abraxaslogs | [ semi-open ] a woman is a changeling, always shifting shape.

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[ semi-open ] a woman is a changeling, always shifting shape.

Who: yennefer of vengerberg and various.
When: march.
Where: castle thorne
What: upon returning from the summit, yennefer finds herself easing back into her court duties.
Warnings: n/a but will be edited if need be!

various starters (both closed and open).
feel free to reach out if you'd like a specific starter!

disarmingly

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[ yennefer takes them down the hall and into the study room which she had planned to talk, gesturing him inside and closing the door behind him before she lets him begin speaking. if he'd started before they reached this point, she would have cut him off, and while she's not entirely sure how she feels about you are as close to what I am familiar with, but with all that the eclipse has brought and what it's done for the anxieties of the castle, if one of the summoned is worried about something...

the times are too tense for something to be going wrong.

so as mat starts off in his explanation, she does listen, a serious and somewhat intense expression on her face. he speaks of what he'd called the one power and yennefer nods, because yes. that had made sense along her understanding of chaos as well. it's when he continues, though, that yennefer's eyes are narrowing.

now isn't that interesting. ]

And men using magic is what will bring back this dark being? [ because she knows how these stories usually end up playing out. knows what the prophecies will foretell. it's refreshing, in a way, to hear that truly it's the fact men can control chaos is the reason for it, and gods, what she wouldn't give to tell the brotherhood of that fact, but she can also tell that mat is genuinely concerned about this. ]

Are you worried about your own magic, now that you're here?

No, that's not it. The Dark One...oh fuck me, we'll get to that in a bit.

[Mat lets himself collapse into the nearest chair. He rakes his hands through his hair, trying to figure out how best to quickly and simply explain...everything he needs to.]

It's what the taint did, what it means now for men who can channel. Taints them...us...too. Men of my world can't channel without going mad. I've seen it. Once there's that...that first time it happens, s'like some path opens up and in a few months...

[He'll never forget the sight of Logain, laughing mindlessly in that cage. Even then, he'd known he was looking at his own future. Some part of him had been certain.]

In my world, everything is a cycle. Everything, everyone, lives and dies and then returns in another age. The Dark One and the Dragon and the great battle...they happen again and again. But the last Dragon - the most powerful of channelers - went bad. He was the first to go mad, and he broke the world.

[Oh blood and ashes, he hasn't even explained Aes Sedai yet. He's never stopped to think about just how much there is to the way his world works before. He's never had to explain all of this, everyone knows these things! Except not here.]

Women who are powerful in the one power, they train at the White Tower and become Aes Sedai. They...well, they're the ones really running things. No king or queen's word is stronger than an Aes Sedai's, and all of'em have an Aes Sedai in their court. A few months before I came here, an Aes Sedai came to my village, Lady Moiraine. Because the Dragon has been reborn, and all signs pointed to it being someone in my village. Someone around my age. And by the time I came here, Moiraine-Sedai was relatively certain it was me. We all were.

[Mat practically deflates once it's all out, sinking deeper into the chair, his face pale. He hasn't said it all out loud like this before, and now that he has...

Blood and fucking ashes.]

[ mat collapses into the chair and yennefer watches him closely, her own brows drawn tight. she gets the feeling fairly quickly that he is under the pressure of trying to explain an entire world of complicated matters in a single go, and he's struggling under that.

a part of her just wants to snap at him to think, that there isn't time for all of this if he can't tell her what his issue is, but the sheer amount of effort he's giving off holds her back at least for now. which is for the best, considering where he goes. what he gets into.

channeling drives men mad, then? it's an interesting concept, and she supposes it's not far from what the elves consider to have happened to chaos at all. that men, and their ability to channel, is what has changed it beyond their control. but it's the time that gives her pause - a few months. is that what he's worried about, then? his own ticking clock?

she supposes if it had something to do with the body, then perhaps. if there is something about the makeup of men from their world. her mind starts off along a trail that she pulls herself away from when he continues.

cycles, dragons, the great battle. it sounds all very nice, doesn't it? like the world has somehow found its way to work itself out. she isn't sure how much of it she actually believes. at continues, and she watches more to his body language, the way his tenses and worries, the way that - once he's done - he seems to deflate, to look nearly ill. yennefer's brow furrows, watching him, letting the quiet in the room settle before she takes another step towards him, and then another.

she doesn't stop until she's standing right before his chair - looking down at where he's deflated himself. her look isn't harsh, or even unkind. she's curious, more than anything, picking apart all that he's shared. ]

What is it you're worried about, then? [ because he came to her scared. terrified. asked for a moment of her time despite how much she had frankly told him off at the summit. it's easy enough to tell that he's turning to her because of his aes sedai, she herself can see the similarities there. but she's not someone good at fear. she's not going to be able to comfort him into thinking everything is alright.

but if it's his magic...that is something else. ] That you're this Dragon from your world, reborn? Or that you're not?

