We Can't Wait For Progress

[hextechhead]

WHO: Jayce Talis and you
WHAT: A variety of moments in the life of Jayce!
WHERE: Cadens and the Horizon
WHEN: All of August, will add more prompts later on in the month





Starters Below!

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[hextechhead]

Jayce feels the need to explain even if Kell didn't ask. Maybe because he will always be trying to think about this and figure out his actions and his motivations. Although he knows his motivations and what set it off, it's just difficult to get past the results.

"I ... did something, in retaliation to her attack on the bridge. I attacked one of their drug factories personally, using a Hextech weapon. People died." It is really difficult for him to admit to, in fact only a few people know about this particular shame in Jayce's actions, but he trusts Kell. And he knows he will not judge like some people might. It isn't a cut-and-dry situation. It is still hard for Jayce and it shows, in the regret in his eyes, his slumped body language.

"As the head of the council and a political figure, it was an unprecedented act of violence. I honestly don't know what they will do with me, it happened right before I got here.." Therefore why it still haunts him and he's struggling. It's been months but as anyone who has been in his nightmares know, he hasn't let go. He assumes he will be kicked from the council, he probably would be in jail if he wasn't already given permissive attitudes. The council wouldn't let their own leader be placed there.

"I planned on making a deal with the Undercity head of power to try and make peace after what I did. Before they can arrest me. I get Jinx, he gets independence. That's the plan, at least." So executing her personally is the last thing Jayce can do in this position. It's all very sensitive and imbalanced and he doesn't even know if it will work. And also, he lost his taste for violence almost right away.

Jayce didn't expect to say all of that but there is a sense of relief when he does. One less boundary between friends.

"They eat blood, yes. It's how their species survives. It's a little unsettling, but they can't change who they are, so."

[blackeyedprince]

Rhy always says that he, Kell, has one face for the people he cares about, and a completely different one for everyone else. That it is true does not make Kell more likely to protest whenever he hears it. But it is... true.
He's unusually expressive with Jayce, to the point he has to stop himself, because making faces at head of the council and political figure could be hurtful. As if he was making fun of things that Jayce treats very seriously. So no matter how much he despises such terms, the weight and the meaning they carry, Kell refrains from commenting.

"They would do well remembering that you are human, and whatever your reaction was - exaggerated or not - was caused by an indiscriminate act of violence done, even if not directly to you, then to people close to you. I doubt either of them would have shown much restraint in your place."

Kell lets out a sigh. That didn't sound very genuine. Or even what he actually meant.

"I'm not trying to excuse you, Jayce. I just think you batter yourself too much over what was clearly an accident, and one that you regret."

A tendency he's overly familiar with himself. Kell has done his share of shady. Sometimes for not necessarily great reasons. He has a metaphorical closet full of regrets. While going back in time and fixing those blunders remain out of his reach, it doesn't mean he feels good about it.

"Interesting. I thought it was just a strange custom, and not a necessity. That would explain why I've never heard about them before. They might even be wonderful and peace loving people, but I doubt anyone in Thorne would be happy to have them as neighbours."

[hextechhead]

Honestly at this point Jayce would make faces at those titles as well, but that is more because coming off what happened, and everything surrounding it, he is very skeptical about politics and those in power. He learned a lesson about it, having always assumed the Council had everyone's best interests in mind, even if they were a little puffed up and snooty. And selfish at times. But being a part of them changed it and it made him more world-weary. For good or for ill.

"Well, the idea was brought to the Council, and I told them I was for it and they voted against it. And then I did it anyway. So. Yeah. I'm in trouble." Jayce doesn't know that he disagrees with whatever punishment he gets. He is punishing himself just fine, but he definitely should not be allowed a seat in power after that blatant disregard.

"She did several attacks on us at that point and stole my Hexcrystal to create her own weapons with. The drug factory in question, it's how the criminals control the Undercity populace, they get them addicted. A woman from there, who Cait trusted, told me it was a way to cut off power to Silco, the gang boss." So. There was sound reason behind it. He just wasn't doing it out of reason, he was doing it out of anger and violence. Motivations do actually matter.

"It wasn't an accident, I knew what I was doing, I just didn't consider the consequences. Most of the people in that factory were civilians just trying to make a living. Even the ones who were fighting me directly, it was self-defense." Because he attacked first, so they were protecting the factory.

"Viktor is still angry at me about it." Which obviously does not help Jayce feel like he can just write this off as a mistake and allow himself any slack on the issue. Viktor expected better of him. "I know it might not make a lot of sense to you, but it's a mess for our world." Kell has likely gone through many other more questionable things, Jayce knows that much.

[blackeyedprince]

Kell's experience with those in power ... is spotty at best. He's still likely to assume good will more often than not, despite the long string of evidence to the contrary that he had personally witnessed. Somehow, he managed to hold to the conviction that bad rulers are an aberration. They are the ones who failed to live up to the ideal and expectations their high position carry. Even if he had met, on numerous occasions, many that never intended to try.

"Oh."

