Nadine Cross (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
nadine_he_loves) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
abraxaslogs2021-12-09 12:33 pm
nadine_he_loves) wrote in abraxaslogs2021-12-09 12:33 pm
Open December Catchall
WHO: Nadine and OPEN
WHAT: Horizon and Nott catchall for the month
WHEN: December
WHERE: Nott and The Horizon
WARNINGS: Will add as needed!
Nott
When not working - and with the weather turning, she's working more hours - Nadine can be found in the common room of the inn with a warm drink and a book, or at the lake's edge with a basket and heavy boots and cloak, gathering ingredients for the herbalist she works for, or behind the inn practicing with her fire magic. And of course she can be found at Nan Maeda's Tonics and Tinctures, the herbalist healer's shop where she's found employment. She mostly collects and prepares ingredients for her elderly employer, but she's learning and that's as important as the money.
Horizon
With the coming of the cold months, Nadine's domain reflects the season. Gone are the autumn leaves and the blue skies, snow covering the little slice of New England town that she's created for herself. The sky is overcast and white string lights and garlands have begun appearing. There's a towering Christmas tree in the square in front of the white wooden church, and the shop windows have old fashioned holiday displays in them. It bears a striking resemblance to something Norman Rockwell would have painted.
Nadine herself is often in the square, at the gazebo by the skeletal carousel, or in her own little cottage at the edge of 'town'. Easily identified as hers, as it's the only home with a shoveled walk and puffs of smoke coming out of the chimney. Sometimes the smell of baking or sound of music wafts out...
(Specific starters in comments, hit me up if you'd like one!)
WHAT: Horizon and Nott catchall for the month
WHEN: December
WHERE: Nott and The Horizon
WARNINGS: Will add as needed!
Nott
When not working - and with the weather turning, she's working more hours - Nadine can be found in the common room of the inn with a warm drink and a book, or at the lake's edge with a basket and heavy boots and cloak, gathering ingredients for the herbalist she works for, or behind the inn practicing with her fire magic. And of course she can be found at Nan Maeda's Tonics and Tinctures, the herbalist healer's shop where she's found employment. She mostly collects and prepares ingredients for her elderly employer, but she's learning and that's as important as the money.
Horizon
With the coming of the cold months, Nadine's domain reflects the season. Gone are the autumn leaves and the blue skies, snow covering the little slice of New England town that she's created for herself. The sky is overcast and white string lights and garlands have begun appearing. There's a towering Christmas tree in the square in front of the white wooden church, and the shop windows have old fashioned holiday displays in them. It bears a striking resemblance to something Norman Rockwell would have painted.
Nadine herself is often in the square, at the gazebo by the skeletal carousel, or in her own little cottage at the edge of 'town'. Easily identified as hers, as it's the only home with a shoveled walk and puffs of smoke coming out of the chimney. Sometimes the smell of baking or sound of music wafts out...
(Specific starters in comments, hit me up if you'd like one!)
no subject
[Says the woman who just shared a song about the very unlikely circumstances of Jesus' birth. But the Santa stuff, that gets really bizarre when you examine it deeply.
But it's easier to comment on that right now than anything else. Memories are coming to her, of Christmas Mass and the smell of incense and candles. The songs in Latin, the ancient hymns... She shakes her head, looking away. There's a light prickling in the corner of her eyes and an uneasy feeling in the pit of her stomach.]
I told you, I was raised in religion. Literally, for half of my childhood I was raised by nuns - women devoted to God and a religious life. We don't have temples, we have churches. Like the one in the middle of town, that white building with the steeple. But it's about the birth of Christ, and how He loves everyone who opens their heart to Him, no matter if they're rich or poor or how they've lived their life, you don't even need churches or priests, just...love in your heart for God. And God would protect and save you. And that was beautiful and important to me, when I was little.
[Now...well, she can't imagine God loves her anymore. There are some things that a person just can't come back from, she knows that. And it hadn't been God that saved her, when she was young. It has been the other.]
But it was actually written as a poem, originally, by just a woman who loved God. She wasn't a nun or anything, but her faith moved her to write something beautiful.
no subject
He decides not to banter over the differences to temples and churches, which are about the same to him; it's all comes down to money and who wishes to claim it. Certainly the Cult of the Lionhead Spider is rather out of the running for a right proper church.
