abraxaslogs | EVENT #20: ADVENT

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EVENT #20: ADVENT - IC EVENT LOG

Event #20 - Advent

The Badlands has remained contested territory between Thorne and the Free Cities for many years. During a mediation two years ago, a resolution was attempted but fell apart. The Badlands is valued for being the direct route toward the Singularity...meaning it was only a matter of time before conflict broke out over it.

Early in AUGUST, Thorne and the Free Cities begin to march on the Badlands. The clash is bloody and violent, taking place exclusively on the ground. Although the Free Cities military has its share of firearms, such things are still rare and expensive. Most of the fighting, as expected, makes use of horses, swords, arrows, and - of course - magic.

The territories won't call upon Summoned like yourselves. You are meant for something more important. If you insist on joining the fight, they may approve depending on who you are and what you plan to do. Soon, however, a powerful force emerges, one far bigger than just another clash of swords.

This event draws on a previous event involving the Heralds of War. Knowledge of this past event is not necessary, but you may review the information for added context if you wish!

The consequences of Solvunn's choice in Event #18 occur at the end of the event. The result of this act will be further detailed in the Wrap-Up.

Overture

The return of the Heralds might stir familiarity within some of you. You may recall how they whispered in your ears, planted visions of death, or corrupted the Horizon. This time, although their coming spreads across the land, you as the Summoned are remarkably resistant to the Gods' influences. Newer arrivals might be more susceptible, but those of you who have been here for months or years won't find yourselves afflicted much, if at all...until you start to make your choices.

As the Summoned, certain actions may open you up to vulnerabilities. Everything you do carries a weight. If you experienced the emergent reality, you'll likely have learned that lesson. You're not fully one of the Gods yet, but your connection to the Singularity means the magic that flows through you contains both a great capacity to help others and a cost that comes with it which you must consider.

A Taste of Blood

It begins sometime in mid-August, around the 16th onward. Not everyone will experience it at the same time. You might even believe you're spared until days afterward when you're visited by an unusually vivid dream.

The dream starts the same for everyone: you are going somewhere, anywhere, walking to your bedroom, or enjoying a stroll on the beach. You might be driving down a familiar neighborhood. Wherever you're headed, you find that the world around you shifts. Thin red veins spiderweb across nearby surfaces. As you press on, they become engorged with blood until they form a fleshy tunnel. A light at the end beckons you. You can turn around if you want, but aren't you curious?

If you proceed, you eventually come upon a beating human heart with your Arcana painted in gold. A swarm of large mosquitos quickly encase the heart, sucking it dry. As their abdomens become fat with blood, more and more join the swarm until it becomes a whirlwind of insects that gradually take on a large humanoid shape: bright red with blood with horns bent upwards like a lopsided crescent moon.

This is Zorne of Last Blood, the eldest of the Heralds of War.

The veins are pulled in by the insects, connecting one to the next and holding them in place like latticework of sinew. No longer obscured, the world that surrounds you is bleak and gray. A large sword materializes in Zorne's hand. Holding it aloft, he measures your resolve.

◎ If you have spilled blood, the blade begins to drip with it. The steel beneath glows hot, then begins to harden.
◎ If you have not spilled blood, the blade turns brittle, eventually falling to dust.

Zorne accepts you regardless. He sits down on his simple stone throne, laying the sword against the armrest. His eyes are thinly veiled sockets in a skull made of insects, downcast towards where you stand below his form. A thin layer of red skin stretches across his mouth with every word he speaks.

"The path...has been chosen. The snake has found its tail. Each new age rises from the ashes of its grave. It is...as it always has been."

Zorne holds the sword up again. Behind his throne, you glimpse the rays of a rising sun.

"A sword hardens in the fire. In the darkened hearts of mortals. Destruction heralds purification from madness.

All things end before they begin. Mortals, Gods, the smallest insect. And when it ends...we will be there. I will be there. And you...little godling...must find your place in that end."

The sun reaches its apex. It is blazing and fierce, as though it might soon swallow you in its fury - and then it does.

Do you feel at peace from its cleansing fire? Strengthened by it? Or is it purely unimaginable pain and fear that consumes you?

Zorne's sword measures the blood on your character's hands as perceived by them. A character who took only one important life to save the world may see as much blood on that sword as another who killed many to do the same.

Making Your Choices

Whether you believe Zorne or not, you must still do something, even if that something is nothing. As things unfold before your very eyes, you can decide whether you will aid the Heralds for what you may believe is the greater good, help the individuals you can't deny, or decline any involvement at all.

General Effects

Each territory will have a set of circumstances brought forth by a combination of human actions and the Heralds. Those who experienced the afflictions in the past may recognize that the Heralds never implanted or controled your thoughts. Instead, they showed you visions, whispered in your ear, or coaxed you to indulge the darker impulses that live inside you.

The same effect will take hold of the regular citizens now, whose dispositions play a large role in what the Heralds can influence and how much. This is made most obvious by the fact that children are the least impacted. The younger and the fewer their worries, the less vulnerable they are. Of those who are afflicted, the effect might manifest in ways that are more fitting of a child: dreams of a beloved pet dying, bullying a sibling, or giving in to the desire to steal a toy. Adults who are naturally and genuinely carefree may also fail to be affected by Koth's despair or Adlewyrd's poisonous thoughts.

Vulnerabilities

Your status as the Summoned affords you some protection. The longer you've been in Abraxas, the less open you will be to influence. However, depending on what you do, this might change.

◎ If you choose to counter a Herald's influences, you may inadvertently absorb the affliction's effects or experience a "bleedover" from the person you're helping. The more you do this, the more severe the impact will become. You might also be concerned by the new ability you're exhibiting when countering an affliction. Though the ability is small, you feel its power coursing through you. When you try to call on it outside of aiding others, however, nothing comes. It seems this ability only manifests when interacting with an afflicted individual.

◎ If you choose to enhance a Herald's influences, you may inadvertently absorb their abilities as yours and thus, in turn, spread them toward individuals who are nearby. This could occur deliberately or accidentally, depending on how much you desire to act as an extension of the Herald in your chosen territory.

◎ If you choose to ignore a Herald's influences, you'll receive no effects either way...but you might find it difficult to disregard what's going on around you.

For an OOC explanation of the mechanics regarding being a countering, enhancing, or neutral force, please review the Deciding Your Actions section on the OOC Plotting Post.

