abraxaslogs | [ CLOSED ] let these bones be the giver

[ And maybe that's why she's spent weeks now, sitting alone, morosely practicing magic and re-reading books she only vaguely remembers from school. She'd let herself have people, people she wasn't just using as tools, and they took the earliest opportunity they had to throw it all back in her face. And she hates that she still doesn't want to let go.

That's what made it so loud, so unbearable. Like being mocked. Never alone, but always alone. She's sure they'll be back, eventually. She doesn't like the club empty -- she just can't handle it full right now.

She can't help but to let out a sardonic chuckle, digging her nails into the back of his hand for a moment. ] By the way, fuck you for roamin' around the desert and almost killin' yourself right after you spent all my money gettin' you there. Asshole. [ But she doesn't sound angry. At most, maybe mildly admonishing. She's spent all her fury on Nadine and Lloyd, has none left for Geralt and no desire to give it to him anyway. ] Sam's good at that. Makin' things quiet.

[ It doesn't surprise her to hear that Sam's company had been preferable to the somewhat smothering presence of others. Sam has a way about him, knows what to say, when to just listen, how to shine light on things at different angles. She's never known anyone else who seems to just... get it like he does.

Her brow furrows and she frowns, glancing at him from the corner of her eye. ] You mean... like back in your world? It changed after the visions because it changed at home? [ That's only slightly horrifying. ] Who attacked y'all?

[ He looks over, surprise etched in his brows. It feels so long ago, was such a minor incident in his ordeal compared to everything else that he's almost forgotten. After a second, there's a faint, dry huff of acknowledgement. ]

Sorry. Portal dropped me a ways out. Had some extra walking to do. [ Should've known, when it comes to shady mages. Or he supposes that's a bit redundant. Most mages are shady. And yeah. Sam is. It'd been a matter of both Sam himself and just circumstances that left Sam's normally occupied home empty, while Geralt's had filled up with more bodies than just Jaskier and Ciri. But it's true, too, that Sam simply knows when to leave him well alone.

He's returned home now, more for Jaskier's sake than anything. ]

It's often had a bit of a mind of its own for me. [ On some level, he's aware that there's shit on his mind that sometimes gets away from him in places like these, places that draw on desires and fears hidden deep down. He can't tell if the Horizon shifted because he expected it might or because he simply can't draw up images of Kaer Morhen as anything other than the shattered state he last remembers. Both, perhaps.

He shakes his head. ] Not who. What. I'm still asking myself that. [ He knows, but he doesn't know. They'd called Voleth Meir a demon because that's what they'd believed. But she isn't, is she? She's of the Wild Hunt.

He prods the dinosaur with a finger. It chomps its small teeth around his index. ] One looked a bit like him, though. Biggest basilisk I'd ever seen.

[ He sounds almost thoughtful. It's easier to just talk about the fucking basilisks than what really happened with Ciri. ]

[ She doesn't bother pointing out that he could have asked for help, that there was basically a small army of people awaiting him in Cadens, all of whom would have leapt at the chance to go find him. But it doesn't matter now -- if they'd talked before the Dimming, she would have been significantly more irritated (and boy, should Geralt be happy he showed up before Sam that day), but now, she's just tired and he's fine, so it's not worth the trouble. Instead, she just snorts quietly, bumping her knee against his.

Her frown deepening, she watches him poke at the dinosaur, and so does the unicorn, raising its head to keep an eye on things. The t-rex tries in vain to swing its head back and forth, as if to break off the tip of Geralt's finger. Julie doesn't understand. How can he not know? ] So, it was a basilisk? Why would a basilisk attack y'all?

[ Not that she knows what a basilisk is. She thought they were big snakes or something, but obviously not. Either way, how could one cause that destruction against an entire keep? Was no one home? ]

[ At some point, it'll come up that his head was fucked with, that he was probably overly paranoid looking back as a result, but like her, so much has happened since that it's simpler not to revisit. He's just grateful she was there, and he hopes she knows that. That he only has a small handful of people in his life he can trust.

One less, now. After what he knows. So. But he's not letting himself dwell on that, either.

He pulls his hand away from the lizard; lets it rest on Julie's knee. He isn't trying to be evasive. He just—how does he answer? His head feels ready to split each time he thinks back on all that occurred. ]

They came through a portal. [ A portal that should not be possible to open and yet he knows it is. Because it brought him here, to this sphere, long before he remembered learning that this could happen on the Continent.

