abraxaslogs | Open Horizon Catchall

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Open Horizon Catchall

Who: Nadine and YOU! (One closed starter)
When: November
Where: Horizon/Nadine's Domain
What: Catch-all for the month
Warnings: Will add as needed

[Following Halloween night, Nadine's been spending a great deal of time in the Horizon. Her domain is familiar, comforting, safe. Or at least offers a very solid illusion of safety. Particularly the square. She's often sat on a bench outside the little church, watching the clouds or the fall of autumn leaves and just thinking.

She has a great deal to think about.

Since she was twelve years old, Nadine has known the path of her life. She'd known the rules, known what she had to do, and known where her future led. And she had, for the most part, followed the rules and did what she had to do. Yet here she was, alone - by a certain definition - in a strange world, with none of the things she's been promised.

There's anger left in the wake of Flagg. Anger and fear and a sense of loss she doesn't know how to navigate. Whatever joy there is in the idea of freedom, it's overpowered by all the rest. What would she even do here? What would any of them do? She isn't the only one who's had the rug pulled out from under her. How is she supposed to take care of Lloyd and Julie? And then there's Susan... She isn't even sure exactly how to take care of herself in this world.

And then there's those tantalizing thoughts that hover at the edge of her mind. The ones that do find joy in the prospect of freedom, and how close it truly is. She's already had a small taste of it. There's so much more to life than what she's experienced, the chance to just live is right here. If she's willing to take it.

Sometimes, to try and quiet the storm of thoughts in her head, she wanders to the edge of her domain to add a little something. A pond with geese here, a winding stream with a wooden bridge, a spray of wildflowers... it's just something to occupy her mind, to keep her busy...and maybe just catch the attention of anyone in a nearby domain. A part of her has no real desire to be alone.]

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Yeah, I got a question about that. You said somethin' that night that I need you to explain, because I can't fuckin' work out what you mean and it's drivin' me insane. Broad strokes, strictly informational: what the fuck did you mean, "bigger than human"? I'm gonna lose my fuckin' mind tryin' to figure it out.

[ SHE JUST NEEDS TO KNOW. You cannot say that sentence and then not clarify exactly what the hell she is to infer, Nadine! This is also part of having female friends.

Julie sighs and nods, rocks back and forth a little out of idleness. ]

Yeah, these fuckers all seem to wanna go to war with each other, but it ain't like it's gonna be much different if we manage to get to the Free Cities. [ She does not mention Solvunn because she is not fucking going to farm in a hippie village. ] And Free Cities doesn't like magic, so is it better to go there anyway?

[Nadine takes a deep breath, choosing her words very carefully.]

He...doesn't always look the way you know. The first time...he changed, during. He got cold and he seemed to grow and I thought he was going to rip me apart. It was...fine the next morning, but...His true face is terrifying, Julie. I still don't know exactly what he is, but he's not a man.

[Not the way they understand it. Whatever he is he's something beyond their comprehension, she suspects. A demonic entity, an avatar of chaos, some dark demi-god...she doesn't know.

And she chose him.]

I actually do like Nott, but...if a civil war breaks out, I don't really want to be caught in it. But we're probably under threat of war wherever we are. Susan met with the mayor or whoever it is that runs Nott. Maybe she has some insight into the situation.

[ There's a moment of silence. It's too long a moment, really -- but this is a lot to process. Julie knows, of course, that Flagg isn't quite human, and she was pretty sure before that he could change forms. There was simply too much that didn't make sense unless he didn't always look like himself. Julie listens closer to Flagg than anyone else, and she's picked up on little things that are off.

And she still isn't sure how she feels about this revelation. If she was really only having her suspicions confirmed, then does it change how badly she wants him?

It's incredibly difficult to tell. So instead, she latches on to the easiest part of the reveal. ] So... are you okay down there?

[ Just... yeah, that feels like the fact she would like to know most right now. ]

But if there is a war, won't it be between Free Cities and Thorne anyway? Where else are we gonna go? Don't say Solvunn, that is not an option.

...I told you, it was fine afterwards. I was fine. I am fine.

[Mostly. At least in the way Julie's asking. It's just something difficult to explain to anyone who hasn't experienced it.]

