abraxaslogs | [ closed ] out in the desert, late one night.

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[ closed ] out in the desert, late one night.

WHO: sam + geralt
WHEN: late may into june (approximately 3ish weeks)
WHERE: the badlands.
WHAT: geralt found something weird out in the desert, and after running it by a few people, he decided to let sam come along with him to help check it out.
WARNINGS: possible violence, weird science stuff (???), some monsters, also will update with more if necessary.

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[ it's why sam asks at all - because he knows there is more here to talk about, but he's not here to belabor a point that geralt doesn't see reason to touch on. he's picked up enough about geralt's processing, enough about how he handles these kinds of conversations, to at least think he might know when to actually let it slide. to know what reactions to his pushing mean it's fine or don't.

but also sam knows that outside of his own curiosity, outside of whatever memory it is that geralt's seen, there's more to this. more than just the memory he'd seen of geralt's. of a dingy town, of a young girl and a woman, of an older man and mentions of an eclipse and then the market. sam catches the knife geralt tosses to him, packing it away alongside the rest of their gear. it's an older habit, driven into him from years in the military, but it works with geralt too. to know exactly where everything goes. to know what place, and in what way, it needed to be packed. then, the routine had been comforting to sam, and now it's ding a lot of the same.

ask what you will. there's no undertone of tension, so sam nods. takes a moment to think about what it is he does want to ask. figures that the best place to start is - ]

How long ago was Blaviken?

[ His expression flickers. Blaviken. So that's what Sam saw. Could be worse, could be better. Blaviken is an old wound.

He can't help thinking of Sam not quite looking at him, though. After their first trip into the desert. A short one, then. Bodies on the ground. He knows it isn't the same now, that Sam's come to understand him better. It is not something he tends to seek from others—to be understood—but he can acknowledge Sam's different. Sam occupies a space in his life where it suddenly feels important that he is. ]

Few decades. [ He puts the skewer into the fire when it's finished, stokes the flames. While nighttime temperatures don't drop so low anymore now that spring is edging into summer, a light is still worth having for Sam. It took Geralt a bit to gauge the climate, how it works out here; the more he learns the land, though, the more he doesn't quite mind it so much. The thick forests and snowy peaks will always feel most at home for him, but the desert has more to offer than it seems at first glance. ] Before I met Jaskier. I was young.

[ It's said like a jest. It is, and it isn't. Seventy is hardly young where mortal years are concerned. But he looks back, twenty, thirty years later and fuck, he was, wasn't he? Young. A sprawling set of years and seasons worth of lessons ahead of him he never thought he needed to learn. ]

[ sam catches the flickering of his expression, and whether or not it's to do with the memory itself, or their last time out here in the desert, sam isn't sure. and it's true - there is a distinct curl of guilt in sam's gut when he thinks back to it, to the images of the way those people had looked at geralt in the square, had thrown those rocks, the girl. sam doesn't know what he would have done if his own face had fallen in line somewhere in that flash, but he knows it would have been justified.

he knows they are somewhere else, now, where it comes to each other. to this bond that they've been working on since the tunnels. sam knows enough about geralt too to not let his own feelings of guilt linger, to push through the feeling, because that's not helping either of them.

i was young he says, and sam can't help the small snort that escapes him. a few decades. it's partially because he knows that geralt had said it in jest, too. ] Yeah, you really looked like a kid. It's the eyes. You just full of youthful wonder. [ still in jest, still joking, as sam finishes up with the pack and sets it aside. sits back a bit where he's leaned up against their makeshift structure, their home for the night. sam's eyes are on the fire for a few moments, in thought, before he crosses his arms over the front of his chest. gets comfortable.

the girl in the woods will be with you always. she is your destiny.

sam thinks about the flashes he'd seen when he brushed against ciri in that hallway, the screams, the blood, the woods. he takes a breath. ]

And that prophecy- it was about Ciri, wasn't it.

[ His lips curl ever so faintly before it fades. For a split second, Geralt thinks Sam means Ithlinne's prophecy. He blinks once, before—

The girl in the woods.

