abraxaslogs | open | excuse my ego, can't go incognito

[ There's a relief at knowing Annabeth is secure in the fact she's worth more than anything a man says, even if that man is Percy. Thank Christ (or...whoever, these days) that for the faults it still has, the future allows young women to know themselves better than in either time Claire's ever lived in.

There's a pregnant pause when Claire isn't sure what to expect. She suspects Annabeth hasn't had much loving, patient parenting; she wasn't always there for Bree when she needed her mother, and Claire can never change how much she wishes she had been there, not escaping to school or the hospital when her sense of loss and grief threatened to overwhelm her. She can do better now, and she will. She hopes she already has.

Reaching out tentatively, she gently squeezes Annabeth's hand. ]

I'm sorry if anyone ever made you feel as though knowing you could be easy to let go of.

[ there's a lot to be said for the worth percy puts on annabeth and the way he continued (and continues) to always come back from her, to support her, to prioritize her, one of the few who always has. he respects and loves her more than anyone else, she thinks. but at the same time, annabeth is very secure in who she is outside him. just because she knows they function so much as a unit lately doesn't mean she can't stand on her own either. if anything, she thinks that makes them better as a team. ]

[ but this might be the thing that breaks the hold on the emotions churning inside her. between the touch and claire's words, annabeth's eyes well over despite all efforts otherwise and her lip trembles. she squeezes claire's hand back, if only to stop herself from fleeing the scene like all her instincts tell her. she's always been something of a runner, and it's only very lately that she's getting better at staying. ]

Sorry - [ it bubbles out of her, for the near crying she's suffering right now. claire is a stranger and not at the same time, and the apology for absent parents and lost family the older woman doesn't even know of feels genuine more than idle sympathies. like annabeth hadn't deserved any of that, an apology from someone who she still remembers as parent-like, despite the false narrative. ] Thank you. I just - sorry, I'm - give me a second.

[ intellectually, annabeth is very well put together! emotionally, not so much. ]

Edited 2024-06-15 17:23 (UTC)

[ Claire feels her heart break and burst in different ways, all at the same time. She quietly gets up and moves to sit beside Annabeth in order to put a gentle hand on her shoulder. ]

You don't have anything to apologize for, my darling.

[ Offering an understanding, closed mouth smile, Claire tries to meet Annabeth's eyes. ]

May I—may I give you a hug?

[ It's more personal, and it means being closer, so she wouldn't dare lean in without asking first, not demanding anything. She only wants to comfort, but she can also do that on the other woman's terms. ]

[ she's trying to figure out the best way to react to - well, all of it, without feeling completely embarrassed on top of it all, but her thought remains run away right now and she doesn't want to. ]

[ so when claire slides closer and offers a hug, annabeth gives in with remarkable ease for herself as far as she's concerned. she nods her affirmation and doesn't really wait, just leans towards claire for a hug because it means she can hide her face, which is she really wants to do. ]

[ she hadn't gotten a lot of hugs from parents either. ]

[ There's nothing to be embarrassed over as far as Claire's concerned, but she knows a seventeen-year-old may feel differently. There is no judgment from Claire at the very least, and she simply offers a safe place to pull herself together. Firmly, but soothingly, a hand rests between Annabeth's shoulder blades as she holds her, eyes closing.

Her heart aches for her children in the moment, but her focus is on the family in front of her, the one who needs her, even if only a little. Whatever she can do, Claire will. ]

You're alright.

[ She speaks the words quietly, and whether she means Annabeth has nothing to worry about in regards to her emotions, or how she handles the fake memories, or something else entirely, it's open to interpretation. Whatever Annabeth needs the words to mean, they're meant for comfort. ]

[ there is plenty to be embarrassed about! this is the first time she's actually met the real claire, and here she is, sobbing all over her. it doesn't occur to annabeth that this might be the purpose of a parent, to offer this kind of reckless comfort, even as she slowly snakes her arms around claire's waist and carefully tucks her head into her shoulder to hide her face there. ]

[ the surprise of claire wanting to get to know her, the sense that they already do know each other, against the very recent way athena had essentially disowned her and still expected her to follow the parthenos quest, also in combination with everything she's been feeling about herself after her difficult escape from the godly illusion - well, maybe it's not a surprise that it's come to a bit of a tipping point, with someone like claire. ]

[ the you're alright might apply to many things at once and she allows it to be all encompassing. it might also apply to tartarus, because it's still lingering behind everything else too. annabeth just wants to absorb the comfort while she can, using the hug to let it all out and try to re-gather her composure at once. she's getting there!! ]

Thank you. [ her voice sounds too watery and she can only hope claire will ignore it. ]

[ Soothingly, Claire rubs Annabeth's back and rocks gently, letting her get it all out. She can't help but wonder how many times Brianna needed this from her and Claire wasn't there. The thought strengthens her resolve to be here now, and she lightly presses her cheek to the side of her former daughter-in-law's head. She can't imagine how much this child has held in, how much she doesn't even realize she needs.