A beat goes by. He peers at Julie. ] Have there ever been stories of...entities not of your world, entering it through unique gateways? Something you may call a demon?

[ She knows, at least inasmuch as she's been told by an ever-growing number of people. And she never thought for a second that he was ungrateful. It was simply that she felt like the gratitude was unearned, that she hadn't done anything special. And then she had spent a fair amount of time thinking that she hadn't actually helped at all, so that wasn't great, but.

The trust goes both ways, because he was the only one who could get to her now. She's sure that she locked the doors, and yet, here he is, walked in like it was nothing. Because he's the only one she wanted to talk to. The only one she believed, however subconsciously, that wouldn't hurt her more.

She looks back at him, still confused. A portal is something that she'd only known as fiction until she was brought here, but then there's an eeriness to how similar the concept had been to the reality. But it had never struck here that they might have been real to some people, at some point, for them to describe. Her voice is slow when she answers. ] Well, yeah, that's how demons work, or at least how I always heard it. I think every civilization in my world has had the stories, some version, since the beginnin' of time. They come from Hell, usually through some kinda portal. Sometimes they're summoned. They're kind of... they're like the ultimate evil. They can possess people, make 'em do horrible things. Or they can do those things on their own, if they're powerful enough.

[ She pauses abruptly, like she's putting something together. Flagg was from another world. Julie can't say for sure that he came through a portal, but he was from another world, and he was magic, and Nadine confirmed that he changed in front of her. That the human shape was just a disguise. And sure, Julie knew all of that about him, but she never linked it to any of this. But... he wanted the Singularity. That was the goal, for him to somehow get control of the Singularity.

The breath she takes is a little shaky. ] But maybe they weren't just stories.

[ He's quiet, brows knitting together ever so slowly. That's exactly the stories in his world, too. Stories, because a lot of them are. Demons were rare in the first place. By his time, there's been none he's heard of. None to hunt. Summoning them was meant to be outlawed, though who knows on that end when it comes to mages. Like dragons, like vampires—they aren't anything common folk come across in their lives. But the stories are rooted in some truth.

It's only that he now knows what they call a demon isn't that. Or it is but—it's more. Voleth Meir belongs to the Wraiths of Mörhogg. She is something unique to what sphere she belongs to. He simply doesn't understand yet what that is. He's been trying to, and none of it makes any damn sense.

The look on Julie's face draws him out of his thoughts. His frown deepens. They've spoken of monsters and beasts a few times, and it's often been a matter of curiosity and interest. This is the first time he's seen her truly unsettled by something he's said. ]

How do you mean?

[ Her mind is racing, feels like she's trying to find one specific thing that she can cling to, to make it not be true. But the more and more little pieces of it all that she can remember, they all tell a story she doesn't want to listen to.

She'd known, always known, that Flagg wasn't entirely human. Julie had been his most faithful adherent, the one who never had even a flicker of uncertainly while his other lieutenants all began to falter, to doubt. After Nadine jumped, after Lloyd began to crack, Julie had still been there, steadfast. She'd known since she dreamed him, since he called her from over a thousand miles away, that he was something unique. It wasn't until they were in Abraxas that he'd shared the truth, that he was from an entirely different world, a dead one. That he'd somehow come to Earth.

He could possess people. He did terrible things, great but terrible. Encouraged all of them to do the same. He wasn't human at all, Nadine said. Lloyd said they'd tried to get Flagg out of the dungeon but that the mages balked. Seemed worried.

Flagg wanted the Singularity.

Her heart pounds in her ears, feels like it vibrates through her entire frame. ] I think... I think I know one. Knew one. He -- I knew he was somethin' different, but not -- demons ain't supposed to be real.

[ There's a sharpness to his focus now, where he'd been only mulling over his thoughts before. He can hear her heart, feel the tension where she sits against him.

Knew one. He blinks once. Traces back his conversations not with Julie, but with Nadine. Ever since Nadine first spoke of her husband, ever since she's made vague allusions to having experienced magic, he's had...questions. Ones he hadn't asked directly—he'd known better than to press her over an obviously complicated topic, not least given the age at which Nadine says her husband first found her, alone, only to later marry her—but he'd asked enough to learn a few small details. Like the fact that he spoke to her through magic. Drew her into another plane, so they could see each other in her mind. What was it she'd said to him when they spoke in her little snowy town?

This world has enough problems already without adding the chaos Randall brings. ]

Nadine said he came to her in a vision. When she was a girl. [ Little need, to specify what is meant by he. There's only ever been one vague he Julie has mentioned, a topic she almost never touches upon. In fact, none of them seem to want to speak much of this man who was here and then vanished.

