EVENT #18: EMERGENCE - IC EVENT LOG

[abraxasmods]

Event #18 - Emergence

OOC Plotting Post ⦁ Pre-Event Info ⦁ Setting Descriptions

Whether voluntary or by force, you find yourself transported to the Singularity's crater. There probably aren't many resistors - officials have taken great pains to convince you to come voluntarily, reserving force as a last resort - but it's clear that everyone is required for this to work. It takes multiple mages to stabilize the portal, but you make it there in one piece. If you cooperate, you'll be asked to walk towards the ancient relic. If you resisted, you might be forced to do so while restrained. Regardless, a heavy fog soon descends around the area, obscuring you and your vision.

If you have thoughts of turning back, it's too late: for some of you, the second you step across the threshold, a force pulls at your chest and absorbs your psyche at once. For others, a mystical call beckons you to walk a little further before the same effect takes hold. And for a rare few, the call brings you to the Singularity itself, where you're compelled to touch it - and are subsequently swallowed up like the others.

The Horizon doesn't greet you like you might expect. Instead, something far stranger awaits.

Please communicate with your fellow players as needed! We also recommend discussing with us if you plan on a major environmental upheaval. As a rule of thumb, you should avoid changes to the landscape that will significantly alter the established map.

We've also posted comment sections for WORLDBUILDING and HANDWAVED submissions. Instructions can be found at the respective links.

Year 20,879

When you open your eyes, it feels like you've only blinked. If your body has transformed or you're someplace that shouldn't exist, it doesn't strike you as odd. You were always here. Everything around you was always here, and your physical alterations and new abilities - while perhaps not originally there - have been a part of you for a long, long time.

The world of Abraxas isn't completely foreign. Familiar territories remain, as well as the familiar faces of those with long lifespans. But a lot has changed in 800 years, too, especially where the Gods are concerned. Alongside the Old Gods of the Ancient Pantheon and the Cardinal Gods of the New Order, a third class of deities formed from you and your fellow Summoned: the Ecesis Gods of the Iterum Pantheon.

Politics, People, & Gods

Abraxas's political landscape remains complex, with continued tensions over land, worship, resources, and power. Nonetheless, since the Free Cities is no longer intent on destroying the Singularity, conflict over the ancient relic has lessened. All territories agree that the Godlands - and the Singularity - belong to the Gods themselves.

Beliefs and Gods

The active presence of the Summoned confirms the existence of the Gods. As a result, most Abraxans turn to the Summoned and other Gods for aid or protection. Extreme reverence exists in certain areas, especially on the Isle of the Lost and in parts of Solvunn. In other places, though, the Gods are merely acknowledged as a facet of life - a force that helps or hinders depending on temperament and should be respected, much like the sea. The Gods play a crucial role, sure, but so do the rain and stars. This is particularly true in the Feywilds, the Nether, and the Free Cities.

Small pockets of non-believers actively denounce the Gods. They claim the Summoned should be wiped from the world and the Singularity destroyed to prevent future invasions. Labeled dangerous heretics by Thorne and Solvunn, and "regressives" by the Free Cities - whose scientists and philosophers liken such thinking to be as foolish as declaring the sun unworthy or the earth to be flat - these people are shunned from society. In Solvunn, the consequences are more severe: heretics are exiled to the Barren, where they are subsumed by the desert, the Maw, or whichever Gods may punish them.

At the other end, some sects revere the Godlands so much that they believe feeding themselves to the relic will enhance Abraxas' good fortune for generations to come. Such cults are quite rare, but there are reports of mortals throwing themselves into the Singularity's crater and disintegrating as a gesture of their devotion to the divine.

International Relations

Due to the combined change in their priorities, Thorne and the Free Cities are less at odds. The Free Cities believes in protecting the Singularity; Thorne no longer seeks to control it. Nonetheless, mistrust flares on occasion.