Patchwork Horizon

Luckily, the Horizon isn't intent on trapping any of you this time. Its instabilities instead manifest in your own domains. It might revert back to a previous state or older elements might resurface that you thought you got rid of. Or, it may take on transformations from a future version - the domain that you had as a God in the emergent reality. The more you've made yourself vulnerable, the more unstable your experience in the Horizon will become.

Further, these instabilities aren't limited to your domains. Effects from other domains might overwrite yours, or perhaps pieces of your domain are showing up in another's.

◎ For some, it might just be a minor inconvenience. Perhaps your flowers have transplanted onto somebody else's yard across the Horizon or your pet keeps teleporting around to everyone's domains except yours.

◎ For others, the effect might be more troubling. You could find private letters surfacing in a stranger's desk or you might open your closet to find another's buried skeletons.

Anything that ends up in someone else's domain will be missing in yours. Rather than a duplication, the effect is more like a jigsaw or a patchwork quilt. You can put it right, of course, with some concentration - but it's best done with a partner, especially someone who knows your domain well enough to help you reform it.

Setting a domain right will also repair any vulnerabilities its owner might've exposed themselves to, so it's a good idea to try and assist each other. Of course, if your concentration's off, attempts to fix a domain might actually make things worse, so be careful!

Arrival

The sections below will contain more specific prompts to help players jumpstart threads, but you may use the broad descriptions of each Herald's impact here to inspire your own ideas and scenarios.

The First Shadow

The arrival of the Heralds of War is subtle. For many citizens, they might not realize that there is a force exerted throughout the world. Indeed, how much of what happens can be attributed to the Heralds, and how much is simply human nature? That's a question even the Heralds can't and won't answer. They are only here to carry out the same task they have done since the dawn of time, each time a war brews.

Koth, the Kingdome of Thorne

Koth of Festering Lands brings with her death and rot. This affects vegetation, wildlife, livestock, the already dead...and the soul itself. She does not bring literal death to living people - she only brings it to the things around them and within them.

◎ Missing Warship
In Borrel, a naval warship on its way home to resupply goes missing. Led by an experienced captain and with no fighting taking place at sea (surely, even the Free Cities can't sail that quickly toward the western coast), the mysterious disappearance has many concerned. Unfortunately, some mages who attempt a common tracking spell report visions of bloated corpses sunk to the bottom while others dream of drowning, an effect so real they must be shaken awake. Many mages refuse to try the spell again, leaving it in your hands instead.

Each tracking spell can only vaguely locate an individual or a part of the ship, so multiple attempts are necessary. If you're not skilled in magic, you can take a more active role and board a rescue ship off the coast of Borrel. This ship will venture out based on the coordinates according to the spell...but take care: the sailors with you are prone to similar visions of drowning when they look into the blackened depths below. Others claim they see the faces of the dead in the ocean's surface. All of this leads to high tensions amongst the men and women on board.

It'll be possible to rescue a few sailors, but others may be lost entirely. The ship itself appears to have broken into pieces. Survivors report a grotesque undead leviathan that cannot be harmed or killed, though it's difficult to tell if this is true or another hallucination.

◎ Dukewood Lumber Mills
Previously a site of a dangerous rift, the lumber mill in the woods by Nott has since returned to normal. Unfortunately, that ends quickly when the trees begin to rot. Workers report a horrible smell that comes from the trees themselves, and that the normally clear sap has turned into a putrid black-blood substance.

To make matters worse, the rotting stores of food and now the dying trees are putting the workers and locals around Nott under great stress. Thoughts of despair are amplified by both the situation and Koth, leading to higher rates of drinking, which in turn has increased the amount of accidents at the mill, including mismanaged safety protocols and mishandled equipment.

Lumber is of great value during wartime, especially for the construction of naval ships, outposts, and weapons, so Castle Thorne is determined to help restore the trees, as well as calm the workers. You can help with everything from checking equipment to ensure they're safe, searching for any missing mill workers, providing first aid where necessary, or confronting beasts that might've been disturbed by all the commotion.

If you happen to fall under Koth's sway, you might also see the dead when looking into the waters as you rescue the other sailors. The bodies might reflect something you fear or they may be a reminder of a death that's already passed. You could also sink into despair or experience haunting dreams as you try to help another recover from their hopelessness.

Adlewyrd, the Free Cities

Adlewyrd of Poisoned Tongues brings with them words that poison the heart and mind. This affects thoughts and emotions, a slow and subtle influence that spreads.

◎ Untold Secrets
In Libertas, where underground networks thrive, sudden slips of the tongue, rising tempers, and impulsive actions have caused the black market to collapse into disarray. Between power struggles, accusations of betrayals, and missing transactions, the violence has spilled into the open.

Preoccupied with the battle, the number of guards and soldiers keeping order is reduced. Venturing into Libertas can be dangerous and those who live there, including artists and orphans, are struggling to go about their day-to-day without disruption. You can help calm tempers or break up fights...or maybe, if you're a bit more vulnerable to the influences yourself, you might become drawn into the chaos yourself.

Because of the limited number of hands, the Summoned are allowed to make an arrest, but you must bring the culprit to a guard outpost for formal processing. Taking matters into your own hands too severely can lead to scrutiny. Given the circumstances, however, a bit of non-fatal violence will be overlooked, especially if it takes place in the darker corners of Libertas.

You don't have to enforce the law, though. In Libertas, this enforcement is rather loose, anyway. Instead, you can mediate as a neutral party, take advantage to make a deal of your own, or simply offer your services to fill in any gaps that might've occurred in these networks. This could involve more illicit activities like transporting underground goods or something more above-board like searching for a missing person. Just be sure you don't draw too much attention if you're acting outside the law.

◎ The Red Path
Previously a site of a dangerous rift, the scenic Red Path leading between Cadens and Libertas has since been restored. Unfortunately, that ends quickly when conflicting reports cause an accident involving merchant wagons carrying silk, spices, and wine. Some claim the merchants are spies while others insist they were bandits in disguise.

Regardless, the accident leads to several fatalities and disturbs a monster nest: that of the dangerous Copper Spine Wyvern. It also draws swarms of hungry Kaskadura, the latter of which are lured by the corpses. While not normally aggressive towards the healthy and living, the Kaskadura seem to be in a frenzy and will bite just about anyone they see - and there's a lot of them, gathering over the area like a black cloud.

