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abraxaslogs2024-10-14 09:09 am
abraxasmods) wrote in abraxaslogs2024-10-14 09:09 am
Entry tags:
- !event,
- alan wake; the magician,
- alhaitham; the hermit,
- aloy; the hermit,
- altaïr ibn-la'ahad; the magician,
- alucard; the hierophant,
- annabeth chase; the high priestess,
- arthur hastings; the hanged man,
- astarion ancunín; the wheel of fortune,
- carmy berzatto; the magician,
- cassian andor; the tower,
- chris halliwell; the tower,
- cidolfus telamon; the hanged man,
- claire fraser; the empress,
- claude von riegan; the wheel of fortune,
- daemon targaryen; the tower,
- daisy johnson; strength,
- dean winchester; the lovers,
- diana prince; the empress,
- eddie munson; the devil,
- geralt of rivia; the hanged man,
- haelva lueltar; the magician,
- hilda goneril; the lovers,
- himeka sui; the fool,
- iris black; the hanged man,
- istredd; the high priestess,
- jack frost; the fool,
- jack townsend; the moon,
- jonathan crane; the magician,
- julia wicker; the tower,
- kaveh; the star,
- kyle; the hanged man,
- lord john grey; justice,
- nadine cross; the world,
- nanaue; the fool,
- nicholas d. wolfwood; the lovers,
- percy jackson; the lovers,
- prince wilhelm; the tower,
- river tam; the fool,
- rocket; the chariot,
- rowena macleod; the high priestess,
- sebille kaleran; the hanged man,
- steve rogers; the hierophant,
- sylvain gautier; the sun,
- teddy roberts; death,
- thancred waters; strength,
- the doctor; the fool,
- tifa lockhart; the empress,
- vash the stampede; death,
- viktor; death
EVENT #21: SPECTER - IC LOG
Event #21 - Specter
In light of the odd happenings throughout September, it might take a few days or longer for you to notice that yet more is going on. Perhaps you catch your neighbor walking out of their house in a daze at midnight, or the bartender tells you his wife went missing two days ago. Maybe the fisherman claims he found his friend staring into the lake in horror before wading into the water and nearly drowning.
Whether you investigate further or dismiss the stories, you soon find yourself confronting some hauntings of your own.
Whether you investigate further or dismiss the stories, you soon find yourself confronting some hauntings of your own.
Participating in the hauntings is optional! For players who wish to opt-out, characters can help others or attend the Eifstide festivities. You may also play with the onset aspects only. The hauntings do not need to escalate beyond the onset stage.
Haunting Echoes
For some of you, the incidents don't stop with your neighbors. They begin to impact you, as well. Indeed, after the eerie effects of the Heralds, you might even think they've returned. However, you realize this appears to go beyond Gods or spells. Instead, it's as if the land itself is crying out...the echoes of which you are absorbing.
How affected you are depends on how vulnerable you might be to such specters, the number of regrets or fears you have, and how much of your past follows you into the world of Abraxas.
How affected you are depends on how vulnerable you might be to such specters, the number of regrets or fears you have, and how much of your past follows you into the world of Abraxas.
Onset
Whether it begins while you're awake or asleep, or both, the effects are subtle at the start. You might shake it off as a lack of sleep or a trick of the light before you understand what's truly going on.
◎ Waking Visions
◎ Lucid Dreams
◎ Waking Visions
If awake, you'll notice it first in shadows and reflections. Mirrors and windows are common sources, but it can be anything where you might glimpse yourself in its surface: the blade of your sword, a polished dinner plate, or the side of some steel machinery.
What do you see? Is it the face of a terrible monster? Your own corrupted features? Someone you lost who's returned? It might not be a person at all. You might catch a splatter of blood across the sawblade you're using that isn't there. You may see your eyes bleeding when brushing your hair in the mirror or spiders crawling from the ceiling.
Alternatively, your glimpses might be surprisingly pleasing rather than frightening. As you apply your makeup, you find it looks incredibly nice - a surprise when you normally struggle to like how you appear. Of course, as you walk by a shop window later, you realize, to your confusion, that your lipstick is smeared, as though applied wrong. How could that happen? What's your real image? You may need to ask someone to discern the reality.
