abraxaslogs | [OPEN] cold wind blowing beneath my wings

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[OPEN] cold wind blowing beneath my wings

WHO: Estinien Wyrmblood and YOU
WHAT: Estinien is back in the real world and not particularly happy about it, at least until he manages to meditate his way into the Horizon again. Meanwhile, his cellmate Relena goes missing and he gets very angry about it.
WHERE: In prison and also the Horizon.
WHEN: From July 24th to August 12th
NOTES: If you'd like something more specific with Estinien feel free to hit me up on the Discord or at

quixocalypse.

I➔ And Back Again

The descent from the Horizon feels akin to being summoned back to a dead body, both in terms of power and relative comfort. The aches and pains of his imprisonment return with merciless acuity. While his energy had been boundless in that higher realm, here it is reduced to scraps as the ravages of hunger and exhaustion weigh down on him. It's the contrast itself that is the most jarring, along with the fact that he wakes up in shackles.

Yes, the fear that had been haunting his subconscious his entire stay in the Horizon has come back into context. This is what he'd been desperate to escape, and now that he's returned to it, he feels no less dread. Even worse is the fact that Ambrose seems perfectly chuffed with himself for what they've experienced.

Upon being returned to prison, he wonders what it was all for. Any connection to the power of the Horizon seems to be gone, and given that somehow accessing the Singularity was his one hope of escape, their return leaves him in a rather dire mood. To make matters worse, it seems that the guards haven't forgotten about his aggression on the way to the portal, and also on the way back. They decide to deny him food entirely on his first day back to his cell. He should be glad he's not been simply put back into solitary, something in his gut says.

The atmosphere around him is one of miserable defeat, during those first few days back in prison. Even during the recreational hours, his accumulated frailty can be seen. As much as he tries to flex his muscles, he soon finds himself slumping against the rec yard wall. He's tired, starving, and clinging more and more tenuously to any sort of hope. Was the Horizon an escape at all, when it was all according to the High Mage's plan?

II➔ To The Horizon

Fortunately for him, his obsession driven life means he is not one accustomed to giving up for good. It takes only a couple of days before he realizes the futility in surrender - especially when he's hardly explored all his options. The Horizon was something experienced outside the body, was it not? So why not see if the connection remains?

He spends the rest of that day attempting to sink back into the Singularity's power, carefully clearing his thoughts. He is used to stilling his mind from years of being connected to Nidhogg's eye, but it has been a while since such intense concentration was required of him. He's not sure when it happens, but finally, something clicks.

Instead of awakening on his prison mattress, he wakes in a field of rolling grass - and not long after, a pile of snuffling karakul. Everything comes rushing back. He'd remembered his time in the Horizon, but something about experiencing it again reforges the connection between those two states of mind: the mind of the dragon, and the mind of his true self. To think, that all of this had been made by his hand.

He frees himself from the overzealous affection of his flock, a lifetime of memories allowing him to better keep his reflexive fear of them at bay. He wanders the valley for a while, his memories casting all he sees in a new light. What did it mean, that his unshackled soul decided to build this? Was this what he wanted, after everything? He comes along the long bit of housing within his domain, a single-family household carefully crafted of timber, but left completely empty inside. For all the time he'd spent in the valley, he spent little time dwelling on this creation. He thinks he can understand, the emptiness of its walls resonating with a similar emptiness in his heart.

He traces his fingers along the windows, across the door, but he doesn't dare open it. Instead, he decides he'd rather go somewhere else.

Without his memories, he hadn't been particularly curious about other people's domains, mostly interested in his own creations and keeping them safe. Now, though, a lifetime of experiences draws him to the outside world. He wonders if anyone else has reawakened to this place. He traverses the Horizon on foot this time, and occasionally in soaring leaps and bounds that are nearly akin to flying. Yet, he summons no wings. He can't imagine he made a particularly good impression on anyone, the way he was before.

III➔ The Weight of Absence (Aug 5+)

And then, some days later, Relena is taken.

He doesn't know the meaning of it, at first. The guards simply come to remove her from the cell, saying it's for some manner of 'trial', and she goes, with nothing he or Himeka could do to stop it. He demands answers at the time, shouting at the guards, but receives none. Initially, he wonders if she'll be freed, much like Kay was. It'd make sense, he thinks. If the trial was just, he could see no reason for her to be put in solitary or anywhere else, and he knows she has at least one friend on the outside.

