abraxaslogs | Open Horizon Catchall

Entry tags:

Open Horizon Catchall

Who: Nadine and YOU! (One closed starter)
When: November
Where: Horizon/Nadine's Domain
What: Catch-all for the month
Warnings: Will add as needed

[Following Halloween night, Nadine's been spending a great deal of time in the Horizon. Her domain is familiar, comforting, safe. Or at least offers a very solid illusion of safety. Particularly the square. She's often sat on a bench outside the little church, watching the clouds or the fall of autumn leaves and just thinking.

She has a great deal to think about.

Since she was twelve years old, Nadine has known the path of her life. She'd known the rules, known what she had to do, and known where her future led. And she had, for the most part, followed the rules and did what she had to do. Yet here she was, alone - by a certain definition - in a strange world, with none of the things she's been promised.

There's anger left in the wake of Flagg. Anger and fear and a sense of loss she doesn't know how to navigate. Whatever joy there is in the idea of freedom, it's overpowered by all the rest. What would she even do here? What would any of them do? She isn't the only one who's had the rug pulled out from under her. How is she supposed to take care of Lloyd and Julie? And then there's Susan... She isn't even sure exactly how to take care of herself in this world.

And then there's those tantalizing thoughts that hover at the edge of her mind. The ones that do find joy in the prospect of freedom, and how close it truly is. She's already had a small taste of it. There's so much more to life than what she's experienced, the chance to just live is right here. If she's willing to take it.

Sometimes, to try and quiet the storm of thoughts in her head, she wanders to the edge of her domain to add a little something. A pond with geese here, a winding stream with a wooden bridge, a spray of wildflowers... it's just something to occupy her mind, to keep her busy...and maybe just catch the attention of anyone in a nearby domain. A part of her has no real desire to be alone.]

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To them, it's probably the Age of Enlightenment. They don't know how far back on the advancement curve they are. But you're right, I'd probably be losing my mind if I couldn't come here.

[Nadine shakes her head, the previous month or two flooding into her mind.]

My husband's gone. Vanished before Halloween. Or whatever they call it here. So I've been coming up here a lot. Out here? I don't know how to geographically place the Horizon.

[She just considers it 'up' for some reason. It's funny, she realizes Amos is the first person she's told about Flagg being gone. Julie and Lloyd knew in the same way she did, she didn't have to tell them. It feels strange to say. That a man like that could just be Gone.]

Mentioning...things that might have helped a little when you were younger made me think of it. I had him, too, since I was twelve. He's what really got me through it.

[ An eyebrow goes up at the idea that anything out there could be considered enlightenment, skepticism written all over his face. He definitely learned more in his first day of real schooling than any of those people will ever know in their lives. Enlightenment? Jesus.

Not that he's actually got anything to say about it, especially when Nadine drops that little personal development. Amos blinks, parsing through his memories of Nadine, always visiting the dungeon back in Thorne. Seems like the kind of thing that'd be a big development, yeah. The idea that they've always been together though, and now she's here on her own? Shit.

Amos is silent for a bit, trying to figure out what to say. He's a fine listener; less good at actually coming up with advice. Or comfort. Though he doesn't think she really wants either of those, and that makes things a hell of a lot easier. ]

Like childhood sweethearts? Damn. [ He half-shakes his head, a short movement as he processes it. ] Been a while since you were really on your own then, huh?

[ Like he's been most of his life. Lydia both did and didn't count. And like he is now, since being torn away from the Roci, permanently. Thought he could handle it. Can, really. But whenever he remembers what he's missing... it fucking sucks. There's his empathy for the day. ]

Childhood sweethearts...

[Nadine can't help the sharp little laugh at the suggestion. She's not laughing at Amos, but at the madness of her own life.]

No, no that would be simple and normal. And nothing about my life is simple and normal. No, Randall was...is, I'm sure he's out there somewhere. Uh...he isn't exactly human. He's some sort of ancient demi-god or powerful magical being or something. I don't exactly know. But he started coming to me in dreams when I was twelve because apparently some even more powerful, undefined force that's in charge of fate or whatever decided we were soulmates. It wasn't creepy when I was kid, though. He was like...an imaginary friend that wasn't imaginary. I could talk to him about anything and he was always there for me. And I know this sounds absolutely crazy, but at this point, what's a little more crazy on top of the heap?

