They'll get there. Jesper's main problem with money is keeping it, and he's been doing well at that, plus he knows she'll step in if he needs someone to control the savings. He thinks about what Julie told him, how she thought his powers would be far more lucrative than hustling darts ever could be, and that he should think out of the box with them. She's very right, it's mostly about him reframing what he's capable of. Like she says moments later, the problem is he doesn't believe in himself. The limitations are all within his head.
"It wouldn't be this difficult for a real Durast," he says on a sigh. And therein lies the problem. He still doesn't see himself as one. They had years of training and group work, so comparing his struggling skills to theirs is flat out unfair, and yet. He's moved from being afraid of them to being frustrated that he was ever afraid of them in the first place.
Jesper is getting twitchy again and almost like magic Inej is there, grounding him, putting her hands on top of his. He remembers to breathe and if it was anyone else, he'd laugh and say of course he could do anything, he's amazing, but this is Inej and she sees right through him. Her words strike his heart like a blow, even when so kindly said. For an embarrassing moment he almost thinks he's going to tear up and it's ridiculous, so he swallows through it and smiles for her. "Ah, Inej. You are too good for any world."
That beautiful brightness of hers makes him turn his hands into hers and he gently pulls her toward him. He is always very careful when he asks for a hug, wanting her to know that she can pull away if it is not comfortable. Jesper never asks her experiences, but he is conscientious about her boundaries. If she lets him though, he will wrap her into a warm hug. "I love you, you know that, right?" Jesper is so open with his heart and with her he's never had to be reserved about it. She is the easiest person he knows to love.
"At times it feels like a natural extension of me and it feels good to do it, easy, comfortable, and then I get hit with this fear and hate it. And it's irrational." Someone is going to see him, something bad is going to happen, he shouldn't be doing it, he shouldn't forget it has to be hidden. If it was as easy as Jesper telling himself to stop it, he would have been able to by now, but he's replaced his addictive needs with this anxiety instead. "I guess it'll take more than a few months to get over years of it."
Jesper has issues with letting go. Considering his Horizon is made up of Kaz Brekker and Wylan Van Eck and very little of his own, that much is pretty clear.
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"It wouldn't be this difficult for a real Durast," he says on a sigh. And therein lies the problem. He still doesn't see himself as one. They had years of training and group work, so comparing his struggling skills to theirs is flat out unfair, and yet. He's moved from being afraid of them to being frustrated that he was ever afraid of them in the first place.
Jesper is getting twitchy again and almost like magic Inej is there, grounding him, putting her hands on top of his. He remembers to breathe and if it was anyone else, he'd laugh and say of course he could do anything, he's amazing, but this is Inej and she sees right through him. Her words strike his heart like a blow, even when so kindly said. For an embarrassing moment he almost thinks he's going to tear up and it's ridiculous, so he swallows through it and smiles for her. "Ah, Inej. You are too good for any world."
That beautiful brightness of hers makes him turn his hands into hers and he gently pulls her toward him. He is always very careful when he asks for a hug, wanting her to know that she can pull away if it is not comfortable. Jesper never asks her experiences, but he is conscientious about her boundaries. If she lets him though, he will wrap her into a warm hug. "I love you, you know that, right?" Jesper is so open with his heart and with her he's never had to be reserved about it. She is the easiest person he knows to love.
"At times it feels like a natural extension of me and it feels good to do it, easy, comfortable, and then I get hit with this fear and hate it. And it's irrational." Someone is going to see him, something bad is going to happen, he shouldn't be doing it, he shouldn't forget it has to be hidden. If it was as easy as Jesper telling himself to stop it, he would have been able to by now, but he's replaced his addictive needs with this anxiety instead. "I guess it'll take more than a few months to get over years of it."
Jesper has issues with letting go. Considering his Horizon is made up of Kaz Brekker and Wylan Van Eck and very little of his own, that much is pretty clear.