While things are peaceful during these three months and have been for a few decades, Abraxas hasn't found a cure for war in the Gods. Conflict has broken out in the past and will again. Eyes are on the Nether as it grows in power, and who knows how long Thorne will be content with its losses? Will they convince the Velan Republic to reunite and turn against the Free Cities? For now, though, the territories have found their stride and appear more interested in progress than fighting.

Magic & The Singularity

Magic is relatively unchanged and is a vital part of Abraxan life. The small kingdom of Thorne continues to practice Academic Magic. Meanwhile, Wild Magic plays the same important role in the Velan Republic (formally Nott). Meanwhile, the Free Cities has developed New Magic further. The goal of decoupling magic from technology is less of a focus. Instead, researchers are eager to find new ways to fuse magic and innovation, including aspects of the Gods. Portable shrines, for example, are popular with traveling merchants.

High Magic no longer exists as a specific school of magic now that offerings, pacts, and requests to the Gods are a part of everyday life across Abraxas. Solvunn has returned to its roots, using the ancient Academic Magic practiced by the Lunae for standard tasks while turning to the Gods for greater blessings.

The Singularity has been relatively stable for the past two or three centuries. While occasional disturbances rumble, for the most part, the presence of the Summoned has strengthened it, alleviating its displeasure and ensuring that Abraxas - and possibly the universe itself - continues to exist. Indeed, academic writings from Thorne and the Free Cities across time suggest that the Singularity's devouring of the world has considerably slowed. It is now as much of a threat as the eventual collapse of the sun, something that is bound to occur but not for eons.

Of course, this could quickly change if the Summoned or any other Gods provoke the Singularity by rejecting its connection or denying its magic...so all should take care not to upset the nature of things.

Old World, New World

The map of Abraxas has undergone some notable shifts, although many names and places are the same.

Setting descriptions are HERE for your reference.

Mechapolis, the Witchwood, and the Barren/the Maw contain prompts related to the event itself. Information about those areas can be found under "Exploring the Land" in the section The World as the Divine (Month 1-2).

Month 1-2: Submersion

What do you last remember? Well, that depends. You might recall most things perfectly clearly. You might have new memories that don't feel new at all. Or, you might only remember the most recent year or two. Regardless, there is something missing: an important face, a handful of key events...maybe you don't remember having ever lived anywhere except Abraxas. You might find this unsettling, or you might accept it as just the way things are.

You've transcended those old memories, anyhow. You feel a little distant from the person you were centuries ago, and you most likely look different, too. Perhaps you've sprouted giant wings, become a formless void, or you're now a shapeshifter with no permanent appearance. You've gained a substantial amount of power and influence, the type that people of this world attribute to the Gods.

The first half is a more sandbox-like environment designed for scenarios that emphasize CR and personal character moments. Active conflict between the emergent reality and the world will not arise until the second half.

The World as the Divine

The mortals have bestowed you with a title and possibly a new alias. Do you know your mortal name anymore? Some of you might've taken on a new identity, or you might have held very tightly onto who you were. Regardless, your abilities have grown. Your new powers and appearance are as unique as your dominion, influenced by your interests, subconscious desires, or personal relationships.

While in your full God form, you'll move through the world unperceived. Only when you're sought by a mortal - followers, believers, cultists - can you consciously make your complete divine presence known. To be seen freely by all, you'll have to take on a less overwhelming shape to the mortal gaze. Those who have met the Old Gods or Cardinal Gods in the past finally understand why they seldom reveal their true selves, often arriving in hazy visions or speaking through animals.

Exploring the Land

◎ The Witchwood

As the Summoned continued to ascend, their power began to coalesce, creating a new ecosystem never seen before. The dense woods, originally a temperate climate, warmed and grew into a thriving jungle. The air is humid and heavy with magic, the sky locked into an eternal sunset. Reds and oranges filter through the thick canopy. Birdcall and animal cries echo throughout the jungle. Trees and rocks seemingly move at night, meaning the Witchwood is impossible to map. Foolhardy souls who venture too deep are rarely seen again - unless divine intervention prevents a tragic fate from befalling them. Perhaps one of those intervening Gods is you?

