abraxaslogs | [open] as the water grinds the stone

[ He frowns at the look in Wen Kexing's eyes as he turns back to face him, tilting his head back slightly too keep eye contact despite the slight height difference. After a moment he reaches up slowly to cup both hands against his jaw, holding him in place. Keeping him close. ]

Didn't mean to what?

[ He isn't entirely here, that much is obvious. But if Zhou Zishu wants to help him find his way back, he's going to need more information. ]

[ His hands come up instinctively to hold Zhou Zishu's elbows. Either to pull away or brace himself, although Wen Kexing doesn't do either. He remains frozen in place, looking at Zhou Zishu like he's much taller and stronger than he is. Even though Wen Kexing could pull back, he doesn't try. ]

Iridescent cloud scattered and glaze shattered, who will cry with the ghosts of Mount Qingya?

[ It comes out as a verse, a piece of the song, but then fades back again as Wen Kexing goes quiet. He has to find the words himself, piece through the mess of emotions strewn out like broken bits of a mosaic he hasn't looked at in full. ]

I hated them. I would have been happy to let the sects come and kill all three thousand ghosts. They deserved it after what they did.

[ His voice rises slightly with a harsh rasp to the words, threatening and tight. And then the tension snaps like a wire. ]

But I didn't want them to take her. Why? Why did I let them in?

[ He lets out a soft breath and closes his eyes for a moment. He has no memory of this but Wen Kexing had haltingly spoken of it once. Not much, and in the roundabout method the man usually used when he wasn't willing or able to confront something head-on. But enough that Zhou Zishu can put the pieces together.

Enough that he can make some pretty good assumptions. ]

Lao Wen. [ It's firm and impossible to argue with, the leader of Tian Chuang surfacing for a moment. ] Wen Kexing. Listen to me. Are you listening?

It wasn't your fault. You didn't do this.

[ Wen Kexing stays in place, held by Zhou Zishu's hands and by the echo of another that once comforted him. At first he doesn't know who he's really looking at, staring up at Zhou Zishu's face as if he can't quite make him out. But after hearing his name and hearing that question, the confusion clears and leaves behind wide-eyed pain.

He opens his mouth to say something, maybe to protest, but his grip tightens on his lover's arms instead. ]

I can't be left behind. And I can't leave them behind. Even though I want to... They don't deserve it.

[ It's a strange thought to have. He had always been happy to blame the Valley ghosts for their crimes and abandon them to the judgment of the rest of the world, be it Ye Beiyi or anyone else. But staying with Zhou Zishu had been what really made the difference. Maybe Mount Qingya didn't deserve to stand right next to the beloved Four Seasons, but Zhou Zishu had never left him. Wen Kexing breathes out, letting the anger and sadness fill the empty space around them. ]

I'm sorry I brought it here.

[ Something in him flinches as Wen Kexing demands not to be left behind, as little as it appears on him physically. He wants to promise that he won't, he wants it so badly, but even more he wants it not to be a promise he'll break. That much is out of Zhou Zishu's hands anymore.

But Wen Kexing's eyes are clearing, saving him from the subject for a moment longer. Like the coward he is, he'll take it.

Instead he uses the grip on Wen Kexing's jaw to shake him slightly, something wry in his eyes. ] Do you think I don't know it's a part of you?

[ But isn't he the same? Hasn't he been terrified to go to the manor on top of the mountain just in case he might see that he's brought a piece of the capital along with it? Eighty-one painted red blooms in a place they have no reason to be. Even the thought makes him shudder. He understands. ]

You can change it. This place. That's what they say. Make it anything you want.

[ The grip on his jaw and familiar harsh words manage to make Wen Kexing smile despite the heavy weight in his chest. He can laugh through it, shaking the pressure loose by being his typical, rough self. It's reassuring, knowing that Zhou Zishu is there to comfort and tease him, and it's a reminder to Wen Kexing that he has to be strong, to hold on so he can ensure this man keeps living. ]

Tsk, A-Xu, you know I am a man of good deeds. What do I have to do with this place?

