[ march / open ] you left me, you left me no choice but to stay here forever

[princessvegas]

Who: Julie + others + open
When: March
What: this month is A Lot (this post is a catchall)
Where: Cadens + the Horizon

[ bitchcraft or bitchcraft#2753 for a starter ]

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[princessvegas]

[ He says don't be, like it's that simple, and she sighs. She can't explain the myriad of reasons that she feels guilt -- from upbringing to culture to the fact that he has done so much for her, someone he has only known for months -- so she doesn't try. She just swallows against the lump in her throat and nods a bit, looking down at the ground as if to watch her step, her free hand holding up the hem of his cloak. The wolf butts its head against the side of her thigh.

When she looks up again, it's at the keep, trying to see where creatures that he'd described could have possibly touched it. He'd said there was a monolith in Kaer Morhen, hidden, but Julie thinks of natural monoliths as truly enormous, as big as the Singularity if not even larger. Something that should be incapable of hiding within a manmade (elfmade?) structure. She tries to picture Bottleneck Peak or Chimney Rock, jutting up through the floor of the main hall, but she's been in there, seen that there was nothing. Maybe the Conjunction's monoliths were more akin to a piece Stonehenge or an obelisk. But even then, how could two thousand years' worth of people and Witchers not know it was there? ]

It looks all right, from the outside. [ She tries to make her voice not sound cracked and distant, like this is an actual conversation, like she's not just a few breaths away from collapsing into a heap again. ] That's good. You can fix anythin' when the bones are still holdin' up.

[gynvael]

[ His gaze lingers on Julie for a second longer. There's something she isn't saying, but as is his nature, he decides not to push. She has enough on her mind.

It looks all right. Old and worn as ever. A quiet half-smile appears, before slipping away. ] You sound like the old man.

[ She's right, though. Sometimes all they have are bones.

He watches her while she watches the keep in turn. All her frayed edges, her reddened eyes. The snow drifts down: constant, without ever adding to the inches of snow already on the ground, though the footprints fade in time. A few white flakes cling to her hair.

He gives her hand another brief squeeze. ] We can keep going.

[ He's not certain she really wants to be here, taking in...this. Kaer Morhen is a dying place. It has been for a long time. ]

[princessvegas]

[ A ghost of a smile crosses her face too, barely touches the corners of her mouth, and there's a small huff of a laugh. It's all fleeting, only there for a moment, but it's there. While she has endless stories about her sprawling family, he so rarely mentions his. Which she gets; it's not exactly the kind of family that she imagines lends itself well to quick, funny anecdotes. But she likes when he does talk about them, because it is reassurance that, despite everything, he wasn't entirely alone in facing down a world of monsters and cruel humanity. Proof that he's not quite the man of stone he presents.

She hums, a tinge of amusement still in her voice. ] Do I? Hope I don't look like him too.

[ Honestly, she doesn't mind being here. It feels neutral for her, steady and just foreign enough to not trigger anything within her mind, but still not completely unfamiliar -- it reminds her of countless movies, pictures she's seen in history books. Nadine's domain is too idyllic, rings hollow and eerie. Lloyd's Inferno gave her flashbacks if she walked in the wrong places. Sam's house is comfortable but emphasizes the life she didn't have, nicer and prettier than anything she'd known as a child. Jaskier's domain changes even more than her own does. Additionally, his main pet(?) talks, which is cute but also weirds her out. Kaer Morhen and its bucolic backdrop are like a palate cleanser.

But she cannot feel strongly enough at the moment to do anything other murmur a soft okay and follow him, the wolf padding along her other side. She knows he has to leave soon. He was already out of the city when this all happened, and she didn't expect him to show up while he was out there. She doesn't want him to be unsafe. ]

[gynvael]

[ There it is. The smallest smile on her face. It's something, even if it vanishes as fast as his. ] He can only dream.

[ A wistful note lingers in the air—a longing sort of regret. He moves past it quickly. It's all right. He knows what he decided and he knows what he's leaving behind.

The wolf noses at her hand. She says okay, and he starts past the snowy mountains. He does need to leave soon, before nightfall out there, but he keeps pace with her as they make their way around. She worries him. They all do. He leaves the city often, knowing there are people who will tell him if anything's happened and yet every so often, he has to ask if there might arise a moment when he simply can't come for them in time. But he's good at exactly one thing—needs the familiar shape of it in his otherwise restless days—and it's this, out here.

Still. Perhaps when he returns, he might stay...home, a little longer for once.

The snow starts to fade behind them. Eventually, they reach the steps of her domain. He glances over at her. ] You can reach me out there. If you need me.

[ He'll answer, even if he's halfway out in the desert. ]

[princessvegas]

[ That tinge of melancholy does not escape her; she has never had a choice in losing people, but she knows that feeling of hurt. Of wanting to keep them no matter what the circumstances, the pain of knowing that they don't know you're all right. She'd felt it when she got to Flagg's border and they picked her, had looked out the window and thought, I'm okay, Mama. You don't have to worry.

It startles her slightly, that the first thing she thinks to say is maybe they'll pull him too, he can stay with us here. It feels like the best case scenario, given what she knows about their world. She knows she shouldn't want anyone to be forced into coming here, knows that Geralt doesn't think like that, because he has made a decision while she only had acceptance. It's not the kindness it feels like, not for people who have options other than death at home. And she thinks that, even if Geralt wouldn't actively want his brothers, his father figure, here, it would make him happy. A whole world where they can run around fighting monsters and witchering (?) and not being treated like shit. To Julie, someone who probably wouldn't have gone back even if that were possible, it sounds pretty damn okay.

But she knows it's not. She doesn't say anything. She strokes the wolf's face as they walk, casts a glance back at the keep. Maybe this place gives us what we deserve, she'd said.

In front of her domain, he speaks and she looks at him with wide eyes. She nods -- of course she knows she can reach him, doesn't believe that he would willingly ignore her. She didn't believe that even at Eifstide, always thought he'd answer. Her concern shines in her gaze. ] I know. Just... please be safe.

[ She's never said that before, because she trusts him and has faith in his abilities. But the desert is dangerous and Witchers die too, she's seen the proof. She can't handle any more pain right now. ]

[gynvael]

[ She's right, that it isn't what he wants, but in truth he's actually not given the possibility much thought. In a sense, it feels natural to him that he will leave his other family behind. He's never had easy choices to make. There's a sacrifice to everything. What is gained is lost in equal measure, and he's not ever known different. He doesn't know what it is to have all that what he wants without giving something up; the thought of a quiet happy home in this world with everyone he truly cherishes is fanciful, a distant dream he might entertain only very briefly in his most private moments.

Realistically, he understands that for this to exist, this here with Ciri, he can't keep every part of his life intact. And he can accept that, because as important as they are to him, they are...it. Destined to fall one by one. One way or another, he was always meant to lose them or they him.

But it does hurt. There's a measure of guilt, knowing he can't tell them he's all right.

He studies her for a moment, the open concern on her face. It will take more time, before he grows accustomed to anyone worrying for him. ] I will. I'll be back soon.

[ He walks with her to her door. The wolf follows her in and he waits until she's well within the building, where she won't see him simply vanish, before he finally leaves. ]