To make matters worse, a clerical error has slowed down the cleanup and identification process. If you're not inclined to fight monsters or locate missing bodies, you can help at Portam Hall to manually match names to surviving family members, as well as locate said family members to deliver the somber news. As for Portam Hall, the main hub of government activity might not be under threat from beasts, but isn't calm, either. Gossip, secrets, and missing paperwork plague the various departments and offices.

If you happen to fall under Adlewyrd's sway, you might read too deeply into an innocent comment or mishear a remark that raises your ire, leading you to snap wrongly at a friend or attack an innocent. You might also give into lurking temptations that surface as you try to help others overcome their dark desires.

Sannleikr, the Solvunn Commune

Sannleikr of Many Faces brings with him deception of the soul. This affects faces and minds, causing appearances to become distorted, untrustworthy, or altogether unrecognizable.

◎ Lost Herders
In the Secondary Settlement, a woman named Eydis has lost her prized herding dogs and her flock of sheep. They left one morning as usual to herd the sheep out to graze and never returned. She worries that rumors of livestock sprouting teeth are true and will harm her dogs. She isn't the only one, either. Several other sheep and goat herders have claimed their dogs and flocks have gone missing, too.

The dogs themselves have scattered across Solvunn. There are roughly a dozen dogs and several flocks that failed to return home. Should you run into any livestock, it would appear the rumors are indeed true: the normally fluffy sheep have grown wicked claws or horns while the goats bear their sharp fangs. Despite their fearsome appearance, however, they are not aggressive except when frightened. Keep them calm when herding them lest you provoke them to bite or claw.

As for the dogs, some might be wounded while others will growl at you. They don't recognize familiar toys or faces and will attempt to run away or behave apprehensively. You can use any abilities or techniques you have on hand to try and bring them home. After all, the Solvunn woods are dangerous, and there are many creatures within those dense trees that will strike.

◎ Living Statues
Previously a site of a dangerous rift, the Feintak Ritual Site, located just outside the Primary Settlement, has since returned to normal. Unfortunately, that ends quickly when confused citizens of the Commune begin to wander toward the area at night in search of their "missing" loved ones.

Unable to recognize familiar faces, some begin to see those faces imposed upon the statues at the site instead. You can find children playing with their "mother" or an elderly widow spending time with a "relative." While this would be disturbing enough on its own, the sacred area contains an ancient magic that, should any missteps occur, could be released into the world and spell disaster.

The Council has asked the Summoned to help bring home the lost folk of the Feintak site. They must be guided gently, as any negative energy could be absorbed by the dark power that lives in the earth and the statues. Victims of the affliction might become frightened of you or fail to recognize you even if you've been neighbors for months or years, making your task more difficult.

If you happen to fall under Sannleikr's sway, you might also begin to see faces in the statues at Feintak and forget the real figures around you. The faces might be friendly or they could be adversarial - an enemy or a source of shame. You may also see a twisted reflection of yourself in the mirror, representing something you've been trying to hide from.

The Final Coming

Zorne first spoke to you in your dreams, but his presence is noticeably absent for the first few days. Then, one week later, after one of the most fierce and bloody battles in the Badlands in recent history, a red sun rises over Abraxas. The morning's dawn is cast in a red glow across the territories.

If you met Zorne in your dream, you may recognize this very sun. You remember feeling its heat over your skin and the emotions it stirred in you, whichever they might've been.

By noon, the blood-red hue will fade...but Zorne's coming has only begun.

The Last Affliction

Unrestricted, Zorne's influence travels across the land and joins forces with his siblings.

◎ The Badlands

Forces from the Free Cities introduce a new prototype to the war: a semi-automonous suit of armor armed with a piece of technology derived from something that came through the rifts: a unique firearm that launches explosive discs imbued with New Magic.

The weapon's destructive capabilities wreck havoc on both people and the environment...inadvertently setting loose yet another creature of the rift - the swamp-like creature that researchers had been studying in the Badlands before the war broke out. Its giant mouth is lined with numerous teeth. Its breath can paralyze, blind, poison, and weaken anyone caught in it.

The morbol will move toward the borders of each territory throughout the event, so the Summoned in all locations can encounter it when arriving at the front lines to deliver medicine, supplies, or news. Zorne's influence appears to prevent it from dying. When killed, it respawns in another location - sometimes miles away.

◎ Forging the Soul

Zorne's influence can affect those who are already under the effect of one of the other three Heralds. A shopkeeper angry about a misspoken rumor might begin to have disturbing and violent dreams of confronting the offending gossiper. A soldier who sees his death at the hands of another may start to feel the urge to kill first before his turn comes.

Aggressive wildlife will begin to invade city borders. While most are stopped or killed before they enter a major city, one or two predators might slip through. Trade routes are disrupted. Nearly all caravans are halted except the most critical transports. Hunters and farmers begin to report disturbing sights of deer scavenging on corpses or butterflies biting as mosquitos do.

You, too, may experience similar dreams or desires if you've allowed yourself to become too vulnerable or exposed to the Heralds. The more you entertain such thoughts or let your guard down, the harder they become to ignore. As you move through your days, surrounded by turmoil and conflict, you may have to ask yourself if you're as above it all as you first thought.

And what about your friends? Your neighbors? After all, you might associate frequently with the other Summoned, but you've made connections with the native population, too. Perhaps the kindly innkeeper is now treating you with a suspicion she didn't used to exhibit. Maybe you hear that the baker across the street, who once offered you free sweet rolls, has been gravely injured by his own son.

As Zorne said, this is about forging peace through madness - or so the Heralds believe. Maybe, in the pandemonium and bloodshed around you, you begin to understand something important about yourself, your friends, or the world.

Beyond the Heralds

It's tough to deny that even without the Heralds, this conflict would be ongoing regardless. Neither Thorne nor the Free Cities has demonstrated any desire for peace. Solvunn seems to be considering their role, as well. Despite the war, life must continue for Abraxans: parents have mouths to feed, farmers have fields to sow, and professors continue to lecture and hold classes while they're able.

As the Summoned, you can engage in any of these elements. You can agree to take notes for a fellow student who's suffered an unfortunate attack after being mistaken for someone else. You could babysit for households who need an extra hand while their partner has been sent to fight. You can pack medicine, offer healing abilities, or bring supplies to units stationed by the Badlands.