[ But even Wen Kexing can't keep that act up. His smile fades as quickly as it comes and he steps closer, finding comfort in Zhou Zishu's shadow. ]

Can we leave? I don't like to see it when it's empty. I don't... know what I would do to change it.

[ After decades of only wanting to see it destroyed, building is definitely a new concept. But maybe with Zhou Zishu he could try. Maybe- some other time. Almost like a child, Wen Kexing feels the urge to flee instead. ]

[ He studies him for a moment longer before reaching to take both of Wen Kexing's hands. And then unerringly leads them back out of the cave, out of the valley. Back into the endless rows of flowering plum trees.

It's as much Kexing's home as it is his. Or it should be. ]

You always have a place here.

[ He's ashamed of how relieved he feels to be out of the Valley. After this long, Wen Kexing isn't afraid of the Ghost Valley any more than he's afraid of a group of stray dogs. He knows his own strength, and the valley itself isn't anything he can't tear down if he wanted to. But what he's really afraid of is the loneliness it brings.

Standing in the middle of the Siji orchard, surrounded by bright lights and endless trees, he feels far less alone. The Ghost Valley Master with no ghosts is a pitiful title to hold. Wen Kexing takes several long moments of slow, heavy breaths before he manages a smile for Zhou Zishu again. ]

I should be happy that it is empty. No one has to be trapped there anymore. I'd rather live on the mountain with A-Xu, holding you in my arms every day.

But... I guess it shouldn't be left like that.

[ The attempt at a smile is better than the blankness, but it still makes one of Zhou Zishu's eyebrows twitch slightly. He's no good at being comforting or reassuring, things Wen Kexing clearly needs at the moment. If he could tear down the entire Valley, he would.

As it is, all he can do is tug Wen Kexing into his arms and hope it won't spook the man into running away again. ]

It's whatever you want it to be. [ Murmured soft as he hooks his chin over Wen Kexing's shoulder. ] You're the Valley Master. Make it into your place.

[ The words sting, even though they are offered with surprising gentleness. Wen Kexing knows how hard it is for both of them to be kind or soft, and as awkward as Zhou Zishu must feel pulling him close, Wen Kexing appreciates the gesture. It's just difficult to find the right words. He usually avoids them for nicer, more flowery options. ]

They took care of me. All of them.

[ He lifts his hands to Zhou Zishu's back, afraid the man will lean away and see his face. He can't bear that. What Valley Master? He feels utterly ridiculous in that moment. He had worked so hard, clawing his way to the top of the pack, and somehow he's still helpless. ]

All that time I thought everyone was my enemy. I only looked after myself. But they and you were looking after me too.

[ He hums softly, relaxing almost imperceptibly as Wen Kexing clings closer rather than trying to pull away. If this is the best he can offer, then he's going to do his damned best with it. ]

You can still hate them.

[ And me, he doesn't add, even if he has wondered what Wen Kexing thought of him all the years they were separated. If his shidi resented him for not doing better at the one job he'd been given.

But this sort of mixed emotion, respect and hate all bundled together, that's something Zhou Zishu knows well. With all the time Wen Kexing has spent doing nothing but protecting himself and his family, he wonders if the man has had time to work any of it out for himself. ]

I hate them.

[ He certainly hates the ghosts, and when he says that, Wen Kexing's stubborn, sharp determination returns. He'd said before they all deserved to be wiped out, and part of him still believes that completely. After all, the Qingya Valley ghosts would have killed him if they could have. ]

But- but sometimes I hated her. She let my parents die. She watched the others treat me like the old Valley Master's pet. Like nothing. She let it happen.

