"That's not what I'm mad at myself about." Nadine shakes her head, turning and leaning back against the railing. How can she possibly explain? She's never had secrets, not really, because Flagg knows everything. But she'd had to keep so much from the rest of the world and it's hard, now, to talk about private things. Personal things, what lives in the deep and quiet parts of her heart.

But once she start, it all spills out, in a voice that grows more ragged and choked the more she talks.

"Almost all of my life has been for Randall, almost all of me. Except for one little bit...that I gave to a little boy I found right after Captain Trips ran its course. I'd only been on the road a few days and he...he was hurt, it was bad, his whole family was dead. He wasn't much better. But I took him, I took care of him and kept him and until I left Boulder for the desert he was mine. He didn't talk, he was traumatized, but he was getting better. He listened to me, he connected with me. But...he connected with Larry, too. Larry was so good with him. And I knew I had to leave Joe behind, I always knew, but it was okay because he'd have Larry to take care of him and be his family when I couldn't."

And all she can think about now is Joe, the boy she'd called her son, who's mother she'd agreed to be, abandoned and alone a second time.

It wasn't right.