His brows raise as he listens. Wait, raised by nuns? Then... an orphan? A girl with no family?
It's too early to say. His fingers play with his rings as they walk, judging what she tells him now with what she told him then.] And I imagine you truly believed, then, if it was so important to you. [He was whisked away far too quickly to private studies, to the academies, then onwards to Oxenfurt, nestled in science and the liberal arts, to find any solid attachment to religion. He has plenty inspiration outside their... unique influences. And so here, now, he hears a new sort of viewpoint. A life far different from his own.
And yet, still incredibly lonely.] Did he ever speak to you, your God, this... this Christ? I've heard it's not such a rare occurrence, when one dissolves into belief. [He pauses. God would protect and save you.]] What, as a child, did you think you needed saving from?
[He imagined it wasn't as simple as a drowner infestation. A wild basilisk. Or a plague, quite yet.]
no subject
[Nadine has seen the evidence of both God and the Other. She wraps her coat a little more snugly around her, looking downwards. 'Did he ever speak to you, your God? What a loaded question.]
God did talk to me, once. Sort of. Not when I was a kid, though. It was after the end of the world, there was...I don't even know what to call her. A prophet, a holy messenger, God's avatar amongst humanity, I don't know. But God worked through her. I, uh, I had already strayed from the faith, though. I don't...it's complicated. But God and I aren't on speaking terms anymore, really.
[It occurs to her now that she's probably already let the cat out of the bag, so to speak. Jaskier knows enough to start putting pieces together.]
And I just had a lousy childhood. Didn't you want to talk to me about something?
[How had they ended up talking about her like this?]
no subject
He does not, of course, have a single idea what this new knowledge might lend him. He recalls her story very well; it's a rare gift that he even so much as meets another storyteller, let alone one who can share it with talent. A magic man came to her in her dreams. Surely she does not mean the same magic man with the deer. There's a lot of magic men in her belief system, aren't there?
Of course, if her story is to be believed, the magic man -- sans reindeer or no -- is not the terrible part of it. It's her debasement. Her... how she put it? She didn't use the term, but "sins" seems appropriate, with what she's already told him today.
The revelation's completely thrown him off why he even came to her today. This is -- oof. This is a lot.]
Er. Right. I did. [How does one say but your lousy childhood is far more fucking fascinating, and hello, can we talk about the demon thing? He clears his throat as if buying some time, weighing out whether he really wants to push the matter or not.
But about the whole queen thing --]
My intention was rather simple, actually. I only meant to come and, well... to thank you, very earnestly, for what you did for my friend. For Geralt. Considering it sounds about as if you and Julie saved his life, I...
[He chokes up, embarrassingly, as he tends to do when the very real and too-close idea of Geralt dying comes up. Look, he knows what he is. The Witcher life. Being put down like a dog in a cage is not a dignified death.
This is why he'd much rather talk about someone else's trauma. The sound of his own shuddering breaths is hideous.] At any rate, I needn't have a clue how to repay you, so an impromptu performance and a walk through the snow is one way to start.
no subject
[Oh this is not expected. The thanks or Jaskier's sudden emotional shift. Nadine halts in the road, farmland looming ahead and fields on either side of them. She turns to stand in front of him and reaches out to take him by the shoulders, looking up into his eyes earnestly.]
It's okay, Jaskier, you don't owe me anything. I did what...I'd like to think anyone with any ounce of compassion would do. It's not even the first time I've done something like that. It's...it's fine, really.
[This big a deal doesn't need to be made. Nadine had nothing extraordinary. She hadn't even been able to do much besides stitch Geralt up and keep his pain levels down. He'd still left Nott in poor shape. It certainly didn't warrant all of this.
What else would they have done? Just left him to die? He wasn't some stranger. Geralt was...a friend, of sorts. The concept of having friends is still novel to Nadine, not something she's used to. But the word fits well enough.]
I mean it. I was happy to do it.
no subject
Her proclamation nearly perfectly mirrors Julie's, making him sort of laugh-sob. Oh, for the gods's sake. They really don't get it. He shakes his head, giving his cheeks a good smack. See? He's fine. The rosy tint is simply from the smack.]