And I think everybody wants to go to war with everyone else. I can't imagine Solvunn just wants to stay out of things and not get involved. And you've probably noticed that there's a lot of anti-royal family sentiment in Nott. I hear it down at the docks, they blame the King and Queen for all the things wrong in the city. I haven't even seen a single royal guard anywhere. Which means either Thorne really has decided to just abandon Nott, or...there's a reason Nott doesn't want the royal guard in town. And even if that's not the case, Nott's the fishing capital of Thorne and far from the main seat of power. It's a valuable city in regards to resources, if war comes the Free Cities are probably going to try and take Nott. It would be the smart move.

Yeah, but you also said you thought he would rip you apart, and I don't know about you, but that's some shit I only ever heard women say about havin' babies. So, y'know... not exactly fine after.

[ It has to be one or the other, it makes no sense for it to be both. Either there's an impromptu episiotomy or there's not.

Julie seems to chew on this for a minute, trying her hardest to visualize political what-ifs for a system she doesn't know or understand. She barely understood the politics of her own home country. ]

So then do you think we should try to get to Cadens? I don't think Thorne is gonna invade that far out, not with the Free Cities' army as strong as it's s'posed to be. I know people out there, if that's what you wanna do.

I don't think normal rules apply when you're dealing with a magic being.

[Explanations are things Nadine gave up on long ago. The answers were always vague and didn't ever actually tell her anything.]

I...don't know. I have access to a really good magic education in Nott, I don't know if I'd have that in the Free Cities. They don't seem all that cool with magic. And one of us needs to know magic if we're going to survive here. You have a steady job. But I don't think we should rule Cadens out. Maybe...something we can work towards. Get what we can from Nott and then move on? It's probably not going to be easy, either way.

[ Nadine needs to realize that she is not exactly making Julie not want to fuck Flagg. If anything, it sounds better than normal rough sex because it's magic. ]

Yeah, I guess that's a good way to do it. I mean, it's not like we gotta get outta here today, right? We can stay here for a while longer, leave when it starts lookin' bad. That'll give me more time to save money, anyway. [ She says it more thoughtfully than factually, then looks at Nadine as if she's just remembered she hasn't explained. ] Oh, that's why I started workin' downstairs in the first place. To have money for an emergency. I got enough to hire a mage to portal us somewhere else if we need it, and I was gonna use it for Susan if we couldn't put her back together, you and me.

Do you think Susan will come with us? She's kinda like one of ours now.

[Nadine has no intention of trying to sway Julie's mind one way or another, she's only offering the facts.

But then she nods.]

That was smart. I...should look into a job. I hadn't, because he said not to bother, he'd provide everything I needed.

[She shakes her head and thinks back to the conversation, and her pointing out that maybe he wouldn't always be right there to do so. How right she'd ended up being. Maybe she could find an apothecary or herbalist that needs a hand. Not just a job but a chance to learn more, and more quickly.]

And I don't think Susan's going to want to stay here alone. We'll talk to her about it, because she is one of us now. We're not abandoning her, we're not abandoning anyone. We're all we have in this world, and I am not going to let anything happen to any of you if I have any power to prevent it. I'm going to learn healing and I'm going to learn how to fight. He might not be here anymore but I still am, and I'm his queen for a reason.

[A small bit of that feeling from Eifstide is starting to flow back into her.]

Yeah, well, I learned a long time ago that you can't trust men to give you everythin' you need, even the ones you love. Take 'em for what you can and get the rest on your own. [ She'd broken her own rule and trusted Flagg, and look what it got her. ] You could try to find a mage who needs an assistant or whatever. There have to be ways to learn magic that ain't just studyin' from books.

[ Nadine seems to gain confidence as she speaks, esteem, and Julie looks her up and down, appraisingly. There's a hint of smile in the corners of her mouth. ]

Well, listen to you. Someone finally found her backbone. Keep talkin' like that and you'll scare Lloyd more'n Flagg ever did.

[Nadine lets out a small chuckle.]

Lloyd's already seen me worked up. A lot more than this, actually. It's there, it's just...buried under a lifetime of being told to keep my head down and my mouth shut.

[And there aren't many people left to tell her that. But old habits die hard, and it's one thing to passionately insist one's intentions in front of a single friend and another to maintain that sort of energy.

She remembers what she said to Lloyd, one of those first days. That she wasn't a Catherine the Great...but why couldn't she be?]

But I figure it we survived our world as long as we did, we can handle this one. And you know...there's no reason you can't learn magic, if you wanted to. I do have books, and you can't throw a rock without hitting a mage in Nott. You'd be terrifying with magic.

