abraxaslogs | [ OPEN / CLOSED ] i think i found a way to kill the sun

[ A long minute goes by. If he were to tell Ciri he can't answer that now, he knows she will not press. He's just not sure that's what he wants to do. Part of him thinks he should wait to talk to Yen first. The other part of him is aware there's no telling how long before he can. She's undoubtedly laying low in Thorne, even if he were to believe she may not be avoiding him. The latter is equally likely.

He looks down, then back up as he considers. ] When they penetrate my defences, she pulled on a memory of mine. It flooded all else. They saw nothing but that.

[ A personal thing, but not an important one for Thorne. They won't care about his past; it's useless information as far as they're concerned. He does not specify what memory, either. It need not be said exactly what. He holds a lot of memories and most are shit. Ciri knows that.

He's only telling her this because it's...about her. Something that happened to him for her, and that's not a fact he wants to hide when Ciri has been so afraid of what her Elder Blood means for those around her. He does not want her to believe he's hiding from her or downplaying what the true damage may be. ]

[ She can't help it. The words form on her tongue, even as Ciri knows it may be cruel to ask them, that nothing good will come of it.

Geralt's gaze breaks away from hers. There is a pit in her stomach, a vice tightness around her throat. Need pries the question free. She has to know. ]

What did she do, Geralt?

[ What did she do. He swallows. He nearly tells her not now, not today. But they've spoken this far and so he pushes onward. ]

She found a memory of when I was a boy. During the Trials.

[ He knows Ciri's next question: had it been deliberate? A mistake? Both? He remembers turning to Yennefer, the panic that rose inside him, the same panic he thinks he saw flicker over Yennefer's face before the memory swept him under. But the truth is, he can't be sure of anything. Not until he talks to her.

And he will. The question is always if Yennefer will speak to him. He's not certain what he'll do, how he'll feel, if she chooses to continue shutting him out after this. When does a choice become unforgivable? He knows, in the end, Yennefer was only protecting Ciri. And Geralt would not have stopped her even if he'd known. Maybe that's where the conflict lies. That he never had the chance to decide to stop her or not. ]

[ It may be difficult for most to tell from Geralt's even tone what this means. His expression does not change, but Ciri knows him too well. She sees him swallow. Notes he hasn't met her gaze entirely since he looked away the first time he brought up what Yennefer had... found. That's the word he used. As if it had simply been lying about, that memory of the horrors he'd been through in the Trials. As if it's something that might have slipped out of his pocket and into Yennefer's hands.

Ciri hears what lurks unsaid in Geralt's silence and faltering gaze. This isn't something he'd wanted to share with Yennefer, and she'd found it anyway. She'd dragged it out of his mind.

And the way he tells it--

Is he circumventing? Is he simply not being precise enough? Is he shielding Yennefer, or Ciri from her?

Ciri leans closer across the table, one hand reaching out, fingers touching Geralt's forearm. ]

Did the queen ask Yennefer to do that to you? You said they. Pushed past your defenses, looking for something.

I'm sorry, but I... I don't understand.

[ He draws in a breath. Realizes perhaps he needs to start over, that he's said too little too quickly. His eyes flick down to Ciri's hand before looking up at her again. He wonders if he's ever had conversations like this with her before. He must have. Telling her what he knows she does not want to hear. What he doesn't frankly want to say out loud. ]

No. It's not that. We both realized once the mage reached my mind, he might...see the truth about you. She did what she had to.

[ That's what it boils down to. Yennefer had done what she had to. He wants to believe she didn't know. There were a lot of unwanted memories at the surface. And she had not had a lot of time to react. Still, it's—

In any case, he doesn't want Ciri believing Yennefer had...what. Betrayed him? Them? Because it isn't that. He knows it isn't, no matter how the incident makes him feel. She would not have deliberately chosen that memory if she'd had any control over the matter, if it had not been a snap reaction. (Would she?) ]

[ It flooded all else. To overwhelm Geralt. To hide her.

She did what she had to.

Ciri realizes her fingers have tightened around Geralt's forearm, holding onto him too hard. With her next breath, her hand withdraws. She pushes her hair out of her eyes, unnecessarily. Swallows down the sharp shards of the I'm sorry lodged in her throat, fractured from overuse. No point pulling it back out again.

She cannot apologize for what she is. ]

And then? How did you escape?

[ He watches Ciri carefully. Her fingers dig into his arm, into the marks still left behind on them, and he lets her until she pulls away on her own.

He would do it again for her. There's no need to say it. She knows. And he also knows she would likely wish he didn't have to, but that isn't the point. Some things can't be changed. It doesn't matter what she is, either. A princess, a prophecy, just a girl. He'd protect her all the same. ]

One of the mages at court broke me out. Someone informed her. [ Yennefer, through Kylo. It's why he returned home with his medallion. ] Set me on a horse.