Yes, well, Julie said the same, but it's simply -- [He gestures, sort of rolling his hands through the air, with nothing else to do with them.] It's hard to explain, that he is simply not often treated like a person. Of course, my songs have surely helped that through time, as long as I've known him, but there's plenty that -- you know, they don't greet Witchers with compassion. In fact, I would say compassion is in short supply on the Continent. And everywhere else.
[And he feels it's worth speaking of if Nadine, by her own admission, was so eager to become... well, whatever her Santa Claus/Jesus Christ magic man is, or was, or if she has changed to be the same at all.]
I'm glad. To hear it, I mean. [It's not even entirely about her helping him. Perhaps it's the snow, the idyllic atmosphere; it has pinged the softened sentimentality in him, and now his emotions are demanding release after a month of being tamped down. Not, that he thinks, she should be subject to their release.] At any rate, I've said my piece, though I see why you were so eager to change the subject. Even after all these years, bearing one's heart is as difficult as ever.
no subject
[Nadine reaches out to catch Jaskier's hands in hers, to give them a comforting squeeze and try and ground him. This, at least, is something she can handle. Comforting someone in distress.]
Besides, it's not like Geralt is some stranger. I've known him longer than I've known you. Hell, he's one of my favorite people because he never pries or asks a lot of questions I don't want to answer. But aside from that...me and mine, we're outsiders. We always have been, so we know what it's like not to be treated right. To live on the outside of society. So it's not that big a deal that we treat others like us in similar situations. Like calls to like.
[It really is easier to deal with someone else's emotions than one's own. As surprising and mildly uncomfortable as Jaskier's emotional display is, it's something to focus on and move the spotlight off of her.]
I know Julie has a lot of sharp edges, and I'm....how I am. [She can only sigh and shake her head, her own social faults too many to easily sum up.] But we care about the people and things that matter to us. A lot of things don't matter to me, but...some things do.
no subject
He stops and looks at her, meeting her eyes, hands warmed by the touch. It does help. He has always been the sort to respond well to touch, even if it is sometimes few and far between that he receives it.
At that, he smiles. It's very meaningful to him, even after all this time, that people like Geralt. And that he could be anyone's favorite person, or even one of them -- such a thing, even a decade ago, would've felt impossible.]
You're right. Like calls to like. [He balks, though, at her description. That she still thinks of herself as... he's not even sure. Dangerous? Unlikable? Perhaps she is dangerous, in a way he doesn't understand, but why should it matter when she's yet to hurt him? And, gods. He's met plenty of depressing sorts. He wouldn't even really count her among them.]
You are not a monster, you know. Of course there's things you love. People, even. [And then suddenly, he sort of laughs. Sort of. It's a bit raw, but it's -- it's real.] Wait, are you saying I pry and ask too many questions? I can't believe it. No one has ever told me this in my life.
[She may not even have meant him, but if she did... well, she's right. It's a problem. A problem he's never intended to fix, really.]
no subject
[Nadine sighs, but it's not irritated or upset. There's actually a touch of amused to it, and she smiles and doesn't let go of his hands. It really isn't fair to him, how much she's kept to herself. But there's been that fear, that he'll be horrified. That he really will leave and much as she makes a fuss...she doesn't want that. He's good to her. There've been so few people in her life who've been good to her...]
I kind of am, Jaskier. Just...a more benign monster than most, I guess. I'm not trying to push you away, I'm being honest. I am what I am. And you should know what I am, because...I do kind of like you coming around. Even if you ask too many questions.
[And there's probably no harm in it. Randall's gone, has been now for months. Is she supposed to keep living like a cloistered nun? No friends, no comfort in human kindness, denying herself any sort of filled life? She doesn't want to go back to that. And besides, there are practical reasons, should she ever need to justify herself.
Her eyes pull away from Jaskier's for a moment, looking down the road at a red, snow covered barn just down the way.]
Come on, let's get out of the cold.
no subject
It feels like a punch in the gut. Because it is, literally. Ask him how he knows.]
