could open the door to even more wondering for Steve. ]

Though if that's the case, whether it's for me or for you, we've altered the timelines yet again by being here, haven't we? Maybe we know what waits for us after this or maybe we don't. But it does, I think, make it all the more important to not let things here slip by us while we have them. I'm glad that you have them here, Steve.

[ That's the thing, isn't it? The very concept of there being other versions of them is already troubling. It means that their decisions and choices are not as set in stone as they would like to think, and just a little bit of pressure might have sent them down a different path. Steve likes to think of himself as someone who is resolute in what he decides to do, and yet all of this is proof that isn't necessarily true. ]

... You mean because these other versions made choices you don't agree with?

[ It's opening a can of worms to even ask, Steve knows, but he also feels there should be some reciprocation here. Claude has heard him out and he'd like to do the same, if there's anything he'd like to get off his chest. On the other hand, if he'd rather not get into it, Steve will respect that too.

Nonetheless, Claude ends his thoughts on all this on a pretty positive note. Everything's been changed by this trip to Abraxas, which means the future can be as unwritten as they want, in theory. Steve wants to believe that. And for now, because they simply can't know what's ahead of them, it makes sense to focus on the here and now and the people with them. Hilda and Sylvain and Sam. ]

I'm glad you do too, Claude. And I hope that everything works out with the three of you. [ Claude had mentioned something about trying things out, which might mean that the relationship is still in its early days and Claude isn't quite sure how it'll go. But he got the option to try, and that's what matters.

So after a pause of consideration, Steve grabs his glass and holds it up and toward Claude so that they can toast the sentiment together. ]

[ It's fair to have that question returned to him - more than fair after Steve has shared so much. In this conversation alone, it feels like he's learned even more about the other man than the more obvious things they've shared with each other before. This is personal in a way which makes it all the more meaningful. This isn't the first time Claude's wondered if they quietly share needing things to align for it to be the right time to open up. Whether that's the case or not as he certainly knows it is for himself, it's not something he takes for granted.

He'll get back to what was asked in a moment. If it were anyone else, this might be the time Claude would make a graceful pivot away to another topic entirely without a second thought. For now it's enough to offer Steve a smile at yet another genuine sentiment shared between them and as he reaches for his own glass to raise it in turn. ]

The same for you and Sam. And to us only sharing drinks with good news behind them, yes?

[ It's a good hope to have what with all they've been through. With the toast met Claude sets his glass back down and absently turns it in place a few times while considering what to say next. He knows, really; it's just that it's another reveal. ]

As for what you asked me, I think it's that and that even now knowing what those choices brought I still wouldn't change my mind on them. It's part of what I meant about it being a good thing in what we have here that makes it all possible. And yet in another timeline, Hilda was still by my side as we defended a crucial city in something that never happened in what I lived. But whether it was directly by my hand or not simply because we were there, she died. And afterward, I left as I'd always planned to. I had goals to accomplish and never meant to stay and lead the Alliance or anything else, but...

[ He lets the sentence trail off when he doesn't actually have a way to end it with anything which feels remotely satisfactory. It's still difficult to think there was any time where Hilda fell and he managed to keep on going, even if he knows himself. Even if he knows it would be true. ]

[ Steve appreciates what Claude adds to the toast. Only sharing drinks for the purpose of celebrating something is a nice sentiment, and while he isn't sure that will play out in reality, it's something that they can hope for all the same.

Drinking to drown some kind of sorrow doesn't really work for him, anyway.

After the toast, Steve easily drains the rest of his glass and sets it down, having said his piece in this conversation and needing no more so-called "liquid courage" — even if it had really only been a placebo effect. He settles back in his seat, arms loosely crossed, to listen to Claude's response.

And while it's a roundabout way of getting at it, Steve's pretty sure he knows what's bothering Claude. It's the opposite of his own situation. Claude has heard about difficult choices he's made in other timelines and felt that, despite everything, he would have done those things. For better or worse. It's an unsettling realization to have to face. ]

... I guess no matter the circumstances, knowing what choices you might make in some other future, or some other timeline, it's always going to feel kind of off. Because you're not there in the moment with that context, living through it.

[ It's like looking at some sort of distorted reflection, or like looking at something you were never actually meant to see.