[ He can hear the anger in his own voice, rising up from some corner of his chest. Wen Kexing holds on tighter, clinging to the stability Zhou Zishu provides. It helps, even though he hates to admit that. ]

She still took care of me. She wanted the best for me, but I didn't notice. Ghost Valley was her home. It was just my hell.

How can I make it anything else?

[ Zhou Zishu is quiet for a long moment, pressed close as if he can tuck Wen Kexing up into his chest to protect him.

He's not someone given to flights of fancy, never was even as a child. He can parrot philosophy and spirituality, but it doesn't come easily to him if it all. But what has Wen Kexing ever done but made him want to try to be better? ]

This...place. It's not real. Not the valley, not the mountain. [ He sounds almost uncharacteristically hesitant, but Zhou Zishu makes himself push forward anyway. ] It can be whatever you want it to be.

[ Wen Kexing is quiet, standing in Zhou Zishu's arms as he tries to digest the words of encouragement. The first people to really accept him as a person, without fear or disgust, had been Zhang Chengling and Zhou Zishu. Even Gu Xiang, as loyal and devoted as she was, held some fear for the Valley Master. It was ingrained more than anything, and he knows she always loved him, but who could really understand Lunatic Wen or his fickle moods?

This man, apparently. Wen Kexing squeezes tightly, suddenly pushing back as he makes up his mind. He looks firmly into Zhou Zishu's eyes. ]

I want it to be a home. Your home too. If this place is anything, then I just want it to be something you can accept. It's not a sect, but it can be a place for you too.

[ If he still sounds desperate, it's only because he knows how long he's been someone else. This is a new life. ]

Both of us.

[ Because that is a point he's not going to budge on, and it's best to make it as clear as possible. There is nowhere Zhou Zishu will go without his deeply annoying zhiji, and it's time the man starts figuring that out.

He holds Wen Kexing's eyes for a moment, before letting his expression slide into something openly amused. ]

Together, then?

[ It feels strange to think of the Valley like that, but Zhou Zishu's stubbornness is a lot like the mountain his manor is built on. Even Wen Kexing can't possibly hope to win against this man. He draws a breath, considers arguing, then releases the air from his lungs with a wry smile. ]

Both of us.

[ The words taste new, but he doesn't dislike them. Actually, he might even get used to them eventually, as long as Zhou Zishu is beside him. ]

Will the Manor Lord bring this wayward ghost into his home and instruct him? Teach me how to keep men. I only know how to chain up monsters.

[ That earns him a thorough eyeroll instead, forcibly pulling the atmosphere the rest of the way into something less fraught. There's more that he could say, on the subject of homes and who belongs in them, but they're neither of them so good at emotions that they can keep this up for too long. ]

You know how to be annoying, is what. You stalked me up and down the jianghu and now you think I'm going to let you go? [ One hand darts out to punch him in the shoulder, barely hard enough to be felt, as Zhou Zishu snorts. ] Take responsibility for your actions.

Ow!

[Wen Kexing's protest is definitely louder and more exaggerated than it needs to be. And he quickly follows up that dramatic wince with a smile.]

Haven't I taken responsibility yet? I thought I treated you very well. But if I'm failing in any area at all, I'm sure my husband will teach me. I don't mind practicing at any hour, Manor Lord Zhou. If you want, we can train all night.

[He's quickly up against Zhou Zishu's side as if he never felt a moment of doubt in his entire life, hands reaching out to travel his sides and arms in curious exploration.]

My home is with my love, flying wing to wing.

[ He bats halfheartedly at Wen Kexing's hands, not trying to make him let go so much as to register his irritation at the pawing. Not that it will stop him, they've done this dance far too often. But it does require at least some response or Wen Kexing will just get worse. ]

I should teach you manners. Like a child.

[ Still, he can't quite hide the fondness in his tone and to be honest he isn't really trying. He tugs at one of Wen Kexing's trailing sleeves instead, pulling away just slightly. ]

Come look at the rest of the mountain with me.