Claire stays that way as long as it's needed, squeezing gently at the thanks but not arguing that it wasn't necessary. If Annabeth needs to say it, she won't tell her not to. ]

If you ever need a good hug, I'm only a thought away and I can be in the Horizon anytime you need me. Anytime, day or night. Alright?

[ It's what a good mother does, or, if she needs a different title, a best friend who will never intentionally let her down. ]

And we'll have you able to slip into the Horizon in under a minute in no time, all it takes is practice.

[ she feels like there should be a time limit, but annabeth doesn't get any sense that claire wants to rush her. she simply... lets her sit there and holds her, and she can't help but think of sally jackson. while she might have been introduced similarly to both women via percy, sally has welcomed annabeth into her arms and her home with open invitation even without her son around. it's the only good comparison she has for that sort of familial affection. ]

[ she squeezes her eyes shut at the next offer, of a hug day or night, and despite thinking it sounds too good to be true, annabeth knows it to be genuine. she's not sure how long she sits there, but at some point she worries it's become too much, however much claire doesn't actually make her feel that way. ]

I can get in. [ she mumbles it, then finally lifts her head away, feeling like she's gotten a better handle on herself. her eyes are red, but at least they're not leaking anymore. ]

And I've started on my domain. [ lest claire think she knows nothing, gods forbid. ] The meditation part isn't my strong suit. But we're not supposed to stay very long in Thorne anyway, so it hasn't been too big a deal yet.

[ she will slide immediately into horizon talk to avoid her mini breakdown! ]

[ One day, Claire will talk to Annabeth about her own life, that she had no mother and even before becoming one herself, used to dream of being able to comfort others the way she'd always wanted when she was younger—sometimes still wants, even now that she's a grown woman. Her uncle tried, bless him, but he was distracted by his work, only offered pats on the head and later, sharing cigarettes with her as time spent together.

That's why there's no time limit on how long Annabeth needs to be held. Her hold loosens on her to allow her room to pull back, and Claire reaches into her pocket, offering a simple handkerchief. ]

When I first arrived here, I couldn't even message others without literally writing on a piece of paper, forget getting into the Horizon. That's how rubbish I was. [ She smiles faintly while she remembers. ] And I think a part of me didn't want to learn, it felt like...giving in to a place I didn't want to be.

[ It feels like such a long time ago, time feels as if it moves in no particular way for her anymore. And she certainly doesn't feel the same about not wanting to be in Abraxas. ]

I don't love Thorne or the fact that you must live in the castle. Be careful there, alright?

[ She's grateful she wasn't dropped in Thorne; she'd rather deal with gods and shrines than royals and politics again. ]

In any case, I can teach you some breathing exercises when you're ready, together in our minds.

[ annabeth looks down at the handkerchief, staring for a moment before she takes it with some delay and wipes her face with it. there are a lot of puzzling things about interacting with claire, but the longer she sits with her, the less terrifying it feels - even if it is because of the lingering false memories, she decides to let herself be okay with it in this moment. maybe one day she'll share why she's like this too. ]

I have ADHD. [ it doesn't occur to her that claire might not know what it is, that it might be a weird connection to make to what the older woman's just said. ] So sometimes my concentration is - [ she stops herself briefly, but can't think of another word, and ultimately decides that just because claire is being kind she doesn't have to censor herself. ] - shit. The messages were tricky for me at first too - it just sends whatever you think, right? So I had to figure out how to rein it in once the idea was in my head before it started automatically spamming.

I have a friend in Thorne - Jinora. She's been helping me with the meditation too. It's hard to stay focused sometimes. I want to learn about the Horizon, as much as I can about it.

[ somehow talking about these challenges is less intimidating than falling apart over her parental struggles. and she's... looking forward to maybe getting a little help from claire. ]

The beds are nice. [ she pauses. ] I mean, I know it's all sort of a ruse, and the politics are a mess, but they really are nice beds.

[ and considering she had just spent gods know how long in literal hell, she can be grateful for a mattress while acknowledging how shady the castle is. ] Thorne doesn't... really scare me, despite everything. I think we'll be okay.

[ By Claire's time, ADHD is still largely misdiagnosed and very misunderstood, but she has at least heard of it. Only a year before she traveled in back in time with Brianna's blessing, it was largely known as hyperkinetics. So, she has some idea, and it does help her understand the concentration issues. She decides to try and find out more on her own, if she can, to try and help.