I appreciate hearing it, either way. I had no intentions of stopping, even if you didn't like it. [He pauses.] All right, so I'd be less inclined to keep doing it, but I rarely stop myself from terrible ideas ever.
[He follows her gaze, inclining his head as they separate once again. As if he minds. The cold here is still quite cold, and their fingertips are points of ice now, his ears gone red.] Of course. Lead on. [There is a peaceful quiet that falls again, padded by the snow, only punctuated by the crunching of boots upon it.
He really, really has to ask.
As he said, he rarely stops himself.]
So are you a queen?
no subject
Nadine is quiet at first, considering. In a way, it's an easy out to just answer him. Clear it all up here and now. He should know more than what he does. She stops a few steps from the barn door, not quite looking at him, snow beginning to fall from the skies that forever threaten to.
It isn't as though she can keep all of herself a secret forever. If it changes things, it changes things. She already feels a little like she's using Jaskier, continuing to accept his companionship and entertain ideas of being closer without telling him things he should know only deepens that feeling.]
Of a place I've never been, and probably never will. [Another sigh, this one not amused at all.] I was actually taken from my wedding night. When I was brought here. I am married, I have been for...half a year. He's not here anymore. Obviously.
[She makes a vague gesture towards Jaskier. None of this would be happening if Randall were still here. For multiple reasons.
The words both weigh on her chest as she says them, and in some way lighten a burden. It's hard to realize how much keeping something in can be a burden. But Nadine's always kept almost everything inside.]
But everything I told you is true. I'm not just some sad, quiet girl from a dead world. I'm...I honestly don't even know what I am, at this point. I just know what I'm not.
no subject
Except the whole marrying part. That's a bit off.]
S'not really the first husband I've --
[He clears his throat. I mean. It's definitely far from the first husband he's cucked. But he doesn't do that nowadays. As... as often. Look, Julie said she needed fun, Nadine had agreed, and it was fun. That's enough for him. Even if, apparently, her husband had been on this world. At some point.
Boo on him. That's what he gets for leaving! And, apparently, taking terrible care of such a lovely woman.]
Why, you're Nadine Cross, storyteller extraordinaire. A spreader of education. Appreciative of the quiet beauty of snow and music. Though I don't think you need anyone telling you who you are. [He leans back against the barn door, flicking snow from his hanging bangs.] If that's what you were afraid would drive me off, then I am happy to disappoint. Now that you're free, you have all the time in the world to decide who, or what, you want to be. Hardly anything wrong with a bit of self-discovery.
no subject
That's very sweet, but I wasn't talking poetically or figuratively. I mean that I literally don't know what I am anymore. I have horns, Jaskier, and I've spent a lot of time with dark magic. And I know I...have certain potentials that other people don't. My marriage changed me.
[Randall had changed her. She doesn't know how much, beyond what she'd asked for, but she feels like there's more. Sharing his bed, sharing his life - to as much an extent as anyone could - can't possibly come without some sort of price. She's seen his true face. Felt him.
She could argue his other point, too. She isn't sure she's free, or if she even really wants to be. She still loves Randall, misses him, feels his absence like an ache inside of her. Like some vital part of her is gone. That little part of her that could always feel him is silent and empty. She'd given up so much, done so much to have him and all that he promised her. Part of her still wants that, wants what she'd bought and paid for and waited for most of her life. And part of her hates that, hates that she can love a monster as deeply as she does.
It's not self discovery she feels like she needs, it's self reconciliation.]
That's more what I figured would probably scare you off.
no subject
He... changed you. Literally.
[His fingers rub together, not so much because the tips are cold but that it's a long become a sort of tick.] Into some sort of... demon queen?
[It's not making fun. She did attempt to explain demons to him, that they're not the demons he knows (a bit) about. Obviously it does not have a positive connotation on her sphere, either. Do they have horns? Honestly, he doesn't think the horns are all that bad. He also is now realizing she has the horns, like, out there.
Okay. Understandable.]
And a part of you misses him, I imagine. [It's a guess, because she hasn't exactly spoken badly of him, the demon king.] Because you love him. [His fingers fold together. Judging by her story, of course, but also by her tone. He thinks it through and, sure, it's a lot to take, but gods, everyone here has some sort of fucked up story, don't they? To her credit, even, it sounds like a song he would sing. A terrible, tragic tale... because if she was a girl, and he convinced her of all this, did she truly ever have a chance?