[ Wen Kexing lets him go, but not without some lingering reluctance and childish clinging that even now he hasn't completely shaken off. The mountain around the manor has always represented a place of safety to him, some mythological place where he and his family could have been protected if they had ever managed to get there.

Those fantasies might have died when he entered the valley, but he'll always hold a piece of the dream close to his heart. Siji Manor was good to him when no one else would be. Wen Kexing follows the pull on his sleeve, walking close to Zhou Zishu like he thinks the man will provide shelter somehow. ]

Do you think the whole mountain is here? It can't have the whole valley, right?

[ Or can it? And if it does, then what? What should he do with it? ]

A-Xu... Do you think there are people here?

No. No people.

[ Immediate and firm, though he can't say how exactly he knows. Part of him is grateful for it. It would be...harder, to have this dream that had been taken from him so long ago and have to leave it. Again.

He glances back over his shoulder, still holding tight to Wen Kexing's sleeve as he leads him towards the waterfall. ]

I don't know how much. Find out with me?

[ Wen Kexing pauses, unsure if he feels relieved or disappointed that they didn't bring even the echoes of their people with them. On one hand, he knows how painful looking back at those old memories are, especially when they can't get to them. On the other, he doesn't want to forget. They were building something good, something better than before, and he can't help but think that without that reminder, a piece of what they managed to achieve is being lost.

Zishu's sect with all their adopted followers. The Valley that he failed, but that still holds bits of him. Specks of a shattered mirror that he used to trample without any consideration, but now is starting to miss. Always out of step, Wen Kexing. ]

Mhm. Let's go home.

[ Of the two of them, he knows Zhou Zishu carries a greater weight on the mountain. At least his feelings about Qingya were decided from the start. He never had an obligation to like it, never belonged to it in any meaningful way. Betrayal among ghosts was always assumed, so he doesn't owe them any personal respect. If he can do one thing here, it is to protect Zhou Zishu. He lets himself be pulled like a boy being led, stepping cautiously behind like he's forgotten the way. ]

Don't rush or you'll trip.

[ The word home makes him pause, the slightest stutter in his steps, but he keeps moving as if he hadn't noticed. His grip loosens on Wen Kexing's sleeve just enough to wrap gently around his wrist instead, and he keeps hold as he leads them deeper into the orchards.

The entire span of the mountain is laid out before them, and if in isn't an exact replica then it's impossible for even Zhou Zishu to see the differences. The blossoms of all four seasons seem to bloom and fade at will, regardless of the weather. There's movement in the trees here and there, the flicker of birds overhead, but no people. No one except the two of them.

It's still a pleasant enough experience that Zhou Zishu hopes it can cover for the fact that he is very definitely not leading them any closer to the manor at the top of the mountain. ]

[ It's a wonderful walk. The weather is perfect, the trees seem oblivious to time or reality and bloom with vibrant colors, bursting and fading to their own secret rhythm. Walking side by side with Zhou Zishu is a paradise all on its own... until Wen Kexing finally notices that they've probably circled back to that same path a few times. Even he can't mistake it. At first he thought that they were trying to find the end of the mountain, to see how far the world would extend for them, but soon enough Wen Kexing slowed to a stop, pulling Zhou Zishu toward him. ]

A-Xu.

[ He shouldn't be concerned, right? But while Siji was always a comfort to him, in contrast to the Valley's harsh life, it wasn't necessarily the symbol of hope to Zhou Zishu. He remembered the pain when they woke up in the night, and how desperate his zhiji was to have him for support in that empty manor. ]

What's going on? Aren't we going in?

[ He lets himself be pulled to a stop, letting out a breath that isn't quite a sigh. Of course Wen Kexing's obliviousness only fails when Zhou Zishu is actively trying to take advantage of it. Well, it was only a matter of time, he supposes. ]

Do you need to see it?

[ There's something a little too even in his tone, a careful control. ]

[open] as the water grinds the stone

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)