The most dangerous beasts in the Witchwood are the demigod spawns. Creatures born from the Summoned, demigods are powerful enough to affect the world around them should they ever leave the magic-encased forest. See Impact & Consequences for more details on the demigods and how, as the Summoned, you can help maintain Abraxas' ecosystem.

◎ Mechapolis

Heartwood Syndrome persisted in Fomalhaut long after the quarantined population died out. The port city stood as a monument to loss for nearly a century until about 200 years in when the Summoned gained notable influence as Gods. This resulted in a slow but steady acceptance of the Singularity's power as a positive force for potential advancement. New Magic boomed, leading to increased sophistication in technology and the refinement of automatons.

Originally designed to clear and guard Fomalhaut, they were eventually used to rebuild it. Fomalhaut became known as the City of Machines and was renamed Mechapolis. Although humans are barred from entering for safety, the automatons gather soil and air samples for study and perform fishing duties. The clockworks require routine maintenance and must return to a hub city or outpost for recalibration. Clockwork birds are used to communicate with Mechapolis. They can broadcast through the Free Cities's primitive "radio" towers.

You can enhance clockwork performance, boosting the towers or providing additional energy to the automatons. Scientists often have "rituals" when performing maintenance or experiments to earn the Gods' favor, hoping this will prevent their inventions from breaking down.

◎ The Barren/The Badlands

Once contested territory between Thorne and the Free Cities, the Badlands was split into two by a large ravine shortly after Thorne retreated to Hayle. With neither side able to breach the gap, Solvunn naturally laid claim to the western half while the Free Cities retained its eastern half. On the eastern side, the chasm swallowed several well-known bandit camps and the presence of a new entity further drove them away. Bandits now occupy the mountains northeast of Aquila. Due to the entity's threat, the Free Cities increased its military presence in the Badlands to keep careless or foolish travelers from straying too far.

Meanwhile, Solvunn has named its portion of the wasteland the Barren and sought the Gods' assistance to form an enchanted forest. Those who enter are lost forever. Meant for more than just protection, the forest and the Barren serve as a place of exile. Heretics are taken into the woods and left to wander towards the Barren's harsh desert. There, they will face the elements, be devoured by the waiting Maw...or encounter a God.

As a God, you can lead the exiles to their salvation or doom, but choose carefully: the Maw is hungry and must be fed. These exiles want you dead. They don't care for you, and should their lack of faith spread, they might revive attempts to destroy the Singularity - and with it, your home. Is it so wrong to leave them to their fate? On the other hand, saving them might convert them by demonstrating your kindness.

◎ The Maw

The Maw lurks beneath the chasm dividing the Badlands. Named for its gaping jaws, the Maw waits at the widest part of a jagged canyon, mouth open and salivating in the desert heat. Rows and rows of teeth as tall as a man spiral downward into a bloodshot throat. When sated, it retreats deep into the gully, barely visible aside from the shine of a tooth. When hungry, it draws closer to the surface. Hot and heavy winds often carry the putrid scent of its half-digested meals.

Solvunn is not the only territory that uses the Maw. The Free Cities will occasionally march criminals and bandits in that direction, as well, tossing them into the gaping mouth, although this method of execution is much rarer. Desperate exiles from Solvunn will try to cross the chasm despite the danger. None ever make it - at least, not without divine intervention.

Horizon, "Death," and Dormancy

Your domain in the Horizon is no longer constrained by size. How it's changed depends on you. The more detached from your mortality, the more likely it'll have surrealist elements: bizarre statues, physics-defying architecture, odd visual or psychological effects. The Horizon feels like home to all Gods, although you ought to take care not to heed its call beyond reason. Shutting yourself off from the physical world can result in unintended consequences...but completely refusing to enter the Horizon will do the same.

