Who: Alucard and open When: First half of June Where: Free Cities, Norwich, Al’s domain What: Getting up and functioning again, updating one’s domain, taking stock of his new physical change thanks to event 18 Warnings:Added as needed
[ He's used to companions having very strong opinions about his (potential) life choices. He's braced for it again in this case, and so when Alucard only shrugs, he's at a slight loss, shooting him an incredulous look until the father is mentioned. ]
Fair enough.
[ He sighs, perhaps uncharacteristically not in the mood to push back for once. ]
[ He shoots Alucard another perplexed look. There's a long pause before he continues, his eyes narrowed at the space of grass in front of them. ]
I don't want to believe that what we experienced holds any bearing on my situation back home...
[ There's a silent and yet, at the end of that. Alucard, of all people, had a front row seat to Astarion's misery after everything he built came literally crashing down. ]
Alucard looks at Astarion for a moment, considering what memories remain of the eight hundred years that never happened and then the matter of what Ascending promises. Being free Cazador is essential, Alucard is confident of that.]
Do you think that if you returned home with your memories of here in tact, they might guide you differently, even if you went through with the plan itself?
Do you mean why don't I think I ought to simply shove a stake in his heart and let well enough alone? And leave all that power to waste?
[ He gives Alucard an incredulous look, although there's something half-hearted about it. His lips form a tight, thin line. ]
He signed away our souls, he made what little excuse of a life I could claim a living nightmare for two centuries. Why don't I deserve that power? Why shouldn't I take it from him? [ It's lucky that it's a quiet day, that no one is walking nearby where they sit - he's near shouting now, barely contained rage in his voice. ]
It would mean no one would ever own me again.
[ It would mean all those years of suffering hadn't amounted to nothing. ]
[In the word power, Alucard thinks he's found at least a portion of what is really going on here. It is worth the incredulous look, and it also means Alucard isn't going to over-analyze how it looks not quite put upon, but close.
He waits for quiet to fall back in between them.]
--And you had that power, for the 800 years that only we experienced. [He can't guess at how much of it Astarion recalls, but the fallout of the messiest divorce likely hasn't faded.]
--Do you think there are circumstances back home that might change your thinking about the ritual, and just see him dead without taking up the additional power?
[Alucard's trying to keep his own voice calm, if only to offer Astarion something to recalibrate against. It's hard. And he's asking for a lot of vulnerability.]
None of this is to diminish anything of home. I want to be clear about that.
My nagging companion back home is certainly trying to make me see the error of my ways...
[ He appears very suddenly dejected again. The comment isn't actually indirectly pointed at Alucard, though. He does not exactly find this to be nagging, despite the stormy theatrics in response. He grimaces again. ]
... do they have paladins in your world? They are exhausting.
[Alucard pauses, the dejection all too plain. He moves his left hang along the grass. There if there's a need for something to grab, but otherwise just enjoying the softness of nature beneath him.]
Constant badgering seems like a way of getting you to dig your heels in though.
Imagine walking, talking sanctimony in a suit of armor.
[ That's most paladins for you. But, even he knows this isn't fair to Tav. He shakes his head. He catches sight of Adrian's hand in the grass, and though it prickles at fading memories of their time together in that dream of the future, he can't bring himself to reach out right now. ]
You might be right. I think... I would rather not think about it any more, right now.
Then I can either shut up and leave you to your thoughts, or I can prattle on about some inane architecture topic so you have just enough to pay attention to.
Ask me some weird, general question about a building. I can take it from there.
[It's the easiest way to get the dhampir riled up. And that he's there to prattle, rather than dismissed, is gently reassuring in a wholly different way.]
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abraxaslogs2024-06-01 02:10 pm
no subject
Fair enough.
[ He sighs, perhaps uncharacteristically not in the mood to push back for once. ]
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[The question is direct if only because it seems the best way to imply you seem like you really need to talk and avoiding a demand.]
no subject
[ He shoots Alucard another perplexed look. There's a long pause before he continues, his eyes narrowed at the space of grass in front of them. ]
I don't want to believe that what we experienced holds any bearing on my situation back home...
[ There's a silent and yet, at the end of that. Alucard, of all people, had a front row seat to Astarion's misery after everything he built came literally crashing down. ]
no subject
Alucard looks at Astarion for a moment, considering what memories remain of the eight hundred years that never happened and then the matter of what Ascending promises. Being free Cazador is essential, Alucard is confident of that.]
Do you think that if you returned home with your memories of here in tact, they might guide you differently, even if you went through with the plan itself?
[Some benevolent uber vampire?]
no subject
[ Obviously. He scowls at nothing. ]
But - unless I am wildly misunderstanding, returning with our memories isn't exactly an option.
[ But please, tell him differently if he's wrong. ]
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[Alucard exhales heavily.]
It is another reason I don't wish to return. But this isn't about me. [Maybe there's a better question to ask.]
Why did you think, at the time, that the ritual he's trying to accomplish would be better undertaken by you?
no subject
[ He gives Alucard an incredulous look, although there's something half-hearted about it. His lips form a tight, thin line. ]
He signed away our souls, he made what little excuse of a life I could claim a living nightmare for two centuries. Why don't I deserve that power? Why shouldn't I take it from him? [ It's lucky that it's a quiet day, that no one is walking nearby where they sit - he's near shouting now, barely contained rage in his voice. ]
It would mean no one would ever own me again.
[ It would mean all those years of suffering hadn't amounted to nothing. ]
no subject
He waits for quiet to fall back in between them.]
--And you had that power, for the 800 years that only we experienced. [He can't guess at how much of it Astarion recalls, but the fallout of the messiest divorce likely hasn't faded.]
no subject
Which circles us right back 'round to the point that if I could remember all of it when I go back, I would do it differently.
[ He takes a very, very deep breath that his undead lungs possibly don't need, and then exhales. ]
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[Alucard's trying to keep his own voice calm, if only to offer Astarion something to recalibrate against. It's hard. And he's asking for a lot of vulnerability.]
None of this is to diminish anything of home. I want to be clear about that.
no subject
[ He appears very suddenly dejected again. The comment isn't actually indirectly pointed at Alucard, though. He does not exactly find this to be nagging, despite the stormy theatrics in response. He grimaces again. ]
... do they have paladins in your world? They are exhausting.
no subject
[Alucard pauses, the dejection all too plain. He moves his left hang along the grass. There if there's a need for something to grab, but otherwise just enjoying the softness of nature beneath him.]
Constant badgering seems like a way of getting you to dig your heels in though.
no subject
[ That's most paladins for you. But, even he knows this isn't fair to Tav. He shakes his head. He catches sight of Adrian's hand in the grass, and though it prickles at fading memories of their time together in that dream of the future, he can't bring himself to reach out right now. ]
You might be right. I think... I would rather not think about it any more, right now.
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[With all due respect, mind.]
Then I can either shut up and leave you to your thoughts, or I can prattle on about some inane architecture topic so you have just enough to pay attention to.
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No - I quite like the sound of your prattling, if you don't mind my dour company.
[ He doesn't know yet what to do with what he's just said aloud but - he appreciates that Adrian is here. ]
no subject
[It's the easiest way to get the dhampir riled up. And that he's there to prattle, rather than dismissed, is gently reassuring in a wholly different way.]