abraxaslogs | ( catch-all ) can we just start over

[He shakes his head, waves the thought away.]

I know, I know. That isn’t— I didn’t think you were here trying to strong-arm an answer out of me. But I need to clarify, I have to get it off my chest now that it’s been brought up.

[He has to exert this small amount of control over the situation, he has to give his version of the narrative, or it will hang over this head forever. The idea that Thancred might doubt him, even if it is a small shadow of a thing, will never not stop pacing around in his mind.]

So, the Infinity Stones. They were six unbelievably powerful gems tied to various aspects of the universe. Space, Reality, Power, Soul, Mind, and Time. Needless to say, if someone possessed all six of them, they could do anything they wanted. Reshape reality. Bend time. Move planets, warp dimensions.

[A heavy pause.]

Wipe out half of all life in the universe.

[Talking about this, it’s strange how it still makes him feel sick to his stomach. Dread churning there, like it never left.]

Thanos sought them all out to achieve his goal. We did everything we could to stop him, but our chances of overcoming him were slim to none. In almost every conceivable scenario, we would lose — I know, because I was the guardian of the Time stone, and I used it to peer into a vast number of possible futures to look for even one way of losing the least amount of people. So that half of all life would someday, eventually, be saved.

There was one. And that one involved giving up the stone, allowing a few of us to die, and letting Thanos have his victory for a five long years. So I made that call. [He flexes his hands, wrings them together, before he catches himself and keeps them still.] I'm giving you the watered down version of everything, but basically: one of those sacrifices, the permanent ones, was someone Wanda loved.

She was... angry when she found out. I can't blame her for it.

[ If getting this off his chest, as Stephen puts it, will grant him some peace of mind, then Thancred will accept it. He nods, indicating that he should continue on with his explanation.

As Stephen describes the Infinity Stones, Thancred once again finds a similarity to his own world: the six Crystals of Light, granted to Himeka by Hydaelyn all that time ago. It's an odd coincidence that even the number is the same, though those crystals are not nearly as powerful as what Stephen says of the Stones.

Still, it's an odd coincidence. Almost as if there are certain ingrained laws of the universe that apply to different worlds, no matter how far apart. Thancred draws a thumb across his chin in quiet thought as Stephen carries on.

Wiping out half of all life in the universe? It sounds far too much like what Meteion had hoped to do. Surely such a future could never be allowed to pass, and thus Stephen had been placed in the unenviable decision of having to make an impossible choice for the good of the universe. Dooming a select few to death in order to save countless more — Thancred understands the logic, and how heavy that burden must weigh. ]

You knew for a fact that it was the only way. [ Thancred's tone is solemn when he finally speaks, after Stephen has finished. ] You also knew that there was some who would never forgive you for it, all the same. [ He leans forward in his seat, a few ilms closer to Stephen, and stares him down. ] It took a great strength of character to make that choice, Stephen, knowing that you would draw such ire for it.

[ Yet he'd saved so many. Most people would be hard-pressed to judge him for it. ]

[There is something in him that… unfurls when Thancred tells him that. It took a great strength of character to make that choice, Stephen, knowing that you would draw such ire for it. As though he had been awaiting judgment, even though he knew his friend was not sitting there, listening to dole it out — knowing that it might spring up silently in his mind, unsaid, was just as bad. It feels like relief that this isn’t the case; and though Stephen has rarely ever needed outside validation from anyone else regarding difficult decisions he knew he had to make, it is strangely reassuring to have it from the man sitting before him.

Something flickers across his face, just a ghost of a thing. It looks like gratitude.]

Thanks, Thancred. That does mean— Well, it means a lot.

[ Short-lived as that shift in Stephen's expression might be, Thancred thinks that he recognizes it. He remembers when he and the other Scions had sat at the Last Stand on the eve of their trip to the end of the universe, and how Himeka had looked at him and said, without hesitation, that he no longer needed to prove himself to Minfilia and Ryne. He suspects he'd looked much the same then as Stephen does now.

He nods, his mouth curving into a small smile as he rises from his seat and moves to pour Stephen another glass of liquor. He'd indicated he would need it, and now Thancred can see why. As he moves closer to where Stephen sits, he holds out the filled glass to him with one hand, then reaches out to grip him by the shoulder and give it a tight squeeze with the other. ]

Any time, friend. No one of us is meant to take the whole universe on our shoulders. It would do you well to remember that.

Edited 2022-10-24 21:00 (UTC)

[He’s rubbing his fingers at his temple, eyes closed in the wake of that exchange. It’s funny how even that moment of relief, that dissipating tension, has left him feeling just as tired — though this time, at least it’s less harried and more relaxed.

And when Stephen opens his eyes again, there stands Thancred, offering him a fresh glass of amber liquid, his hand gripping at his shoulder.]

I—

[He finds himself stumbling over his words in that moment. Breath guttering out in pleasant surprise—he was never much of a touchy-feely person, but he finds he does not mind the contact—and this feels… Well, embarrassed isn’t the right word. Oddly self-conscious, warm around his cheekbones.]

I was never really good at that. [He takes the glass, fingers curling around the glass and lingering, meeting his friend's gaze.] You know. Not trying to solve every problem thrown my way. An old girlfriend always said it was a flaw of mine.

[ It's difficult to tell with the warm, flickering lighting in the room as cast by the crackling fireplace, but is that a bit of color in Stephen's cheeks?

From the alcohol, mayhap.