Yet, when he doesn't hear anything from her in the coming days, he can no longer rely on that hopeful thought. Kay has been allowed to come and go, just like the other guests. Would Relena not have come to speak to them, after being freed? If not for him, for Himeka or the others?

As each day passes, his frustration and worry increases. He'll start attempting to flag down any passing guests, asking if they have seen her amount the others upstairs. On the way to recreation, he will check to be sure she hasn't simply changed cells, and ask around the other prisoners.

"Relena - the girl from my cell, with the long sandy hair - the guards have taken her somewhere. Have you seen her?"

With fewer and fewer kind possibilities in his mind, he'll start turning his aggression to the guards, shouting at them to ask for her location, and trying to grab at them through the bars when they inevitably ignore him. Finally, he manages to catch sight of a guard he thinks he recognizes from the day she disappeared. He manages to catch them by the arm, dragging them back against the bars of the cell.

"Where is the girl?" he snarls.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Time out of the cell is spent in an earnest search. Though she and Estinien aren't always allowed similar "free hours", likely due to their previous escape attempt, she uses that time in the same way he does--to ask around for any sign of their missing cellmate. Relena's departure had been jarring and suspicious, but if anyone there would be released, it would clearly be her. Wouldn't it?

A strong-willed and capable teenager though she is, Himeka can't help but feel at least a little responsible for Relena's safety, even if it has never really been up to her to provide it. As with many things in this world, it simply isn't fair that she should suffer the indecencies of being held captive, having done nothing at all to deserve Throne's ire prior to and after her arrival. And after their reunion when Himeka had been released from solitary, it seemed fitting that there was an understanding they would be back for one another.

It just didn't seem like Relena would leave them worried if she could help it.

So...can she not help it?

Himeka sits with her legs pulled to her chest and her tail thumping on the floor in irritation. Having come back from a fruitless search of her own, it's unsurprising that tensions are high in cell block one.

It's also unsurprising that Estinien eventually manages to manhandle a guard that wanders a little too close.

"What the--!?" the guard snaps back.

Himeka immediately jumps to her feet. As the Warrior of Light and friend to all (mostly), it should be her duty to deescalate the situation in order to gain information.

But frankly, she couldn't give a damn.

"The one who also shared this cell!" she implores instead, taking the opportunity for what it is. "It's been days and we haven't heard a thing!"

The guard is not happy about this, nor particularly inclined to be helpful. As Himeka joins the interrogation, he only snarls, elbowing Estinien as the elf tries to hold him against the bars. On a better day, Estinien might have been able to get him in the chokehold he was aiming for.

As it is, he's just a desperate man grasping at straws. He doesn't even get close.

Instead, he manages to get the guard by the arm, and then the opposite shoulder. His armor clangs against the bars as Estinien finds a moment of purchase, but the guard has far more leverage. It only lasts a moment before the guard breaks free, at least in part, and seizes Estinien's wrist in return. He twists it against the metal, and soon Estinien is the one in a dangerous situation, the muscles and bones of his arm straining against the pressure.

Estinien snarls in pain and frustration. Unfortunately, the guard is not interested in giving them any answers.

"I've had about enough of you, you lanky bastard," they spit.

As soon as the tides turn on them, Himeka is right next to Estinien at the bars. She is far from a pacifist in her own right despite growing up in a village that was created for the sole purpose of avoiding war and unending conflict, but she is not foolish enough to think that any attempts to reach through the bars on her own would be helpful.

If only she had an onze of her magics, this guard would be in pain that he would need to ask very nicely for her to heal.

"Wait!"

Which means she has to try another method, one she has been forced to rely on more frequently these days. She grips two of the bars in front of her, turning wide sorrowful eyes towards the guard as her tail visibly droops.

"We're just worried about what happened to our friend, can't you see?"

Her gaze shifts to Estinien for a moment before refocusing on the guard.

"Please. All we want is some assurance that she's still alive."

The guard growls, and for a moment it seems like he's only increasing the pressure on Estinien's arm, who can do nothing but flinch and hiss in response. He pounds his palm against the bars, twisting as he tries to slip away - but the downside to his reach is that there's also a lot of him to keep hold of.

The guard twists until Estinien can feel the stabbing pain of a muscle overextending - only for the guard's case to finally shift to Himeka. It's unclear exactly how much pause her pleas give him, but it's at least enough to reassess his level of force.

"I've nothing to say to the likes of you," he snaps.

And with that, the guard stops twisting Estinien's arm, slowly releasing the pressure... just in time to yank him through the bars up to his shoulder. Estinien smacks into the metal, snarling as the guard slaps one side of a pair of shackles around his exposed wrist.

