[closed]

[tedandroses]

Who: Teddy & Chris; potentially others later
When: backdated to Istredd’s network post
Where: Feywilds
What: a talk about godhood and other things
Warnings: none yet? Will update if any
Note: this is kind of a catchall for any starts that don’t quite fit neatly into an event post or that we decide after the fact we needed but falls before endgame. if anyone wants to backdate a something (fetch quest arranging/exchanging, meetup, etc) hmu on plurk or DM, I’ll update the info and write you a start :)

Comments

gods & monsters; [chris]

[tedandroses]

Teddy’s gotten pretty good at walking and reading since being here. Even — they hope, anyway — doing it sort of subtly (although it’s kind of headache inducing, like one of those 3-D dot pictures in print newspapers, where you sort of have to unfocus your eyes). If occasionally having, functionally, visual hallucinations since long before being Summoned is good for anything, it’s learning to not really obviously look like you’re staring at a thing that isn’t there.

Chris is already in the room when they get there, furrowing his brow at the nearest smooth wall. Comments are writing themselves as Teddy watches: they sit down on the bed and take a breath, tuning it out. Sometimes the network is all a lot.

“So that’s…that, I guess,” she says, and aloud it sounds sillier than in her head. The message itself had been informative but nothing like certain. “We really are theirs.” And realizes Chris won’t know what she means.

“Supposed to be gods. Or. Supposed to be one thing or another, anyway. Here or home. God or human.”

[inferiority_complex]

"What do you think?" Chris had. Strong feelings, but he also knew that sometimes talking things out was worth it. And he wanted to know what Teddy's thoughts were. It was weird and overwhelming and, okay, not completely unheard of considering everything that's happened here, and everything he'd seen in his life.

His heart was hammering though, his palms were sweating. The thought of losing Teddy? That utterly terrified him. But whitelighters were supposed to guide right? Was that why they weren't supposed to get involved? Fuck that. This changed both of them.

"We don't have to be. Look, you know I arrived after that whole.....thing," Chris paused, also knowing that Teddy would know what he was talking about. " But that doesn't mean I haven't seen some things. I've watched people I love lose their humanity to power, power they thought they could control. I really don't want to lose you too."

[tedandroses]

Teddy makes a face, tilting their head a little and pressing their lips together. They're not sure how to put the conflicting feelings they have about all of this into words: it's a thing that exists inside of their ribs more than it flows from brain to mouth. So when Chris keeps talking, it's more than welcome, even if Teddy's feelings are more mixed than his. They listen quietly, eyes on him.

"You know, for a second, I thought you meant we don't have to be one thing or another." A wry smile twists at her lips and she rolls her eyes at herself a little. It would be nice, but she's pretty sure Chris has zero control over that. If what Istredd was told is true, at least, and she doesn't think there's any reason for it not to be.

"I know." Their smile fades a little, eyes softening as they watch him, nodding. Sometimes Chris feels so young even though he's only a few years younger than they are, and sometimes -- like now -- he's so much older than he ought to be.

It's not even that different a feeling in their chest, when they think about it.

"Hey. You're not gonna lose me." She catches at his hand, running her thumb over the back of it. Even Teddy's not sure exactly in which way she means. Any of them. She takes a breath, feeling obliged to defend that at least a little, either way. "It's so complicated to try to explain, the whole." Teddy's lips curl up at one edge. "Thing.

"I remember it all, you know? Not every day of it, not all the time, but. In the same way no one remembers every day of their childhood, every minute, because you just can’t do that. But sometimes something comes up and it makes you want to say ‘oh, that reminds me of this time,’ only you’d have to explain for longer than the point and also maybe it’s actually a really weird story?”

“We all…had our things. Mine was community, ecosystems. Harmony. I could hear the whole world like a sort of symphony.” Her voice is a little wistful, even now. “And — I could fix it when it was broken. Rearrange, encourage. Or help people work together.

“And — this is so stupid, but Chris, I had whatever shape I wanted, a woman or a man or both or neither — even part of a mountain or a tree or light. Sometimes I feel like I was more me than I ever get to be like this. I never tried to be more powerful. I just …became.”

Teddy falls quiet and concedes, “ I mean. It wasn’t all good. We forgot things. About where we were from, what we were like before. And when you’re that old…longer and longer amounts of time matter less, it’s harder to see individuals with such short lives, it’s like us being sure to value…cicadas.

“I don’t know. Maybe you’re right. You know, power corrupts, absolute power, etc, etc. But. I feel like… it’s not preordained. There are ways you can choose to be better. Right? There have to be, or it wouldn’t matter when powerful people are awful, because they don’t have a choice.”