Additionally, Gods are beyond true death, but that doesn't mean you can act with impunity. Engaging in an exhaustive battle with other Gods can weaken you into dormancy. In this state, you will enter an ethereal void inside the Singularity. As you heal, you'll slowly be able to return to your Horizon domain and then the physical world once more. Depending on the extent of the damage, this process could take anywhere from months to decades. For instance, losing your head could take a few months, total dismemberment might take a year, and being vaporized into atoms can take a few decades.

Mortals cannot achieve this level of damage, even if they seemingly "succeed" in striking true. Only a God can weaken another God into dormancy. If a mortal removes your head, you can merely pick it up and put it back on.

Impact & Consequences

In the early years of your ascension, you might've wondered why the existing Gods seemingly intervened so little. Why did they not demonstrate their powers more blatantly over the thousands of years? Is it apathy? A desire to watch rather than act? As you come into your abilities, you realize that the Singularity and the universe are significantly more delicate than you thought. You begin to understand why the Gods have behaved the way they do.

Of course, whether you care to keep the world (and yourself) in balance is another story, but to be sure, some of the other Gods and the Summoned do - and you may have to defend your choices.

The equilibrium mechanic is described in OOC terms HERE. The Singularity and a character's ascension will not inherently sway them one way or the other. Any temptations will result from individual personality and development.

Instability Effects

To maintain the universe's equilibrium, you need to be cautious of when and how you interfere when using your status to alter the state of the world. Conversely, you'll also need to take care not to withdraw entirely. Several Gods have undergone periods of instability, though others haven't. Which category you fall under is up to you. It depends on who you are, your experiences, and your desires.

◎ Should you refuse to ACKNOWLEDGE your Godhood or enter the Horizon, you'll find yourself losing time. You may forget how you got from one place to another, or names you knew yesterday slip your mind. Lapses in memory or time can be temporary or permanent, but one thing they are is certainly confusing. With magic building inside you and nowhere for it to go, your power will begin to spill over, causing the Singularity to exhibit bursts of power that spawn demigods in the Witchwood.

◎ Should you give into the temptation to OVERINDULGE your Godhood or retreat to the Horizon for excessive periods, you'll lose more of yourself and your history. You may make decisions that feel unlike you, forget larger chunks of old memories, or struggle to distinguish what's real. Unrestrained use of magic will cause you to absorb yet more power, causing the Singularity to lose power in brief spurts, which can spawn demigods in the Witchwood.

These effects can be halted or even reversed in some cases. You might need someone's help to bring you back or convince you there's another way, or maybe you're the one seeking others out to assist. What you do soon understand is that your ability to manage your powers and stabilize your connection to the Horizon directly affects the Singularity and Abraxas...something that may have been true the moment you were summoned.

Demigod Spawns

Under the red haze of the Witchwood, monstrous creatures known as demigods or spawns emerge from crimson waterfalls and claw their out through the mossy soil. Born out of instabilities caused by careless actions from all Gods, they're usually contained to the Witchwood. For the most part, the older Gods - and the Summoned, if they choose - keep the demigods from leaving. However, now and again, one or two might escape, damaging towns, destroying villages, or causing ecological destruction in ways that are similar to natural disasters.

Demigods are not sentient. How they look can vary, but their appearances are often corrupted and disturbing: twisted animals, amorphous blobs, or alien-like parasites. They may resemble a monster you recognize from home.

Defeating one is possible but a challenge even for the Gods. Most crucially, you cannot kill your own spawn. Another God must deliver the killing blow, so working together is imperative. Should too many demigod spawns be allowed to invade the Witchwood, they will overwhelm and disrupt the Singularity further. Culling them is the only way to maintain stability.

You can submit demigod spawns you create to the WORLDBUILDING section if you want. Similar to using character powers, just keep the scale of destruction at a reasonable level.

