abraxaslogs | Open Log - Thorne Castle

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Open Log - Thorne Castle

WHO: Mat Cauthon AND YOU
WHEN: Throughout the second half of May
WHERE: Castle Thorne, surrounding town
WHAT: Practicing magic, being the life of the party at the tavern, and running errands for Yennefer
WARNINGS: Will add as needed!

Magic Practice - Castle Thorne Garden

While Mat's still not entirely comfortable with his abilities, he knows he need to practice them. The more he practices, the better control he has, and the less of a potential danger he is. It's simple. But light if he doesn't still feel as though he's doing something wrong.

It's one thing when he has a mentor directing him and sitting right there. Behind closed doors. It's another to just...do it, on his own. But he has to. So here he is, in one of the relatively sheltered little garden spaces around the castle. He has a basin of water set on a bench in front of him, and he's practicing freezing and thawing it in turn.

Or attempting to, at least. There's a lot of holding his hands in front of him and glaring, and a good deal of cursing. Sometimes an icy little wind cuts through the garden, or the leaf of a nearby plant turns white and frosty. Getting frustrated, Mat waves his hands and growls in annoyance....

And a sharp spike of ice seems to leap from the basin, shooting out in a solid, tapering spear of frozen water.

"Shit!"

Tavern - Free Round

Mat has never outright, intentionally cheated at gambling. And certainly not here, where he's sure that every other tavern patron can detect that sort of thing. Oh, he's misrepresented himself and manipulated circumstances to place himself against the right opponents, but never at the game itself.

Still, he has a knack for it. And that's no different in Abraxas, where he tosses a pair of dice and cheers heartily as they come up in his favor. Half the table cheers with him, half curse and throw up their hands.

"Lady Luck is favoring me tonight!" Mat gathers his winnings to him with a grin. "Alright, alright, to celebrate such a fine evening of games, this round's on me! Everyone's drinking on Mat Cauthon's coin!"

He retreats from the gambling table and drops a pile of low denomination coins on the bar, takes his own drink, and slips off to the side for now.

There's such a thing as pressing luck, after all.

Around the Town - Running Errands

How, exactly, has this happened? Mat has spent the majority of his afternoon not lazing about the castle, not busking on the corner, not dallying with one of his handsome friends, not even studying. No, he's been running all over town with a list of things Lady Yennefer needs, and now he has shop satchels hanging off both arms as he tries to find the last stop on his errand list.

Light help him, but he's a goner for beautiful older women who order him about.

It's a race against the sun as Mat finally turns down the proper street, eyes peeled for a sign reading 'The Dancing Mirror'. This lane seems unfathomably long, and he hustles and hurries, muttering under his breath...aha! There it is!

Quickening his pace, Mat weaves between late afternoon shoppers and Thorneans on their way home from work, offering quick apologies. He reaches to grasp the knob of the shop....and it doesn't turn.

"Oh come on!" Mat steps back with a sigh, raking a hand through his unruly curls. "I've got ten more minutes...Light blast it!"

He kicks at a nearby pile of broken bricks, one of which cracks apart violently with a sharp, loud sound.

Wildcard

[Mat can also always be found in the baths or the dining hall, or busking in town with a sad little hand drum for musical accompaniment, or in his ever-changing Horizon domain. Feel free to throw a starter at me!]

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It's not that he's trying to spy on his friend, it was merely a coincidence that he managed to walk by the secluded garden in the first place. He can feel that irritation hanging in the Force, followed by the familiar cursing he's grown accustomed to. Instead of announcing his presence, Anakin elects to stand in the archway and watch Mat's practice. He's surprised given how his friend felt about magic at first, but he's pleased regardless.

Mat should feel good about practicing, especially in a place like Abraxas.

When the spear of ice shoots out of the bowl, Anakin can't even control himself, grinning.

"That was amazing, Mat!" He moves into the garden, closer to his friend. "Think you could teach me?"

"I doubt it, as that's not what I was trying to do and I don't know how it happened."

Mat rakes back his tangle of curls and sighs, turning his mild scowl from the ice to Anakin. But he doesn't panic, or recoil as though he's been caught doing something he shouldn't. He's getting better. And the scowl isn't for his friend. He's mostly just frustrated at his inability to control his channeling.