Jaskier is quiet when he answers, his lip twitching into something like a smile.] I don't mean this poetically. [Or as a reassurance, or even as a defense of the unholy things -- her words -- that she has done. Instead, it is an attempt to settle himself in her shoes. To understand what this life would be like. Lonely, disconnected... and then, one day, fate springs forth a lifeline.] You're hardly the first to fall in love with a monster.
no subject
[And god but she doesn't want to talk about it anymore. For so many reasons - she's talked about it more than she's generally comfortable already, it feels awkward to talk about her husband with the man she slept with to ease the pain of his loss, and there's a sudden exhaustion at Jaskier's simple acceptance. It's not bad, more one of sudden relief that leaves the legs weak and mind stunned.
Acceptance isn't something she's expected to find much of outside of her own people. Certainly not among good people. But here he stands, smiling, taking everything she's told him and just accepting it. Accepting her. He really is much too kind for her. She doesn't deserve this.
That doesn't stop her from wanting it.
Despite her not really minding how much he talks, she really doesn't want to continue this conversation or answer anymore questions. And he's stirred something in her with his words and that soft little smile. Eyes a bit too bright with mixed emotions, Nadine rushes forward to close the distance between them and stretches up to meet Jaskier's mouth with her own.]
no subject
It's not that important to say.
He holds her by the waist, hands settling there with easy, eyes closing as he slips into it. It's not exactly the most romantic thing he's ever said, but it is a bit pretty, isn't it?
There's no wine nor cocktail to interfere with her taste.]
Is this idyllic, too? Kissing handsome men against snow-capped barns?
[He could roll with that. Perhaps he, too, has new fantasies.]
no subject
Why can't that something good be this?]
It's very nice. I've never kissed in the snow before.
[There are countless 'I nevers' in Nadine's life. She reaches up to smooth the fur edging of his outerwear, thinking briefly back to their shared night together.]
But I think we might be more comfortable inside the barn. I don't want to talk about things anymore, and I think...we could both do with feeling good right now.
no subject
[Which is why it is of the utmost importance that two people remain close and find warmth together. Cold noses, perhaps, and ears, but mouths always remained unmistakably warm. He's about to test that theory again, leaning down towards her, when she has an even better idea.
He smiles, then kisses her forehead.]
You know what? You are absolutely right. [It is a bit relieving, he must admit, that she is the first to bring it up. It's quite true that there has not been another repeat of that night. In fact, he was rather sure she wanted to avoid him and talk of it for a bit.
It can give a man, even Jaskier, a bit of a complex. A worry. He moves off of the barn door, taking one of her hands in his own to give her a squeeze. Unfortunately, the door's a bit big for him to one-hand this whole effort.] I am very easy man to keep quiet.
[Usually it involves a gag, but. He nearly hides the suggestive tilt of his eyebrows by opening the door for her.]
no subject
[It's a bit of a fudge of the truth, but Nadine maintains that Harold doesn't count. And there'd been precious little kissing involved, anyway. That's not something to think about now. Harold is long gone, and Jaskier is right here and clearly very willing.
She'd assumed he would be.]
And I didn't say you had to be quiet.
[The words may not have a flirtatious tone, but the implication is clear. She can be bold, when she wants to be. She doesn't entirely know what her intentions are, in the long run, but she knows it would be very nice right now to be held and kissed and complimented. Jaskier is, if her memory serves, very good at all of those things. And he wants her. Enough to ignore all her warnings and initial rebuffs, and there have been so very, very few men who've persisted beyond that barrier she keeps up. Maybe it's some trait inherent to musicians.
She slips into the barn, the inside as picturesque as the outside. It's warmer in here, and spotlessly clean. The hay in the loft looks impossibly fluffy and soft, born entirely of imagination rather than reality.]