[They're talking in a magical realm that technically doesn't exist, after being kidnapped to some sort of King Arthur legend in another dimension. Powerful demi-gods that chat up pre-teens isn't that bizarre at this point.

And honestly it feels good to just talk about it. Nadine's never talked about it so plainly and openly before. But if she's going to honestly open up about anything to anyone not from home, it's going to be Amos. She knows she can trust him with this, that he'll take it and keep it and won't make it into some big thing.]

[ Something being not exactly human means something very, very different to Amos than it does to Nadine. He recognizes that quickly enough at least, brows going from being furrowed to raised to neutral as she describes her whole deal. It sounds like total nonsense. Is total nonsense.

Except she's right, though. What's a little more crazy on top of everything else? Soulmates definitely aren't real, fate isn't real, but what they're doing right now is kinda like coming to someone in a dream, so. ]

I mean, sure. We all do what we gotta to survive. [ He's plain spoken, open enough to what she's saying. Isn't about to judge anyone, anyway. Never really is. There's some skepticism there, but more than that, there's a continuation of that empathy, a thread he hasn't run out of yet, maybe won't with Nadine. ] Having an imaginary friend who turns out to be real and then marrying him isn't so bad. Having someone to talk to in general, I guess. However that went for you. There're worse ways to go about things.

[ Probably better ones, too, but situations like theirs? You take what you can get. A not-quite-human husband. A free ride to space. Either or. They're still here, so it clearly worked. ]

Any port in a storm, as the saying goes. It sort of came back to bite me in the ass later in life, but...

[Nadine shrugs. She finds herself going through cycles of guilt. Sometimes it's strong, sometimes it fades to close to nothing. There's nothing she can do now. Done is done and can't be undone.

But this is why she'd told Amos. No questions, no real shock or curiosity. And she guesses no change in his opinion of her, whatever that may be. Maybe he feels the same thing she does, that sense of kinship and familiarity. The damaged kid in him seeing the damaged kid in her.]

I made out better than some. I think that's sometimes the best we can hope for. Better than. Even being here, in a way. No, it's not great. But it's better than some alternatives. And...I don't know. The chance to honestly and actually get a fresh start? That's not the worst thing.

[Whatever her destiny had been, Thorne had thrown a wrench in those plans and now...now she was untethered and mistress of her own fate. Sort of.]

[ Amos gets it, that shrug. There's no point in regrets. Doesn't accomplish anything. You just live through the next fuckup, and the next, and the next. Maybe, at some point, you learn from past mistakes; learn how to not repeat them, have one fewer fuckup. But when it all stems from shit when you were a kid? You aren't thinking later in life then. Then, there's really nothing you can do about it.

So, yeah. He nods; gets it. He doesn't get along with that many people. That time they were without memories, this here right now... probably explains a bit as to why that's happening here.

He frowns at the idea of needing a fresh start, though. Maybe for her, if that's what she needed. He doesn't know shit about her husband, if she really needed to get away from him or what. For Amos, though. Sure, there are worse scenarios out there, but... ]

Kinda had my fill of fresh starts. I was in a pretty good place back home. Best place I've ever been in, actually. Not exactly stoked about losing all of that.

[ Of winding up somewhere foreign, a land well behind the time period and technological level he's used to, without a single person from back home around to help him navigate. He's met some people, but it isn't the same. He's been floundering.

Uncertainty takes over his features, followed up by a shrug of his own. Nothing you can do, right? He just has to not think about it, which is sometimes easier said than done. Which is pretty disconcerting all on its own. And not helping him. ]

I'm sorry you were taken away from that.

[Nadine means it. While she can't say she understands, she'd never really found a place or people she fit with or felt right - not completely. But she understands how important it is all the same. It's something she's looked for, knows it's a large part of how she'd ended up as deeply in with Flagg as she had.

She can't imagine what being torn away from it would be.]

I know it doesn't mean much, but...I am. And I hope you're able to find it again, one way or another.