"If you were worth my pity you'd be released by now."

This really isn't going how Estinien hoped.

Edited 2021-08-08 06:22 (UTC)

Not how she hoped either. She hopes nothing is getting put out of alignment--Himeka can do some basic first aid, but to be honest, she's relied so much on her actual magical healing abilities that things like setting bones are beyond her knowledge. Once again, she's reminded that her only real use is when she has her abilities.

Pleading doesn't work, so maybe she'll have to show that they will not stand around and be bullied either. (Yes, Estinien may have instigated this, but can anyone blame him? Himeka certainly doesn't.)

In a rush, she lines up next to Estinien and reaches through the bars to take hold of his arm, trying to yank it back away from the guard before he can slap another manacle on him, her tail sticking straight out behind her like a counterweight.

"Then say nothing and move on! Let us suffer and wallow in our own self-pity and you can laugh as much as you want on the other side. But let him go!"

Estinien feels the weight of being pulled into two directly as Himeka seizes his arm in an attempt to liberate him. The one problem, really, is that his wrist has just been sprained - he's no stranger to pain and he's faced more than his share, but the pressure on a freshly damaged joint is no treat.

The guard is even less pleased. Whatever he had intended to do after shackling Estinien initially, Himeka's additional interference is not ingratiating the pair. He yanks even more roughly on Estinien's wrist, ostensibly deciding that he's had enough of this elf getting away with bad behavior.

"Give me your other wrist," the guard demands instead. "Or I'll make this uncomfortable."

Given that the guard already has one wrist in chains, Estinien is not enthusiastic about handing over another, out of pride if nothing else. The thought that he might be taken back to solitary to starve in silence for however much longer... well, resisting certainly isn't going to make it happen less, but the fear is enough to make his struggle no matter how foolish.

"Suck my arse," Estinien spits.

That, apparently, tears it as far as the guard is concerned. As such, instead of chaining Estinien's hands together... instead, he reaches up to fasten the other side of Estinien's shackles above the crossbar of their prison grate. Estinien is tall enough that it can't force him to dangle, but it puts him in a difficult position nonetheless.

Estinien yanks against it with a sound of displeasure, flinching as it further agitated his injury.

As the guard yanks Estinien's arm up, it forces Himeka to loosen her own grip on it lest she make the situation even worse. But it is not what she had anticipated as an option either. Her eyes widen--he'll have no range of motion being stuck to the cell door, unable to get back to the bed, to the corner, to even sit--

"Stop this!" She grabs hold of the bars, glowering up at the guard, her tail twitching rapidly. "You can't leave him like this! Please, just release him and we won't bother you again."

This guard, at least.

The guard just makes a rude gesture at her, one that may or more not be unique to this world, looking like he's far too angry to even dignify that with a response. He doesn't seem all that convinced by either of them at this point, and turns to storm off to wherever the other guards have been congregating.

For the moment, they are left to themselves.

Estinien sways on his feet, having no easy resting position to fall into. Now that the guard is gone, at least, he can rest his other arm against the crossbar, but he's still left awkwardly standing there. It wouldn't be so bad if he wasn't already so tired from all of this. Again, he's left in a state of punishment with no idea when it will end.

His expression has fallen into one of raw disappointment, staring out through the bars helplessly as his aching wrist digs against the metal of his shackle. Nothing was gained by this attempt, in the end. No information, no advantages, only more suffering. Relena is still missing and he can do nothing about it. Even if he had succeeded at putting the guard at his mercy, would it have achieved anything? Or would it have only made his punishment worse?

"It seems I have again only complicated things for myself," he murmurs to her, feeling like a fool.

That the guard leaves them just like that should be a boon, but she cannot help but feel she probably made the situation worse by butting in. Her tail droops as the seconds tick by and she turns her attention back up to Estinien even before he speaks again.

And when he does, she shakes her head.

"I could tell you it was a poor idea, but we haven't heard a single thing of her whereabouts..."

Someone was going to snap eventually. It's been days and some mornings Himeka looks over to the other cot and expects to see Relena there as if naught had changed.

"So I won't."

Despite it all, she does offer Estinien somber, but small smile.

"But I will stand with you. Literally and figuratively."

He manages to offer his own slight smile in return for that, though it's hard to maintain. She's right, they haven't heard anything, and it's been enough to push him further and further towards rashness. How could he live with himself if he left this girl for dead? If he didn't even try?