Hearing Echoes

Echoes are a form of prayer that resonates through your connection with the Singularity. Solvunn has dedicated a monument to where the "First Echo" was heard, though the accuracy of this is debatable. Like the Network, you can hear an Echo regardless of where you are and can shut them out with concentration. However, your ties to Godhood may compel you to listen every so often. Mortals can entreat you through more formal methods (rituals, offerings, seasonal ceremonies) or in a moment of duress or desperation. They may seek you specifically or call to any God who will listen.

You can answer or ignore these cries for help as you like, but your choices carry consequences. Answer too many too eagerly, and your increased interference in mortal lives can upset the world's equilibrium - and the Singularity. Ignore your impact on the world, and your refusal to accept your ascension will equally destabilize the land as prayers go unheard.

Interacting with Other Gods

The Old Gods and the Cardinal Gods are an equal part of this world. For the most part, you coexist peacefully, though personal pacts and tensions can play a role. Each of you is aware of the impact of your actions on the Singularity: extreme displays of power are reserved for substantial transgressions, considering the price it carries.

Further, the older Gods have also walked the earth for centuries before you came. To them, you're still young, and rising against one of them won't end well for you. Nonetheless, many older Gods are more interested in giving advice or guiding you, ensuring the health of the Singularity and the universe so as not to doom all of you - Gods and mortals alike - to the void.

You can REQUEST AN INTERACTION with a God. Interactions will be brief but informative.

You will not be able to request a specific God. For logistical reasons, we have curated the list of Gods available ahead of time. However, we'll do our best to pick one from the pool that suits the purpose of your request.

Month 3: Awakening

Over the past 2 months, you've existed in the emergent reality without question. As you enter the third month, however, everything you've known over the past many centuries begins to shift. You might decide to investigate further, wondering if there's more out there that you aren't seeing. Alternatively, you might choose to ignore it, believing that your awakening is damaging the world and your life.

Catalysts

A catalyst can occur at any time through any circumstance. Do you see a familiar face you've forgotten in the eyes of a stranger? Do you recall a moment in your past while watching the mortals? Has a friend approached you specifically to try and remind you of the things you've forgotten?

With each memory returned you'll gain another piece of yourself. Depending on how much you've lost and how hard you'll cling to this reality, the effect may be clarifying or it might cause you distress and confusion. You might begin to encounter temporal cracks: buildings or areas that normally don't exist will flicker in and out of existence, or your reflection will briefly show an image of you from before your transformations took hold.

If you allow yourself to doubt your abilities or divinity, you might have trouble controlling your powers. If you've made alterations to your Horizon domain, it might start to revert to its original design.

These cracks are difficult to ignore, but if you bury your head, you can make them disappear - briefly, at least.

Shattered Skies

The effects go beyond the individual. As more of you and your fellow Gods reawaken, the sky also begins to form cracks that spread like broken glass. Through the fractures, you glimpse flashes of lightning and a swirling fog. The fissures only grow larger.

Soon, you realize you can see the Singularity itself, reflected upside-down in the crater. Disconcerting though it is, it may serve as proof that something is very wrong. Of course, you can also refuse to acknowledge this disturbance, closing your eyes to the crumbling sky. Doing so will let you remain unaware to the very end, but your friends who are seeking the truth might find your denial distressing.

The sky won't hold, though. Eventually, it does shatter completely - and you awaken abruptly, your body and others scattered several feet away from the Singularity's crater as if you were physically thrown out. The fog begins to dissipate. The lightning has stopped, the unrelenting storms fading across Abraxas. Whatever you went through, it seems to have done exactly what the territories hoped: stabilize the Singularity.

Characters will be returned home afterward. They will be thanked for their assistance regardless of if they cooperated.

Resistors will not face any consequences, as long as they don't cause excessive trouble upon their return. Officials will issue an apology for the heavy-handed action, stating that they saw no other way to keep the world safe. With the portals and weather returning to normal, it does seem to have worked...even if characters may not find the method agreeable.