[Mat looks up in vague confusion, as though he can't quite fathom the question.]

That I am! I can't be the Dragon, I can't. I am...a very poor choice indeed. The Dragon's supposed to be the most powerful channeler of the age, who'll stand against the Dark One. Put me in front of the Dark One and I promise you, I will not stand against him, I will shit myself and run.

[And that's the best case scenario, but Mat doesn't exactly feel like explaining he also may well just...be swayed by the darkness. He's not an idiot. He knows why Moiraine was worried, he knows why she lost her temper with him in Tar Valon. She's not even wrong. Shadar Logoth got into him for a reason. He opened himself up to that.

And now here he is, in a strange world and manifesting the abilities he's been afraid of, with no one to turn to for help. Except, perhaps, Lady Yennefer.]

I am not strong enough, I am not good enough, and I don't know enough about channeling and the one power to even make use of what I can do. It's all...erratic, without thought or intent. And if it's me that's tainted, then it doesn't matter anyhow, I am fated to being a mindless danger to all around me. I...I do not want to become that. I will do anything I have to not to become that.

[He isn't sure how that works, either. If he was born with something in him that brings that madness, or if it's a part of the magic itself. If the latter...then maybe he can learn to use it. If it's the former...well, maybe there's something that can be done.]

I know I've done nothing to endear myself to you, but I don't know where else to turn.

[ he looks to her with confusion, and yennefer stares back with a single raised brow. she's not swayed by whatever panic is underlining his words. isn't worried about whatever fears he's brought with him. ]

You do understand that this whole shit you've been told doesn't apply here? And that whatever Dark One, or Dragon, that was making or breaking your world, while it could have been true to your home, isn't the path this sphere takes?

[ there is a slight edge to her tone - like she is telling him to try and argue with her. like she's baiting him, to see if he thinks he can win. there is something curious about the things he suggests, that men across the board could be tainted by channeling. that it turns them dangerous. she thinks about what tissaia had told her about chaos, about the danger it could cause if it wasn't harnessed. if control wasn't introduced. but then again, she'd never been prepared for what to do now - without her chaos. what it's supposed to mean, and how she's supposed to get it back.

she tilts her head, looking over his features. he's young, gods he's young, but she also sees something else there as well. a life lived, for better or for worse. but then her eyes narrow - erratic. that's the problem. when something becomes uncontrollable. when it doesn't answer your call. yennefer swallows, her eyes turning to his, her head straightening up once again. she supposes she can understand the root of his fear, even if their experiences are working in opposite directions. ]

And what if you learn to use it- to channel that power that you're not even sure you have? [ i have nowhere else to turn. but that isn't quite true, is it? he did have many more options, he did have others, and yet here they stand.

( distantly, yennefer can't quite keep the words way. the pull, the need to be important. ) ] I could teach you, so that if you did end up being this Dragon, you could at the very least make use of it. Or I can simply watch to make sure you don't go mad. [ a beat, and then she shakes her head. ] But you will have to listen to my instructions. Are we clear on that?

Maybe it doesn't. But if it is me...I still have that power. Doesn't matter where I am.

[That's the crux of it. Even if he's drawing from a source here, a pure one, he still likely has that capacity for power. That alone, in his hands, is dangerous. He's already had a few accidents as is.

What's to say he couldn't just as easily break this world, too?

But she seems...willing? At least if he can manage some control...well, it'd be better than having to replace his pillow every time he sets it ablaze. Light. After all he'd done to avoid this, here he is. How has he come so far and ended up right where he'd started?

There is no fairness in the world.]

But I do have something. I froze my water in its mug this morning. I lit my pillow on fire just by looking at it. I will do whatever it is you tell me, if you can help me.

[With control or not losing his mind, though preferably both. He'll listen, he'll follow her instructions, whatever the hell it takes. Anything to avoid what he's always been told is inevitable for men who touch the power.]

No, however, but you are here. Therefore, it does matter where you are.