You can also take on acts of diplomacy. This is not restricted to communicating with the leaders of your territory. Both Nocwich and the Nether have a relationship with the Summoned, which is something you can utilize. You might have to begin by sending a letter instead of meeting them directly, but if you're determined to find a peaceful solution, it's worth trying.

Individualized actions are entirely possible! We will discuss it on a case-by-case basis. You can SUBMIT YOUR REQUEST by replying to the comment with the form.

Please have a concrete goal in mind and try to keep your requests concise. We will do our best to accommodate everyone, but we may have to ask that you hold the request for after the event or ask you to revise it, depending on what you've submitted.

Departure

When the Heralds withdraw, it's quiet and as difficult to notice as their arrival. Did they vanish near the end of one of the battles? Did they leave days ago, the seeds they sowed flourishing without further intervention?

For the Summoned, it may be a bit easier to tell. Steadily, as the month comes to a close, the Horizon begins to stabilize once more. If you have been countering the Heralds, you find your ability no longer triggers, even if there remain those around you who behave as though they are still being influenced. You suppose it's fair to remember that the Heralds don't need to exert their powers for people to behave as they do.

The battle in the Badlands continues to wage...but on AUGUST 30, Thorne's troops receive abrupt orders to return home. It appears that, while the kingdom's forces were occupied on land, her naval warships were dealt a serious blow, handing a sudden victory to the Free Cities - but not by who you might predict.

The Hands of Solvunn

Solvunn has often refused to pledge for one side or another. The Council maintains that they are devoted to protecting their commune and their way of life, nothing more. They certainly have no army or weapons to speak of. Their disinterest in the Badlands conflict is expected, and neither Thorne nor the Free Cities consider it unusual that Solvunn has remained isolated.

What you might've wondered, however, is this: why have the Heralds visited Solvunn twice now when they spare genuinely neutral lands like Nocwich and the Nether?

A Guiding Light

After Thorne's retreat, news begins to travel. It moves through Solvunn and Thorne first, eventually reaching the Free Cities. Multiple stories surface about the sea in Borrel, not about the storm wall or Koth, but something else - a mysterious lighthouse and a thick fog that's obscured the waters for days.

Survivors of one destroyed warship, The Queen's Secret, return telling tale of a light that beckoned them during a heavy storm. But the lighthouse keepers in the western sea swear they saw no ships come their way. The ship itself seems to have crashed into a massive sea stack that should've been easily avoidable. What lighthouse could have drawn them near?

Over the next few days, this happens again and again. Sailors looking out from shore confirm that they can indeed see the flickering beam of a lighthouse. It stands proudly in a spot where no lighthouse was ever built.

Then, on the final day, the lighthouse moves.

Blessings Granted

Citizens gather seaside despite sailors and guards ashore attempting to send them home. They watch as a naval officer and his men are sent to investigate. As the lighthouse grows brighter, its hypnotic pulse begins to pull others forward. Fishermen and noblemen set sail on their own civilian ships. Sailors of the Royal Navy break rank and order, as if under a powerful compulsion, and set forth in Thorne's prized warships. One by one, ships big and small pull out of the harbor in the dead of night.

Witnesses report strange limbs emerging from the base of the lighthouse. The limbs do not strike or attack. Rather, they open up like a waiting embrace. They gently accept each vessel that sails towards the light. Then they enfold the ship and pull it down into the depths. To onlookers, it's a silent but horrifying affair. Each ship disappears until only bits of wreckage are washed ashore the following morning.

A surprising number survive by abandoning ship, though some captains choose to go down with their vessel. Having made a crippling dent in Thorne's Royal Navy, the lighthouse vanishes. Back on shore in the Tertiary Settlement, the storm wall finally vanishes.

The incident above will lead a few changes in Solvunn and to the borders of the Badlands. We'll detail those changes in the Wrap-Up!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

That automatic comment gets a chuckle from Claude considering he's known to have a few quips on hand himself and he can recognize this one for what it is. His intent had been to set it up after all as he walks in and shuts the door.

Now inside, Khurshid takes flight from his shoulder with one leathery flap of wings to perch on a spiral staircase leading up to the next floor, one of his favorite perches as of late to monitor everything within the loft that he can see from there. Somewhere in the depths of the loft Claude can hear the noise of one of the lizards zooming around in their exercise ball. Another time he might've gone to search out the source of the sound, but for now he sets his bag down onto a table. He means to put everything down to worry about later so his attention can be on Jesper instead or maybe so he can go grab something from the kitchen to offer. Instead he watches the other man immediately go to get comfortable beyond just knowing the hospitality, and the statement which follows certainly clarifies it.

"I think one of us here can say that," he answers wryly, a bit of self-deprecating humor at his own expense as he toes off one boot and then the other. "Especially considering I remember doing my fare share of ruining things simply for the fun of it for a while there. But," with a wave of his hand as Claude walks over to the couch to lean his elbows on the back of it and his weight onto them to look at Jesper even if Jesper's not looking back at him, "you have a point that we weren't anything like this."

None of the Summoned were in those memories. Even his own century or so of revenge didn't come anything close to what's going on outside - or what came before. And it's the before that's stuck in his mind with those threads of concern as he considers Jesper's form stretched out along the length of the couch. His sense for reading people tells him there's more to it than just that even with what he knows, though it might take a little more teasing it out from wherever or whatever else those tangled thoughts are knotted around first. "You were very good at making people happy then, speaking as one of the people in question."

"Okay sometimes I did less positive things, but most of the time." It was few and far in-between. Love can have a few sides, after all, and not all of it is happy. Jesper fueled jealousies and possessiveness occasionally, but it never felt particularly good. It was rare to see the dark side of the Patron of the Cherished. He didn't judge the others for having their own styles though. At the time, he knew they all fulfilled an important purpose. And so do the heralds, technically.

"Too bad you haven't let me do that since." Jesper looks at him with raised eyebrows and he does, for a moment, consider seducing Claude right then and there. Gray eyes travel over his perfect features, his eyes, his lips, over his clothes and the body underneath, there's no question what he's doing or thinking right then, especially given Claude was his lover in another life. It would be fun to distract himself with Claude, but that's Jesper for you. If it's not one addiction it's the other.