He turns so he's facing her more directly, searching her face. His voice is quiet. ] Julie. Did he come to you, too?

[ There is something a bit lost in her eyes when she meets his gaze. Something that doesn't know what to do with this information, something that's searching for how to make it not true. Her voice is thin. ] He came to all of us, in our dreams. He knew us, wanted us to come to him, to Vegas. That's why we were there.

[ She's told other people this before. No one seemed concerned. And she had never questioned it -- the witch came to people in their dreams, too. She just never came to Julie, didn't want her for whatever reason. But Flagg, Flagg had wanted her. Told her how special she was, how he wanted to save her, help her.

Her grip on Geralt's hand is tight, and she doesn't mean for it to be. ] He promised... he promised to stay with me. That I didn't have to be alone ever again.

[ He almost wants to ask how many. Abruptly, the things she's told him slot into place. Like how she knew where to go, thousands of miles away, in a world that had broken down completely. That's it, isn't it? It's her world.

Voleth Meir only reawakened when Nilfgaard started to raze cities and massacre elves, villages. She would have delighted in a world stricken by plague. It stands to reason that Julie's sphere attracted or awoke a type of demon of its own because of what happened. That he would've easily had his fill in a world like that. Except he was around earlier, wasn't he? Years ago, when Nadine met him. ]

They do that. Promise you things. [ Her grip is almost painfully tight, but he doesn't move. ] Voleth Meir was the same. Came to people in dreams. She preyed on their deepest pain and promised it would stop. They had only to do as she wanted.

[ A cost, a trade. The life of a girl for magic. Is that what happened? All of them, following this man for a promise? He can see it. Where else would they have to turn? Where does Nadine fit into this? Why was she the only one who drew him to her as a child? Perhaps it isn't anything. Perhaps he'd simply picked a girl, lost and alone, and found her suitable enough for his purpose. Perhaps any child could've been Nadine. ]

It was all a lie. [ Her voice is barely there, breaks when she speaks, and she can feel the pain almost physically, like a stab to the gut. It was all a lie. What would he have done if the end didn't come the way it did? If the nutcase had taken the nuclear warhead to the airfield like he was supposed to, if they'd bombed Boulder like they were supposed to? What would have come after that? She'd never really thought that far ahead before, hadn't needed to.

All she'd wanted was to not be alone anymore.

She can feel a tear slip down her cheek, quickly wipes it away. Her hands are trembling. ] Um, there was another one, another person who called to people in their dreams. Flagg... Flagg called her a witch, he wanted to drop a bomb on her. Wipe her entire group off the map. I never dreamed her, but Nadine knew her. Met when she went to Boulder to spy on 'em. She was an old woman, called Mother something. I know... I know they said she talked to God.

[ Without thinking, he takes her hands in his other one, too. She looks so shaken, he isn't certain what to say. What better world to consume than one which has no way of recognizing a demon when they see it? When they're thought not to be real?

He opens his mouth, then closes it when she goes on. Wait. ]

There were two? [ An old woman. A familiar form, that. For a second, he's startled into silence. Two. And they were aware of each other? At war with each other? The fuck. He has a dozen things he wants to know. None of it seems right to ask in this moment. ] They feed on despair. A world like yours...

[ Ripe for the taking. But how the fuck did one of them end up dragged here? Summoned by accident through Thorne? Then again, Voleth Meir had been trapped on the Continent, too. It isn't unusual that Flagg may have found himself similarly stuck, without a way back home. Until he vanished altogether.

(He thinks of Yennefer, desperate, fearful. He still can't find her. But he knows what her silence means, and the longer it goes, the more he can't help feeling she is too easily lost.)

Carefully, he brushes his thumb under Julie's cheek. ] You couldn't have known.

[ She knows that it's stupid to be so upset over a society that doesn't exist anymore. What does it matter if it was all a lie? Vegas is gone. She's dead. Lie or not, there's nothing left. But it still hurts so much, makes her ache inside to know that every hope, dream, desire she'd had were always meant to let her down.

She should have stayed in the store. Let herself go insane in the silent isolation. It would have been smarter.