Steve heaves out a sigh, his gaze shifting down to look at their glasses on the table, those reflections also muddied by the alcohol's residue. ] Abraxas has forced us to learn and contend with these things that we weren't ever supposed to really know. [ He shrugs, then lifts his head to meet Claude's gaze. ] I guess... we just have to figure out how to live with that.

[ It's only after the words are out of his mouth, the quietly horrifying thought of what it'd mean to exist without someone for who who he values beyond any words he can find when they fall well short of the loss even briefly described here - that Claude realizes he said had goals as if all of it is past tense. As if those goals, those dreams he's always kept his eyes on are also some alternate reality to what they have here in the splinters of timelines they've pieced together here. Even with in speaking with Altaïr about what was left behind, it feels unsettling.

Now isn't the time to dwell on it when the two of them already have much before them here as Steve sighs and Claude feels that exhale down to his bones. It applies to so many things in this conversation and other ones they've had, and it takes him another moment to once again consider his words. ]

I've learned more from those who have been here and left than what was already heavy enough on its own before getting here. [ After speaking Claude runs a hand down his face before sitting back in his own seat, and now finally looks up to find Steve already considering him. ] But you're right. There's nothing we can do about that except reconcile it with everything else since I'm sure there's more to come yet in what will happen here... though hopefully it's not another island.

[ The joke falls mostly flat, if only because it feels too close to tempting fate with all they've been through since arriving. Maybe in another year he'll find some sort of humor in it. It's also not really what he's aiming for here when it feels a bit too much like deflecting something important Steve's said, so he shakes his head slightly after. ]

Add it to the list of things we wouldn't believe we made it through but in reverse this time. [ A small pause since that's a little too morose. After it comes a thought of something else worth revealing to Steve, though. ] It took me a long time - too long of a time, really, to put trust in others and the idea of working together rather than working on or through something on my own. But that did change, and here especially I have to believe we're better for it.

Hopefully not.

[ Steve's voice comes out mirthless as he shakes his head, then takes another sip of his drink. It might be morbid to joke about it or even tempt fate in that way, but on the other hand, Steve isn't all that superstitious. This place has put them through their paces in more ways than one, and he's sure that will continue because it appears to be inherent to their connection with the Singularity, but they've always made it through. He sees no reason why they wouldn't keep on.

But then Claude opens up in a different way, and it's nice to hear another way that Abraxas has been good for something, as it's allowed him to realize that he can rely on others. That, and that he can have nice things — like what he's started with Hilda and Sylvain.

They need to enjoy all that for as long as it lasts. If there's one thing Steve knows, it's that nothing is forever, and you have to learn to be okay with that. ]

Maybe that's what it comes down to, then. We take the good with the bad in this place. For what it's worth, I'm glad you've learned that lesson. It's easy to think that it's you against the world, but I've always done best with people I could trust at my side.

[ And naturally, that includes Claude. Steve nods to him as he finishes off his drink; he's pretty sure that part goes without saying. ]

[ The part that's unsaid - Claude hears it loud and clear all the same and confirmation of that can be found in the smile on his own face considering that yes, that extends just as easily to Steve in return. Something far better to focus on above anything else when there's plenty of time to consider everything which might follow another time.

Better to hold his glass up in the briefest cheers after Steve finishes his drink to drain his own glass and then glance over to the bar. An old habit to clean up after himself from all those shifts not long after first arriving before he'd branched out into other ventures, but it'll be quick enough to do as he holds a hand out for Steve's empty glass as well. ]

You're right again, even if I would've counted doing chores around here as some of the things more on the 'worse' side. Can't say that now, but it's good to know that I can count on you to sort through it all with me. Thanks for always being there, Steve.

[ Though it starts out teasing, there's no lack of sincerity in the last part. Claude could wax poetic about that for a bit, but: on this occasion, it feels right to leave it as a simple statement with the weight of the sentimentality within it. No need for something overwrought lest it seem like it's not to be believed or obscuring something else, rather than the simple truth that Steve is a close friend, a shoulder to lean on through the difficult times they've shared or otherwise, and most importantly - someone he trusts more than he can truly find the right words to say. ]

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[ CLOSED ] into an ocean

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we can wrap here or on yours if that works!