He'd like to say that Jayce was right to stand up to the Council... but he can't. Both, because himself just said so, and because - this time - he really was wrong. They were right, for all the wrong reasons, yet no less right. He was wrong for many very valid reasons. But wrong is wrong, and pushing it, doing it his way consequences be cursed, caused harm.

Kell's anger is not of the flashy, explosive one. His anger seethes and festers. It's able to fuel his darker instincts for long years. If it were him, he would have gone after that woman a lot more quietly, more deliberately, but hardly less ferociously. And there's no guarantee that innocent people wouldn't have been hurt in the process.

"That's probably not helping, but honestly, I doubt I'd have fared any better in your place."

And Rhy would be so mad at him, if he did anything like that.

[hextechhead]

Jayce is explaining because he does want it clear that he did the wrong thing. He was definitely pushed past the point of reason by Jinx's constant violence and her ability to use his technology to kill people. The hopelessness of losing Viktor combined with righteous anger and frustration at a system he'd believed in that turned out to be corrupt, it made a very bad stew. Mel told him he had to create weapons so they could defend themselves against it, and at the time, he would've never thought he could brandish a weapon let alone do anything like that.

"I've heard that from others too. I guess irrational emotions make fools out of a lot of us." Jayce is so pushed forward by emotions. He is the smartest person in his world, along with Viktor, but Viktor can be reasonable, and Jayce lets his heart guide him more than his head. And he learned a lesson about that.

"I think the lingering issue I'm dealing with is facing an ugly part of myself. You have to understand, I'd never been in a fight in my life really, I'd never responded with violence to anything." In that they may be different, but that's where a lot of the struggle stems from. To be a peaceful person at the core. A scientist who only builds, not destroys. "It turns out I have an anger problem that I wasn't aware of."

Kell saw his passionate plea to the Council all those years ago, and his restrained anger toward his mentor, but neither spoke of actual violence. Emotional, yes, but clear-headed, genuine, sincere. This was something else entirely. "I'm worried about how easy it was, if I'd do it again." Jayce is only worried because he does think that he will.

[blackeyedprince]

"I don't think emotions are the problem. I've met people almost devoid of them, and they're worse. Much worse." Cold, cruel, calculating, manipulative monsters. The only emotion they had was the joy of seeing others suffer.

"Everyone has a breaking point. It's never fun to learn you're not an exception to that."

Kell can only imagine how it must feel to see your own invention, the work of your hands, your source of pride, turned into the instrument of destruction. He never created a thing in his life. But he knows how it feels to be so angry you stop caring about holding back. To wish for the other to suffer as you have suffered.

"You say you've never been in a fight before that, and I've in far too many. I've knocked way too many teeth, and broken way too many bones in defence of my dear brother who just couldn't stay out of trouble. But I was never intentionally cruel. I never wanted to cause harm to people. Until that one day when I did."

Kell shivers at memory. It's chilling, even after so long, to remember the state he was in then. He'd love to say he wasn't himself, but no. He was very much himself. He used every skill, every talent, every drop of advantage he could to hunt down and exterminate those people. The very same people that Rhy has so graciously pardoned. Because Rhy gets to be gracious.

"It sucks to know you're capable of such things. I know I am. I wouldn't exactly call myself a good person, but I thought I was better than that. That I was above such things. Turned out I wasn't. But that's how it is."

"And I don't think you have anger problem." In fact, it's quite the opposite. Passionate, yes, but not angry. "I do think you have been pushed too far."

Maybe we can wind down on this one? Wrap on yours?

[hextechhead]

"Exactly. I couldn't see myself as cruel and violent and wanting to hurt anyone, but I did right then. I felt so righteous when I was fighting. It felt good. All I could feel was rage and something almost like relief." And that was such a strange thing to feel in that situation, but it's because Jayce finally let it all out. Everything he was holding inside, all his anger and frustration, all the tension and grief, he let it pour into his rage and out of him.

He looks at Kell and really does understand that the two of them were drawn to each other because of all the things they had in common, instead of all the things they did not. They were different in a lot of ways, but somehow the core of where they were at when coming here is the same.

"We made mistakes, but in a way, we both did it out of love." For Rhy and for Caitlyn. "That isn't an excuse, it just means we're people, and people are flawed." And they are trying not to do it again.

"I try to spend every day being better or being the person I want to be. It's not easy, but it does make the guilt easier to carry."

Yess, perfect spot to wrap it up

[blackeyedprince]

Personally, Kell doesn't think his good intentions mattered to the people he murdered in cold blood. But their intentions, the same intentions that made them almost kill his brother, mattered a lot to him. They were certain they're justified in their actions. They thought they were doing the right thing. The same way, he thought he was justified and doing the right thing when he hunted them down in retaliation.
In the end, neither of them were.

"I think that's a good strategy. Better than the one I was using for years, which is not think about it too hard... or even at all."

Kell has his doubts if being a better person, of the kind that Jayce, or his brother, are, is even in his reach. There's his own innate blood magic, and the stray bits of the black stone that he feels forever tainted him. It still makes sense to try. If trying might be just enough to stop him from doing something stupidly disastrous the next time, it's already worth it.