Of course. Renfri. He watches a grasshopper bounce across the rocky ground and buzz away through the thicket of short wide trees. What does he want to say? More precisely, how much? It isn't a matter of trust. But the entire circumstances surrounding Ciri—fuck, he hardly understands himself. What it means that Renfri foretold it. Because—does that make Visenna right? To have left him with the Witchers? (Had Destiny told her not to ever come looking for him, either?)

Only when Sam's settled in with him does Geralt's answer come. ]

Yes. [ He rests his arms on his knees. ] You must've asked yourself why of all the princesses and orphans on the Continent, it was Ciri I searched for. Cirilla is...what they call a Child Surprise. Promised to me by her father before she was born. I had no intention of claiming her then. She had a family, a kingdom. I left Cintra that night and swore I'd never return.

[ And he had not. For over a decade, he went nowhere near Cintra. He doesn't know if he was right or not. He only knows at the time, the idea of taking away the child of a royal family to—do what. Wander the Continent alongside him as he slaughtered monsters? Live in the frozen broken fortress surrounded by Witchers and frost? It sounded absurd at best, cruel at worst. ]

Edited 2022-06-04 23:03 (UTC)

[ sam waits, this time, rather than easing over whatever hesitation he almost sees in geralt's face. or, maybe it's not hesitation at all. he gets comfortable and he waits, not necessarily because he thinks there are going to be any huge revelations, but just because he knows he is toeing at an understood acceptance between them. that there is something else going on - with ciri, with her power, with the singularity (sam thinks, but he's not sure) - and it has been something sam's been pretty okay to let lie.

he doesn't need reasons to want to help. doesn't need explanations to protect the people he cares about. hasn't for over a year now. but those images, the echoing of ciri's scream. if geralt really doesn't want to touch on any of it, sam won't push it, but he does think it's only fair to let him know. geralt rests his hands on his knees, says what they call a child of surprise and sam does have questions, a lot of questions, but then geralt says i left cintra and swore i'd never return and then he pieces it together.

cintra, that had been the castle in ciri's memories. burning to the ground, soldiers in black armor everywhere, ciri's scream. sam's eyes go to the fire between them, just for a moment, before letting out a breath. ]

But then Cintra fell, right? [ whether or not geralt reacts to that, sam will look up and over at his friend, his jaw tight, expression serious, before he lets out a breath that sounds a lot like a sigh. ]

I bumped into Ciri when everything was happening. [ everything. sam's pretty sure he's going to have echoes of those headaches for months to come, but it does appear to have settled somewhat. ]

[ The reality is, where Sam and a small handful of others close to him are concerned, Geralt has not gone out of his way to pretend that there's something he isn't saying, something about Ciri he isn't protecting. If Sam were to ever ask, he'd have simply acknowledged that he was, that it isn't information he's willing to divulge. Sam's just never pressed for an open answer. Geralt can appreciate that.

He gives a nod. Then Cintra fell. He senses that isn't all Sam wants to say, though. In fact, he'd gone into this conversation presuming Sam would ask about Blaviken itself. Renfri. And yet so far, Sam's been asking after Ciri—and when Sam finally says that he bumped into Ciri, realization crosses Geralt's face.

His eyes fix on Sam. He trusts Sam. He does. But it is a very different thing, too, when it comes to Ciri. It isn't just a matter of trust. These are secrets empires and beings across realms have killed thousands for. He made the decision to tell Jaskier, and even now, he isn't certain if it was the right one. Jaskier's already paid the price once, for merely knowing of he and Ciri. ]

What did you see?

[ it's part of the reason sam never bothered to ask - he knows when a secret is meant to be kept, knows when someone you trust and hold close won't open up about everything. it doesn't bother him, hasn't before and hasn't since, but it's also why he kind of...glazes over blaviken.

because he knows where it concerns ciri that this is important. important to geralt, just as it had been important to ciri when it happened. sam doesn't know why, or how, or where any of it fits, but he does know that there'd been a reason he hadn't known before now. and if the singularity was going to force any part of that information to be shared, geralt should probably know, too. ]

A lot of it was flashes, more like bits and pieces than a specific moment. [ he tries to think back, to collate everything it was that he'd gotten flashes of. ] I saw her being taken from Cintra after it fell, a man in a feathered helmet. Her screams. An entire camp was burning and there were monsters trying to get at her... [ blood. blood and ashes. sam takes another breath as his eyes go to the fire again. ] I watched as a bunch of boys tried to attack her and I saw a bunch of monsters try to reach for her and then I watched her scream and rip them to shreds. And I saw you, but your eyes... [ black, black veins, blood in the snow. sam stills for a moment as he tries to think, if there's more he should say or if geralt already knew all of that.

then sam thinks of ciri, still and tense in his apartment.