None of these tricks will last long. They could be accompanied by whispers or be solely visual.
◎ Lucid Dreams
While dark and frightening imagery can occur in your dreams, other aspects may be involved. For instance:
If you often have trouble sleeping, you'll notice that while you've more easily started falling asleep, you also dream immediately. You may find it difficult to tell when you're awake or not. You "dream" of sitting down to read a book...then discover that the pages are bleeding or the ghost of someone you lost appears over your shoulder. When you jolt awake, you're right where you dozed off on the same couch, book in hand. Everything is normal once more.
If you're prone to nightmares, you might experience something unusual: your dreams begin to take on some oddly cheerful aspects. Bright flowers bloom where you usually dream of corpses, or your stormy skies become sunny. The incongruous images might cause the scene to feel more unsettling. They can either overtake the dream or appear in subtler ways.
Most significantly, regardless of your experiences when asleep, they are strangely vivid. Further, you have to wonder, are you seeing glimpses of someone else's dreams overlapping with yours? Like ink bleeding through a page, the imagery creeping into your dreams could belong to another Summoned and vice versa. As the days continue, you might even see that person for brief periods.
Escalation
As the hauntings grow stronger, the effects equally increase in frequency and intensity.
◎ Whether they're visions or dreams, the brief and unusual flashes grow more frequent, last longer, or increase in intensity. Soon, you begin to see things that aren't there. You start to question reality. You find yourself in places you don't remember traveling to. Perhaps you end up at the market stalls with no memory of how you got there...or somewhere more dangerous, like the ocean or the forest. It may be that you're sleepwalking, or you could simply be following a nonexistent figure without realizing it.
◎ Other Summoned begin to see what you do. Eventually, they become drawn into your visions or dreams - or you into theirs. Your visions start to blend into a surrealist experience and you become trapped in the scene. You realize that danger lurks nearby, but your ability to affect or control your environment is limited. After all, you don't know that this is a dream. It feels so very real, though you may recognize that some of what's happening shouldn't be possible. You'll have to rely on each other and your wits to make it.
When inside a waking vision or lucid dream, characters will not know that it's an illusion regardless of how impossible the scenario or events might be. They'll behave as if the stakes are real.
Players can write the dreams and visions however they wish. The danger can be genuinely serious or something lighthearted that characters treat solemnly. For example, characters could be attacked by a monster or they could be fleeing from a giant chihuahua that's a manifestation of somebody's fear of dogs. The atmosphere of the thread is entirely up to you!
Players can write the dreams and visions however they wish. The danger can be genuinely serious or something lighthearted that characters treat solemnly. For example, characters could be attacked by a monster or they could be fleeing from a giant chihuahua that's a manifestation of somebody's fear of dogs. The atmosphere of the thread is entirely up to you!
Dispelling
As you navigate the illusion you're trapped in, you eventually stumble across an Arcana sign. By now, you're familiar with the symbols. The one you see depends on what choice you made during the previous event: it may belong to you, it may belong to the person you're with, or it might be that of Justice - the Arcanum of Zorne, the Herald of Last Blood.
It'll appear anywhere: floating in the air, hidden in a vault that needs to be cracked, or held in the mouth of a dangerous animal. Regardless, you understand instinctively that you must retrieve it and that it's the only thing that'll help you. There could be multiple Arcana signs if the others with you manifest their own, but only you can activate yours.
There won't be any doubt which one is yours, either. The symbol's shape will carry an identifying mark somewhere on it or around it that you know inherently belongs to you, such as runes in your native tongue, your family crest, or equivalent.
The moment you reach for it, it begins to heat up until you can hardly stand it. Then it shatters, leaving behind the very thing you need to break free of this vision or dream once and for all.
It'll appear anywhere: floating in the air, hidden in a vault that needs to be cracked, or held in the mouth of a dangerous animal. Regardless, you understand instinctively that you must retrieve it and that it's the only thing that'll help you. There could be multiple Arcana signs if the others with you manifest their own, but only you can activate yours.
There won't be any doubt which one is yours, either. The symbol's shape will carry an identifying mark somewhere on it or around it that you know inherently belongs to you, such as runes in your native tongue, your family crest, or equivalent.
