( closed ) this year taught me how it feels to be lost and ambitious

[diametrically]

Who: Cassian & various
When: September to October
Where: Around Thorne and the Horizon
What: Catch-all for September and October
Warnings: N/A, will update accordingly

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( closed starters below! ↓ reach out on discord @ cardialloyed for plotting! )

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[diametrically]

[ Listen. He's been bullied so many times that he's lost count. Let him have this. It's usually always two against one!

Being on the defence is typical for him when it comes to the pair of them what with their uncanny ability to know what the other is going to say before they've said it (which is really just a representation of their shared brain cell). Now is no different. Except there's no chance to because for some reason the both of them are looking at each other like he isn't even there.

His mouth shuts. He knows that look.

What he says next isn't necessarily something he means to say. By all accounts this is as close to blurting something out as he'll ever get. Is it any wonder that it's with them? ]

This is why I'm leaving for Nott.

[seaweedbrain]

[ By now Percy finds what amounts to a pretty decent location for fishing. He can feel the presence of a cluster of them just to the right of the boat, and when he kind of reaches out to them, it's to let them know that they're here. And maybe to give their fish ambassadors a heads-up.

(That last part's kind of a joke.)

Off-handedly, because he doesn't think anything of Cassian's comment, he responds: ]

Uh-huh. And we're moving to Solvunn 'cause we haven't had gods directly interfering with our lives in a hot minute and that's always fun.

[ The boat slows to a halt, and now it's become pretty quiet and calm on the water's surface. ]

This should work.

[sophos]

[ her gaze slides over to cassian, and the softer expression slips into something more suspicious as percy slows the boat. she's not unaware of his final preparations for the fishing part, never unaware of him, but there's something not wholly sarcastic in cassian's tone that she hones in on too. she doesn't think about how well she seemingly knows the differences in his tone now. ]

Wait. [ she frowns. ] That is a joke, right?

[diametrically]

[ There's a moment following Annabeth's question that the silence stretches to the point where it can only be described as awkward. And despite having very little experience with these types of silences, Cassian is well aware of them when he's confronted with them. It only takes one after all.

And while he's always been a good liar, he finds himself unable to recover from this particular slip up of his. Everything is still. Even the lap of the water against the hull seems to be muffled as he's confronted with Annabeth's expression.

He works his jaw a moment, arms crossed over his chest. And as tempting as it may be to look away from the pair of them to avoid the disappointment this is something he knew he'd have to face. ]

...No. It isn't.

[ Something akin to remorse and guilt flickers across his face. ]

This isn't an easy decision. I'm not leaving on my own either - it's for River. She's been unsettled since the coup and I promised I would find us a way out of the castle.

[seaweedbrain]

Hold on, you're being serious?

[ It's not outright noticeable, but the calm and quiet on the water feels especially so all of a sudden, at least in their immediate vicinity. The boat might as well be planted on solid ground for its absolute stillness, like Percy's taken all of the motion in the water and has taken it into himself. ]

First of all, I didn't even know you could leave the castle. I mean, don't they seriously frown upon anyone leaving? I know Kell kinda mentioned something like that before.

[ He knows it's tough to do, maybe even borderline illegal. Or maybe outright illegal? He should probably brush up on the rules of this place a little more ...

Visits to the nearby towns are and have been fine, but only because there's the whole curfew. And maybe Percy has wondered what it might be like to just do his own thing, him and Annabeth, away from the rules and regulations of the monarchy, but honestly he's a teenager and has been living under some adult's rule all of his life anyway. It hasn't stopped him from hanging out with Annabeth, it hasn't stopped him from helping people, and he's still low-key processing the whole 'being an all-powerful, chaotic god of the sea' thing, so a little bit of structure hasn't itched at him too badly just yet.

But.

He's not sure what this means for Cassian's future. He isn't sure whether this means he marks himself as a kind of fugitive, or at the very least, a future target and now they've gotta go into hiding and casual cool hang-outs like this one can never happen again.

Instead of saying anything further, or heaven-forbid, voicing his anxieties, he looks to Annabeth because if anyone can make sense of what's going on right now, it's her. ]

[sophos]

[ of course he's leaving. her first thought is selfish, she thinks, after it's there. it's not really true or fair, but it rolls over her anyway because the feeling is simply part of her, and annabeth can feel herself going almost as still as the water around them. it's not - he's not leaving her. he's just moving, basically. ]

[ she's still glad when percy talks first, giving her time to collect herself and her thoughts and school her face. more information, that's what they need, and then she can allow herself to process it more wholly. ]

I'm assuming you're smuggling yourselves out.

[ she can't imagine cassian going to the crown for permission, not with their many conversations on the matter of the monarchy and knowing his feelings on it. but she knows what that means in a different way, and the potential danger it holds as a runaway from the castle. her anxieties mirror percy's in that sense. ]

So what does that mean? Do you need to - go into hiding or something?