Like I said before, you don't have to do anythin' the way you used to. None of us do. [ She bites her lip, and her next words are hesitant. ] Maybe... maybe it's not all bad that he's gone, y'know? I wish he weren't, but like, we went from the old world to his world, and none of us ever really got a chance to spread our wings or whatever. No harm, no foul to do it in this world, right? And if he comes back, we can do more, help him more.

[ Isn't that what he would want? For his most faithful to be more capable in his absence, for them to maintain rather than wither away without him? And even more, what choice do they have? Even if Flagg were to hate it, they still have to keep living in Abraxas. ]

There's some simple stuff I wanna learn, and like, basic fightin' skills maybe? But I'm not the best student, really. I never was. But I figure, if you learn magic, and I do the practical stuff, then we're already halfway to where we were before, right?

Yeah, but isn't that idea just a little terrifying? At least it is to me. I can't remember when I didn't have someone there guiding me and directing me and telling me what to do. It's a hell of an adjustment. And I will adjust, I know I will, it's just...hard right now.

[A little like the bottom of the world falling out from under her, but she's still somehow standing. It's shameful to admit, but there's something easy when the decisions are mostly in someone else's hands.

But then Nadine's attention is taken by something else.]

I bet I could teach you. At least some basic stuff, in case you need it. I am a really good teacher. And I bet that you'd be really good at the kind of magic they practice a lot in Nott, I've been reading up on it. It's not as structured as what I'm learning, there aren't set spells to follow - which is why I suck at it. It's based in passionate emotion and working with channeling magical power instead of controlling it.

I mean, yeah, it's fuckin' rough, but I guess you gotta see it as an opportunity instead of a loss, if that makes sense? Otherwise, you're gonna question every single choice you make, thinkin' about what he woulda wanted instead. We'll never get anythin' done if we go about it that way. This is a real good start.

[ And Julie does get it. She spent the vast majority of her life with options so limited that it was like being told what to do anyway, and there is a simplicity in that. Even making the choice to go to Vegas had been daunting.

When she feels overwhelmed in Abraxas, she makes herself remember that trip. She is the woman who walked a thousand miles over five states to keep her life going, and she can handle anything this backwards-ass world throws at her.

She squints, like she doesn't know if she can really do it. ] For real? You think I could be good at it?

I really do. You act fast, Julie, you don't need to think about things first. You don't need an outlined step by step guide, you know the result you want and you just figure out how to get it. As far as I can tell, that's pretty much how wild magic works. Magic isn't that different than anything else, some people are really good at math and science and some people are really good at creative writing and reading comprehension.

[Different minds work differently. Nadine needs the structure, needs a plan to follow or experience to draw on. It's why Academic Magic comes so much easier to her. Julie is so much less rigid and in need of a routine, the proverbial free spirit. Nadine can see her taking to wild magic like a fish to water.]

And I've seen some of what it can do, and read a lot more. There's some pretty powerful stuff. And there's no such thing as a bad student, there's just students that need different approaches to being taught.

[ She feels a pang of something in her chest, an emotion she doesn't know how to put a name to, and she feels seen for possibly the first time ever. In Julie's world, being headstrong and quick and determined weren't good things, they were traits to be stamped out of children, especially little girls, who might otherwise ask questions or have their own ideas. And when those little girls grew up to be women who wanted more, who made plans, who fought back against everything trying to keep them boxed in, the world kept trying to hammer them back down.

Her independence had only ever earned her the label of "difficult", made adults give up on her before they actually made an effort to engage her. Flagg had been the first person to ever tell Julie that she could be something, and now Nadine is saying it too, without any substantial gain to be had. ]

How... how do you start? I mean, I got this one power, but it just happened. I didn't actually learn it.

I'd guess with just learning the bare basics of magic, I can teach you that. And that's something that can happen, it has something to do with the Singularity maybe? I know a couple of people who found they had new abilities after we went to the Horizon. I got horns.

[A small laugh. She's gotten used to them, but still keeps them covered when she's out in public. There's no need to draw attention.

She's glad Julie seems to be into the idea of magic. Nadine really thinks it would work well for her, and be a good thing on top of it.]

But if you've used your power any, you at least have a basis to draw on for using magic. You're already starting out ahead of where I started.