The weight of his heated look drops as he sighs and rubs a hand across his forehead. Sex is also an amazing way to avoid conversations, something Jesper does a whole lot of. "I told you the first time I had sex with Sylvain, he was trying to save me from gambling. It was when Adlewyrd was last here. I went to a very dark place. I ruined a lot of things. I was lucky people I loved forgave me." All their money, the trust he'd built, the belief in himself and his control, it was gone in an instant. He wallowed in the darkness and enjoyed it, the absolute opposite of his own god self. Maybe that's why he went in such an opposite direction, because of his terrible experience.

"I don't think I can explain why I keep wanting the darkness because I don't know. Maybe if I knew I wouln't keep ending up here." He feels the desire though, he feels the pull. And maybe the excuse that he can be bad and blame it on something else.

There's no point in pretending like he's not going to immediately smirk at what Jesper says in regards to anything since, so that's just what Claude does as he lets that gaze wash over him. It'd be easy to follow that to where it leads into distraction - Claude knows he's himself guilty of it just as much when it comes to things he'd rather sidestep for a while. Or permanently if he can get away with it, but that won't help here.

Maybe it's also coming to recognize Sylvain's own methods of backing away from a talk which makes him extra attentive to looking for signs of Jesper doing the same. But rather than having to find a way to bring the conversation back to something Claude doesn't want to let go, the other man keeps talking. There's more clarity to the words, more explanation for the troubled expression etched into his features. He takes a second to consider that himself, then nods slowly as he straightens back up to walk around the couch.

"I think they forgave you because they love you, you know," is where Claude begins as he takes a seat on the remaining space on one of the cushions Jesper's sprawled across to sit next to him. "The gods' very helpful insistence then in making us worse the first time around played its part just as it is with everyone else they're affecting."

There's chaos out there as they both know well. Something they could easily give into, and something he thinks about as he studies the other man's face for another couple of moments. "This goes without saying or I should say hope it does, but I'm going to say it anyway because it bears repeating. Struggling with something you don't have an answer for doesn't make you any less wonderful, no matter what happens or happened. It's part of you but it's not all of you now or at any other time. More than that, you're here now. And you don't have to handle it alone."

When this last happened, Jesper had gotten pretty settled into himself and confident in where he was. He didn't expect to get knocked off his feet and pulled into the darkness. It took him by surprise. He also was at a point in his life where he could not openly talk about his struggles so giving into them was hand in hand with a very deep shame. That shame has dogged his step ever since.

When Claude sits down, Jesper changes his position to spin around and put his head into Claude's lap. He's confident in their relationship post 'fake' god future and while they still haven't gotten to 'the best stuff' in his opinion, he is comfortable around Claude. Enough that he can ask for comfort and accept it in return. He even takes Claude's hand and intentionally puts it in his hair so he can pet it. It'll make him feel better.

"I don't feel wonderful," Jesper confesses after Claude says such a lovely thing about him. It matters to him, obviously, and he's glad to hear it, but that doesn't mean it sinks in. "I gambled away my father's farm before, and I nearly got Inej killed and ruined one of our missions because of my debts. I'm a fuck up, Claude, I've always been." After a pause. "A charming and handsome one, yes, but one nevertheless."

And this just reminds him about it. Jesper is the one that other people have to drag out of the gutter, his friends have had to make up for his mistakes, and his father's stunned horror at what he'd done will forever stay with him. They've come to a good place now, sure, but it's still what comes naturally to him. That's how he sees it. "I'll mess up again, it's inevitable."

The sudden shift has Claude pausing, if only to make sure it's not because Jesper's about to get up after having his space (very lightly) invaded. It's the opposite as it turns out; when a head lands in his lap he's already partway to reaching to idly run fingers through the other man's hair even before Jesper catches his hand mid-air and finishes the action. If it wasn't for the rather serious topics at hand, he might've laughed a bit at the timing of starting a thought the other finished.

So combing fingertips through Jesper's hair it is, and Claude listens as he expands upon what was already said. Jesper adds more layers to it, ones it's not difficult to tell he thinks make this all the worse, but Claude's already shaking his head even if it might not be able to be seen from how Jesper's sprawled out.

"Everyone fucks up, Jesper. Anyone who tells you they don't is lying, and that someone makes mistakes - even calculated ones where a bad outcome was known before making them doesn't make them less wonderful or less deserving of being told so. And if you don't feel it or it's too difficult to while sorting through everything that needs to be thought about, I can believe it enough for both of us."

Though he has the feeling Jesper might shrug off the words, and understandably so. As much as Claude means the words, they're still ones easy to say when he's not the one living beneath the weight of a constant pull. But living with his own burdens before he'd found a way to carry them without sinking beneath them means he's always looking for a way to help someone else do the same without minimizing the real pain it brings, and he places his free hand on the side of Jesper's face before using his thumb to gently turn it towards him.

"You can't change what happened with the gods before or what happened at home, but you're not only your past. You're also not what you're punishing yourself for in a possible future that's not even happened. Remember that, too, when you think about everything else."

It is very nice to have Claude's hand in his hair. He likes the affection and attention and it's comforting. Sometimes physical grounding can comfort him better than words, but he's listening to those too, it's just hard to get around his negative thinking. He's always thought of himself as a fuck-up, it wasn't like one day he turned into one, it's deep-seated.

He was trouble as a kid, restless and bored and unstimulated at the farm. His father hid him from the world but the moment he let him out, Jesper made mistake after mistake. Maybe he should've never left the farm. His father was afraid for him as a Grisha, and honestly, he was just lucky that Kaz Brekker got to him first. Another gang lord finding a Durast like him would have led down a very dark road. He found someone who decided to love him instead of use him. It's easy for Jesper to love other people, but to accept that love back, it takes longer.

"I'm not good enough. That's what it feels like. No matter how far away I think I've gotten from it, or how I've improved, it's like one bad moment away from backsliding. And it's exhausting to constantly not trust myself." Jesper wishes that he could and he's been doing well, he's proven to himself that he can handle things, he was in an upswing. This just drove him crashing back to the ground. And yes, it's the gods that are to blame, this isn't him dealing with regular addiction because he's been doing well fighting that. It's supernatural. He still feels like a failure.

"I can disappoint myself and live with it, but disappointing all of you, that's hell."

As he watches Jesper turn thought after thought over, Claude thinks he can almost hear him thinking aloud. A joke that's been made about himself plenty considering his own mind never stops, and an accurate quip at that. But quiet is the right choice here as he keeps running his hand through the other man's hair at that same steady pace as he listens.