"Anyhow...it's not local magic. I've given up the fight and accepted that I am a man who can channel, and better I get it under control than keep ignoring it."

There's a sense of tired resignation in Mat's voice at that.

"Well, what were you trying to do? Maybe I can help."

Anakin prods at the shard of ice, looking over Mat's creation before moving his focus to his friend.

"Back when I was learning how to use the Force, my Master tried to teach me about patience. Perhaps we ought to start there. You have to learn to walk before you can run, you know." Maybe if he teaches Mat a few Jedi techniques, it could translate well enough into his own magic to help him channel it.

"Just freeze it. Without the great eye-poking lance there."

Mat sinks down onto a nearby bench with a sigh. It's all about control, he understands that, but it's far easier said than done. As for patience...

"I'm a perfectly patient fellow! What I'm not is experienced at channeling. Well, whether or not I did it right, I did practice today. You've seen me, you can vouch for it."

Regardless of his progress, he's making good on his promise.

"Right, just regular, non-stabbing ice. Okay." He follows suit and sits next to Mat, patting him placatingly on the leg. "You definitely did practice, I'll give you that. I want you to try something for me. Just.. bear with me."

He shifts so he can better face Mat. "Close your eyes and tell me what your magic feels like to you."

"Ugh, I don't want to."

Mat slumps against Anakin instead, resting his head on the other man's shoulder and sighing.

"I have practiced. The practicing is done. I am post-practice now, and like post-coitus, I need a small rest before resuming. Then I will indulge you."

But he needs a break. This isn't easy, and it's physically tiresome. Takes energy and all of that. But he supposes Anakin might be of some help, light knows the fellow's been trying to teach Mat since the start.

Anakin hums in thought, looking out at the rest of the courtyard.

"If you're tired, we could always move on to something else. You can indulge me later."

He knocks his heel gently against the side of Mat's foot. There's not a rush, his timing is always bad and he does get why Mat would prefer to practice in solitude. That doesn't mean that Anakin's not a little disappointed he missed it.

"No, it's fine, I just need to rest a bit. I've been at it a while before you wandered in, depleted my resources. That's normal, I am told."

Mat is perfectly content to just lounge against Anakin and wait for this bout of weakness to pass. It always does.

"I am also told it will get better, the more I work at it. It's like muscles, you have to use'em to make them strong." Which is analogy that makes perfect sense to him. This is just a different sort of muscle, one that doesn't exactly physically exist.

"In terms of channeling, I am still a weakling."

"Makes sense. Then I suppose it's a good thing I came by to distract you, isn't it?"

Sitting here with Mat reminds him achingly of times spent on the Resolute between campaigns. He and Ahsoka leaning against one another in one of the hallways as the clone troopers milled about. Companionable silence in the wake of a battle while they gather their bearings.

It's not her, but the warmth at his side feels the same. Stars, he misses her like a limb.

"Gotta walk before you can run, you'll get there. I wasn't the best at meditating when I started out at the Jedi Temple, but I got there. ....Kind of. Eventually."

"It's certainly not a bad thing."

Light, it is nice to rest. Mat hadn't expected how much energy this would take out of him. At least it's incentive - keep at it so he can stop feeling like this after.

"I'm still fuck-all at meditating. I can manage it for the Horizon, but just sitting about without thinking? Can't do it. That isn't a mind's job, to be silent and empty. That's about the exact opposite of the mind's job."

"Then don't do that. Maybe you need something closer to a moving mediation. I used to fix things when I needed to clear my mind or distract myself. Sometimes being still and calm isn't the answer."

It's less about the mind being empty and more about stepping outside of yourself to examine things or even out emotions. Even if it doesn't work for Mat, it might give him ideas of what he could do.

"Why don't we go for a walk?"

"Moving meditation?"

Mat's never heard of that before. He only knows the one kind, like the Aes Sedai do. And it strikes him as terribly boring.

"But a walk may be a good idea. Stretch my legs, think about other things for a bit." It's always nice to walk through the gardens. They're like something out of a fairy story, really.

"Maybe I ought wander into town...buy a fancy new tunic. Do you think Lady Yennefer appreciates fancy?"

"Sometimes it's easier to relax your mind if your body has a distraction. You have to find something that works for you, not everyone else." A lesson he learned the hard way by trying to conform to how everyone else operated in the Jedi Temple.