[Either back to what had been lost, or...something close to it found in turn. Not that it's easy. Oh for some people it is. Nadine's not blind, she's seen bonds forged and little pockets of closeness spring up. Even in her own ragtag little group, how quickly they went from near-strangers to something resembling some sort of family. Even then, Nadine feels somehow distanced and disconnected despite how she's grown close to Julie and Lloyd.

Maybe it's just the sort of people she and Amos are.]

[ I'm sorry earns Nadine a quizzical look from him. He doesn't doubt her sincerity, but... ]

Why're you sorry? It's not like it's your fault.

[ He means that just as much as she means her sympathy. She has nothing to do with his present circumstances. Being sorry doesn't do anything, doesn't change anything. It's kinda a waste.

Amos blinks, looks at their path ahead, then back at Nadine. A noncommittal shrug. At least her being happy about her fresh start actually means something. He's silent for a little bit, turning her sentiment over in his head. Then he offers her a blank, empty smile. ]

Ah, hell. Maybe I will. Not like I planned how things happened back home. Just kinda happened. It could always happen again.

[ There's no earnestness in his statement; nothing hopeful or optimistic or even sardonic. It just is. Maybe he will find people like Cap and Naomi again. Maybe he won't. It's not like he'd really known anyone like Nadine back home — maybe Peaches, if he really thinks about it — so. Who knows. World's full of possibilities. At least this one's got resources. ]

I'm sorry that it happened. It's an empathetic sorry. I can imagine how I'd feel, if I'd found something good and lost it.

[More than imagine, if Nadine wants to be entirely truthful with herself. She understands losing the idea of something good, the potential for it.

And she likes Amos. Knowing he'd found something...it's unpleasant to think he'd been taken away from it to be here. There's nothing she can do about it, and she's not about to try and offer that, but she can at least offer what she does have.]

For whatever it's worth...you're not alone here. I know I'm not much, but...you get me, and not a lot of people ever get me.

[ His expression remains amiably blank. Imagine doesn't really do anything, either. Doesn't count for anything. Just one of those things he's never going to get, so it's also not worth debating — she's going to feel one way, and he's not going to get why. What else is new?

That's not to say he can't recognize the effort, though. So a bit of sincerity bleeds into his empty smile as he puts a hand on Nadine's shoulder, keeps it there, big and warm and companionable. ]

Well. I'm alone out there, but I get what you mean, Pearl. 's not as bad as it could be.

[ He nods, more to himself than anything. ]

Not exactly a good thing, when anyone gets people like us. [ He's not entirely sure how much anyone really gets him, but Nadine's got a better shot than most. Give it time, maybe. ] But yeah. Kinda gotta look out for each other, huh. That's usually how these things work.

[There's a small chuckle at what Amos calls her, and a hard to define feeling when he lays a hand on her shoulder. Nadine isn't one who often enjoys casual touching, but there's something strangely reassuring about this.]

If we don't, who will?

[No one, in her experience. All the people who'd supposed to look out for her...they never had. And from what he's said, Amos had a similar childhood. He's right, of course, that it sucks in part to recognize that pain and deep seated loneliness in someone else. But there's something to be said for solidarity, for knowing you weren't unique in what you'd gone through.]

If you ever need to just...hang out and not talk about things, I'm around.

[ He nods, sensing they've got the same answer to that question. Nobody helps people like them 'cept for other people like them. Cops are useless. Security forces are useless. UN's useless. If they're gonna do anything, it's probably just make shit worse until everything falls back in its natural order.

So, yeah. There's a lot to be said for solidarity. He recognizes something in Nadine that's in himself, and it's not great, but it's there. He made it out okay, all things considered. Seems like she did, too. Now there's only what comes next.

Amos gives her shoulder a light squeeze, lets his hand fall to his side again. He nods, looking around at her quaint little town, so unlike anything he's used to, unlike anything he's ever seen. He gets why she likes it. Why she'd make something like this. So. Yeah.

Meets her eyes again. There's a kinship there. Not often he finds that at all. ]

Sure. My place ain't anything like this, but same goes for me.

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Open Horizon Catchall

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