---

Comments

[divinityfrompain]

[ Julia is less kind than he is, although that's always been true. She doesn't blame herself for everything, she blames herself for what she feels like is the right amount, and him for the rest. It's difficult when it's not a lack of love that breaks something but the inability to see eye to eye. And being separate from him has not helped. She hasn't found her way back to who she was, she hasn't reforged herself or found what she lost with humanity.

She's spiraling too, it's just in a different way. She nearly took her rage out on a full village who didn't deserve it the other day. She's barely held in check. And here he is hiding, not harming anyone, but harming himself, and that somehow makes her angrier. ]

I am your wife.

[ If divorce is an option for gods, it's not one that they chose. She still considers it a separation, not an ending. They haven't seen one another for a long time but she still has his ring around her neck. Not on her finger, it's too real, but it does weigh around her throat instead. ]

I came because you are still needed in this world and you're missing it.

[thedreamer]

[ He's hurt her and he'll continue to, and all that he actually wants to do is take her into his arms and fix it. But some wounds are too deep, they can't be mended in an instant. Some things that broke apart may be meant to stay broken.

It's good they're not looking at each other because when she says that — I'm your wife — she speaks with such ferocity of love and conviction that he nearly crumples. As it is, his eyes close a moment too long, as though he's struggling with emotions he would prefer to pretend he's not feeling. ]

I'm busy here and you're not needed.

[ He stops short of saying, go away and he truly feels anything but. It's the opposite, everything he wants but can't say.

He's careful not to say she's not wanted, though. That would be a lie that even he can't tell. ]

And neither am I.

[ The world will turn without him. So, too, will she. (He believes. ]

[divinityfrompain]

[ The problem for him is that he married a stubborn woman, and also, a temperamental one. A long time ago she warned him that she wouldn't always be sweet and fun, and that has ever remained the same, albeit worse since they separation began. Julia can feel her jaw tighten and there is a flash of anger because he dares to dismiss her.

This may be his domain but she still has power within it and the space around them goes from starry skies to a flare of bright light, like that of a sun blazing around them. It doesn't blind either of them considering what they are, but it does blot out his darkness and force in something to startle him instead. ]

You are far too old to be so fucking self-pitying.

[ There is a bite in her words now and she swears with emphasis because she knows it used to make him squirm. She is not interested in making him comfortable, when comfort is apparently what he leaned into in order to hide away like a coward. Julia turns toward him and takes two quick strides to put her hands on his chest and she pushes him. Not hard, but a physical representation of what she's trying to do, get him to move, get him to live.

Putting hands on him at all is dangerous because she'd much rather twist her hands into him and tug him close, but push and pull is what they've always been like. ]

Snap out of it.

[thedreamer]

[ He's far too old for many things, but she's right and he loathes himself even more for it. He doesn't want her to be right, he doesn't want her to be here and see him this way. And yet, he wants her here so desperately that he doesn't know what to do about it.

SHe shouldn't be worried about him, she shouldn't have needed to come. The worst in him has spilled out enough that she felt the pull to him, compelled to see him again after so long, because...what? Why? The world needs him. Yes, he supposes, it always will. It will never stop, much as he wants to hide away from the pain.

When she pushes him, he only falters on his feet for a brief second before he seems unsure of what to do with his hands. Reach for her, stuff them in his pockets? Instead, he laces his own fingers together, wringing them back and forth. ]

And do what? And go where? Back to the world? Where the children cry, where they all age and wither and die? Where they hurt each other over and over and it's endless, Julia, it's —

[ His fidgety hands move and he rubs one over his face briefly before stuffing that hand in his pocket. Unseen to her, his thumb moves across the ring he's kept there, safely tucked away. ]

I was supposed to bring hope, I know, and I — I haven't. I don't do that anymore.