With the mouth of a sailor at times, Claire would be the last person anyone needed to censor themselves with. ]

Thank you for telling me this, it means a lot to me, Annabeth, to have your trust.

[ And it does, she means that sincerely. There's having a fake life and fake memories to help build the foundation of something real, and there's feeling the foundation is strong enough to begin opening up. It may be something Annabeth shares freely, but Claire's still warmed to have been trusted. ]

I've also found myself wanting to understand the Horizon better, and more than that, the Singularity. We could learn together, or at the very least compare notes if that sounds like something you might be interested in.

[ She smiles softly, and her features remain neutral as Annabeth assures Claie she has a bead on Throne. And the beds are acceptable. That makes Claire smile more, and then she can't help but get in a little side squeeze. ]

Alright, then. I'll try not to worry too much.

[ she pauses, but when she really thinks about it, she supposes it is a form of trust. she's used to being around demigods who all have the same afflictions - the adhd, the dyslexia - but it's different admitting it aloud to someone who doesn't know, because it acknowledges a struggle annabeth usually prefers to keep to herself - especially when it comes to mortals. she doesn't like to let most people know when she struggles in anything. ]

It's not just me. Percy's the same, and a few of our friends from home. [ is this her not touching the comment about trust? yes. ] Mostly my meditation could use a little work.

[ at any rate, claire's comments on the horizon mean a lot to her in turn. annabeth finds herself smiling faintly, because it's always a little ego boost to be asked for help or collaboration, doubly so when it comes from an adult.

Yeah. I'd like that. I've been known to take a lot of decent notes. [ they tend to be in ancient greek when it comes to literal notes, but they can cross that bridge when they come to it! ] I'm interested in the Singularity too. Wary, but definitely curious.

Edited 2024-07-01 05:47 (UTC)

I think a healthy dose of wariness is warranted. We don't truly know how much the Singularity is capable of. I feel a...different sort of connection to it now. 'Connection' might even be too strong of a word. I'm more aware, since we returned from the future.

[ She isn't sure what that means, or why her hair stayed silver and glowing, why her magic was enhanced. Holding out her palm, it begins to glow with the soft blue and white light of the healing magic she had while they dreamed. ]

I kept my magic, and I still have the plant magic I had before, so the Singularity is making me stronger, the longer I'm here. Why?

[ That's just one question of so many, and she lets the glow fade again. ]

One thing at a time, and we'll start with the meditation. I helped someone else, and he's over in Thorne, so I don't doubt I can help you, too.

Edited 2024-07-02 12:37 (UTC)

I almost feel like... it wants our attention. But I've never had a connection with it before.

[ annabeth's gaze drops to the magic in claire's hand, fascinated, and wondering for the first time if she'd taken anything back herself beyond the physical from the strange illusion. she might be a demigod for real, but flashy powers and magic have never really been up her repertoire. ]

[ she absently reaches out, brushing her fingers through the strands of gray in her own curls. it's both new and not, a holdover from her time as a god that stems from a very real experience at home. she's still figuring out how that happened to intertwine them. ]

This is all that came back with me... that I know of. It didn't occur to me magic might have stuck around too.

[ she hums. ] Maybe it was trying to show us something, in the illusion. A warning? A possibility? I don't want it, if that's the case.

But figuring out the Horizon should probably come first for me.

[ Claire's gaze drifts to the hand playing with her hair, and she has to wonder what the Singularity is doing. It's another question for another time, one she'd wager they all want the answer to. A part of her wonders if that's even possible, but that feels like she's getting to far ahead. ]

Some think it was the actual future if we're here long enough, but I feel like speculating too much without concrete facts will only lead to anxiety and panic.

[ And so, they'll focus on the meditation first, and Claire squeezes her hand gently with a warm smile. ]

When you're ready, just reach out to me, and we'll take it slow. [ No expectations, no demands. She'll figure out where Annabeth is at and meet her there. ]

I definitely don't want it to be my future. [ for everything she's been struggling with about the illusion, that much she knows wholly. she doesn't want to be a god. being half is bad enough. ]

[ she finds herself absently squeezing claire's hand in return, trying not to second guess the gesture. the older woman wouldn't have done it first without reason, right? ]

Okay. I will. I promise. [ a promise might seem a little silly, but even if she takes a while, she just doesn't want it to come across like she'd changed her mind. ergo, a promise. one day. ]

[ after she reins in some of her emotions, good GODS. ] Thank you.

open | excuse my ego, can't go incognito

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i think we could wrap in a tag or two :3

yes i think so too!

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