And yet, now he's done everything his could, with no results to be seen. He's not sure which feeling is worse - not trying hard enough, or trying his hardest, with equally little success.

"I'm beginning to fear the worst has taken place," he says to her softly. His arm sways, suspended in its shackle. "The Duchess herself said the High Mage would easily murder us, if it would bring him any closer to his goals. We are... nothing to him."

He closes his eyes, flinching as he feels his gut wrench with emotion.

"But why... why of all sacrifices, did it have to be her?"

Her gaze falls as he speaks, but she can only nod in response. She, too, has been fearing the worst. And the more time passes, the less hope she feels there is for their dear friend and charge.

Truthfully there is the possibility that she has been released for her good behavior or with someone else to vouch for her, but the fact that they cannot even get a confirmation of that is suspicious. Relena had been able to do as much with Kay. Surely, it isn't out of the question?

"She doesn't seem like a likely target, no," Himeka admits as she looks back up to catch her friend's gaze. "..."

There's a pause before she says with an authority she does not usually muster,

"Which is why we have to act as if she has not been made an example. The sentence of Jon Sims was made public, wasn't it? If she were the same surely that would be the same. I believe Relena still lives."

He can think of arguments for why she might be wrong. That whatever happened to Relena, it was not meant to be an example, but part of some other scheme. That they were keeping it quiet because they knew full well the discord it would see.

Yet, with Himeka speaking in such a confident tone, he can't find it in himself to fight her on it. She's still holding onto hope, so perhaps he can for a while longer, too. Hasn't he been wrong that way before?

"If she is still here... there must needs be a way to discover her true location. I've heard... mutterings, of something strange on the horizon." His voice becomes even softer, these words intended for Himeka only. "Another player that may be entering the game. If rumors are to be believed."

If something were to happen that gave them an out, her current situation could result in her missing it. You can't rescue someone you can't find.

"It is Jon Sims himself that has claimed to have heard a voice on the edge of the Singularity. A voice that said it would be sending a messenger."

Her eyes narrow as he lowers voice, casting an unsure gaze across the corridor. She pushes up further on her toes to try and get closer. Normally it's the sort of thing they could discuss in the back corners of the cell by their cot, but here they have to be careful.

"A messenger?" she repeats, not quite sure what this implies for their lot, let alone Relena's. "What sort of messenger? And to whom?"

"The details are scant," he says, shaking his head. "Tis why I hesitated on saying anything at all - at least... while here."

He would have preferred to do it when they were both in the Horizon, but his current situation will make that impossible for a while. Yet, it seems prudent to make it clear what his concerns are, lest something happen unexpectedly.

"According to the one who told me, Master Sims seemed uneasy with the experience. But I find myself growing less and less picky."

She frowns, not exactly sure what this is supposed to be implying. A messenger implies a message and an intended recipient. Is the message for...them? For prisoners? For all who have been pulled here from their worlds? For Thorne?

"Is this...something we're supposed to fear?" A harbinger of doom? "Or welcome?"

He wishes he had more details as well, but unfortunately, he is grasping at straws. All Estinien can do is wearily shake his head.

"I know not," he says softly. "But it's something. It's better than nothing at all."

He would even take a harbinger of doom over more of this.

Himeka bows her head. If Estinien holds some hope in this, then she should too--that's what her heart tells her. It is easier to simply believe in the wants of her friends when she isn't sure what she thinks, anyway.

"I wonder if there is aught to be discovered about this in Horizon," she says, though more offhand. She wouldn't have a clue where to start searching. Maybe in Jon Sim's strange circular building?

Though, speaking on Horizon...

Himeka slowly raises her head to look up at her friend.

"I liked your wings, by the way."

That catches him completely off guard, of course. Leave it to Himeka to keep something like that in her pocket for weeks before suddenly dragging it up again. It's far from an offensive comment, of course, but he can't help how many conflicted and worried feelings it summons up.

He blinks at her and then, after a moment of confused silence, looks away.

"They were not exactly my own, were they?" he finally says, furrowing his brow. "Twas strange how... natural it felt at the time. As much a part of my instincts as my human face, or hands."

It has been on her mind, as much of Horizon has, but in light of Relena's disappearance, it hardly seemed important. Though as soon as her mind wanders back towards Horizon, it once again comes at the forefront.

They haven't really spoken much of what happened and mayhaps he would prefer not to all together, but now...well, she'd like to help take his mind off their current predicament, at least.