Anakin stands and offers a hand to hoist Mat upward if he's inclined. He looks around where they're at. "I could go for a walk around town." The question catches him by surprise and his brow lifts. "I think she is someone who enjoys nice things. She's certainly deserving of them."

"Hmm. Sounds logical."

Mat can understand that. Like when, back home, he'd been angry and overwhelmed by the state of his family and had fucked off to hunt in the woods. Always helped to settle his mind.

He takes the offered hand and hauls himself to his feet.

"I think you're right." He nods. After a beat, continues. "I'd like her to look favorably on me, you see. Not just as a student, but as a handsome young man."

One Mat is on his feet, Anakin gives him a pat on the shoulder before heading toward the direction of the front gates.

"You'll find I'm right more than I get credit for." He looks at his friend, eyebrows rising in amusement. "Oh, is that so? And what is it you hope to find when she does? Be careful you don't get lost in the beautiful depth of her eyes."

"With luck what will happen will be one of the greatest nights of my life." A man can dream. "I'd let that woman do whatever she pleased to me and thank her for it."

If she is half as take-charge in bed as she is in every day life, Mat will be a happy man indeed. He does enjoy a strong, older woman ordering him about in the bedroom. And it's an experience he hasn't had in far too long.

"And ah, my friend, you know me. I don't get lost in anyone's eyes. I am a strictly casual fun sort of fellow, romance is not for me!"

"You're telling me you've never had someone take over your thoughts so thoroughly it consumed you?"

Then again, that's the only style of love Anakin really knows personally. He's aware of his roommate's tendencies, as well as the weird relationship that Kylo and Ronan have with the addition of Rhy. For him, there'd only ever been Padmé.

A lot of good that had done him in the end.

"Have you discussed that with her, then?"

"Dear sweet fuck, no!" Mat shakes his head emphatically. "I have never been so enamored with another person like that. I wouldn't want to be."

He casts a skeptical look over at Anakin as they walk. That sounds like madness, not affection.

"And not directly, but it's a subtle dance. I've made allusions that she's well aware of." Yennfer is a classy sort of lady, it's not as though his usual 'want to fuck?' approach is called for. There's flirtations to be indulged in.

Anakin shrugs, taking no offense. "Maybe you're better for it.. Love apparently has its limits."

He hums in thought, glancing at Mat. "Flirtation is never a bad route to go, especially when they're willing to play in return. Her wit is as sharp as a knife."

He nods to the guards at the front gates, meandering toward the market.

"Of course it is, she's brilliant. And I'd bet good money that she could kill a man with a look. I tell you, I think if that woman told me to walk into the sea with rocks in my pockets, I would."

Mat sighs as they walk the winding road down into town, hands shoved in his pockets as he ambles alongside Anakin. It's not an infatuation, not exactly. But light, does he want her to look at him like that. Like something desired and wanted. If a woman like her could look at him like that...

Well, any damned thing would be possible.

"And she's got the most beautiful eyes. I'm not about to get lost in them, but I could look at them for ages. I hope she doesn't think I'm too young for her...I'm not."

"Of course she can kill with a look. What she can do with less? We're lucky to be alive and in her good graces." Men will always be attracted and hopeless when it comes to beautiful women, especially when they are as kind as they are dangerous. He's yet to see Yennefer's dangerous side, but he doesn't doubt that it's there.

"A shame, really. You're missing out. There could be entire galaxies within them and you'd never know." All Anakin can do is offer a shrug. It's not exactly something Yennefer has disclosed with him. "I think your ability is more important than your age to someone like her."

Kell was just passing by, on his way back to the teashop that currently served as both his workplace and an alchemy lab. To tell the truth, he had trouble concentrating with all those people around. Then he noticed Mat, and what he saw made him stop. He knows this type of frustration all too well, he tried to help through it many times in the past. With little effect, but he still tried.

"You're trying to force it. Don't."

Also, hello Mat, how are you doing? He should probably start with that, but that's him... master of small talk.

"Oh..."

Mat clears his throat and lifts his hand to rake back his hair.

"Uh...I don't know what I'm doing, either, not well anyhow. So that's not helping. S'all new to me."

That he can easily admit. Mat's only discovered his ability to channel within the last few months. And only quite recently has he gotten comfortable enough to practice with it like this. But he'd promised Lady Yennefer that he would practice.