[divinityfrompain]

[ Julia's unfortunately looking at him now and she needs her anger because without her anger there's only sadness and misery and want for something that used to be beautiful. Could they have it again? If she collapses into his arms now and begs him to forgive her, would it be possible to go back? But they'd end up here again, she knows that. With her loathing and his depression, all they can do is hurt themselves, and therefore all they can do is hurt each other. ]

Thanks for finally catching up to me with the reality of this sad little world we're trapped in.

[ She's bitter about it though, because when she was first going through this dark state of mind, he was still trying to be optimistic and have her see the bright side of things. Which did manage to keep her sane a little longer, but eventually there was nothing that could drag her out of it. It's infuriating that after all of it, she's the one who has to try and kick him out of the pit, when he wasn't able to do the same for her. She can't try to bring him back with optimism and promises of better times, so it'll have to be pragmatism and guilt.]

It doesn't change that we have a duty. That is the one thing we always agreed on. If I have to fulfill it, so do you, stop being so damned selfish.

[ It used to be a point of pride, that they cared so much about their followers, and wanted to make the world a better place. They always liked having a bigger purpose and accomplishing great things, it just turned out to be a double-edged blade. ]

Gods don't abandon the world, that's not acceptable!

[ Some part of her does remember why that in particular, the idea of giving up and abandoning the world, makes her especially angry. ]

[thedreamer]

[ He is and always has been selfish. When she needed him most, more than anyone else in this world, he turned from her. And it wasn't even because of her, not really, but his own pain and grief. He ran from her rather than running towards her, rather than thinking of her needs.

That she's here at all searching for him is far more than he deserves. To the Doctor, he's already forgiven her, if only because there's nothing to forgive. The distance between them should have been bridged long ago, but he'd hidden himself further and further away. He might have gone completely, become as fuzzy as a dream, erased from all thought and memory.

Why — after everything — does she care about him?

It's not him, though, it's the world. The world needs him, but she doesn't. She couldn't possibly want him or count on him for anything at all, not after what he's done. Removing all emotion from this, forgetting how much it all aches, he's here to serve and nothing more. He answers those who call to him and no matter his own bitterness at all of it, he can't continue to hide from his purpose and promise to the stars themselves far beyond. ]

A duty of care.

[ This is, apparently, as much as he's going to say in response at the moment to all that she's said. At least he's...acknowledging and indirectly agreeing to what she's said?

He has (has always had) a duty of care. There is a function to be carried out by his existence here. This, he can agree to, if not entirely out loud. ]

[divinityfrompain]

[ Julia doesn't need him. She wants him. She loves him. But she has had to live without him for two hundred years and found that she can, that she can survive each day with a hole in her heart. She never does thrive without him, but she continues on, and she does her job. She doesn't know what she is going on for, not truly, in many ways she wants to be like he is here. It would be nice, to give herself a break, to let go of this sense of duty above all else, but she doesn't know what else there is.

Giving up is not something she has been able to do in her entire life; before here, during here, after here. That is where they are entirely opposites. ]

Yes. [ She says quietly, mollified. ] Answer your echoes. If you can't stand to walk among them, don't. If you want a break from humanity, go spend time with the robots. Viktor is still there as far as I know.

[ Julia herself never goes because it reminds her of them and it feels empty to her, being around no life at all. She can't find what she's searching for there, even if it is quiet in comparison. She continues to look at him and there is a hunger in that gaze, since it's been so long. It doesn't please her that he looks so shattered; she may have been angry at him, but that doesn't mean she wants him to hurt. It's the opposite. She wants only the best. With the smallest amount of spite. ]

You aren't allowed to disappear.

[thedreamer]

[ He does love her still, always; that's never been a doubt or question in his mind. It's everything else, but isn't that how it so often goes? If love alone were enough — well, wouldn't that be a dream?