The moment you reach for it, it begins to heat up until you can hardly stand it. Then it shatters, leaving behind the very thing you need to break free of this vision or dream once and for all.
See the Plotting Post for an OOC explanation of how the dispelling mechanic works and the impact of previous choices.
Eifstide
Although the incidents can be disturbing, the majority of Abraxas is either unaffected or only mildly affected. Most are preoccupied with the upcoming Eifstide celebration. Additionally, Nocwich has opened its doors for the Summoned to enjoy their version of Eifstide. They intend to provide a brief haven for any who want to get away from the troubles of war for a bit.
Of course, this doesn't mean everyone's safe. If you catch your neighbor walking off in a daze, you should probably try to help. You might also hear about a child who's run off and gone missing or somebody operating dangerous magical equipment at the lumber mill.
Of course, this doesn't mean everyone's safe. If you catch your neighbor walking off in a daze, you should probably try to help. You might also hear about a child who's run off and gone missing or somebody operating dangerous magical equipment at the lumber mill.
For aiding locals, players are free to come up with scenarios on their own. Situations may occur in the major three territories or Nocwich. If you have any questions or require further details, just ask!
Eifstide in the Major Territories
Thorne
Throughout THORNE, the cities and towns turn red and orange with decorations befitting the season, with garlands hanging between lampposts and awnings. Carved gourds are placed on windowsills and in entranceways of homes and businesses alike, with the gentle flickering of magical flames inviting family and friends to come in and enjoy a cup of warm cider. Eifstide is a happy fare, a time to gather and share in the company of the people you care about the most and share what you have with strangers.
Children run around in cobbled-together costumes of old clothing and hats, mimicking the university students of Hayle or the scarecrows that now stand as décor throughout the town. This year, though, they may ask for something from you to add to their costume: your trusty hammer, a feathered hat, or your scarf. They'll also Roam from house to shop to market, asking for Blessings in the form of treats and toys from anyone they see. The most popular blessing is the dolls, whose outfits and designs change year to year. Possessing the prettiest or best-made doll is a sure status symbol in the following months.
The spirit of the season peaks during the street fair on the final night. A plethora of seasonal goods like pastries and sugared nuts, jars of preserves and pickled vegetables, and crafts made from natural materials are sold for cheap so that patrons of all classes can enjoy them. Shop to your heart's content! The night concludes with the releasing of the lanterns into the sky, a symbol of carrying the light of summer into the darkness of the incoming winter.
In Nott and Borrel, the festivities are nearly the same as that by Castle Thorne, if with a more nautical flair. There's far more seafood available, and popular costumes include sailors and mermaids. They send their lanterns over the sea, and it's common to give little strands of unsellable pearls as a blessing.
Additionally, Queen Lia is rumored to be visiting Nott this year, but without the usual royal fanfare or her husband. She can be spotted in town, dressed plainly and giving Blessings to the children or encouraging her own children to explore the sights. Nonetheless, as the Queen of Thorne, she's followed by a few guards wherever she goes. While they do their best not to intrude, they're not difficult to pick out.
Children run around in cobbled-together costumes of old clothing and hats, mimicking the university students of Hayle or the scarecrows that now stand as décor throughout the town. This year, though, they may ask for something from you to add to their costume: your trusty hammer, a feathered hat, or your scarf. They'll also Roam from house to shop to market, asking for Blessings in the form of treats and toys from anyone they see. The most popular blessing is the dolls, whose outfits and designs change year to year. Possessing the prettiest or best-made doll is a sure status symbol in the following months.
The spirit of the season peaks during the street fair on the final night. A plethora of seasonal goods like pastries and sugared nuts, jars of preserves and pickled vegetables, and crafts made from natural materials are sold for cheap so that patrons of all classes can enjoy them. Shop to your heart's content! The night concludes with the releasing of the lanterns into the sky, a symbol of carrying the light of summer into the darkness of the incoming winter.
In Nott and Borrel, the festivities are nearly the same as that by Castle Thorne, if with a more nautical flair. There's far more seafood available, and popular costumes include sailors and mermaids. They send their lanterns over the sea, and it's common to give little strands of unsellable pearls as a blessing.