"Not here no, but there they were." That they were a resemblance to Nidhogg is very apparent after the fact, yet at the time she had just found them intriguing. "As an esteemed expert on scales, I will say you wore them nicely."

See? It's a compliment.

The strange thing about it is that he seemed to be in a small minority that manifested such alterations. Most of the people in there, even if they changed clothing, seemed to look mostly like themselves. Only a handful saw fit to change their bodies to such a degree... and come to think of it, he was speaking to one of the others who had.

"Tis for that reason I was surprised to see you imitating a Hyur," he says, glancing in her direction with a trace of uncertainty. "I wouldn't have thought that would be among your interests."

At first, he had almost been uncertain that it was her, but based on the things she showed him there was no other explanation. He hasn't brought it up mostly because he hadn't wanted to invite interrogation to his own change of aesthetic.

Even if it frightens him, he understands why, on a subconscious level, he felt that was right. With her, he has no idea, and can't even form any reasonable theories.

Edited (tis) 2021-08-27 06:26 (UTC)

For as ready as she was to comment on his change in...wardrobe, she really had not prepared any remarks in the event that it was turned around in kind. In no small part because she has been avoiding thinking about that in particular, instead having to make excuses to those who did not know her as well. Writing it off as Horizon business is easy enough in that regard.

But...the implications here are a little different. Though she is keen to draw comparisons to the scales he acquired to her own heritage, she knows well that it was his connection to Nidhogg that caused him to appear as such. It wasn't a conscious decision, no more than her own.

"Mmmmmm," she hums to buy a little time.

"I have been...curious! As to what ears feel like. That was probably it." She snaps her fingers like she had an epiphany, her tail starting to twitch anxiously behind her. "They are very strange, for the record. I can say with confidence that horns are much better."

Realistically they are not.

Estinien isn't precisely a master of reading people, but he isn't hopeless at it, either. Himeka's reaction is weird - he would have expected more earnest curiosity about why it happened if she really had no substantial ideas. Beyond a curiosity about a topic so banal it's hard to imagine it would survive the trip to the Horizon.

He gives her a look that suggests he isn't convinced by that, but that he's hesitating over whether to confront her on it. There aren't many people he would just allow to lie to him if they truly preferred, but she is definitely one of them. All the same, the only reasons he can imagine for her to do that are grim.

"You haven't been made to feel... insecure about your heritage, have you?" Maybe being in a place that's mostly Hyur has harmed her somehow? Had someone said something to her?

As far as he knows, she's very proud of being an Au Ra. Had he misread her so badly, all this time?

The look she gives in turn is one she tries to hold to appear the most believable as possible. Truthfully, she is a terrible liar, having not seen any reason to be anything but honest most of her life. Typically she doesn't have much need to now anyway and what she decides she doesn't want to share with others--she simply doesn't.

And here, well...it's a matter she is still working out for herself. But given the arrival of a rather pivotal figure in the whole mess, Himeka isn't sure she reasonably can.

At least not if it would affect Estinien as well. That, she couldn't do to him.

Her silence probably says enough in and of itself, but she does eventually shake her head.

"Not...exactly, no."

How can she begin this...

"You said that your wings and scales felt natural, right?" Himeka cants her head to the side. "Mayhaps...like they had just always been a part of you?"

Estinien seems prepared to waffle over that assertion, now that attention is being drawn to it. Ultimately, though, he can only shrug a shoulder.

"To the part of Nidhogg that remains within me... I suppose they truly had."

He's always enjoyed being airborne, but it felt so natural in the Horizon, as if he couldn't imagine a life where he couldn't. He wanted to fly with the brood he could no longer remember, but felt the absence of regardless. It was almost disturbing how seamlessly those desires melded with those of his true life.

She nods, knowing now that the connection he felt with Nidhogg was much deeper than she had imagined a few months prior. In their time in the mines where hallucinations had him calling out in desperation for an onze of the power the wyrm had granted him, now to Horizon where he looked more then part than he had even with both eyes embedded into his frame. He hadn't questioned it there.

Neither had she.

In Horizon, nothing of her own existence had felt off. In many ways she felt that this is simply what she should be doing--seeking out new realms, meeting the locals and trying to understand them. There was a desire to collect that experience as there ever was, but also that knowledge, as if it were something precious and worth protecting.

"Do you think it's something that you may have become had you not met Nidhogg yourself?" That's not the best way to phrase it. She's just not good at this. "What I mean is--do you think there is a part of you that would always call to that same...feeling? Existence to manifest in such a way?"

[OPEN] cold wind blowing beneath my wings

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