[ which may or may not be more of yennefer's pride sneaking into her tone than anything else. but she does believe it - that whether or not his magic is tainted, that his use of that magic is what will corrupt him. yennefer, almost despite herself, feels pulled by that very curiosity. that this could even be real, here.

the truth of it, as far as yennefer is concerned, is that mat may have the 'break the world' as he calls it. but so much of it will come down to him trying, with the mages that are here. with yennefer, here, knowing that now she will be keeping out for it.

mat is scared, sure. but he says things like i froze my water and i lit my pillow on fire and yennefer snorts, her brows lifting - perhaps he has every reason to be scared. perhaps there are valid reasons for why he looks the way he does. but yennefer hears those things and can't help the sharp, mean, almost joking way she considers the ideas themselves. ]

But yes, I'm sure you're to break the world while you're freezing water in your mug. [ and it's less that she means to make light of his fear, but she can't help the way all of this feels so. almost silly. childish. her brows lift and she doesn't bother hiding the way she pretty much laughs at the idea of it, even as her hands come up to his jaw - each side of his cheeks - holding his eyes to her. ]

I will help you. But I am not going to baby you through this. I'm not known for being gentle, in any sense of the word. [ it's not exactly fondness, in her eyes, but something slightly warm all the same. she pats his cheeks, and then lets go of his face, rolling her eyes only slightly. ] You will not break this world, or any world, and you may become a half-way decent mage in the process, if we're lucky.

It starts small. Like a sprout or a trickle of a stream. But it grows and grows and grows. And once it happens the first time, it keeps happening.

[Mat doesn't let the condescension rattle him. She - like everyone else here - just doesn't understand. Like Anakin, she's comparing it to what she knows and is familiar with. A few little accidents may seem like nothing, but they're the pebbles before the boulders come rolling down.]

Freezing water in a mug this week, next week it could be the blood in someone's body. I do not want to take any chances.

[He knows he's not exactly a good person. He doesn't claim to be, he barely even tries to be. But he doesn't hurt people. Steal from them, yes. Lie to them...more often than he likes to admit. But aside from youthful scraps, he's never raised his hand to another person in any earnest.

And he doesn't want to start now.

He freezes when she catches his face in her hands. Oh. That's...well, that's quite nice, actually. So is what she's saying - she'll help. Thank the Light, she'll help! That, alone, is a relief. And she...well, she strikes him as the sort who will not allow him to become a danger. That's what he needs.

Her specific choice of words makes his own eyebrows raise, though not in confusion or distress. The corners of his mouth twitch up in a bit of a grin.]

My lady, I have never asked a woman to be gentle with me. In any sense of the word. Do your worst and I'll be glad of it.

[Whether or not he becomes, as she says, a mage...well, he will get to spend plenty of time with a very beautiful woman that could likely snap him in two without breaking a sweat. Exactly the sort of woman he enjoys spending time with.]

Yes, that is how practice works.

[ it is the same tone, leftover. her arched brow, her unimpressed look. unfortunately, or fortunately, yennefer had made her decision here. there won’t be much mat can do until she’s proven otherwise - her stubbornness knows no bounds.

she snorts at his continuation, her eyes rolling back into her head for a moment. like what he’s said was funny, in its own way. ] Few men are that lucky that chaos would come so easily when called. And we will head it off before your accidents hurt anyone.

[ and she does happen to be watching as he stills in her hands, the way he reacts to her hands on his cheeks. that isn’t so bad, is it? and because she is still watching, she also sees the way his lips curl. and i’ll be glad of it he says, and yennefer gives a small smirk of her own. now that is interesting, and she considers that for a moment. his skin under her hands, the fear he’d turned to her with, and now the nearly cocky grin he wears now.

( she thinks if the fire, streaming from her hands. the grip of her fingers around steel. no, she is not gentle. the world has never really given her that chance - and the few times she had let herself try, well. she has seen where that’s led her. )

she lets go if his face, but her expression is still amused. ]

We will see about that, won’t we?

[There's no point in trying to change her opinion of just how great a threat he could be, so Mat doesn't bother. It doesn't matter, she understands the important part. To keep that chance of threat low. That's the only important thing right now.

Honestly, that alone is a weight lifted. He's been so...uneasy and not himself the last few days. But this should help. Ease some of his fears. It has to. He's found someone who knows about all of this, who's on his side.

Sort of.

More on his side than any of the castle mages were likely to be. Some of the tension goes out of him, his usual wall and façade rising up to cover his fear and distress.]

Consider me yours to command, My Lady. And...thank you.

[ she does watch the pieces of his wall come back into place, watches something that must be familiar to him. it's a curious thing, but it's certainly not a new one. yennefer is familiar enough with the process, with the facade you have to wear.

her own makes an almost daily appearance, after all. and it will the second they step out of this room. but for now, yennefer just watches mat for another second longer, like there is something else there she is trying to unpack, before she ends up huffing out a sort of laugh and rolling her eyes, all the while stepping back away from him and towards the door - effectively ending this meeting. ]

Don't thank me yet, we have quite a bit ahead of us both.

[ which she says teasingly, of course, but yennefer doesn't wait around to see how he reacts, or if he moves to follow her out. she has other things to do, other items on her list. ]

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[ semi-open ] a woman is a changeling, always shifting shape.

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wrapping up here?