Additionally, Queen Lia is rumored to be visiting Nott this year, but without the usual royal fanfare or her husband. She can be spotted in town, dressed plainly and giving Blessings to the children or encouraging her own children to explore the sights. Nonetheless, as the Queen of Thorne, she's followed by a few guards wherever she goes. While they do their best not to intrude, they're not difficult to pick out.
The Free Cities
In THE FREE CITIES, the weeks leading up to Eifstide provide a boost in local trade and commerce. Even with the unprecedented inflation due to recent conflicts, the markets are full and lively as citizens of every standing buy up all the party supplies that they can. Dark costumes depicting older periods in history are always popular while the grim decorations often contain a touch of humor like smiling skulls or signs that cheekily say "wish you were here" over a tombstone. Despite the dark and mysterious energy, Eifstide is undeniably a celebratory affair in the Free Cities. Locals may ask for assistance in hanging decorations or carrying supplies from the markets and storehouses. Just don't be surprised if a few good-natured pranks happen along the way. Usually, this involves children jumping out of bushes in "frightening" costumes or making scary noises from behind the trees.
Recent incidents aside, local museums continue with their plans to host macabre exhibits and art walks. If you have your own pieces to contribute, donations are highly encouraged. This year also includes a ghost tour in each city. The tour in Cadens follows the final path of a platoon defending the outskirts, Aquila's tour follows the exploits of a charming con man who met his end fleeing from authorities, and the tour in Libertas follows the sad story of a starving artist who famously cut off their drawing hand to force themselves to paint in a new way. Tours are scheduled regularly and can be joined at any time with only a small donation!
Parties held in individual homes are also popular. They frequently spill out into the streets and strangers are usually invited inside - including the Summoned. Laughter can be heard from dusk until dawn. Seances and spirit boards are common. Ironically, the spirit boards are twice as popular this year due to the eerie phenomenon that occurred last month. It seems all the frights and rumors have only made people more eager than ever to try their luck, hoping that it means they'll be able to contact a real ghost for once. You might be asked to join as an observer or direct participant.
Recent incidents aside, local museums continue with their plans to host macabre exhibits and art walks. If you have your own pieces to contribute, donations are highly encouraged. This year also includes a ghost tour in each city. The tour in Cadens follows the final path of a platoon defending the outskirts, Aquila's tour follows the exploits of a charming con man who met his end fleeing from authorities, and the tour in Libertas follows the sad story of a starving artist who famously cut off their drawing hand to force themselves to paint in a new way. Tours are scheduled regularly and can be joined at any time with only a small donation!
Parties held in individual homes are also popular. They frequently spill out into the streets and strangers are usually invited inside - including the Summoned. Laughter can be heard from dusk until dawn. Seances and spirit boards are common. Ironically, the spirit boards are twice as popular this year due to the eerie phenomenon that occurred last month. It seems all the frights and rumors have only made people more eager than ever to try their luck, hoping that it means they'll be able to contact a real ghost for once. You might be asked to join as an observer or direct participant.
Solvunn
In SOLVUNN, Eifstide is a somber occasion. In contrast to the festivities of Thorne and The Free Cities, the end of the harvest is when death walks amongst the living. The lighthearted attitude about getting the work done before noon is almost gone, its residents working harder and longer hours as if a fire was being lit under their feet. Children may take time from lessons to help and any volunteers from the Summoned are welcome and almost expected. Whether it be harvesting crops, turning the earth, delivering goods, or tending to livestock, everyone must do their part before proper preparations can begin.
In the days leading into Eifstide, wreaths of branches and bone are carefully crafted and hung upon the doors and walkways about houses and any buildings where animals sleep. Lines of salt or soot are placed in front of the door and the hearth. The work can be done by any family member or friend but a Summoned's hand is considered blessed, so your involvement would be pivotal to the particularly pious.
Daylight hours are spent in small groups with family and neighbors in quiet contemplation and reverence. The elders ask for Summoned volunteers to assist with warding rituals. You can decline if you wish, but locals will doubtlessly feel more secure seeing you smudge with sage around the Settlements. At night, all stay indoors and don the masks they created the days prior. This is to confuse any gods and spirits should they not be deterred by the wards on the doorways.