[ Then he rode. That was all he'd needed. A horse. Though he can't say he ever wants to travel like that again that fucked up. It was...not the best journey in the world, short though it was. Just a week, a little more. Felt like a damn eternity. ]

And Yennefer?

[ Ciri doesn't elaborate; she will let Geralt take that as he will, tell her what he will of Yennefer. Whether her ruse had worked. How she had seemed. Anything he learned of her. It isn't that Ciri is looking for a specific answer to a specific question. It's too much for that. ]

[ There's a long pause. He can't help sensing more in that question than perhaps there is. Part of him thinks, suddenly, if Ciri may be the one person who knows Yen better than even he does. She's spent all those years with her, didn't she? Learning from her?

He does not ask. (Perhaps he's afraid to.) ] She may need to lay low. Give her time.

[ He's willing. He understands, why Yennefer would not reach out to him immediately. The situation in Thorne is not near stable. So he will give her that time. He's just not sure how much time she will need, how much time before the doubts begin to form further. But maybe it'll not come to that. He hopes not. He doesn't think it will. What happened in Thorne, what's between them is...complicated, but. They've always agreed to keep Ciri safe, no matter what. He sees no reason for that to have changed somehow. Especially not when Ciri clearly trusts Yennefer enough to tell her about her powers, to come to her for help with her magic.

For the moment, he wants to keep his focus on Ciri, on what he can actually do. Healing. It's his turn to reach out to Ciri, hand on hers. ] I know it's a lot. But I'm here now.

[ So he doesn't know. Not for sure. But he must suspect that Yennefer had something to do with his escape -- or so Ciri thinks from what he's said thus far. He at least is certain she hadn't known what the queen was planning, and hadn't been inclined to help her; even if her reaching into Geralt's mind might be construed as assistance, she'd done it to protect Ciri. Hurt him to protect her.

It doesn't really make Ciri feel any better.

Geralt's hand covers hers, reassuring. Ciri's eyes fall on the lingering mark around his wrist. ]

It's a hell of a demonstration just to see how Yennefer would react. For a few moments seen together before you came here, when so many of the other Summoned were doing the same.

What the fuck is she doing in Thorne?

[ To make her loyalty so necessary to test. To push her like that. Because if it wasn't that they suspected Geralt of something important he himself could provide, then that's the only reason Ciri can think of. The queen is planning to rely on Yennefer, and making sure Yennefer can be trusted not to put someone she supposedly cares about from her own world over whatever that plan is.

The question is: what is Yennefer getting in return? ]

[ He suspects. Of course he does. From what he can tell, the queen is the threat to keep an eye on. It's only natural Yennefer would want to get close to her. If anyone will discover there is a strange source of power across the world that is not the Singularity, it will be the queen.

And he knows. He knows she's doing it for her own reasons outside of Ciri. He has not come to understand Yennefer after all these years by being oblivious to who she is. He just—he doesn't believe she would risk Ciri deliberately. Not knowing how important she is to him.

Geralt studies Ciri, his brows furrowed a hint. ] What's on your mind?

[ It feels like Ciri isn't telling him something. He can't quite pinpoint what. There are a lot of things Ciri has yet to tell him, either because he's chosen not to ask or because she will not. He's accepted it, what she is to him. He's accepted how important he is to her in return. But that distance will always exist, that knowledge he is missing years upon years where he'd have learned who she is, learned what he should know about her. Where he'd remember having been there for her, throughout everything that's happened to her. ]

[ For a moment, Ciri is quiet. She pulls her hand away, but slowly, as if to make sure Geralt doesn't think it's him she's recoiling from, and picks up her cup to take a drink just for something to fill the silence.

When she sets it down again and meets Geralt's eyes, she looks... unsure. ]

The queen was testing Yennefer's loyalty. I can't help but wonder if there is a specific reason. If she is planning to ask Yennefer for something, or if Yennefer has asked her for something.

Why go to such lengths to make certain she won't defect to protect someone from her home? Paranoia, for one. I understand that. But there is some amount if risk involved for Thorne as well, snatching you up from enemy territory. What makes her loyalty worth that risk?

[ Asked for something. It's possible. What would she have asked for? He'd leaned towards the queen wanting something from Yennefer. Even amongst Thorne's mages, Yennefer's magic is powerful. Possibly even different than what they can do. She can approach the Singularity, after all. That's not something even the most skilled of Thorne's mages can hope to accomplish.

He thinks back, searching through that day. What had they said? When he'd been taken into the room? Extraction of information. His memory of the conversation between the queen and Yennefer is...hazy at best, but. He thinks he recalls—

He pushes it aside. Not now. ] I'll speak to her. When I can. She could only reach me through another when I was there.

