abraxaslogs | [ open & closed

Entry tags:

[ open & closed | july & august ]

Who: The Doctor + Others
When: July & August
Where: Free Cities | Nocwich | Horizon
What: Monthly Catch-All
Warnings: None for now, will update if needed!

[ ooc: please feel free to ping me if you'd like to plot a custom starter of any sort, i'm open to anything!
hit me up on plurk or PM | also happy to match prose or brackets~ ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

"Well, if you're going to encourage me — and you always should," he teases under his breath, "then another tidbit for you! The novelist, Sophie von La Roche, called the waltz the 'shameless, indecent whirling-dance of the Germans.' Of course, like everything, once the nobility latched onto it, it was entirely acceptable."

He huffs a little laugh under his breath, but truth be told, as they dance and as she talks and plays with his hair, it serves to settle the Doctor. She has that amazing ability, it seems, to do that quite often. It's not just that she's a comfort to him, it's not only that she can steady him and keep him anchored, but it's how easy it is to laugh with her, to feel joy again, like he's not known in so very long. Oh, of course, there have been many, many happy moments in his long years. More than he could count. That's life, of course — joy and pain in equal measure. But all along here, it's been so remarkable to realize that with Julia there's been this — life he never thought he'd have. Oh, it's not usual, it's not typical by any measure, which is how he likes it. But it's...letting himself get close, closer, ever so close, and not running from it. He remembers the life they had years from now, and whether it all goes that way or another way entirely, he hasn't forgotten a single thing. Not even the pain, because it was real. It was all real, even in memory. And she came back for him, and they held onto each other even when they'd drifted. They were together again.

"I hope there are many more," he confesses. Dates, that is. He never wants to let go, and that's always been the trouble. Too selfish to let go of the people he's loved, who needed to go on and live their human lives, or — who were already lost to him.

But not Julia, no, she's here, and while he matches her step for step, his demeanor shifts, softer and more serious, a tender smile on his face as he holds her close and momentarily breaks the rules of the waltz.

"You picked the perfect song."

"If they only knew what modern dancing would end up being!" They would be horrified far beyond what the waltz is. "I get it though, it is very intimate." She can say that given they are literally in each other's arms right now and it requires moving together, it requires a trust between partners to whirl the right way. It may not be a bump and grind like what her generation prefers to do in clubs, but she'd prefer this any day. It feels like a whirlwind, like all of their romance.

The Doctor is dizzying but also grounding. The feelings that they built for each other make her excited and calm all at once. She finally understands what she's been told, that sometimes a person just sweeps you off your feet, and you understand what meeting the right one feels like. They might not be each other's One in the forever sense, who knows what their future holds, but they have it as long as they're here.

"There will be. And this time, if we have hundreds of years ahead of us, I'm not going to make the same mistakes." Fred did them a favor. She and Annabeth agreed that it was a warning, one they should take to heart. People may think that means they can stop this, but Julia was already looking at many lifetimes ahead of her. It wasn't as scary with someone by her side.

She looks up at him and makes a promise to herself she's telling the truth. She's not going to let him go this time. They'll find a way to make it work. Julia's smile is hopeful, a little shy. "I'd go hungry, I'd go black and blue. I'd go crawling down the avenue. Know there's nothing that I wouldn't do to make you feel my love." She's not a professional singer but she does have a nice voice, enough to carry a tune for him.

He can't recall a time that anyone's ever sang for him quite like this before; there are others around them, yes, but it's really just for him, for the pair of them, and it's beautiful. A moment that's somehow so private and intimate, yet laced with the playful ease he feels like they've always had with one another. He can be silly and serious, of course, despite his default towards whimsy. And she's not the first person he's ever been able to connect with so deeply, but Julia is noteworthy for being the first in a very, very long time who's made him feel less afraid to explore the depths of his hearts with, to be his whole self with. Loving others comes easy to him, but letting himself genuinely fall in love is...that thing he always runs away from. Because he must.