On the night of Eifstide, all gather at the center of the Primary Settlement where the Council members perform sacrifices of small animals born the week prior, each doing their ritual for the safety and prosperity of their settlement as well as for those who reside there.
In the days leading into Eifstide, wreaths of branches and bone are carefully crafted and hung upon the doors and walkways about houses and any buildings where animals sleep. Lines of salt or soot are placed in front of the door and the hearth. The work can be done by any family member or friend but a Summoned's hand is considered blessed, so your involvement would be pivotal to the particularly pious.
Daylight hours are spent in small groups with family and neighbors in quiet contemplation and reverence. The elders ask for Summoned volunteers to assist with warding rituals. You can decline if you wish, but locals will doubtlessly feel more secure seeing you smudge with sage around the Settlements. At night, all stay indoors and don the masks they created the days prior. This is to confuse any gods and spirits should they not be deterred by the wards on the doorways.
On the night of Eifstide, all gather at the center of the Primary Settlement where the Council members perform sacrifices of small animals born the week prior, each doing their ritual for the safety and prosperity of their settlement as well as for those who reside there.
Eifstide in Nocwich
Eifstide isn't as large of a celebration in Nocwich as Wintertide, but the Lunae and Ikorrans still observe a few traditions. For the werewolves of Luna, Eifstide is about hunting, while for the vampires of Ikorr, Eifstide is about memories.
Oleuni Square
Traditions in Oleuni Square are tailored for visitors rather than the culture of either Luna or Ikorr. As a result, you'll find a wide array of treats, drinks, and decorations not unlike what's available in your home territory with the usual Nocwich twist: glowing flowers, decorative bottles of blood wine, and appropriately spooky "dolls" knit from yarn spun using werewolf fur.
Tattoo artists will also offer discount prices for their unique glowing tattoos with set designs themed for the holiday season. If you pass by one of their booths, you'll be coaxed to take a look and consider getting a piece!
Taverns, inns, and gambling dens will also offer themed specially themed cocktails, including a delicious apple cider and spiced wine. All in all, the Square is bustling with tourists eager to leave behind the troubles of war and spend a few days enjoying themselves.
Tattoo artists will also offer discount prices for their unique glowing tattoos with set designs themed for the holiday season. If you pass by one of their booths, you'll be coaxed to take a look and consider getting a piece!
Taverns, inns, and gambling dens will also offer themed specially themed cocktails, including a delicious apple cider and spiced wine. All in all, the Square is bustling with tourists eager to leave behind the troubles of war and spend a few days enjoying themselves.
Luna
To prepare for the upcoming winter, hunting is an important part of fall. Thus, Eifstide in Luna has been structured around this need. The werewolves demonstrate their connection to Solvunn by also donning masks made of bone and antler during this period. However, rather than for any ceremonial reason, the masks are worn by hunting parties instead. They're seen as a symbol of good luck.
If you're interested in joining a hunting party, the Lunae will be happy to have you along. You'll be warned that it can be dangerous and that they won't slow down or stop if you fall behind. If you can keep up, though, you'll get the chance to hunt a variety of beasts in several forests around Luna. The most popular animal to hunt is the Fisceime. Wildly populous and destructive to the environment in large numbers, hunting them is an important aspect of maintaining the ecosystem.
Should you not be the hunting type, you can instead visit the Trail of Unseen Eyes. Here, masks from previous hunting parties over the years are displayed along a path that winds around all of Luna. Following this trail will take you to some beautiful views and popular spots in which you can dine or shop.
If you're the collector type, you can obtain a small booklet containing lovely sketches of specific masks and a small hint as to where they might be. Participating shops and inns will stamp your booklet if you can locate the shop displaying the mask matching the one in your booklet. Earn enough stamps and you'll receive a modest gift basket filled with cured meats, cheeses, and jams!
If you're interested in joining a hunting party, the Lunae will be happy to have you along. You'll be warned that it can be dangerous and that they won't slow down or stop if you fall behind. If you can keep up, though, you'll get the chance to hunt a variety of beasts in several forests around Luna. The most popular animal to hunt is the Fisceime. Wildly populous and destructive to the environment in large numbers, hunting them is an important aspect of maintaining the ecosystem.