[ The only thing he'd received was his medallion. And truthfully, he isn't sure he'd have wanted to see her, as he was, bleeding out and half-dazed. There's no point in speculating. He can't know until he speaks to her, until he sees her. Until he can look her in the eyes and know what it is she'd...thought. Or felt. Or wanted. Right now, he just. He can't think about it. Too much weighs on his mind, sinks into the places he prefers not to dwell on. And he doesn't want to worry Ciri until he understands more, whether that's in regards to Yennefer or Thorne or whatever else. ]

Edited 2021-12-22 07:27 (UTC)

That's not what I mean, Geralt.

[ Ciri interjects quietly, shaking her head. Her gaze softens. Gentle. Tired. A little sad. ]

I'm not asking you to find me answers. Nor am I expecting you to come up with solutions. I'm only sharing my thoughts. I know reaching out is hardly feasible or safe for any of us right now.

Whatever Yennefer's embroiled with, we will have to trust her.

[ Trust that she will make the right decisions. Even though Ciri knows she has no memories of a time when Ciri trusts her, yet-- will it really make a difference? She'd thought not. She wants to hold to that conviction.

It helps, that Geralt trusts her too. ]

How did you come by your medallion?

[ She changes the subject, though only slightly. Again, Ciri expects she already knows the answer. Though how is another matter entirely. ]

[ So they do. He'd settled on doing precisely that, but he can't deny Ciri's questions have tugged loose something that was not there before. Still, he nods. Perhaps he's reading too much into it. Or if he isn't, now is not the time to dig deeper. Not when so many of his thoughts remain jumbled. He's healing steadily, but he's not slept since his return, beyond the times when his body would give out, and it shows.

He goes back to his breakfast, methodically tearing a piece of bread. He needs to eat, and that's the only reason why he's forcing food into himself. ]

It was slipped to me. A signal. [ He leaves it at that. He doesn't know how, either. There'd been little chance to talk or ask. He'd been told to wait, to gather his strength, and that was what he'd done. Only in the past few days, now that he's home, now that he can rest as much as he's able, has he started to look back and examine what he recalls. There are more holes in his memories than he'd like.

He shifts the topic, too: seemingly further than Ciri has, but not as far as it may appear. He knows what answer he will get if he asks Ciri how she's been doing. So instead, he asks, ] How's the mage girl?

It looks-- It feels... Real.

[ Only one person in Thorne could know that, but... Make it? Ciri's not sure. Whatever Yennefer means by it, and whatever Geralt means by signal, what matters is that he'd accepted it.

Geralt's question takes Ciri off guard. She blinks, then shrugs faintly. ]

Rinwell? She's all right. Making herself a nuisance reminding us to eat. But she's been helpful, keeping things tidy and going to market. Roach likes her.

I know. I've got no explanation, either. [ She had it, before he arrived. He can't imagine she'd have had time to obtain it in the hours that passed before Kylo came to him and there are simpler methods to signify her trust in another than his medallion. He knows Yennefer could not have made something like this. Not replicated so precisely, down to the etched runes at the back. Someone must've helped her. But who would have? Or why would she have asked, even long before he showed up in Thorne as he was?

(Has she thought of him, this entire time? Had she hoped to see him again?)

He takes in Ciri's reply, quiet. He feels like a lot has left his mind lately. Even Roach. He'd been so focused on surviving. Now that he's back, trying to catch up, trying to remember that there's shit still happening here around them, even apart from Yen and Thorne and royals—it's been a struggle, to keep himself present. ]

Good. She'll be taking care of her for a bit. [ He pauses. Ciri's likely aware of what he's got in mind, but he feels the need to say it nonetheless. ] I'll be staying here. Until...

[ Until. He isn't sure when. It's hard to say. All he knows is that he doesn't want to be surrounded by so many people in such tight quarters while he's working things out on his own. ]

[ Ciri nods. The truth is, she has many more questions, but Geralt has told her what he can. She doesn't want to keep pushing, not right now. Especially since it seems he has few answers in the first place, and still too much rawness.

She reaches for the bread again too, mechanically. Something to do with her hands, something to fill the silence. ]

I expected as much. Considering.

[ He needs room and quiet to rest. There is quiet here -- and extra room too. Ciri looks down at the bread in her hands, digging her nails into it, picking it apart in smaller and smaller pieces that don't end up in her mouth. In truth, the place is a little crowded for her too, right now. She still feels on edge, nerves frayed; Geralt is back, but the information he's returned with and the questions he has (and hasn't) been able to answer leave Ciri frustrated and unsteady. She's going to be looking for work. Escort missions, if she can find them. Plenty of merchant wagons like to hire a guard.