"Ice usually comes easiest for me, but not today."

Kell found out fast that the way the Thornean mages teach their magic is boring and tedious, but it also does not require much actual understanding of the process. Just practice and precision. You get a spell, that's practically a recipe for success if you execute it right, practice it until it's basically second nature, and with time it just works. Hardly ever anything blows up in your face.

"Something on your mind?"

Precision needs focus, and focus is difficult if you're thinking - or worrying - about something else.

"Not really, I'm still not sure about...all of it. There's no one else here from my world, and no one who practices channeling like my world. There's a Summoned here who's own world's magic is similar, though, so she's been helping me. I've gotten better - couldn't control it at all at first. Made a menace of myself."

Which was to be expected. Mat's not practicing Academic magic, and in fact does fully believe this is magic of his own. It's not, he's tapped into wild magic thanks to the surges from the Singularity a while back. But he can't tell the difference.

"The spells the mages teach are far easier. I want to write in the dark, I can do that without hardly thinking."

Not that he has any interest in pursuing the mage's magics, but sometimes they teach him things. And it's frustrating how simple it seems, when the magic that comes naturally to him is like wrestling a bundle of snakes.

Now, we're talking...

Kell had wrongfully assumed that Mat was trying to practice a spell. On the second thought, he should have noticed the icy spikes that rose from the water surface were not a result of a botched spell. If Mat had simply cast the spell wrong, nothing would have happened. But this was frustration. This was the element reacting to his irritation.

"I can imagine," he starts. "I don't know who helpful this will be, but what you're describing resembles the elemental magic of my world. We were taught to understand the process and not only recite a bunch of words and copy a bunch of movements."

Is he being unfair to Thornean magic? Yes. In its essence, it's an academic pursuit of drilling the amorphous force into a stable of path of predictable and repeatable results. As such, it has merit. Being a lot safer is just one of them.

"Yeah, there's no incantations or anything like that. It's all...feeling it, and making it happen by will."

Mat sits down on a nearby bench and sighs, feeling a bit tired as he often does when he practices. Maybe that will get better, too. He's seen it with Moraine-Sedai, how channeling a great deal wore her out. Was Kell's magic the same? He doesn't know much about it, really.

"The power moves through you. Least I'm doing it on purpose, now. But fuck me is it hard to learn a thing like this!"

Whenever Kell tried to discuss how he perceives the elemental magic with the mages at the castle, he got the same "we don't do this here" response. That all this wishy-washy feel the magic flow is exactly the reason that it was so rigorously studied until the proper spells and advanced techniques were developed, and that he'd do a lot better concentrating on mastering those than trying to stick to such backwater and barbaric techniques. This is what progress is for.

So he's glad he has someone to talk to, someone who won't frown or just plain ridicule what he's saying. He sits on the bench next to Mat.

"Of course it's hard! You need to keep your concentration on the process, and its outcome, all the time. It can be bloody exhausting when you're only learning it."

Because if you don't, if you let your focus off the task even for a second, all that power you have harnessed might just go in a completely unpredictable direction... which is never a good thing. He knows, he did it too many times he can count.

Edited 2022-06-11 13:33 (UTC)

"I'm already bloody exhausted!" Mat agrees with something like a chuckle. He shakes his head, half at himself, and throws up his hands.

"And I am not always the most patient man, another mark against me in this mad venture." Coupled with his own rather dark views on his ability to even do this. There are some obstacles he's working at overcoming, and they aren't easy.

"But...let it not be said I am not trying! I am. And honestly so."

The last thing he wants is to lack control over his channeling. Distasteful as it's been to practice, he needs to. And he will.

"Perhaps, though, it is time for a break."

"Perhaps it is."

Kell doesn't recommend his way of practising, which is pushing through until you either do the thing right or drop from exhaustion. His usual reaction to frustration is to try harder. Which - and he's been criticized for it way too often - is not always the best way. It's easier to tell the other not to force it, then put this advice into practice yourself.

"What I found out useful when I was learning is to break the thing I wanted to achieve into smaller pieces. Steps, partial results, whatever you might call it."

That usually meant emulating some natural process. Trying to think how it works, what are the stages of it. The way that water freezes or fire burns a piece of wood.