Should you not be the hunting type, you can instead visit the Trail of Unseen Eyes. Here, masks from previous hunting parties over the years are displayed along a path that winds around all of Luna. Following this trail will take you to some beautiful views and popular spots in which you can dine or shop.
If you're the collector type, you can obtain a small booklet containing lovely sketches of specific masks and a small hint as to where they might be. Participating shops and inns will stamp your booklet if you can locate the shop displaying the mask matching the one in your booklet. Earn enough stamps and you'll receive a modest gift basket filled with cured meats, cheeses, and jams!
Ikorr
Due to the long-lived nature of vampires, typical concepts of spirits and the dead are not a part of Eifstide. Instead, Ikorrans revisit the past by sharing old memories. Many will use the opportunity to visit a friend they haven't seen recently or recreate an important event in their history. Couples might dine at a restaurant where they had their first date or a group of friends might dress in the same outfits they wore to a memorable party years ago.
Though your memories may not be as from long ago, you're invited to do the same. Why not recreate a fond memory with a friend?
You can also honor old memories by weaving a wreath of flowers using the unique glowing blooms that grow in Ikorr. Use colors and florals that remind you of someone or something important. You're encouraged to describe what you're making. It's considered not only polite to provide an answer when asked, but it's also courteous to ask others in return about what they're making.
Once your wreath is complete, you can take it home or gift it to someone. Those who carry a wreath in Ikorr will receive tokens from shops and stalls they visit. The tokens consist of small samples of desserts, miniature bottles of wine, beautiful colored crystals, and scented candles.
Though your memories may not be as from long ago, you're invited to do the same. Why not recreate a fond memory with a friend?
You can also honor old memories by weaving a wreath of flowers using the unique glowing blooms that grow in Ikorr. Use colors and florals that remind you of someone or something important. You're encouraged to describe what you're making. It's considered not only polite to provide an answer when asked, but it's also courteous to ask others in return about what they're making.
Once your wreath is complete, you can take it home or gift it to someone. Those who carry a wreath in Ikorr will receive tokens from shops and stalls they visit. The tokens consist of small samples of desserts, miniature bottles of wine, beautiful colored crystals, and scented candles.
Shadow | Chris
The one scheduled to visit today will find everything has changed. There are no goldenrods, red oaks and autumn leaves colouring a gothic hall. Now there are endless seas, deep waters without bounds. Moonlight illuminates the expanse and the realm exists in darkness. The only patch of land is a timeworn sanctuary.
Crane can be found down in the blackest depths, where his voice is heard before he is seen.]
I find it exciting; learning about the mind. It is why I do what I do.
[One voice echoes in the darkness, familiar yet peculiar. Crane never speaks to himself this way.]
Is that so?
[But his response is as cold as ever.]
What is your point?
[The other voice whispers into his ear.]
My point is that since you were a boy you have used psychiatry to gain distance from a world that scares you to death. And once you lose your support and your funding, all you will have left is that terrified boy.
[Psychiatry. Support. Funding. Those words are heard for what they are, but the power of the voice makes his visitor’s mind interpret them as something deep and personal. Psychiatry. Your power. Once you are fired. Once you lose your mother. Once you die.]
no subject
Hopefully the comparison ended there.]
......Crane? What...the...fuck....
[Still, Chris listened, caught between the urge to try and help, to narrow in on the two voices, to soothe, and tap into his whitelighter instincts. The other half, wanted to find that obnoxious, pestering voice that didn't remind him of Crane, and blow it to bits. How? He'd figure that part out later. His inner witch wanted to fight.
Neither one out, however, as Chris was forced to pause, caught in his own turmoil. He died. He failed. His family was dead. Bianca was dead. Nothing mattered anymore because he was nothing. He failed at the only fucking thing he ever needed to accomplish.
So he sunk down to his knees on the only patch of land, momentarily caught]
no subject
Honestly, sometimes it feels like he is training a dog. But at least with his cases respect is conditional. He understands transactions. The consequence of getting out what you put in.