I don't really get many drop ins around here, and even when I do...nobody comes out here. It's just us and some phantasmal cows wandering around outside.
no subject
[He's not shaming her, not a chance. But gods, there's some days he's kissed more men than that in twenty-four hours. If it really comes down to her husband, she certainly respects the sanctity of marriage more than most people he's ever met. The number of people he's slept with with rings still on their fingers is... reasonably high.]
Well. The world is your oyster, as they say.
[And is he ever happy to provide new experiences. He follows her inside, sliding the door back into place to cut off the gust of cold. When he turns to look around, his brows raise.
It's the cleanest, least stinking barn he's ever been in. Ah. The joys of fantasies.
With a laugh, he takes her hand.]
Phantasmal cows are rather polite neighbors, I imagine. [He appreciates her dedication to ensuring him they won't be interrupted, as if that's stopped him before.] May I take your coat, my lady?
no subject
[Nadine shakes her head as the door closes behind them. It's not like she regrets waiting, not entirely. And she's trying new experiences now. Besides, she's hardly innocent.]
And you may.
[She unties the belt of her coat but stands still and leaves the rest to Jaskier, as he's offered. It's nice, to feel taken care of in a sense. It's hard for her to put the thoughts into words, but there's something very appealing about the attention he pays to her.
She briefly considers a bar for the door, but dismisses it. He may not be concerned about being stumbled onto, but she is. This sort of thing is private. The idea of being caught, being seen in an intimate moment...no, she'd very much rather not. But it should be fine. No one ever comes out here, why in the world would they? They're alone, the only two people in this little corner of a world.
And there's something exciting about that idea.]
no subject
Right, he gets it. She may actually respect marriage. They all have their quirks.
Permission granted, he helps her out of her coat. One arm, then the other, and looks about for a polite place to hang it. Of course none of this is real, but there's no need to be disrespectful. He finds a hoe hook suitable, hanging his right beside hers. It leaves him only in a pale gold chemise, the ends embroidered with rays of The Sun.
And then, with a single pull, it's off over his head and throw onto the same hook.] You know, it's a rather good thing this barn's already so warm. [He returns to her with a tease of a smile, catching her wrists, then moving gently up her arms.] I'd hate for you to see me when I'm cold. Nipples you could cut a steak with, I swear.
no subject
But she's making up for lost time now, she supposes. It's still a slow thing, coming to terms with the fact that she even can. But Nadine isn't aided by substances to help quell her normal hesitations this time. There's nothing here but her own choice to enjoy herself a little. At least with Jaskier there is a foundation already. The circumstances may be vastly different, but they've slept together already. There's a certain familiarity present. It helps.
And he seems the type to be understanding of her rather unique situation. It's fine. They can take it slow and easy, she doesn't think he'll mind.
After her coat is taken care of she turns....and oh. He is already taking off his shirt.]
Oh! Um. Hi. Wow.
[She hadn't been expecting that. Not that it's an unpleasant sight, Jaskier is very well defined. That hadn't been some exaggeration of memory, he's built like an underwear model. It's just a surprise, one that catches her off guard and brings a startled little laugh and flush from her.]
You are not wasting any time, huh?
no subject
[That's often not a good response. Well, it could be a good response, but this is a little more winded, a little less, "wow, Jaskier, master of all bards and the Continent itself, that really is quite the pair of nipples you have." Not that he's expecting that sort of pointed praise from Nadine.]
Perhaps I was reading the room incorrectly. [The way he says it may indicate he doesn't really believe so, but! He's patient. And smiling. Honestly, the pink in her cheeks is enough for him.] Shall I put it back on, then? I would hate to be untoward in the face of such precious company.
no subject
[Nadine shakes her head, another little nervous laugh following.]
I just...wasn't expecting jumping directly to undressing. I'm...I don't do this kind of thing, you know that.
[She's never been coy about her experience, or how little she's engaged in physical intimacy. Or in what limited capacity. And she doesn't push him away, or evade his touch.]
I...I do want to be here with you, you're just going to have to be a little patient with me, Jaskier. I'm still getting used to the fact that I can do this without anything terrible happening to anybody.
[And even then, there's that part of her that rejects the idea completely. How can she possibly do this? She doesn't even love this man, they've only known each other for at most a couple of months. It's overridden by everything else, but that voice persists.]
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
Heading Into NSFW Territory
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)