[open] pay my respects to grace and virtue

[leitstern]

Who: Jasper + Open
When: April
Where: Horizon
What: Monthly log

[Starters below! Horizon information can be read here. Find me at safekeeping or Discord for plotting!]

Comments

[standvastig]

You keep saying that. "Better they accept." Maybe it is better. Maybe not. A person no longer has a say once they have disappeared from people's lives.

[Does he need to get personal? Maybe he does.]

You and I were both orphaned. You should know better than most what you carry with you once someone is gone.

[leitstern]

[This man.

Jasper shakes his head and narrows his eyes at the distance. The forks of lightning and rumbling of thunder offer brief distraction but the reality of where he stands makes him slump forward. Tired to his bones, he offers an exhausted sigh.]

I know what denial is, Hendrik. I grew out of it.

[standvastig]

Then why do you keep saying that?

[There is annoyance in Hendrik's voice -- a frustration from hearing the same things said and seeing no progression in the conversation. He frowns and looks away, barely catching sight of Jasper leaning heavily against the railing.

It's as he's looking at the stretch of dark bridge that he churns through the possibilities of him not understanding what Jasper is saying. It wouldn't be the first time.

But they're talking about moments and impact and not having control of how they are remembered. What is he missing?]

I do not think you are being honest. If you grew out of denial, why is this place so constrictive?

[leitstern]

[There is nothing kind in what the other man is saying. Be honest? Like he was thirty seconds ago? Five years ago he would have twisted himself into knots to spit back excuses and argue. He would have stalked the man through halls and corridors. Today, he directs his gaze onto his old friend without anger. The man attempts not to turn or leave; he tries to understand.

That is worth attempting the same, surely?]

Fear, perhaps? One cannot create when afraid of the future.

[He wrinkles his nose. More denial? This man was his first friend - and that was an insufficent answer. He takes advantage of the following silence, speaks before the other has a chance.]

Hendrik, might I ask something of you?

[standvastig]

[Fear? He can't deny that Jasper has been wary and evasive, though things had relaxed into an acceptable almost-amicability once he stopped asking questions.

That thought lingers in his head as he hears Jasper again.]

...What is it?

[leitstern]

[Must he voice his thoughts? Perhaps. He plays with his fringe for a moment before asking his question.]

Would you miss me should I die?

[standvastig]

[The question blindsides him, leaves him silent as he stares at Jasper. Dread pools in his stomach as he thinks why he would be asking that question.

And yet. And yet, he is answering without questioning, finding it so much easier to answer than approach that cliff of undesired knowledge.]

Jasper, I missed you when you were gone. When I realized that I had taken your presence for granted, that I always believed you would be there. Of course I would.

[leitstern]

Of course you would.

[He feels like Hendrik has learned the truth - yet refuses to approach it. It is equally tough for him not to approach it. The memory of losing his vision and hearing cannot resolve itself enough.]

We can speak of this at a later time. When both of us are ready.

[Sixteen years apart is quite enough. He says nothing more and simply looks over the bridge.]

[standvastig]

[Silence.

The darkness seems to pulse with the constrictive feeling the whole environment emanates, and Hendrik stares at Jasper for a moment longer before looking away.

It was a possibility in his head. The moment he awoke after the Fall and considered Jasper's role in everything, the possibility was born. It was not a pleasant possibility, and he spent so much time afterwards tending to the downtrodden and grief-stricken that he never found that resolve for himself.

He would find out why Jasper betrayed the world.

And then he would kill him.]

...Very well.