Meanwhile, Chris might imagine himself feeling alone once the voice recedes. But invisible fingers clench around his ankles like tentacles. They haul him down into the darkness; deep into the depths. Where everything at once feels like land and ocean. Where everything is darkness except for two people.
Crane, sitting in an armchair, hands in his lap. Crane, standing behind an armchair, hands resting upon the edge. He looks strange, though. The second self is unkempt yet immaculate at the same tie. He lacks glasses and is dressed in black trousers and suit and tie, with a white shirt. His voice, though? Exactly the same.]
Well, he's a curious one, just like you.
[Crane himself has nothing to say. Why? Perhaps he just wants to see what happens.]
no subject
[Chris tried to orb out but couldn't as the darkness pulled him inside itself. Trying to claw his way back did him no good either. He simply cursed when he tried to wave a hand and no light materialized.]
....Whitelighter powers are stupid anyway.
[Chris felt like he had limited options. He couldn't see beyond the blackness, all his senses were wacked out. He concentrated on the voices, trying to follow them. Were they talking about him? And were there two Cranes? Kind of? ]
.........Howdy? You know I think I got lost and a little turned around. I'll just see myself out.
no subject
[The voice is cold and emotionless; as composed as Crane has ever been but with the uncomfortable feeling of somebody removed from what it means to share emotion with another person. Somebody who exists outside society. An isolated man, a distant man. Somebody who oversees society like the moon oversees the earth: a distant observer who inspires poetry and art but remains unreachable in darkness.
And here there is darkness; impenetrable darkness all around without a spark of light to light the way. Yet those who need to be seen can be seen.]
Now, loathe as I am to entertain group sessions, I appreciate that people come here seeking my help. But as you can see for yourself, I'm already in session.
[Crane himself has nothing to say. He cannot say, well, he isn't wrong.]
no subject
[But the other one, the talking one, didn't exactly look identical. Maybe it was just the way they were acting? The posture, clothing and attitude? It was kind of creepy. Chris had seen his own mirror self once, and it was weird. This? Was just as weird. His eyes flicked from one to the other, wondering why the one who he ....hoped? was the actual Crane? sat there. Silently. Was he okay?]
You know what? I changed my mind. I'm staying. I'm inviting myself. What the fuck is going on?
[Chris' voice changed, from hesitant and wary to a little irritated and aggressive. He kept his focus on the one who was talking, but his eyes kept darting toward Crane.]
no subject
The cold, dark and dismal dark.]
Eloquent like always.
[His voice is distant although he is sitting two meters close, his gaze looking everywhere but at present company. But it is also soft and intimate in this darkness. Like he is affording Chris all of his attention even though that cannot be the case.]
I'll suggest it's a form of self-help and leave it there.
[Self-Help. It is entirely his own idea of a joke.]
no subject
[Chris catches the something that flashes behind Crane's eyes, and he felt like he was getting yanked from corner to corner. And he couldn't figure out what the hell was going on. And he can't quite make himself leave, caught between concern for Crane, confusion and longing for the attention that Crane could give him.]
Self help. Cute. That's cute. You often talk to yourself?
no subject
[There is nothing in his answer. His deliberate choice to deprive the young man of stimulus is designed to make him flounder for a moment. He addresses his alternate self. Would you believe me if I said I don't talk to myself often?
And then he is addressing Chris like nothing happened.]
Is there anything else you're interested in asking?
no subject
Yes! For fuck's sake, what is going on?
[Chris just couldn't stop himself and it just came out of his mouth. He was used to being the one in control, or trying to and failing, but, here? And ever since he got to this weird place, there had been nothing to hold onto.]
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His presence alone is suffocating. But together their combined stare is a tremendous amount of pressure, capable of unnerving anyone, especially at close distance.
He stands without a word and moves around the back of his chair; grasping it gently with his fingers.]
Sit down.
[Chris complies and his fingers grip his shoulders. He holds him still, gentle with his touch, but the pressure in his fingertips reveal his underlying tension.]]
Use your words.
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And then? He goddamn sat down. He folded again and again under pressure. Some pressure, but not others. But Crane? He didn't want to disappoint him. Also the entire presence of him and this place and everything was just. Overwhelming and creepy. So. He sat down. And took a breath, using the stupid tools that Crane gave him, working on his breathing. Still, part of himself couldn't help the snide remark that came out of his mouth.]