The words which follow give a special kind of ache - not one of pity or anything nearing it, but more that there's no way to predict the future. Not even with that habit of forever looking five, ten, fifty steps ahead into all the branching paths from whatever current point was in question. Idly he runs his thumb along Jesper's jaw partly to think and mostly for whatever added comfort it might bring.

"That might happen," he agrees - to an extent. "Just as much as it might not when that future taught just about anything is possible here considering I doubt any of us really thought we'd somehow end up gods. I think you trust yourself more than you're giving yourself credit for."

It's not that those worries should be erased; more so it's that when they can't be for they're something greater than this, there can be other reminders brought to bolster against it so it's not the only thoughts looping around Jesper's mind. With his hand not busy in the other's hair, Claude reaches for one of Jesper's hands to squeeze it gently. "What if instead we take things one step at a time? You're here right now rather than somewhere else, and that counts for something. Certainly also in that credit to give yourself, too."

"In that fake future, it was gone." Jesper sighs. "I was free for the first time on like every level. And I know it wasn't real but coming back to this was rude." It's been a few months since they all went through that but he feels like it's still hanging around. It's so vivid in his memory, he remembers it as readily as he does his time in Ketterdam. Logically understanding it was just a vision doesn't stop the feeling of its realness. And the absence of pain and anxiety was a relief.

Plus he was Claude's lover so that is a great thing to remember!

Jesper threads their fingers together when Claude takes his hand. He did come here instead of giving into his instincts. His fear drew him away and he followed that. He found some place safe, and someone safe to be with. It's better than the last time. He didn't really protest at all that time, he sank right into the corruption, swept away within seconds. No matter how hard he fought, he couldn't fully get out of the pit of it.

"I am here, it's true. And I'm just ... not going to touch anyone until this is over." Their touching doesn't count, he's thinking the way it happened before, when he tried to help the person. And the last time, when he touched them intentionally to cause trouble. It's better if Jesper keeps his hands and concerns to himself. It might not be kind to avoid helping people, but it's the only way for him to stay sane. They'll have to fend for themselves, sometimes that's the only way.

He kisses the back of Claude's hand. "You have to be careful, love. It's not just me they're going to come for."

Jesper taking his hand in return - as he'd hoped might happen - and then linking their fingers together gets a small smile from him. It's a comfort to them both, really, even if he'd intended it to be just for the other man when with Jesper's words came again with the wish to help more with what Jesper's holding onto.

As usual, Claude takes a second to filter through what's said with another faint smile at the quip about not touching when he knows well what's meant. It's still something he has to take the opportunity for a pointed glance first at their linked hands and then at his hand still going through Jesper's hair simply for entertainment's sake before returning his gaze to catch the other's again where it's rested this whole time. Something which comes easily, he abruptly realizes, what with there having been plenty of embraces (and more) just like this in those years as gods. The same for those lips on the back of his hand in something so familiar.

But: that's another train of thought set aside since right this moment surely wouldn't be the best for it, and to avoid any impression he's not giving serious weight to Jesper's concern about what could happen. Or rather, what has has in the past.

"The last time these particular gods visited, I told my friends they were dead and hallucinated one of them as someone else. My own fault for keeping secrets when I knew they'd only get more damaging the longer I held onto them, and yet I still didn't learn from that. Maybe it's for the best we both stay right here." A beat, and then as he squeezes Jesper's hand again, "Maybe with this touching, though."

"Sylvain understood I'm sure, and it's not as if all of your fates are set in stone." Jesper knows about Sylvain of course, the two of them keep nothing from each other. If there are any secrets, Jesper has no idea about them (there is one, but it's best he doesn't find out). He worries for Sylvain and going home, what that would mean, and understands that here isn't only the place they can be together. It may be the only place he's alive.

"You do need to ease up on the secrets though, my love. Especially around here, when our lives back home ultimately don't matter much to what we do now." Claude had his share of secrets and mystery and Jesper gets that, he's had his own, although they were all wrapped up in humiliation that they've gone over today. But not everything he hides from needs to be worried about here, Jesper feels, and Claude should be the same way.

"Tell me a secret." Jesper smiles at him, kissing Claude's palm, a little full of mischief. "It can be that I'm hot though and you're looking forward to nailing me one day."

"His fate is for me," he answers with a decidedly humorless smile as for what that will mean if or when the time comes to return home, "though I hope it isn't for him."

Which is truth enough - though it never stops the dull ache he feels in his chest at the thought of going home to never see Sylvain again if they were somehow able to leave with their memories intact as Viktor once told him he hoped could be possible. Or of waking up to find him gone like their other friends - and the absolute same for Hilda since even with all they both remember, there's no guarantee they're actually from the same timeline. Too many possibilities, and too many of them Claude doesn't like.

All rather morose to focus on for too long whether it's now or any other time, and ones he doesn't want to let dwell. Jesper's right when it comes to secrets; the ones he'd kept nearly cost him what he holds dear and had been a painful lesson to learn. What Claude's offered to potentially say gets immediate and genuine laughter from him.

"Is that a secret? And here I thought secrets were supposed to be something you don't already know." Easy enough to slip right back into teasing Jesper when the other man smiles that smile he's entirely too fond of - somehow even more so now after their time as gods. But that also doesn't really answer what he was asked, tempting as it is to playfully answer with Jesper's own words for real, and he takes a couple of moments to think while lightly tapping his fingers against the back of the other's hand. "Alright, how's this: what if I told you I'm actually a prince?"

Claude's also helpfully going to leave it right there with an amused smirk on his face to obscure whether he's telling the truth or not - even if he is in this particular moment.

Jesper goes as serious as Claude for that, because it is true. He may be abe to hope for Sylvain's path in his world to be different, but it doesn't change that Claude doesn't have him. Maybe it's a kindness in these cases that no one remembers. Since there's currently no way there or back willingly. Jesper doesn't really put much stock in the idea that they can leave/stay by choice; if it happens, that's fantastic, but he's not that optimistic. They don't seem to have any control over those things.

"I hope we get to stay, Claude. I want that future for us. Maybe not the exact same." As Claude didn't love everything on his end. "But it was nice to all be together and free." With no fear of being sent away anymore. No fear of Sylvain meeting a fate when he could be happy with the rest of them as gods. He often wonders what he'd do with the choice and he truly doesn't know. "Especially the saucy stuff." Like he can resist bringing up their very healthy and creative sex life!