Eyes closing, she tilts her head into his hand, takes a deep breath. ] We knew, y'know, that he wasn't really human. That he was somethin' else. I mean, he ate a guy in front of us. Ripped his heart right outta his chest. And he could read minds. Sense people from miles away. But... nothin' else in the fuckin' world made sense anymore either. There were only two options, him or the witch. Tryin' to stick it out on your own was suicide. And he was doin' the things he promised. [ She opens her eyes again and sniffles. ] He saved Lloyd. Like, for real saved him. Lloyd was in jail when Trips hit, and he was the only one who survived. All the guards left or died, and Lloyd was trapped in the cell with a dead man. He was goin' to starve to death, he was drinkin' toilet water. It was awful. And then, all of a sudden one day, Flagg strolls in. Knew Lloyd was there. Said he'd open the door if Lloyd agreed to be his number two, that it would be worth it. What choice was there?

[ And he had freed Lloyd. Made him the second most powerful man in Vegas. He saved Julie from her loneliness, surrounded her with people and let her have Lloyd as a pawn. He knew what she was doing. So it had seemed so much easier to just ignore the horrors, the fear, block them out as soon as they happened. But she doesn't know what he really wanted, in the end. Not in Vegas. She knows what he wanted in Abraxas. ]

He wanted the Singularity. That's why we stayed in Thorne. Because he wanted to learn as much about it as he could. Then he was gonna... I don't even really know. Take it over, I guess.

[ Part of Geralt remains on the idea that there were two. The Conjunction had brought Voleth Meir to the Continent and trapped her there. What had brought the ones in Julie's world? Where would they have come through? A similar structure? That's the thought he's been steadily arriving at. If the Singularity was capable of bringing her here, then it stands to reason a doorway of some kind has always existed on her world. Like on his.

His eyes linger on Julie. He blinks once, but otherwise does not react to what she describes. Yeah. He understands. Deals and promises and choices made. It doesn't take a demon to give yourself over into despair, and turn the other way to save yourself. He imagines these two demons, they were simply taking advantage, much like Voleth Meir, of people lost to desperation. In the end, that's all it really is.

Flagg is no longer here. Vanished. But he thinks, if there is anyone who may want to return to this world willingly, it would be something like him. Unfinished business. Wasn't that what Nadine said? About their decision to remain in Thorne? Is it possible Flagg knew something about the Singularity not even those off this world do?

His thoughts are not on what Julie or Nadine may have done in the demon's name. Not really. They can't change the past. But if Flagg will want to return to continue what he left behind, if he can, that's...

He lowers his hand. ] I've seen those who disappear return. Julie—if he comes back. If he wants you and your people again. Promise you'll tell me.

[ Julie had genuinely not thought that she could feel worse than she had already been feeling. It just didn't seem possible -- what could be worse than being abandoned by the closest thing left in the universe to your family? Turns out there was a whole world of hurt she was just unaware of, waiting.

It is a stabbing, almost physical pain, and she can barely focus on anything outside of it. She blinks at Geralt blankly for a second, having difficulty even parsing what he's saying. People can come back? Why would the Singularity send them away if it were just going to bring them back?

The words actually process, and real fear unfurls across her face, actual terror at the idea. She blanches entirely. ] He can't come back. If he comes back, he'll kill us. He -- I'm not kiddin', Geralt. He can read minds, he'll know what we've been thinkin', that... [ Fuck, it's not just them, her and Nadine and Lloyd, he'll tear Jaskier limb from limb and make them all watch. She clutches the sides of her head, curls in on herself. ] I didn't know. I didn't know he could come back, I wouldn't have... I'll promise to tell you if you promise to protect Jaskier.

[ The rest of them signed up for this. Jaskier didn't. ]

Hey. [ He takes hold of Julie's shoulders. His grip is gentle but firm. Her heart is beating wildly, a frenzied drum. ] I won't let anything happen to anyone. You or Jaskier.

[ Wouldn't have what? His brows draw downward, but he doesn't put together that Julie introduced Nadine to Jaskier. He only knows they slept together once, at that party. Geralt's never given it any thought beyond that. Who hasn't Jaskier bedded?

But her reason for bringing up Jaskier doesn't escape him. It's—not fine. It's a complication he hasn't foreseen, but what the fuck else is new? One problem at a time. The list is ever-growing. They can only address what's in front of them and right now, a demon that may or may not crawl its way into this world again is further back in that line.

Mostly, in this moment, he's concerned about how frightened Julie is of just the idea. Of the possibility. What happened to her, inside this Vegas she keeps referring to? ]

[ She manages to focus in on him, and there's very real terror in her eyes. All she can see is Bobby Terry; his body flopping from the elevator doors, his intestines spilling from the gaping wound across his belly. Blood that somehow coated the walls all the way to the ceiling of the elevator, dripping from Flagg's mouth and beard, streaked over the smiley face pin. The heart in Flagg's fist, the paralyzed look of horror forever frozen on Bobby Terry's face.