Do you jerk off with yourself often or is this a weird one time thing?
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That depends. Are you going to be an adult and tell me what's wrong?
[His presence is suffocating and distracting. He shadows him from behind and looms ahead no matter where one may turn.]
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You mean besides your self help session there?
[Chris sighed, knowing he wasn't going to get anywhere if he kept harping on that. ]
Is it so bad to be concerned about someone?
[Honestly, he was starting to wonder. Every one of Crane's exercises had poked and prodded at Chris' whitelighter abilities and it was, well, really, really hard. And this? All of this? Made everything even more frustrating. Not being able to suppress that part of him.]
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[Crane speaks quietly but with the practice and confidence of a man who expects people to listen. If students ignore what he is saying, he will seldom repeat himself. He slides his fingers across the chair, allowing Chris to sense him. But he offers nothing in the way of touch, nothing in the way of reassurance.]
Caring for someone too much effects how you feel, impacts how you think and changes how you act. Perhaps you should be asking whether you should stop caring.
[Honestly, he would be better for it.]
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Yeah, I don't think I can do that. Actually that sounds really kind of psycho. It's one thing to care so much it hurts you, it's another thing to not care at all.
[He absolutely refused to turn into Wyatt. To view people as toys whose only value was what they could give or provide him. How he could use them. No, he wasn't like Wyatt.]
But we're not talking about me. We're talking about you and you're deranged self help session with yourself.
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Which might explain why his alternate self enters the conversation.]
Not at all. We have been listening to you complain about your problems. Once you arrived and made yourself the centre of conversation.
[Crane himself is as direct as his future self. But he would have told Chris whinge instead of complain to needle and provoke. He would also have joked about Chris dropping in, knowing full well he was dragged down into the deep. At least he wasn't kicking and screaming.]
Are you afraid of being forgotten once you leave the conversation?
[Do you have abandonment issues?]
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He looks down, the reaction rather obvious on his face. He intertwines his own fingers, looking from side to side but not really looking at anything. How was it that he could do that so expertly? Just...tap into his emotions and yank him around. Was that what made him a good shrink?]
Sorry.
[Chris didn't have much to say in response, unlike a moment ago and when was eagerly running his mouth.]
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Never apologise for learning the truth.
[Now he speaks directly, leaving his alternate self to be the cold observer.]
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I guess I kind of expect it, you know?
[Chris looked blankly ahead, all the spirit of a half deflated balloon.]
Do you want me to leave?
[He stopped himself before adding 'too', because there was a long, long line of people who had told him they hated him, never wanted to see him again. That he was in the way. And still, he didn't want Crane to remove that hand. That small measure of comfort. For someone to just tell him he didn't suck.]
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[That would be a no, then.
Crane removes his hand from Chris's shoulder after giving him an encouragingly gentle squeeze. But he lingers comfortably close, pressing against the edge of the chair. He walks around and perches on an arm, then folds his hands and rests them on a crossed knee.]
Perhaps you should stay a while. Take a load off.
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Take a load off?
[He knew what Crane meant. He just, didn't expect to hear the words. And so he waited for the catch, the gentle squeeze on his shoulder was unexpected, and nice. Sitting on the arm of the chair, also unexpected. So, he just looked up at the man, waiting for an ACME anvil to drop.]
You're screwing with me right?....although by now you'd think I'd get that you don't do jokes.
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But he is never satisfied. He is only disappointed.]
Not at all. I only do tricks.
[But he is never apologetic.]
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That's actually kind of funny.
[He lets himself lean a little closer to Crane, for what? Reassurance? He's not entirely sure, but does it anyway.]
I really am sorry for loosing it. [Which Crane was he talking too? Did it even matter?] But I do appreciate that you've taken the time to.....listen to me.
[Chris felt oddly lightheaded. Maybe it was the atmosphere? The apology?]
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So he listens. But there are no promises of treats nor mentions of rewards. He is as cold now as he has ever been. Emotionally distant. Unavailable. There to see and touch. Close enough to hear him breath. Close enough to feel. He gently shakes his head. Is that the beginning of a smile?]
I have all the time in the world.
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