The horns are cool, y'know. I gave myself fairy wings once, in here, and I thought it would be sorta neat to have 'em all the time. But yeah, it was after Lloyd brought me here the first time. It took a couple weeks before I noticed, but I had started workin' downstairs, and I saw this mug about to fall off a table. And I just remember thinkin' that I was gonna have to mop it up, and I wanted to catch it, and then it just... didn't fall. I could feel it in my hand, 'cept I was across the room. Now, I just gotta kinda think about doin' something and it's like my brain tells my arms to move, but... not. It's hard to explain. I can pick stuff up, though, and move it, long as it's not heavier than somethin' I would need two hands for normally.

[ And there's part of Julie that's still unnerved by the ability, even though she's become accustomed to it. It's simply so foreign that it's difficult for her to wrap her mind around it. But she can admit it's handier than horns. ]

So when you do magic, you just think about it and it happens? Like the Horizon?

They're growing on me. But something useful would have been great. They aren't even long and pointy enough to stab someone with if I had to.

[Now that would be useful. Julie's ability, though....that's very useful. Nadine listens intently at the story of its discovery, nodding along. She can imagine the sense of shock and surprise the first time it happened.

At least she'd meant to, the first time she did magic.]

It sounds like it would be hard to explain, but that's amazing. That's like telekinesis or something. And a lot easier than the magic I'm learning. It's not as...instinctual. I have to use incantations and hand gestures and channel my will or strength or whatever it is that makes magic happen.

But maybe they'll turn into somethin' someday. Like, I talked to people who said we all get somethin' from the Horizon, but then Lloyd didn't change or get anything, right? I have this... theory, I guess, I think that maybe the ones who say they didn't get anythin' just don't know what it is yet. 'Cause like I said, it took me weeks, and if that mug was just a couple inches to the side, I might never found out. So maybe the horns are just the start.

[ Smiling, she looks around at the square, all the cute shops and the manicured bushes. It feels a little more real now, a little less like being dropped into a haunted Thomas Kinkade painting. ]

That's why I like the Horizon so much. You don't have to follow any rules, you just see it in your head and it happens that way. It makes sense.

Maybe. That's not a bad theory, honestly. I can't count how many books I've read where people didn't know they had powers until something really specific made it happen. And talents aren't that different...like how do you know if you're a piano virtuoso if you've never touched a keyboard?

[Who knows what the Horizon and the transition to this world has done to them. It's something to think about.]

But you're right, the Horizon offers some pretty great benefits. A whole little piece of world you can do anything with, be anything in. I used to imagine places like that when I was a kid.

Right? I mean, I dunno how they're supposed to figure it out, 'cept blind luck, but there's gotta be somethin'. Some kinda way to kickstart it.

[ Her smile wilting a little, Julie looks around again, fixates on a squirrel running up a nearby tree. There's worry in her eyes. ]

Them still bringin' in new folks makes me nervous, though. At least the ones I've talked too, a bunch of 'em seem to think they need to fight us. And what if they got brought here because these Abraxas people want someone to wreck up the Horizon, to fight us here?

I don't think that's Thorne's goal.

[Nadine's brow furrows in thought as she calls to mind what she heard around the castle.]

The Horizon's linked to the Singularity and the Singularity's too important to them, I can't see them risking it. I think they might honestly mean what they say, they're trying to utilize it and they need us to do that and think we're going to save the world. I don't know about any of the other places, but 'we want to use you' would be a crappy cover story. Whether it's true, I don't know, but I do think Thorne believes it. That's another good reason to try and find a job with a mage - I might be able to pick up some more information on Thorne and how the use magic in general.

Thorne, I don't think they wanna mess it up. I think they wanna spy on the rest of us. But the Free Cities, at least...

[ She shakes her head, recalling the times she's spoken with someone named Goro, who seems hellbent on not just fighting, but actual war, seems to relish the thought. ]

I talked to this person, I think they're in Cadens, maybe, and he -- I think it's a he -- was sayin' that war is inevitable and he looks forward to "combat" with people from other worlds.

If war does break out, it wouldn't surprise me if they want to use us to fight their battles. I...don't really have any desire to help them with that.

[Nadine has no loyalty to anything in this world. Maybe with enough time she might develop some, but for now...it's the place she's still trying to figure out her standing in.]

Maybe if we hang out here in Nott long enough they'll forget about us.

If there's a war, I'm gonna be fuckin' pissed. I can't go back, and I ain't about to die again just for these dipshits.

[ Her brow knits, and she thinks, biting the inside of her cheek. ]

Y'know, if we need to get away from their shit, their fightin', we should go to the Singularity. They can't get close to it.

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