But they're dancing and she's singing to him about love, and he's quite sure he hasn't known this particular manifestation of joy in so long. He might even blush a little and duck his head and smile when he presses a kiss to her forehead. As her singing fades and their steps naturally slow, the Doctor's too restless to lead her to one of the cabins — there's still too much to do and see, after all! It's only when the night naturally begins to wane a bit that he offers to lead her to the cabin if she's ready to settle in for the night.

"Not that we have to sleep right away, of course," he smirks a little, teasing, perhaps trying to set himself at ease. "I brought a deck of cards if you're itching to play Go Fish or Gin Rummy!"

Julia's last two relationships ended badly and she barely got any time at all to be truly romantic with Richard. She and James were always that couple who just gelled well and they weren't particularly passionate, just a solid duo that seemed obvious to continue on into marriage someday. A sensible match. Julia used to be very sensible like that. She's already felt things with the Doctor that she never has before. A thrill, a connection, like minds coming together, and a deeper attraction than what she's used to.

They go on their adventure throughout the day and she's nervous but in a good way when he says they should go back to their cabin. It's so easy being around him and she knew from the start of this that they would be sleeping in the same room. There is no expectation there for anything, she is well aware. The Doctor is the last person who would apply pressure and he's just as nervous about this as she is, she's certain of it. They're both stepping outside of their comfort zone.

Julia sets down her bag in the cabin and fluffs out her hair. She is glad she's wearing a dress, it makes her feel pretty and feminine, although she's sure he likes her in anything she wears. But it's been a while leading to this moment and she turns to look at him. He's trying to make things less awkward, which she adores him for, but there is an elephant in the room. And Julia's mind is made up.

"I'd suggest strip Gin Rummy but you'd lose so fast, you have no idea." Julia smiles at him and tells her nerves to cool it, stepping forward to meet him. She reaches out to take his hands. "I'm about to be super vulnerable so, uh, be kind about it, okay?" She knows he will be, but still. Julia looks up at him. "I haven't wanted to be alone with a man or with a man since everything that happened, but I ... do want it now. If you want it."

He is oblivious in the best of times, he needs to have these sorts of intimate things spelled out for him plainly and in great detail generally speaking, but Julia is direct enough that it sinks in quickly and he doesn't need to play the fool in an effort to skirt around a topic that is so generally distant from him, so — terrifying and thrilling at the same time. But, a bit more terrifying at the moment.

She's kind and gentle like she always is, easing him into it. Hearing what she says, though, feeling her hands around his, it grounds him. He can feel and hear her nerves and he wants to steady her, which helps him put aside his own trepidation.

"What I want is..." He takes a breath, leans down briefly to kiss her wrists. "I know you just said it, but I do need to ask one more time. You're absolutely sure? There's no going back, which is the point, I realize, but there's you right here in front of me and you're so very, very important and I need to make certain." It all comes out in a rush, and he squeezes her hands, moving his thumb across her wrist. "What I mean is, I — I haven't done this...well, you know. A long time. And if we do, I would be yours. Completely yours, Julia."

And that scares him, but not nearly as much as the thought of ever losing her. Which is usually why he never gets this close to begin with, and he's trying so very, very hard to just keep holding onto her and not pull away. She's been brave enough to say this at all, and he's going to be brave enough to stand here in it with her.

It's knowing that possible future, it's feeling the depth of emotions swirling in him now — it's all of that together that makes it feel like a step towards unspoken commitment, which would normally terrify him even more and have him running for the door. Except this isn't his life, nothing close to the life he's lived for so long. There's something about living all these long years and being trapped here now, and having the glimpse at a life he's never had that makes him want to know it for the first time, with her.