Are you sorry, Bobby Terry?

All he'd done was refuse to apologize. Shoot a woman who was there to spy on them, then refuse to bow down. And Julie isn't stupid enough to not grovel, but she also did more than kill a heretic, an enemy. Julie didn't hook Nadine and Jaskier up out of her devotion to good dick (although it was a factor), she did it because she was hurt and angry about Flagg's disappearance. He'd know what she had thought, why she did it.

Bobby Terry, ya screwed it up.

In her mind's eye, the pin winks at her.

Her hands wrap around Geralt's wrists, like he can ground her, like he can do something about how she shakes or how her ribs feel like they're squeezing around her lungs. He doesn't know, doesn't know what Flagg can do. Her voice is so small. ] He can't come back, Geralt. He can't.

[ Shit. He frowns deeper. When he pulls carefully out of her grasp, it's to wrap his arms around her. Like he maybe can try to stop her from trembling out of her skin. It's her safety he worries for, but in more ways than one: not only what Flagg may try to do, but what he can make her do solely because she's so fucking afraid of him. ]

He isn't here. And you are no longer in a world where only he holds some sort of power. [ He lifts her little lantern storm cloud. It's small, but it's nonetheless impressive for someone who's been learning only a few weeks. The potential is there. It's there, in a way it never could be back in her realm. ] It's yours, too. Yours and all of ours.

[ She's not alone. Whether it's a demon from her sphere or what else might come crawling forth—she has herself, she has her magic, she has people. If there is one thing he's learned from Voleth Meir, it's that they need to be fed. Pain and fear, it's all the same. He doesn't want to see her fall into that chasm. It's taken enough from all of them already. ]

[ He holds her and she leans against him without thinking. He is solid and a distraction from her panic, a collection of elements she can focus on instead -- the way he smells faintly of sweat and horse, how warm he is, the vibration of his voice in his chest against her. It is enough to let her catch her breath, blink away the unwanted images she thought she had banished from her mind, but had really only succeeded in tucking out of sight.

She watches him raise the lantern, her heart and breath finally slowing somewhat, and she is able to nod slightly as the cloud shifts and churns. Her magic here would mean nothing against someone as powerful as Flagg, but it's more than she ever had before, more than she ever could have dreamed of. And she has trapped the very thing that killed her in a glass cage, lightning under her control.

Some of the tension drains from her shoulders, her spine, and the cloud sends down bolts, lighting up the inside of its container. Julie is not used to having people she can actually count on, not for things like facing a possible demonic entity. There's weight in the breath she lets out. ]

Okay. [ It's all she says. ]

[ She doesn't say much—she doesn't have to—and neither does he. He sits with her against him while she breathes a little steadier, and some of the weight seems to lift from her. The lantern hums between them, as does his medallion when tiny bolts of lightning strike within the glass.

For the moment, he puts away all that he's learned here. It isn't that it's not important, but he also hasn't got any notion of what'll happen or when. There's a lot he doesn't know, of what may or may not come, whether it's demons slithering through from another sphere or a war or the Singularity cracking in fucking two. But he does know it's easier to face what lies ahead when they're not alone. It's something he's been slowly learning.

And mostly, he doesn't want to leave her alone right now. So he doesn't. He stays, quiet but there—present—and lets her take the time she needs. ]

[ They sit there in comfortable silence for some time, and Julie wraps her arms around his waist as she tries to work through what seems like probably the actual reality of what happened to her -- there are a lot of other, unanswered questions, honestly. Did Flagg have something to do with Captain Trips? He must have already been on Earth, because he told stories of being there from long before Julie was born, long before anyone alive would have been born. But had he figured out a way to come and go as he pleased, or had he simply been stuck in their world for centuries, feeding on what misery he could find? Was the superflu just a convenient coincidence? She wouldn't have put it past the government to actually weaponize a disease at the cellular level, for it to accidentally get out. Flagg could have just been capitalizing on their mistake. Did that mean the witch was always in the world too? Just waiting?

It makes her head hurt, and after a few minutes, she focuses instead on her tiny pets; the unicorn has taken it upon himself to try and herd the t-rex away from the dragon, which is still perched on the railing and spitting irritable little flames.