Thancred smiles down at Stephen, not particularly minding the close proximity they're in. All the same, he does eventually release the glass and take a step back, letting out a little scoff. ] I'm shocked to hear that. Truly. [ Does he sound shocked? He's completely and utterly shocked. ]

An old girlfriend... [ His voice lilts with amusement and interest as he moves back to his own seat. ] You've never mentioned her before. [ Not once, during those three long weeks they'd spent on the road. Interesting. ]

[Sure, it’s because of the alcohol. Let’s go with that. The way Stephen scoffs at the remark and takes a long pull of his drink, feeling the burn all the way down, is telling. Then—]

There wasn’t much to tell. [Which probably isn’t wholly true. Maybe Stephen just keeps personal tidbits closer to his chest than most.] Her name was Christine. She’s a doctor, too; we worked together in the same hospital. That’s how we met before I became a sorcerer.

[During the time in his life when he was more self-centered, more controlling, more focused on his rising fame and reputation than to give a flourishing relationship the attention it needed to grow.]

It was an amicable breakup. [It hurt a little.] We’re still friends. I, uh, met another version of her, actually, while I was hopping around the multiverse.

[ It isn't that Thancred has ever forgotten that Stephen had been a physician before he was ever a mage, but it is easy to forget at times. Within Thorne he's always so focused on research of a magical nature, to say nothing of his abilities and his sentient cloak.

Either way, this old flame of his sounds like a decent enough sort, if she'd been willing to stay a friend even after their split.

Meeting another version of her, though — it may not be the same as Thancred had felt when he first met Ryne, the contexts and relationships clearly different, but it's still where his thoughts immediately go. ]

That must have been odd. [ He regards Stephen with a clear, if guarded interest. ] To meet any other version of someone you know well, that is. Was she terribly different?

Edited 2022-11-04 00:38 (UTC)

No. She worked for a different employer, but she was...

[His brows pinch.]

Well, she was the same. As though the multiverse itself couldn't warp the core of who she was.

[And through her, he resolved of letting her go in his universe. Of moving on.]

I couldn't say the same for myself. I had to actually kill another version of Stephen Strange, one that had destroyed his entire world, yet wanted to keep that Christine for himself. [He makes a face. Cringe much, other Stephen?]

Wow, saying that out loud is kind of embarrassing.

[ As Stephen explains, it becomes clear that the nature of one's circumstances could allow a person to stay very much the same, or warp into something else entirely. Or were there certain people who would always be good, while others were more prone to corruption?

Thancred's a bit surprised that Stephen would entrust him with information that paints him in a bad light, even if it's via another version of himself. Then again, he's already admitted to his own sins, justified as they had been. ]

I'm not sure embarrassing is the word I would use...

[ He takes a sip of his drink, willing more liquor into his glass with a thought alone this time. ]

Wasn't it unnerving, seeing yourself like that? [ Knowing he could have been capable of it? ]

[Maybe it is foolish of him, to paint other versions of himself in such a bad light — to reveal what he’s capable of, if he had just made slightly different decisions, or if the world had dealt him even a minutely different hand.

But Stephen feels like he can trust Thancred with this information. Feels as though showing the worst parts of him might at least illuminate the bits that are trying, trying so hard to do what’s right, even when the decisions are not easy ones to make.]

It absolutely was.

[That other him, the one with the bad facial hair, had been… so far gone.]

It just shows what a difference a few small changes can make in a lifetime. How close we all are to treading down a path that leads somewhere… darker, if we’re not careful.

[ Thancred nods without much hesitation, as he suspects this isn't something that is specific to Stephen. Yes, there are some people who might be closer to treading that path than others, but he imagines that the potential exists in most of them.

In him, certainly. He has some manner of proof, even if it isn't quite the same.

After wetting his mouth with another drink from his glass, he lets out a low exhale and glances back toward the fire. ]

While I didn't literally meet another version of myself, during the time I spent in Norvrandt I did find myself at odds with a man who had placed himself into a role similar to mine own. [ As "Minfilia's" caretaker, that is, even if the constant reincarnations of the Oracle of Light had made for a wildly different experience than Thancred's own relationship with the original. Hence why they could be contrasted more than compared.

His gaze flicks back to Stephen's, silvery eyes bright in the warm firelight. Yet his expression is decidedly unimpressed. ] I have an idea of how uncomfortable that sort of thing feels. He also opted to keep someone dear to me imprisoned, insisting it was "for her own good." [ At this he scoffs. ]

Edited (just changing the icon) 2022-11-16 22:58 (UTC)

[They share a distaste for those who are too similar, and have made terrible decisions while standing in the same figurative shoes. But Stephen knows that doesn’t make it any less unnerving, to see that part of yourself reflected in the worse way possible.

But it is a reminder, at least, to do better. To be shown the darkest path as a warning, what not to tread.

For however long they can manage it.]

What happened? Did you manage to get him to see your side of things?

[The answer to that kind of question is always “no”, but Stephen can have some hope it worked out for the best — even if Thancred’s expression might tell him otherwise.]

[ Thancred's scoff immediately devolves into a mirthless laugh as he shakes his head. ]

He was far past the point of reason. I was mainly concerned about putting myself between him and my friends. [ In one occasion Thancred had come dangerously close to losing his life in the process, but he skims over that, seeing it as little more than a footnote by now. It's not even the most recent example of him having a near-death experience. ]

Himeka was the one who put him down, in the end. [ While Thancred doesn't know if the two have ever met here, Stephen knows her name well by now. She'd come up often during their trip months back, and since.

As for Ran'jit, when someone is that far gone there's often no other option. Stephen seems to have learned that lesson as well. Taking life is never pleasant, but sometimes you're left with little choice. ]

Let's end off on a brighter note, though, shall we? [ He raises his glass. ] You survived your experiences, traveling to other planes and meeting your darker self and aught else that took place, to return back here. [ For better or worse, but it isn't all bad, is it? They have each other, they have these moments. Thancred would like to hope that's worth something. ]

( catch-all ) can we just start over

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