Unlike Geralt, she doesn't want to be here, either. ]

...Alina left. [ Ciri says finally, with a pile of bite-sized shreds of bread in her plate, like she's about to go feed a flock of pigeons outside. ]

For Thorne.

[ Yeah. Considering. He notices the way Ciri tears at her bread, leaving bits and pieces on her plate. It's hard to tell if she's still thinking about Yen or Thorne or something else altogether. His expression is contemplative, but he doesn't remark upon it or on anything else further. He is not the only one who needs time and space to breathe.

Only when Ciri speaks again does he look up. There's no surprise on his face—as though he'd been waiting for her to bring the topic up. His eyes soften. ]

I know. [ He tilts his head towards the room that was once Alina's: he saw. The empty drawers, Sam's glance towards the bed when he passes on occasion. He's been here often enough to know what the place looked like while Alina was living here. She obviously no longer is.

It isn't hard to put it together, what happened. Why she left. And though he doesn't like that she took off with only a letter to Sam nor Ciri, he gets it, too. He's spoken to Alina only once or twice, but the girl is not difficult to read. A combination of stubborn and wary that he recognizes. ]

Mal reappeared in Thorne. [ He pauses. ] Did she say anything to you?

Not before she left. Just a note to say she was leaving. [ And... Some other stuff. She doesn't say that part. ]

Didn't say where until I contacted her the next day. She told me about Mal, but didn't seem certain. No plan. Just ran off.

[ Ciri sighs, shoving her plate aside and reaching for the ale instead. ]

I understand. They'll take care of each other.

[ A note to Ciri, too. At least there's that. He listens quietly. When had this happened? Before he returned, he's certain. This place was already empty when he'd collapsed on Sam's couch.

His chest tightens. He can imagine what that was like, for Alina to have vanished at the same time he was still gone. And if he knows anything about Ciri, he suspects she might have hoped Alina would be there for her through...this. Only she wasn't. (Neither was he.) ]

I can ask someone to look out for her. [ Someone because he's not entirely certain he wants that person to be Yennefer in this moment, but there are others in Thorne if not Yen. (It will likely be Yennefer, in the end, if he isn't lying to himself.)

They can't bring Alina back. The girl made her choice. But he thinks Ciri still cares enough for her friend to want to be sure of her well-being. ] If you'd like.

[ She does understand, but it doesn't help very much. Still doesn't make it any easier that Alina hadn't trusted her enough to tell her, either.

Ciri looks back up at Geralt's offer, hesitating. ]

I'd thought the same. [ To ask someone (Yennefer) and to tell Alina who she could trust. Except then she'd been... unsure. ]

But I don't know anyone there except...

[ He knows. ]

If you could, I'd rest easier.

I will. [ It's one more thing to take care of, but he will. ] They've been granting amnesty to those who return.

[ A small thing, he's aware. Amnesty can be taken away as quickly as it's given. But it's something. And he remembers, in those cells, he'd been the only one held. Few guards around. So either Thorne has made good on their word—or they've moved onto something worse than imprisoning those they deem undesirable.

Regardless, if Ciri has spoken to Alina recently, it means the girl is safe. For now. So it'll only be a matter of making sure she stays that way. Sam will want to know how Alina is doing, anyway.

As for Mal, his reappearance is something else altogether Geralt hasn't even begun to work out. ]

...thank you. That is a relief.

[ She's already told Alina to put herself in their good graces as much as she can, just to keep herself (and Mal) safe if she has to. Considering she'd been imprisoned the first time, it's good to hear she's got a chance without being immediately thrown into a dungeon or worse. Ciri is too tired to ask Geralt where he heard that; she assumes that, if he's telling her under such serious circumstances, the information is good.

Ciri bites her lip, glancing away again as she considers what else she wants to say. She'll have to tell him. He'll notice. ]

There's something else.

The city guard's put a tail on me. I expect it's just for show, and they'll leave me alone soon enough. Pretend you don't notice.

[ Something else? Geralt's brows draw together into a frown. He leans forward. What does she mean the city guards? (Do they know something? Has he been so caught up with what Thorne nearly uncovered that he's lost sight of threats far closer to home?)

No. He pushes the thoughts aside. Ciri seems to understand why she's being followed—and her reaction tells him she doesn't suspect it to do with her abilities. She'd have not waited until now to tell him otherwise. For show, she says. ]

Tell me what happened. [ It must be while she was searching for him. A tail is concerning, but. As long as they can be sure it isn't anything to do with her powers, her Elder Blood—that's the most important part. ]

[ OPEN / CLOSED ] i think i found a way to kill the sun

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