Taking another long sip of bourbon, Julie finally shifts slightly against Geralt's shoulder, knitting her brow. ] So a demon and a basilisk-slash-dinosaur attacked Kaer Morhen? Why?

[ In the silence, Geralt is still. He idly watches the unicorn, steals a sip from the bourbon of his own, and eventually sighs when she asks her question. It is not a sigh at Julie so much as a sigh at. Things. In general.

She was after Ciri. They are always after Ciri. He hopes this world may be different, but he doesn't know. If Nilfgaard found out long before any of them did, who's to say someone in this sphere would not have the means to do so, as well? He's still told no one. Ciri has told exactly two people, Jaskier and Yennefer, and he knows that that is how it will stay. She already looks over her shoulder enough as it is, with how the Singularity keeps fucking with her magic.

But Ciri was not the sole reason, was she? Not really. A path home. A means to an ends. He wonders how many more will continue to see her as a means to an end, if they realize the truth. ]

There was a monolith. Buried inside Kaer Morhen. When I asked of entities and gateways on you world, it's... [ He pauses. He sounds immeasurably tired as he explains, because frankly he's barely had much time to wrap his head around the whole the fucking thing. What he knows changes everything, in ways he's yet to fully understand. ] Since the Conjunction, a rare few monoliths have been found on the Continent. We believed them nothing more than heavy detritus from that time. Recently, it's come to light they're gateways of a kind. Ones that may exist in some form on every sphere.

[ He sounds so tired, somehow even moreso than after being actually tortured. And she supposes she can commiserate, because she's tired from even the conversation they just had, and that didn't have nearly the same weight. She turns her head, looks up at him, then nods. ] Monoliths, like giant stones? We got lots of those back in my world. Natural ones and ones that humans made. Some of 'em, we're not even sure how people thousands of years ago were able to make, like the stones are too big and from too far away. The ones like that, we don't even know what they were for. But they're... rocks. Creatures can't just walk through rocks.

[ Not that that fact really means anything when it comes to fucking demons, but she does think that, if Stonehenge or Angels Landing were gateways, someone would have noticed it over the course of multiple millennia. Either way, she doesn't want him to have to keep dwelling on something that exhausts him, which this clearly does. It's a lot to have to work through from a whole world away. ]

Hey. [ Her voice is soft and she runs her fingers idly over his side. ] We can talk about somethin' else, if you want. Like I said, you don't have to figure it all out this second. Won't help back there, anyway.

[ Ones they weren't even sure how were formed is—something to think about. He frowns. It's not as though the monoliths were active on his world until lately; even then, it isn't a swinging door. It needs more. A surge of power. Perhaps the ones on her sphere have laid dormant for all this time, except for...what. The collision and splintering of their land masses? Would that have brought the demons that now linger there?

He leans his head back and stretches out his legs. Part of wants to believe it holds no relevance here. That would make it simpler. But things are never so. ] I wish I could leave it back there.

[ Still, she's right. He can't sort it all out in this moment. Nor does he wish to throw any further earth-shattering revelations at her. Especially not ones he isn't even certain of, as to how true they may be. She's been through enough. Instead, he turns the little lantern where she's captured a small storm cloud. ]

Tell me about this. You made it?

[ Wouldn't it be lovely if they could just leave all the bullshit back in their own worlds, but no, it seems they're all cursed to drag their baggage along with them. Geralt's baggage somehow manages to be much more directly impactful to everyone else than the rest, but none of them can say they really got a clean slate here. ] Maybe you can't, but you don't have to think about it every second, either. You won't figure out anythin' if you make yourself crazy tryin'.

[ He holds up the lantern and she hums, perhaps the first time she has actually displayed satisfaction with her magic in front of anyone else. Usually she is too frustrated, too focused on what she got wrong, but the lantern is something that she actually succeeded in making when she meant to. ]

Mm-hmm. Fire is -- [ she makes a vague gesture with one hand; risky goes unsaid. ] But these clouds... I was makin' 'em on accident, at first. Out in the real world too, which is a pain in the ass because they soak everythin'. So I started tryin' to make 'em on purpose instead. They were a lot bigger, in the beginnin'. Not as big as real clouds, but too big to do anythin' but make a mess. But the more I made, the more they were what I wanted, instead of just how they were on their own, and then I had the idea.

[ To lock them away, make them something she could control. The storms started because she couldn't control her pain, and her fear of lightning made the big ones unpredictable, dangerous. But the more she forced herself to actually take the reins, direct the magic, the smaller and more manageable they became, until they were small enough to close away. ]

They make good night lights.

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