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abraxaslogs2024-05-12 06:31 pm
stations) wrote in abraxaslogs2024-05-12 06:31 pm
πΏππβπ‘π π€πππ ππ’πππ π¦ππ’ βπππ (open.)
Who: Jack Townsend & Others.
When: Post-Event.
Where: Thorne, the Horizon, Nocwich.
What: a catch-all for open & closed starters that take place after the event wrap-up.
Warnings: bigly angst, such dramatic, depression, themes of grief and loss, mental illness, possibly some violence.
πβππ π¦ππ’ π‘ππ¦ π¦ππ’π πππ π‘, ππ’π‘ π¦ππ’ πππ'π‘ π π’πππππ
πβππ π¦ππ’ πππ‘ π€βππ‘ π¦ππ’ π€πππ‘, ππ’π‘ πππ‘ π€βππ‘ π¦ππ’ ππππ
πβππ π¦ππ’ ππππ π π π‘ππππ, ππ’π‘ π¦ππ’ πππ'π‘ π ππππ
ππ‘π’ππ ππ πππ£πππ π
π΄ππ π‘βπ π‘ππππ ππππ π π‘πππππππ πππ€π π¦ππ’π ππππ
πβππ π¦ππ’ πππ π π ππππ‘βπππ π¦ππ’ πππ'π‘ πππππππ
πβππ π¦ππ’ πππ£π π ππππππ, ππ’π‘ ππ‘ ππππ π‘π π€ππ π‘π
πΆππ’ππ ππ‘ ππ π€πππ π?
When: Post-Event.
Where: Thorne, the Horizon, Nocwich.
What: a catch-all for open & closed starters that take place after the event wrap-up.
Warnings: bigly angst, such dramatic, depression, themes of grief and loss, mental illness, possibly some violence.
πβππ π¦ππ’ πππ‘ π€βππ‘ π¦ππ’ π€πππ‘, ππ’π‘ πππ‘ π€βππ‘ π¦ππ’ ππππ
πβππ π¦ππ’ ππππ π π π‘ππππ, ππ’π‘ π¦ππ’ πππ'π‘ π ππππ
ππ‘π’ππ ππ πππ£πππ π
π΄ππ π‘βπ π‘ππππ ππππ π π‘πππππππ πππ€π π¦ππ’π ππππ
πβππ π¦ππ’ πππ π π ππππ‘βπππ π¦ππ’ πππ'π‘ πππππππ
πβππ π¦ππ’ πππ£π π ππππππ, ππ’π‘ ππ‘ ππππ π‘π π€ππ π‘π
πΆππ’ππ ππ‘ ππ π€πππ π?
no subject
He remembers some of the details about Kyle and Viktor. He remembers, vaguely, their falling in together, and then their falling out from one another. Their love, and their issues β the latter of which may matter less now, now that they're all in their right minds, now that they're themselves again.
Maybe they have a real shot. Maybe they could be happy together.
Jack offers his friend an encouraging smile, and nudges Kyle's shoulder with his own. Yes, he really wants to do this, thank you. He's not good at, like, gossip and smalltalk and stuff, but it's still helpful. )
Why are you nervous? He's not gonna be, like, Plankton's wife or anything anymore. He seems nice. From what little I've talked to him, anyway.
no subject
He's very nice. And I like him a lot.
[ He sighs, and flops backwards onto the mattress, digging the heels of his palms into his eyes. There's a very long laundry list of reasons why Viktor might not feel the same now - especially after everything he went through, and as much as he wants to indulge Jack right now, he doesn't want to repeat all of it. So, instead: ]
He doesn't like that I worry about him. You're both that way. But maybe I like worrying about you all.
[ He's teasing, but there's something half true about it. He doesn't like worrying, exactly. He likes feeling necessary, needed, wanted. He shouldn't have to feel this way. He has his faith and devotion, his near unfaltering belief that he is meant to be here. That should be enough.
But selfishly, he keeps wanting more. ]
no subject
Unless that guy was part bird, or something.
The smile fades gently off as Kyle continues, and his eyes duck down to his own hands. On the missing finger of his left, and he thinks for a hesitant moment about how to answer. )
I can't speak for Viktor. Maybe he's like me, or maybe his reasons are different, but it might be worth considering anyway, just in case it's something we have in common... It's not- it's not that I don't like the fact that you worry about me. I actually like it a lot. It's that I've never- my entire life, I've never had anybody worry about me and not make me feel like a burden for it. It's hard for me, sometimes, to remember that you care because you want to, not because you feel like you have to, or because I make you feel like I can't take care of myself. There's always a voice in the back of my head telling me that people- you, Jerry, people from back home, think I'm... too weak, or too crazy, or too broken to manage on my own.
( He frees a hand to kneed absently at the muscle above his prosthetic leg. That voice, the one in his head, it sounds a lot like Miller. )
I always have. Like, I've aggressively made it a point of pride that I can take care of myself, there's never been another choice, so... that's all it is. It's my own baggage getting in the way of knowing how to tell you I appreciate the fact that you're there. Just... so you understand.
no subject
I think I understand. [ he says after a long moment, closing his eyes. ] It helps.
[ To hear him explain it like that. Viktor and Jack's situations aren't identical, but there's a decent amount of overlap. And - ]
I've never had so many people worry about me, until I came here. [ Only Rousma truly cared what happened to him. It's not a wound to his pride like it might be for Jack and Viktor, though. He likes it too, sometimes. ]
I just want to be able to protect the places and people I care about.
[ Now that he has all of them. But maybe this is a reminder not to treat them like his charges. ]
no subject
Jack looks at Kyle. Really looks at him, and with a dark, solemn weight to his voice, says: )
So do I.
( That's why. That's why tonight happened. That's why he's been acting so fucking unhinged these last few weeks. He wants that so bad, more than anything, and he failed at it. Abysmally. All this training he's been doing, all this... danger that Kyle's worried about, danger that Jack could be to himself or others if he disassociates, if he becomes that nightmare-mode version of himself like in the alternate life they lived...
It all amounted to fucking nothing in the end, didn't it? It turns out, it turns out...
It's all pointless. It's a gimmick. It's for show. It's bullshit. He couldn't protect Sabine with it, he can't protect anyone. He's not powerful. He's nothing.
But this is a conversation that's maybe a little better suited for Yennefer. One that he should have sooner rather than later, since he owes her an apology.
It might seem like an abrupt change in subject, but it's tangentially related when he jumps tracks. )
Listen, I'm not- I'm not gonna do anything crazy like that again. I promise. You should focus on stuff with Viktor for a while. It seems like you guys are in a place where things are-- you know. Getting formative, and I think you could make each other- happier. Maybe you can do a better job than I did.
( At protecting them; at keeping his partner safe. He shifts and, after a beat, pushes himself to standing. )
I think I need to go apologize to Yennefer. She had to cover for me, and I know how much she hates Ambrose, so... I owe her that much. But I'll be back later, if you wanna...
( He shrugs.
You know. Coexist as real friends, in a way he hasn't been mentally present to do since they all got back. )
no subject
[ That's part of why he likes you, Jack.
The next sudden shift in topic gets a raised eyebrow. He almost interrupts when Jack says maybe you can do a better job than I did, his brow furrowing - but really he doesn't know what to say to that, and his mouth closes as Jack continues.
Kahlil sits up, pulling his knee to his chest and tilts his head, giving a wry smile. ]
Assuming she doesn't turn you into a toad, yeah.
[ They can do friend things later. He adds, after a moment of thought: ]
I would still be your friend if you were a toad.