Julia remembers a lot of the time they were married in the AU and that they had a healthy sex life, so she knows it's possible and that there was a point where she stopped being so unnerved about it. And this is when she feels it too. When she says it, and he kisses her wrists, she feels her nerves settle, and certainty fill in. It helps that he so quickly wants to double check because he knows her past and what this means to her. They've built so much trust between them.

She also knows that this isn't something he does very much either. The Doctor puts space between him and others at a certain level of intimacy, she's noted it before, but for whatever reason the two of them have been very good at getting past each other's defenses. She felt safe with him from early on, and he's felt vulnerable with her. She smiles up at him, lifting her hands to cup his face, running one through his hair. His dear, dear face.

"I'm sure. Believe me, there is nothing in this world I want more than for you to be mine." She goes up on her toes to kiss him and this isn't like the few they've shared before. This is with heated intent. Julia used to be very good at this and she always loved this part of relationships. It was one of the things Reynard took from her, the joy she had with intimacy and physical need. She gives him a knock your socks off kind of kiss full of the want she's been missing.

Julia only pulls back when they both need to breathe and deliberately runs her hands over his chest, pushing his jacket off his shoulders. "Do you want me?" It's been a long time since she felt wanted in a way that was good. She longs to hear it from him.

Before she even speaks a word in return, that touch as she cradles his face is assurance enough. The smile, the affection, the words of affirmation that follow — they all serve to settle his own nerves, and make his hearts ache in a way they haven't for so very long. There wasn't all of this uncertainty on his part in that shared dream so far into the future; he remembers being content, he remembers forgetting why he'd ever thought the idea of settling down was something to run away from. Nothing was ever mundane with Julia, in that future. There was always adventure, things to do, but even the quiet moments were something he'd come to appreciate. No matter what, there was love, even in the worst of times. Always that.

But this isn't that future, and their shared nerves are a very real thing, but he feels settled now, he feels like he can embrace this and let himself be. He can enjoy the fact that they're kissing in a way they haven't ever before, not relegated to just a dream or a non-physical plane. The Horizon is all well and good, to at least see her as often as he can, but it isn't this.

There's none of his fumbling as their lips meet, there's no wondering where to put his hands, there's only an equal desire for more of this as his hands anchor to her hips and lower back. When she pulls back to push his jacket off, though, he moves his hands, threading them through her hair tenderly before letting his thumb stroke along the length of her jaw.

"Oh, very much," he smiles, his voice a little husky. "I have wanted you, Julia." Since she's begun to remove his clothing, he feels more confident doing the same with her, now reaching out to begin unzipping her dress, while his lips press a soft kiss to her bare shoulder as it's revealed.

There will always be nerves around a first time. It doesn't matter that they had many times in the future, this is their first time and it's supposed to feel nervewracking and also thrilling. And it does feel that way now that they've started and they're both showing more confidence and certainty in the way they move together. She is glad this is in person too. The Horizon feels real but it's not and she wants to know that when he moves in her, it's as physical as it can be. Not in their minds.

She found love again. It's still such a shock to her. She found someone she wants carnally and loves in her heart and she isn't afraid of him at all. She isn't even afraid to give him her heart, to worry about him smashing it, not the Doctor. She turns her head toward his hand to brush her lips against it, smiling at him. She needs to be wanted, to feel beautiful and seen and not some broken thing. She's whole under his hands.

Her head tilts back when his lips brush her shoulder and she runs her fingers in his hair, stepping out of her dress when it's undone, no longer nervous about it. Unfortunately there is no fancy lingerie in Solvunn but Julia's still looking cute she thinks in matching underwear and her glowing red eyes gazing up at him. She undoes his shirt and pushes it off his shoulders next, running her fingers up his chest.

"Admit it, a part of you did think that we might be setting the mood tonight." Julia grins at him, her hands dropping to his pants. It's clear that she doesn't mind if he did, she was doing the exact same thing. "I was thinking about it when we were dancing. You felt so good against me."