What if he had just...talked to her, in all this time? What if, when things had taken a turn, he'd gone to her, admitted to all his failings and how very much he'd let her down, not been there for her, said — even once — that he was sorry? What if. It hasn't been very long that he's hidden away like this, not that it matters. She's right — he shouldn't have at all, he should have been better and stronger. But the slow build to this, the pain working its way through his hearts and shattering him slowly, that's taken time. And he kept going, yes, quietly, but apart from her, which is not at all how he'd prefer to be.

He could have said something, should have said something.

There again, it's about his pain, and there — once more — he fails her. He's made it true, that old fear that he'd only hurt her in the end and lose her. His two biggest fears, all come to life by his own hand.

Their eyes meet for a brief second before he looks away, looks down, crosses his arms loosely over his chest. The hunger is no less palpable for him, but to linger on it too long is a pain he can't allow.

I miss you.

I love you.

I'm sorry.

Instead — ]

I'll do what I must. You can go now, Julia.

[divinityfrompain]

[ The failure went both ways and if either of them was capable of apologizing or expressing themselves in a healthy way, they may have saved themselves so many years of hurt. But here they are, in the same place after a lot of time, and neither of them is still capable of doing it. Julia will hold herself responsible for that, and him too, that they are so stubborn. She suspects if she reaches out and touches him, gentle instead of the push, he would touch her back.

And then what? They would end up back here. It would hurt more the second time, to think they could fix it. She does think someday they might figure it out, and that is why they are separated and not something more severe, but for now, she still has too much anger in her. Too much pride.

He's dismissing her and she hates that, but she also understands it may be more due to the pain they're both feeling being here than wanting her to go. This is staunching a wound, to close it back up again. She sighs and looks away from him again. ]

One more thing.

[ She glances in the direction of where her domain is and a large figure starts to swoop in from there. A familiar red dragon in full form but when she dives toward them, she turns into an older form just in time to float in front of him. Hudson flies around him, clearly enthusiastic about it, and Julia nods to the dragon. It's a separation for the two of them, and now Hudson is a part of the Doctor's domain. ]

In case you need someone to talk to.

[thedreamer]

[ If she reached out to touch him now, if he wasn't so stubborn and could talk himself into bridging the chasm between them to at least just take her hand for a moment, he wouldn't be able to let go. Would that be a good thing or a bad thing, the way they are now? He can't really say for certain. He can only think to protect himself and to protect her; push her away, to keep her safe from anymore pain he could bring upon her.

He just barely turns to look when she speaks again, and he shouldn't, but for a moment, he feels a touch of joy at seeing the dragon again after so long. Those are good memories, of all of them together many years ago. He's missed them both, and it feels wrong to have only Hudson here without Julia, but it's for the best right now even if every part of him is battling internally to reach for her.

With a gentle touch, he reaches out towards Hudson, wanting her to feel his joy at seeing her. Then, he dares to glance at his wife, eyes only briefly lingering on her. ]

Thank you.

[ He wants to ask when he'll see her again, he wants to tell her she should stop by soon, he wants to say that without her, life may be manageable but not good or happy or anything of the sort. Instead, he says nothing else at all. ]

I'm going to start our catalyst thing now! :D

[divinityfrompain]

[ It's the best she can offer right then. It's a piece of her, and a piece of their past, and Hudson will cheer him up, will offer him something to cling to. The dragon doesn't mind, being far more intelligent now and with a unique personality from hundreds of years of development. She will make him a good companion while he goes through this. Julia knows he doesn't do well alone. She just can't be with him, not until they find a way to move past their own pain.

Being around him in general is hard enough. It's going to color her dealings for weeks, no doubt, as if her heart is blackening by the minute again. Julia feels suddenly so tired, wishing she could curl up on him and they wouldn't have to say anything. Would it be so bad, to have fifteen minutes?

That's why she has to go. That temptation. It'd never be just that. ]

You're welcome.

[ She shimmers and fades away, leaving him to the darkness of the stars, and a dragon who has missed her father. ]