( and whether or not it means anything to geralt, sam thinks of wanda. wanda with magic she couldn't control, wanda who was just a kid. wanda, who made mistakes and who everyone turned to and who didn't mean anything by it. it tightens uncomfortably in his chest. )

that's when sam shrugs, because for all the blood and gore and fear he'd seen there, he also saw ciri. a girl. running for her life. ]

She's pretty damn powerful, isn't she?

[ Geralt is silent while Sam explains. These are not actually memories Geralt holds. They're Ciri's—from before he ever met her, ever took her in. But he knows exactly what Sam is referring to.

He also knows Sam can't grasp the full implications of what it means. For the best. Her power is one thing. But this world contains plenty of those with power. It's what she can do with it that he's been protecting. Because as far as he knows, no matter how much power, the people of this sphere are neither capable of destroying the Singularity nor opening up gateways to the other side. Things he's aware the territories could well desire.

He nods. Yeah. She is. He doesn't explain about his eyes, her abilities, who the man pursuing her is. It isn't important. Finds no reason to tell Sam to keep it between them, either. It needn't be said. ]

Half the Continent wants her. For her title, her chaos. I won't let it happen here, too.

[ It's hard to say still how much the kingdoms know. They know something, about each of them. The question is what. Thorne took him because of his connection to Yennefer. But part of him wonders if there were things they suspected about Ciri, as well. The thought sits uneasy within him. ]

Edited 2022-06-19 19:52 (UTC)

[ sam hadn't seen geralt in any of those memories save for the last one glimpse of those black eyes and veins, so there is a larger part of him that doesn't think geralt even knows what he's talking about. and it is true - sam doesn't really know what it is he's seen. but he does know it's related to things he hasn't seen, things he's aware haven't been shared.

he also knows that when geralt does speak - when he nods, yeah, she is. when he doesn't explain his eyes, or what he was doing there. when he doesn't provide any other information. sam has spent the last few years of his life existing in that space, without knowing everything, but knowing enough. he looks at geralt now and realizes just how much of that is true. of what he feels, of what is happening here - that he doesn't need to know the whole story, and while what he's seen has been more than geralt probably had any intention of sharing, it is enough.

ciri. geralt's protective nature. this. sam doesn't know what the pieces mean, but he does know he has the pieces. so he finds himself simply nodding back. ]

You know I'm here if you ever need it. [ because for all that geralt might know, sam feels better saying it. just so it's stated. because sam didn't know half of this, back in thorne. and even then it had been about getting ciri out, getting ciri safe. and no matter how much time has passed, he realizes this is still the same, now. ]

Do you really think they'll want here here, too?

[ If Sam were to ask more, Geralt might very well have granted further details. Sam does not, and Geralt simply acknowledges the offer by adding more wood into the fire. Sparks pop.

He trusts Sam. To be there. That will never be in question. ]

I do. [ He doesn't expand on that, either. She might be the key to unlocking the Summoned's path home. She might be the key to getting the Abraxans off this world that some perhaps may have come to believe is being consumed by the Singularity. She may hold the power to feed the Singularity itself, alone.

It matters not if none of these things may be true or possible. The moment anyone has cause to believe it is, they will want her. That's all it's ever been. People who see in her a tool to use or sacrifice, based on prophecies and bloodlines. She's more than that.

He tosses another piece of wood in. A few minutes pass, his thoughts turning to another topic he'd meant to bring up before they began speaking of Ciri. ]

When we passed one another that day. I saw...you. Your friend Riley. [ He pauses. It's an old wound, he knows. But old wounds can open anew. ] I'm sorry.

[ For what happened, he means. ]

Edited 2022-06-26 01:58 (UTC)

[ and maybe he should. ask more, get more information, anything. there is so much about this that sam does not understand, not fully. but the thing is, he doesn't know if he would even if he had the full story. and they're definitely not solving it tonight. so instead, sam takes the information for what it is - acknowledgement that he does know, and that if it comes up, if he has questions, geralt will be there to answer them.

so when geralt says i do, sam nods, once, because that's all he really needs to know. that's all that there really needs to be known.