To the Doctor, Julia is beautiful in every way; she always has been to him, though truthfully, his perception of her beauty has never been quite the same as a human's perspective. She is beautiful in the way that her very life, her presence, the heart and soul of her, is as necessary as the stars themselves. He's felt close to her from the start, their deepening friendship anchoring him in this unknown world. There was no abrupt shift for him from friendship to deeper, more intimate feelings, it all just seemed to — happen. Like breathing, like being connected to her was more natural than anything he's known in so long. He's carried wounds of another kind, old hurts, so many losses, ghosts that linger; she's healed something in him, too, in so many ways.

But he doesn't want to dwell on all that's come before, all the times he feared getting too close, the swell of that fear whispering in the back of his mind that this can all be taken away. There's none of that tonight, not when he just wants to feel this with her, be with her, be here for her, be present.

There's her soft voice and the way her smile makes her words seem to float in the air between them. He's so distracted by her helping to get his pants off, and her touch against his chest, that he's delayed in noticing all of her. It says everything, of course, that she can distract him to this degree, even fluster him in a way that's purely playful.

"Even then?" He laughs a little huskily. "So it was more than just a dance, was it? I suppose I might have been —" He kisses the corner of her mouth and pulls back, and he cuts his own sentence off abruptly, taking her in fully for a moment. And now his brain short circuits a little. All that's left between them is underwear, and there's little left to the imagination, but even that is arousing in its own way.

"Julia," he starts, ducking his head for a brief moment before moving to rest his hands on her hips. "You're beautiful."

Julia is used to being in the middle of impossible things these days. When she found out magic was real, everything about her changed, and when she came here, with all that was hanging heavily on top of her, she did again. She came here scared and unsettled and also on the cusp of greatness, feeling cheated yet again of something she'd truly wanted. And forced to find her way through alone, or so she thought. Then she met him and she hasn't felt alone again. Their friendship is based on so many details but it's always felt genuine; neither of them expected or planned this. It happened to them, and it's a gift. For her, it's a gift; hope she thought she didn't have anymore, born anew.

"You think I sing love songs to everyone?" She laughs quietly and she sees the way he looks at her. It makes her heart beat faster in the best sense. Julia had been hoping they were setting a mood which is why she had the guts to ask him for this in the first place. It felt right. He set up a romantic getaway for them, on the ship that they shared a special moment on. Not just a picnic at Nocwich, which would've been good enough for her. He made this more.

"I feel beautiful, when you look at me like that." She does too, it is making her feel a little breathless too, and she decides to go for it. Julia shimmies out of her underwear, naked with a man for the first time since her life was rocked, and she doesn't feel a moment of fear. Her eyes stay locked on his and she walks backward, settling down onto the bed behind her. She purposely lounges on it, her tousled dark hair curling around her, bare and with confidence she thought lost to her.

"I'm yours, Doctor." She sits up and reaches out a hand toward him, an entreaty. "Please come and take me. I'm ready." She laughs again, her cheeks a little pink, not at all the sexy seductive minx she probably should be with a new lover, but just her. "I feel like this is my first time all over again, oh my god. I'm being so weird." But she grins at him anyway.

"Well," he scratches at his head and blushes a little again, but it's a comfortable sort of flustered that he feels right now. It's a good feeling. It's not so much nerves anymore, it's excitement, it's feeling the sort of joy he hasn't known in so long. "No. No, I suppose not. You're welcome to again anytime, of course. Sing to me, that is," he grins a little, idly thinking he wants to kiss that laugh of hers somehow. He wants to remember it always, he wants to hear it always, he wants — nights like this again. Because there was a time — a very long time — he never thought he'd be here, and didn't think to consider they would be here until he was already so fond of her that he could never go back to where they were before. There's only this now, and only them going forward, never back.

He knows what it means for her to feel this safe and comfortable with him, and he'll never take that for granted. When she's completely bare before him, he watches her even more intently, a feeling of want surging in him. There's not a single moment when he breaks the focus with her eyes, following her the whole way until she's on the bed.