He raises his eyebrows at the secret and smiles. "I'd say I'll add you to my royalty and criminal kink list." Jesper and Nikolai have fun with that particular aspect. But it is generally a joke, since Claude would have to be into that too. Hey, what can he say, he likes the idea of tainting a prince. A little fantasy never killed anyone!

He believes Claude is telling the truth, he wouldn't lie to him about that. "Okay, seriousness now, I wouldn't be surprised. You've always seemed upper class to me." Jesper is very perceptive and because he's a farmboy and criminal, constantly surrounded by the lower class, he can see fancy trained people from a mile away. "Why would that be a secret though? Do you not like being one?"

A want they share - something he hopes goes without saying as he squeezes Jesper's hand in silent thanks, understanding, and that shared feeling. The profound loss they'd share if they lost Sylvain and Hilda and stayed behind here with only memories as as happened with so many Summoned. Of course that added comment gets a smile out of him far less pensive and leaning back towards amusement (even if it's true).

A conversation about loss will be another time since for now he watches Jesper readily accept his secret as truth. Because it is truth though the other man might not know that in favor of believing it, and Claude can't help but feel that tiny prickle of disbelief over it being so readily accepted. It's not that he thought Jesper would suddenly have massively changed his opinion - or changed it at all, really. But given that there's so few, or rather exactly one prince in Fodlan, if he'd named himself by his title it would've given far too much away without him even needing to add any additional information.

Not in Abraxas, though. And not for those he knows from Fodlan either since when he'd told Hilda and Sylvain in a long overdue explanation, they'd connected much from it too both in what he'd said and hadn't. It's with that in mind Claude considers Jesper's question and how to frame his answer when so much of it matters to a world that isn't where they are.

"Well, if you think that I seem like nobility, just wait until the Singularity brings some of the more upstanding nobles from Fodlan here," he teases, once more running fingers through Jesper's hair after that small bit of levity. "I was my grandfather's heir for the dukedom, but I didn't meet him until I was a teenager when I left my home - a country named Almyra, and where my father rules. Had I told anyone who I was, I would have forfeited my chance of what I'd hoped to do with the Alliance before war changed all of our plans. The nobles wouldn't have been pleased to find someone they considered an enemy would be their leader. Then again, my mother being from Fodlan made me just as disliked in Almyra. It's not that I don't like the title, just that it's... complicated, as an understatement. But that's always factored into my plans for what I want to accomplish where someday it won't be so complicated any longer."

Jesper's from Ketterdam where it's a merchant ruling class, not royalty, that's in the other places, so he doesn't have a type of reverence so to speak for the title. Nikolai's a king and he respects him, adores him even, but all he understands of the position is that it's a headache. He used to hate any kind of responsibility outside of his direct connections in the gang, and now Jesper has far too many of them because of the friendships he's formed. That's just a group of people, he can't imagine having to care about entire countries. Yuck. It would make him sweat to picture himself in that role.

Becoming a god he can handle. Being royalty, not so much.

Jesper listens to him explain how his land works but it may be a bit over his head. Then again, if he tried to explain the politics of his land, it would be a headache. Even he doesn't understand it half the time. "So your father is the king of Almyra, your mother is the daughter of a duke in Fodlan?" He's trying to keep it clear in his mind. To be two different noble lines, very complicated. His blood might be very blue indeed. "My parents were from different nations that didn't agree on anything, but they were just farmers." He looked more Zemeni than Kaelish so few people could even tell that Colm was his father at first glance.

"I wouldn't want to be born into all that expectation, it sounds stressful. And of course you didn't go the easy route of just becoming a rich, shallow princeling." Which he could and probably other people would have. Not Claude though. Too good by half. Jesper sits up slowly and leans into his side, putting an arm around his shoulder.

"It doesn't matter to me what you were born as, Claude. What your title is or whatever fancy long name it makes yours, it doesn't change who you are to me." His other hand caresses Claude's cheek, turning his head toward him. "My dear, dear friend."

"Something like that, though I'm not sure I ever had the chance to be anything else. You'd have to ask my siblings what it was like to live that life instead." They had their own trials, he's certain, but not the set of challenges he'd gone through. And even Claude's own challenges weren't entirely universal due to the advantages he'd still, though he hadn't learned that until later when Cyril had told him much he hadn't realized until then.

It's all of those things which shape this now where Claude tells Jesper more truths. There's more to go, more he could add. In what he's explained before to others and to Hilda and Sylvain there were missing pieces only he could fill in which had mattered quite a bit for context and explanation both. And it isn't that Jesper wouldn't want to know the same or couldn't piece things together just as quickly; it's just that for once as the other man sits up that Claude thinks it's not a matter of keeping things hidden as he's wont to do but simply that they don't matter.

Because here's Jesper looking at him now telling him as much and as Claude looks back - he believes it. Whatever doubts he might've felt or the internal voice telling him to question something (or anything) is quiet as Jesper's hand runs over his face. There's that feeling of being seen again and by someone who's waited patiently over and over for him to set down one mask after another and continues to even now as they sit even closer still.

There's no hesitation then when Claude leans in to kiss Jesper and lifts the hand which had fallen to the other man's shoulder after he'd shifted to his jaw to keep him close as long as this lasts. And in it he finds more confirmation: that the past matters less when this matters more.

Jesper would sit here and let Claude tell him everything about his past. His plans, what led him to Fodlan, his reasons for everything, and he'd listen attentively, probably ask some questions, but otherwise be a sounding board and supportive throughout. He'd do that, if that's what Claude wanted to share, and he would like to get to know all those aspects of him. He wants to know everything about Claude.

But the fact is, he knows the parts that matter. He knows who he is. Jesper is a firm believer that the past doesn't dictate the future, or even the present. They are all products of their pasts, including him, and his freak out today is an example of how much that can hang on a person. But he doesn't think Claude needs to tell him every detail to understand the full package.

Jesper has given a whole lot of thought to kissing Claude over the past two and a half years. And then in hundreds of years, over two hundred of them before he experienced it for the first time, but it's been in his head for a long enough time that it's more wistful than real to him. He knew it would have to be Claude's choice. He smiles to him, a little quizzical, because he can sense something shift, and he's not sure what.