[diametrically]

[ The guilt still prickles against the back of his neck doing his best to keep a steady gaze on the both of them. Looking them both in the eyes as he tells them his plans is the least that he can give them. He understands how this sounds. That he is, essentially, leaving when he had promised he wouldn't. But the circumstances are different. He has no choice in the matter. And if he could bring them with them, if he could just send them with River to somewhere safer than this place, he would. It guts him that he can't.

But that's just another burden he'd carry on his conscious. There's no helping that. He would worry about them even from Nott. He'd worry no matter where he ended up. But that can't be helped right now. Briefly he nods at Percy's assumption. ]

We can't. At least not with permission.

[ And certainly not in a way that wouldn't end up causing problems that the Summoned and the locals didn't need.

As soon as he answers Percy's question his gaze flits towards Annabeth knowing that they had gone through similar scenarios in their imagined futures. She hadn't taken his leaving well in that dreamscape. But instead of an outburst she seems to be processing it. Being thrown overboard isn't in the cards just yet it seems. ]

River and I probably will have to, yes. There's nothing to say that the Crown can't track us with their magic or at least have a faint inkling as to where we are. But we have to try. They haven't brought back the Summoned that escaped during the coup which means that they've kept their heads down and out of trouble.

[ What is meant to be a reassurance sounds more like an excuse, even to his own ears but he presses on, an undercurrent of urgency in his voice. There was no one around for miles save the fish, but he wants them to believe him. He wants them to know that he isn't just leaving. This is temporary. He won't abandon them. ]

I'm going to find a way to get you both out too. Too big a group will draw attention and even though they're busy setting up a new monarchy, too many Summoned leaving will make them do something about it. It will likely force their hand and we can't afford that right now. [ There's a pause before - ] I need the both of you to be safe.

[seaweedbrain]

[ Look, Percy appreciates that Cassian cares enough about them to want to look out for them, or at least ... wish them both safety. But this news isn't doing a whole lot to provide him with comfort either.

It just sounds like some calm before the storm stuff. And Percy knows a thing or two about calm before the storm. ]

I mean, sure, things aren't ideal but they're not bad here either.

[ He thinks again to how they'd been left alone for the most part, allowed to still move around the castle and visit other cities when needed. He hasn't really paid any attention to the monarchy, new or old, and while it was kind of weird to keep them all contained in one underground space while the royals were swiftly taken out of office, no real harm came to them either.

He hasn't felt any weird unrest that followed ... but then again, he wouldn't doubt it if there's some other layer to this story. ]

So, why leave? Why leave now? Is something about to happen that we don't know about?

[sophos]

[ objectively there were dangers from the coup, but they're just people. they're just a regular mortal family usurping each other, and it kind of pales in comparison to the machinations of the gods they're used to at home. ]

[ cassian looks at her and she holds his gaze for a few moments before she looks out over the water. ]

We're safer in the castle than we were before we got here.

[ annabeth is well aware the luxuries come with strings attached and expectations of the summoned, but they have a bed and food and each other, and as far as she's concerned, it's already a leg up from what she and percy have been through. there are a lot of things to hate about thorne from an objective standpoint she supposes, especially with the conflicts and the wars brewing, but it doesn't change the fact that it simply is not tartarus. ]

[ but she hasn't been paying as much attention as she usually would if she wasn't just so very tired of being involved. there's no strong pressure on either of them the same way. she still doesn't see any inherent danger in the castle that comes anything close to tartarus. it's a high bar. ]

Are we about to get attacked again or something? Because honestly, that threat kind of lies against any city or territory in this world at this point.

[ she pauses, still not looking at him. ]

And so, what, you go into hiding and have to disappear for a while?

[diametrically]

I don't know any more than either of you. I would tell you if I did.

[ Which, he realizes, is not comforting in the least. That he's doing this based on feeling alone, based on his deep rooted paranoia and distaste for authority figures that are just oppression wielding it in different ways, screams conspiracist. They were the type of people that he'd specifically dismissed often and frequently. But he knows to trust his gut and he knows to trust River. And his care for her and her comfort had been important to him since the day that they arrived shivering and shaking from the pool in the dead of winter. ]

I doubt there's any threat for the time being. He'll want to establish order and rebuild whatever trust he broke amongst the locals. But that means that it buys us time to prepare to leave if we need to. Not just River and I. All of us.

[ His eyes travel from Percy towards Annabeth whose gaze has now staunchly turned towards the sea. This is the reaction he had expected in some ways. And while the guilt begins to tug at his heart, he knows he can't falter. For all of his life he'd been so complacent. He'd looked out for himself and seen to his own end goals that are now so narrow and selfish in hindsight. Until he could get home to his galaxy, until he knew that those here were safe, he wouldn't allow himself to put the blinders back on. ]

Probably. Just to be safe. We'll keep our heads down until it's clear that they aren't actively looking for us. But we'll only be in Nott. It's not that far. We can still communicate with one another.