( there is a little of this, here, that sam knows well. it's the same feeling as opening his door to a stranger and a guy he met on a run. it's the feeling of saying tell me where you need me and going there. it's the shake of his head, turning down other missions, just to keep in step. )

for now, sam watches the fire and is pretty okay if that is where the conversation ends. if the rest of the evening just sort of evens out. because that is where he is, he's a bit more surprised when geralt speaks up. surprised even more by what he says. you. your friend riley.

ah.

there is a moment, briefly, where sam just stills. it happens every now and then, no matter how much therapy and how much processing and how much he thinks he has moved on. moments where it just hurts, just for a breath. but then sam gives a small half-smile. ]

Ah- yeah. That's... [ a beat, and then sam huffs out a breath. not quite a laugh, but not quite a sigh, either. ] Well, I guess you saw it. [ the apology is something that sam isn't, momentarily, sure what to do with. he knows what is habit, what he's used to. a smile, a nod, a heartfelt acceptance and understanding. but it feels a little...not insincere, exactly, but off. ]

Thanks. It was a long time ago, but he was a good man.

[ Off. Yes. Geralt recognizes it, that pause and a vague it was a long time ago. When the memories are not quite healed, but as healed as you could hope for and there isn't much left to add. Not much left to offer. ]

Yeah. [ His reply is quiet, acknowledging the remark without asking. He didn't bring it up to pry. He hasn't got questions about it or anything he needs to know. He only wanted to tell Sam he saw it, that there's a personal memory they share between them now.

Funny. Isn't that how it begun between them? Down in the tunnels, assaulted by shared visions neither of them asked for. Sam had been little more than a stranger then. Now they're here, a fucking year later, and he can say Sam is the closest friend he has in this sphere not from his home.

For awhile, he watches the fire crackle. As is often the case with him, conversation wanes quickly for lengths at a time. But eventually, he seems to find the words to add what else is on his mind. ]

I know I've said little about Ciri. [ He leans his head back. It is not an apology. Not really. ] I appreciate you not asking.

[ and sam is appreciative of it. he knows geralt's not saying it to pry, and chances are he won't have anything to follow up with it. but he likes knowing - knowing what is there, what is shared between them. he didn't bring it up like he did with steve, way back when, because there hadn't been a need for the connection. an explanation of how he understood, he knew, because he lost his wingman while serving. but now, with it shared between them, sam knows that geralt understands. knows it without having to say much at all.

yeah he says, and sam's smile lingers. he nods. yeah. yeah.

it is not lost on sam that this is where they started, on where they've ended up. on the tunnels and the visions and the lack of boundaries due to magical interference. sam wishes this hadn't been how they got here, wishes neither of them had to deal with it at all and could have just started out organically. but he also knows that isn't the way life generally works, and he wouldn't change anything about this for the world.

sam is at the point he would have been pretty okay to let the moment fall into companionable silence when geralt speaks up with his not apology, not thanks. for in the end, sam just sort of huffs a laugh. ] Of course. I understand wanting to keep her safe, and if that gets out... [ sam shrugs. ] I guess what I'm saying is that I knew you had it handled. And if I needed to know, you'd let me know. [ a beat, and then sam shifts. gets more comfortable. ] And I don't need to know everything to help.

[ Has he got it handled? Geralt wants to believe he does. In a sense, he needs to believe he does because experience has taught him nothing is more dangerous than a plague of self-doubt, than hesitating too much for too long because you aren't sure. Nothing in this world is ever for certain. They just make the choices they can in the moment.

Lately, he's started to think perhaps Sam does need to know. If there are ever signs that the Hunt might be a threat, that something else out there is after Ciri—

He'll tell him. Until then, Sam has enough on his mind. He appreciates Sam's help, knows Sam will be there to back him up. But it doesn't mean he wants to take advantage merely because the offer's there. Sam's done a lot for him as it is.

He nods. Settles back. The stars shine against the clear night sky. In theory, they take turns on watch, but Geralt needs less rest than Sam. And he never sleeps well, anyhow. ] Get some sleep.

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[ closed ] out in the desert, late one night.

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