There's a moment where he just bites his lip briefly, smiles, and then she's reaching for him and he realizes he's just been standing there like an idiot watching her. Move forward, Doctor — yes, right, forward propulsion, one foot in front of the other, and he can show her how very much he loves her, in all the ways that words sometimes fail him. He takes her hand first, kissing her knuckles, then her wrist, her palm. Her hand is squeezed gently then before he lets go and joins her on the bed, after pushing his briefs off. He thinks she's absolutely perfect in every way, though, and he adores her even more when she laughs again.

"You're being you. Perfectly you," he assures her, kissing the corner of that grin now. "And while it's not exactly a first time for either of us, it's our first time." He shifts carefully now, settling over her, but only that for now, while his hand sweeps through her hair and he makes a move to kiss her again. This time, it's more heated, knowing there's nothing stopping them, nothing to throw them off course. They're here, and he wants to adore her and love her in every way possible.

"I'll sing songs to you every day if you want." Julia can see that for them. She can see what's already here, them laughing in bed together, her humming tunes for him, them just sitting together and feeling at peace. It's the sort of love she didn't expect for herself, even before the worst happened to her, because Julia decided to settle. For a nice but boring guy who she could be normal with, and she could protect her heart from by never giving it, and now that she has, it feels thrilling rather than terrifying. Because it's him. This ancient alien of hers with the goofy smile and tousled hair, looking at her like she's hung the moon in the sky.

She feels better when he's on the bed with her because the space is closed between them. She longed for parts of the life they were given, outside of the bad times, because she did see this as possible, a part of them that was so real. Her eyes feast on him too when he's bare with her and it feels less silly being alone that way, and she really is just grinning like an idiot at him. Happy. She's already so happy.

"It is and it's not. But mostly, it is." In the ways that kind of matter to her, because that was just a blur of images that faded with time, but they're in the now. And this is her first time since and she is nervous. "I'm nervous," she says out loud, "but the good kind." The butterflies in the stomach, the thrill of the unknown.

Julia returns the kiss with equal heat now that he's close and she reaches up to brush her fingers through his own hair, ruffling it, tugging gently. She kisses him until there's no breath in her body and then surfaces only to do it again, her body warming, her skin flushing through with the surge of blood. She puts an arm around his waist and pulls him down against her, wanting to feel the length of his body pressed up against her. It's been so long and she used to love this, she wants that again.

"Please, Doctor." She smiles against his lips, breathless, arching up beneath him. She takes his hand and moves it down past her stomach to between her legs, encouraging a touch she'd been fearing and wanted to get past.

It's a sentimental notion, the idea of being sung to, being loved quite like that, and it's the sort of thing he might have rejected once and so easily as being the sort of thing only meant for humans, for anyone but him. She's shown him...so much more than he'd ever thought possible for himself after all this time. He'd closed his hearts to this, he'd reconciled it was never to be for him. Silly old Doctor, lonely old Doctor — alone. But now there's so much possibility, and there's so much that he feels for Julia he can hardly contain it.

They have the sketches of a life together in the future, a vision of one potential outcome, of so many loose threads that could be woven together, to make something so beautiful. It's like a waypoint on a broad map of their long lives, the knowledge of how they could be together, and it didn't terrify him as much as the thought of committing to anyone or anything usually does. Nothing's ever felt terrifying with Julia, though, that's the thing. It's only ever felt right. As new and uncertain as it's all been, there's such peace and contentment that comes from being near her. It's not the fear he's so often had when he gets this close to anyone, when he dares to consider loving someone.

She's not the only nervous one, of course, and his own nerves coil anew as he lies so close to her, as they kiss and as the urge to touch her surges along with the heat of their bodies pressing together. He appreciates her guiding him as she does, letting him know exactly what she wants, what she's ready for and comfortable with.