"Ah, Kell, my friend. Let me allow you in on a little secret about myself.... I'm terribly lazy sometimes."

Particularly when it comes to things he doesn't exactly have interest in doing. Mat practices his magic in order to keep himself and others safe, not because he wants to. He's still daunted by the fact he can channel.

"And that sounds like a great deal of work."

Kell shakes his head. Lazy is not a concept he's entirely unfamiliar. He's more inclined to be bored than lazy himself. There are so many interesting things to do. To him, magic is infinitely interesting. Understanding it is a shortcut to not banging your head against the wall a thousand times.

"You don't look especially lazy to me, practising diligently as you do."

There are only a couple of things his blood magic can't achieve here. For those, and for his own curiosity, he studied the local spells. For most, he doesn't have enough practice yet, but understanding the process has helped every time.

"I am not a fan of endless repetition. Understanding the process just makes everything quicker."

"Proper motivation." Mat offers a wink and a tired grin. "I am under strict orders from the Lady Yennefer to practice daily. She is my mentor, and also a woman I quite would like to look on me favorably."

He thinks she does...but not quite the way he'd like. But he's charming and patient!

Besides, uncontrolled power is dangerous power, and he will not be a danger to the people he cares about. That alone would be motivation enough.

"I think that's what's got me dragging my feet. It's the same, till I get control over a thing, repeating it over and over."

A lady. Of course. Why study a subject because it's interesting, or you want to perfect a skill, when you can do it for a girl?

Kell suppresses the urge to sigh and roll his eyes, barely. It does come out in his tone of voice, though.

"If that's under strict orders, then there's really nothing you can do but practice diligently. I bet she wouldn't like the explanation that you are lazy."

It's not motivation that would ever work for him, but he's not out there to impress the girls. On the other hand, not that he had to try. The only one that ever really caught his attention was an annoying brat, so doesn't count.

"No, she would not, but she isn't here with us right now. And I have been practicing diligently. But s'not easy for me. Where I come from...it's not a good thing, someone like me being able to use magic."

And still he fears it, even as he's learning to control it. But the lingering fear, all the implications...they're difficult for Mat to fight against.

"Still feels like something I shouldn't be doing at all, least of all out in the open where anyone could see."

Back home...that would get him hauled off and thrown in a cage until he could be taken care of. And then he'd never be the same.

"Good thing then you're here, not there. Here, nobody would pester you for practising. Quite the contrary."

Does it help? Maybe, probably? Kell doesn't know. He tried. While the concept of being prosecuted for practising magic is not entirely alien to him, it's not something he's ever experienced. The opposite is true. Not being able to do it was considered a problem.

"One good thing about this place is that you can. Actually, you even should. People here are more likely to help you than frown at you, if they notice you struggle with your practice."

He means the academy, but it's most likely true for the rest of the castle. Kell hasn't experience much animosity towards him, other than maybe a surprised glance here and there. But that's more from his status as a Summoned, not magician. Frankly, for him, it's refreshing not being treated like a big deal all the time by all people.
Once he stopped being cranky about it, that is...

"It eases some of the lifelong internalization that being able to use magic is the worst thing that could possibly happen to me."

Some. But not much. It's a hell of a thing to get over, a belief held for one's entire life.

"But it still feels...like something to be ashamed of. Like I'm guilty of something awful. Suppose I just have to give it time." And see if any dire consequences befall him. None have, yet, and it's been months. Surely that's a good sign.

But he remembers what Moiraine had said. About how strong he is, how he can resist things others can't. Maybe he can just hold out longer than most. But either way, it's not as though it's up to him.

"Anyhow, you didn't come over to hear me whine about my troubles. I'll spare your ear any more of my bitching."

"I think my ears can handle it," Kell says with a shrug.

It's not a dismissive one. As difficult, as it sometimes is for him to convey it, he understands. He can get the uneasy feeling of doing something very, very wrong, born out of conditioning that should no longer matter here, but is so ingrained it's close to impossible to get rid off. Or catch yourself doing it even. That, and he could possibly get a degree in whining himself. What Matt is doing is not even close to his own levels of complaining.

"Can't say I had some grand motive to stop by. Mainly curious what you were doing. So if you need to get it off your chest, go for it."

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Open Log - Thorne Castle

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