And then Claude kisses him. Jesper is surprised but it lasts only about two seconds before he's leaning into it and kissing Claude back. He keeps Claude's face cupped and lets it linger on until he has to breathe, although a part of him doesn't want to. He leans back and flashes one of his brightest grins at Claude. "You're damned right it didn't take over two hundred years this time." He pumps his free fist, triumphant.

That little smile Claude fully absorbs in the second right before leaning in is endearing, and one more entry on the list of many things about Jesper which fit under that description. Lots of them which hadn't fully come into focus until those years as gods which still bring him trepidation for the seemingly unavoidable future course of becoming something divine, but this? This which had also been such an important part of it is something he could and would never regret.

It feels every bit as much like home now as it had then as Jesper kisses him back.

Even when the ache in his lungs from the need for air gets to be too much he's reluctant to let this kiss end despite it meaning the chance for another one following. Something he intends to follow through on even as Jesper pulls back first and Claude opens his eyes from not noticing they'd fallen shut in the first place just in time to see that celebration. And at that, all he can do is snort a laugh in what's poorly restrained amusement.

"Oh, was that you wishing it took longer? I could always take it back and we could add another year or two of waiting in there first," he teases. Or probably teases since if there was a way to somehow do that it honestly wouldn't be something he wouldn't consider sheerly for the ability to be difficult. The reality, however, is that he wouldn't take this back at all. It's been a long time in the making - even longer than he'd fully realized later with those centuries to look back on as he trails his thumb along the other man's jaw in affection and the barely disguised desire to kiss him again. And speaking of that - "Or we could try again and see if it's even better yet."

"Nooo, don't you dare, I've worked harder on seducing you than anyone else in my life." Jesper is not joking about that. There are several people in his life who he kissed the very first time he met them, or shortly thereafter. Sexual tension is a part of Jesper's identity. He waited a long, long time for Claude, for him it might as well have been centuries, considering what he's used to. He is so delighted, light back into his eyes and a genuine smile on his lips.

He purposely didn't try to seduce Claude earlier in this talk since he would only have done it to distract from his feelings, but they're past that now. Kissing Claude is the best kind of reward for communicating about feelings and making an emotional connection. He could get used to this.

His hand slides into Claude's hair freely now that he knows it is welcome and he ruffles it gently, knowing that Claude likes it. Jesper nuzzles Claude's nose with his. "You're worth any wait, darling." Overy sentimental, yes, but that's Jesper too. He loves with his whole heart and he doesn't see any reason to stop that. He pulls Claude in by the hair to kiss him deeply, feeling like he's coming home in a way, to a him he's wanted to be. The gods and their drama feel very, very far away now.

The truth of that statement about working harder for this than anyone else before is something Claude doesn't doubt, and yet something else he offers a quiet laugh over. Nothing enough to interrupt since that's the last thing on his mind right now even as Jesper protests (sort of) and when that hand in his hair continues to be a worthy distraction all in itself. Enough so that rather than thinking up any brilliant retort(s) like he might have otherwise, it's enough to believe that the wait was worth it. Especially when he knows it well enough to be true for himself and then some though he doesn't voice it.

Indeed, there's no distractions aside from this as Jesper leans in further still and that small smile containing no shortage of affection stays on his own face in the meantime. It's even easier still to return that kiss with no hesitation and no thoughts for the world outside for now. This mutes it all even if they'll have to leave and encounter it again eventually in the not so far future. For now there's only this.

When taking a hazy second to think about Jesper's expression and how it'd shifted from the one he'd walked in with thanks to the weight of everything on his shoulders both of what they've spoken of and what had come back to the surface, it takes no added convincing to believe that here they've found a peace long coming. A refuge. And that paired with his own desire as the beginnings of this, something both new and not, unfurl make it all too easy to let stopping until one or both of their sets of lungs demand it be something which doesn't begin to cross his mind.

Jesper kisses Claude like he needs to consume him, like he's been waiting forever, because he has, and he needs to enjoy every second of it. It's almost as if he's afraid to stop, like it'll all go away for him if he does. One kiss moves into the next into the next until he's truly breathless and his hand strokes through Claude's hair over and over. His other hand clings to his shirt, holding him close.

The lack of clear oxygen and rush of lust makes him feel dizzy, glad that they're sitting because otherwise they might need to find the nearest surface to lean onto. He nuzzles Claude's nose with his, panting, and he tugs on Claude's hair lightly, fingers digging in deep. "Darling, if we're going to continue this, we are going to need to get out of your living room." They could get walked in on at any minute and while he doesn't fundamentally care that much, he knows Claude's the private sort, and at the moment, he'll do whatever it takes to please Claude.

Frankly, Jesper's been so good considering how he would usually already be taking Claude's shirt off at this point. Or would have straddled him rather than bringing it up at all so they could continue what they were doing. He's being very respectful! He is giving Claude the option to slow this down too and he will give in with minimal fuss. Getting to kiss him is already plenty of a dream fulfilled, but he's had a very, very bad day.

They're both lost in this, it seems, as a shiver of delight over it makes it too easy to match what Jesper gives him. To then offer it back in turn as an escalation, one dare after another to find where the line might be. It's the need for air again which wins first, though he wouldn't exactly say anything about this is losing for yet another break.

As he's catching his breath - maybe also slightly cursing the need to breathe for the interruption even as being this close is rather nice, what Jesper finds to say into the space left between them sends a small thrill of anticipation through him. There's layers in that question that's not quite a question, and something else being asked as much as anything about privacy being voiced. And so Claude considers it: does he want to stop? Even as he asks himself he knows the answer before the thought is finished. No, he doesn't.

"Time to get up then," he murmurs, stealing one last kiss before unwinding himself from how they've tangled with the slightest reluctance even if there's more yet to come. More to resume which helps with the small pause as he holds out a hand to tug Jesper up from the couch with the intent of linking their fingers after on the short walk down the hallway to his room.

As he turns to lead the way, a second later he's flinching in surprise when Khurshid decides to remind them of his presence with a loud screech from where the wyvern's perched above on a railing. "Probably another good reason to move since I can think of better noises to hear." All said with love to the wyvern, of course.

here!

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EVENT #20: ADVENT - IC EVENT LOG

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discussion of addiction

so sorry for the wait!!

Never any worry!

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sorry been a bad week I'm back to this cuteness

you're all good, it was an awful week all around <3

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