His touch is slow and gentle to start; she wants this, and that eases any lingering worries, but he both wants to savor this and ease her into it, while his fingers slip into her, and he begins to caress with the pad of his thumb. He presses his lips to the pulse at her neck, dropping slow kisses there while his touch never wavers, gradually building in pace and intensity, to coax her slowly, to draw out her pleasure.

The Gallifreyan and the goddess. They were both impossible people in their own ways, so many things riding against them together and apart, and yet they've persevered, they've always been stronger than the things trying to drag them down. They have light hearts and dark pasts. Julia thinks it's a romantic fantasy to believe they're meant to be, but right now, she lets herself give into something cheesy. She is a skeptic but she believes that even if they were split apart, they'd find a way back to each other. He makes her think impossible things could be real.

And here it is, it is finally possible for her to feel stitched up again, not broken like she was told she was. Julia feels whole when he is on her, when his body presses down against hers and she only is filled with relief. A part of her still worried that the moment he touched her, some instinctive fear would grip her, but that's not the case. She opens to him gladly when his fingers slip inside and she sighs, her eyes closing in pleasure as he lights her up.

"Doctor," she moans, arching her back at a particularly nice touch of his thumb on her clit. She swallows, warm and flushed all over from the building arousal, and runs fingers through his hair. The truth was after what happened to her, Julia stopped touching herself too, it was like any idea of embracing that aspect of herself again was done. Until she met him and started thinking about his lips on hers. His fingers inside her, like now.

It builds in her slowly. It's flutterings of pleasure at first and then something more intense strikes her and she's gripping his hair tightly, breathing unsteadily. The coaxing works and she doesn't fight it as she builds up the tension and then like a pop in her head, she is flooded with white hot pleasure and she gasps his name again. Tears sting her eyes and she's never been an orgasm crier, but in this case, it's pretty reasonable.

"Thank you." Feeling that again, it's a lot. She tugs him up, still shivering a little, her eyes glazed, but she smiles. "I'm ready."

He's thought it more than once, of course, he can't help it; it's just the course of his life, to lose what he loves most. It's that pain, and the fear of it, that's kept him pushing so much away, holding so many emotions back for all these years. There's always pain waiting, and he's spent so long running from that, and now he isn't. Now he stops, he slows down, he lets himself enjoy this, just...be with her. But that niggling worry never quite relents, that thought of her ever going far away, of the unpredictability of this place and how it may part them inevitably perhaps, and...well. Then he stops himself. And he says it over and over again to himself, that he would simply find her. He always would. No matter what happens.

Here and now, though, it's just them, and there's no worry for once. There's just the feeling of finally letting go, this release he didn't know he was capable of and didn't know he needed. Hearing her moan his name is everything to him, and he presses his face a little closer to her neck for a moment, burying his forehead there against her skin.

He chases that feeling, the warmth of her as he touches her, and when he knows she's right there, when he can both hear and feel her pleasure, he pulls his head back so he can see her clearly. And he doesn't even realize it at first, but his own eyes are glistening, and he smiles with such tenderness at her.

"You're the one to thank."

He loves her, completely, and he hopes it's felt in every single touch and movement now as he tenderly sweeps her hair back from her eyes before shifting his hips carefully, leaning down to kiss her briefly before he joins their bodies in a swift thrust. He parts with a moan under his breath, biting his lower lip, smiling again. His eyes only momentarily close, a pleasant shudder running through him, before he seeks her eyes. Feeling this, being surrounded by her, it's more than he'd ever thought possible again, more than he could have thought to want. And now he's greedy for it, grateful for it. He loves her, he thinks again, as he slowly rocks his hips against hers, caressing her skin, letting his thumbs skirt around the edges of her breasts.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ open & closed | july & august ]

no subject

no subject

skipping time!

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

I am so sorry for the wait thank you for being the best!!!

thank you for the same <3 no apologies ever needed!

no subject

no subject