abraxaslogs | ( open + closed ) this world is gonna end

[ Nebula isn't wrong. It is both. But he's never framed his circumstances as suffering. He couldn't. He didn't want to think of himself as a victim at the hands of the Empire's ruthless grab for power. Despite it being the truth, giving the Empire more credit - more power - than they were due, is something every cell in his body railed against. That isn't to say that he looks down on those who have suffered, who do see it that way.

Just because someone was a victim of some wrong didn't mean they couldn't rise against it. But sometimes they needed to be reminded of that.

His eyes slowly move from the kitten in his lap towards Nebula, understanding in his expression. The corners of his lips quirk some at his own expense. ]

I wouldn't call myself a warrior. [ Or a mercenary, or a rebel. At least not yet. Months haven't seemed to change his mindset. ] But you're right.

{ There's a pause before he speaks up again, sincerity in his voice. ]

Your galaxy is lucky to have someone like you looking out for others.

[ For her sake, because that's what it is, Nebula keeps her attention facing forward. She knows now, that her eyes give far more about what she thinks than she'd like. Looking at him, means giving away more than she feels and she's already given too much of that way today. This damned day (it's not just him). ]

Don't worry; You don't look like much of a warrior.

[ So she agrees, in a rough fashion that is as much mocking as it is teasing, he isn't a warrior. Maybe she's not a warrior anymore either - forced to live as one for as long as she had. She wants to be something different, the idea solid in her mind. ]

[ When he continues, Nebula stiffens. Really, what was with this goddamned day? The denial wraps around her like the deathgrip of a snake. He barely knows the story. He doesn't even know how many people she's helped kill without ever looking back. She's to blame - ]

[ And yet.

And yet it's the part of her that has tried so desperately to let go. To move forward, to be something more that feels at peace. As much at peace as she can as she swallows it down and finds the only words she can muster: ]

I'm trying to be someone they can look to.

[ There's a wry bark from him that is the closest thing that most anyone will get to a laugh. He had walked himself right into that one. But not only that, he can pick out the teasing amidst the mocking. It should be a surprise considering how Nebula's tone errs on the side of sharp and blunt. But maybe he can pick it out because of the time they had spent together as gods.

For some reason that thought is more comforting than he expects it to be even as he watches her stiffen at what he says.

A part of him waits for her to protest and a part of him readies to tell her that he means what he says in spite of whether or not it was something she was ready to hear or not. But then she doesn't. His lips lift at the corners, softening the expression on his face. ]

I think you're on your way to that.

[ And that's of course when the still yet to be named kitten mews. Cassian's gaze flits down towards the creature in his lap. ]

He thinks so too.

[ She still wants to protest. The galaxy still deserves more - better. So does Knowhere. She barely knows what she's doing and she's certain they have every right to hate her - especially the ones she personally effected. ]

[ Her mouth twitches. And she shakes her head. ]

No. I will never make up for what I've done.

[ Said solidly, before she eyes the cat and tries, quickly, to change topic: ]

Got a name for it?

[ Her conviction and certainty to what she's done in the past only further convinces him of what he's told her already. Maybe that's biased of him in some way. His opinion is based on their interactions which extends to some degree from their time in the dream. But what he knows now, what he understands, were circumstances out of her control. She shouldn't have to punish herself for things that had happened in the past and feel like they're what define her. What matters most, he thinks, is how she chooses to live her life now going forward.

The irony of that thought doesn't dawn on him in how similar their mindsets are. But before he can say more or attempt to dissuade her from that, she's moved on. ]

No, not yet.

[ To be honest he isn't even certain that he's suited to keep the kitten when it can barely stand to look at him. Wryly he casts a glance towards her. ]

Do you think calling it "Cat" would be a bad idea?

[ The best part is: She has no ability to judge rather or not he's a good pet person. As long as it's fed and its needs met that's all that matters??? Which is a good thing, because it means that her judgement can go full force into his naming scheme: ]

Would you call a human "Human"?

[ A beat and added: ] They're not an it.

[ Fair enough. ]

Him. And no.

[ But then again a cat isn't a human and he can't particularly imagine that the kitten will care whether or not he's given a name at the end of the day so long as he's given a good home. ]

Do you have suggestions?

[ Because he obviously doesn't have any. ]

Him.

[ She agrees without a fight. She's not even sure she was told the gender, but he got the point. "Him" not "it". ]

[ She raises a brow: ]

Does it look like I've ever named anything?

[ His lips twitch slightly in amusement, getting a strange ghost of a feeling like this was the dynamic they'd had as gods. The familiarity, real or not, is nice. ]

Does naming something have a particular look?

[ What does someone who names something even look like?

The nameless kitten yawns before he settles quietly into Cassian's lap. As much as he'd caused him grief, Cassian can't help but quietly admit that he's cute. ]

He doesn't seem bothered without a name for now. Maybe I can think on it.

[ His eyes skip back towards her. ]

If you think of anything, let me know. I'm open to names.

Yes.

[ She says abruptly and quickly, but offers no further elaboration on. The "particular look," could easily be taken as someone not her. But... it's Himeka who flashes into her mind. Himeka and her easy, overflowing excitement for life. Certainly, someone like her would have named many things and insisted on it.

Or the Doctor. Hewas most insistent on the meaning behind a name. ]

[ She breathes as she stands to stretch. ]

It's a cat. Most likely you could just call it Dumb Cat and it would accept it as a name. Names are more for you than them.

[ He asks - again - or suggests she try and she glances at man and cat. Lips purses in consideration as if she might actually try to think of a name. All she can think of is how, once, she thought Milano was a stupid name for a ship and lacked intimidation. What kind of name did a cat even have? ]

( open + closed ) this world is gonna end

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ARU I'M SORRY THIS GOT EATEN IN MY INBOX

Re: ARU I'M SORRY THIS GOT EATEN IN MY INBOX

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